Chapter 35.

Today has been ok
Wind has burned your skin
The lovely air so thin
The salty water's underneath your feet
No one's gone in vain
Here is where you'll stay
This life has been insane but
Today has been ok

Jaehyun found it in his locker; a small piece of paper in an envelope. He gasped feeling himself being dragged back into the time where he got those cruel notes from team Rivers. He thought of Doyoung and felt as if someone punched him in the chest. He couldn’t breathe for a second and for a moment he just stood there, looking at the paper that definitely had been put there for him to read. He reached forward a pale and shaking hand, taking the envelope between his fingers and holding onto it. He closed his locker; glancing around before walking towards the stair case leading up to the roof. Instead of walking out onto the roof, he sat on the staircase, looking at the envelope without opening it. What could it be? Could it really be Doyoung?
He turned around the envelope and his name was written on it. To Jaehyun. Jaehyun choked down a sob and he opened it, bottom lip trembling as he read the first line.

"To Jaehyun. The boy who tried to save someone who was already gone. I am sorry, I already feel terrible while writing this, but after not being able to say no again, I think I’ll have to do it another way.
Jaehyun. Don’t feel guilty. You are the reason I can confidently do this. That I don’t feel regretful when I do it.
My life ended that day, that day when he came into my room… when he did those things to me. My life ended. Doyoung died. Everything good in life was crushed that day. And it didn’t stop. It never stopped. I feel dirty and I feel nothing like a person. He may say nice things to me but I feel so dead inside when he does those things. It will follow me for the rest of my life and I can’t put that curse on my future self. I’ll end it here.
I’ll end it in this moment of light. That small hope and comfort you gave to me. Maybe I’ll survive this… if I do I won’t try to kill myself again. But I’ll give fate a chance to decide. I may continue on living or maybe I’m not destined for this hell.
I wish you all the best in the world, Jaehyun. Be happy and say no. Stand your ground. I trust you with this letter. If it brings comfort to your heart… I hope it will. Don’t miss me.

From someone who should’ve treated you better.

Doyoung <3"

Jaehyun clutched the paper in his hand, the other covering his mouth as he cried. He hugged the letter close to his chest, crying out and only seeing Doyoung in front of him as he closed his eyes. Maybe this would bring comfort to his heart in the long run, but right now it brought him so much agony. He wished he could’ve done something, but some people are entitled to a fate they don’t deserve. The only thing he can do is help as much as he can.

Still he couldn’t help but cry for Doyoung, for the life he had been living, for the child that died that night. Not everybody is strong enough to move on. He couldn’t blame Doyoung for not being strong. Strength doesn’t always mean something good. Some people harden themselves and they don’t really live, other’s give up.

Jaehyun hoped he wouldn’t harden himself and he also hoped he wouldn’t give up. He wanted to live, not just stay alive.

He couldn’t blame Doyoung. He really couldn’t find an ounce of hatred towards the other. He just… he just felt so sad.

The paper found its place in a drawer. A reminder of someone who would never be forgotten. Doyoung deserved to be remembered to be missed. Doyoung deserved the world.

The next shock that came was when Jaehyun and Mark sat together eating popcorn and watching another movie Mark had picked. Their parents seemed to get along very well. Jaehyun found that one of his sources of happiness. Proof that life would bring something good.

  “I’m breaking up with Eunhye.” Mark said and Jaehyun dropped a handful of popcorn. He stopped paying attention to the movie and turned to face the younger. Mark glanced at him before focusing on the tv-screen. “It’s not real.”

Jaehyun blinked before nodding, accepting this. “Will you be okay?” He asked the other.

Mark shrugged. “We all will at some part in life.” He said and Jaehyun hummed to himself. That must be true. But okay could mean a lot of things he realized. He hoped he would be okay…

Jaehyun sat with Mark that Sunday after eating dinner where all of them had been gathered. Jenny was very nice and Jaehyun found it amusing to see how similar Mark was with his mother. Jaehyun and Mark were chilling in Jaehyun’s room and Jaehyun had been trying to text Taeyong but the other wasn’t answering his texts. Mark looked grim for a moment, taking a piece of fruit and chewing on it with a light frown.

  “How do you break up with someone without hurting their feelings?”

Jaehyun put down his phone. He snickered. “Sorry but no matter what; you will hurt their feelings. Just say that you’re not ready for a relationship and it’s not her fault.” Jaehyun hummed to himself. “She’ll probably still be very sad, but that’s love.”

  “This is not love.”

  “Whatever it is then.” Jaehyun said with a wave of his hand. “Infatuation.” He said and Mark chuckled at him. Then he looked at his phone again, smile falling from his face.

  “I’ll meet with her tomorrow after school.” He said and Jaehyun nodded.

  “Good idea.”

Jaehyun didn’t sleep much that night. Taeyong hadn’t been writing goodnight like he always did. Jaehyun tried to call but it seemed as if Taeyong’s phone was turned off. It just wasn’t usual and it scared him. He couldn’t help but think of the time before he got the news of Doyoung’s suicide. He knew something was wrong. Like he knew something wasn’t right with him, but he couldn’t find the courage to tread that topic yet.

Jaehyun looked at his skinny wrists. Something was wrong, but Jaehyun forgot everything when he was with Taeyong. Forgot the pain and the fear. Jaehyun thought to himself, thinking everything through. It could probably be an allergic reaction to something… and because he was afraid to eat the thing he reacted to, he had lost some weight. He should probably figure out what he was allergic to then. Maybe avoiding dairy products could help.

Still, trying to focus his mind on that didn’t remove the constant worry that was Taeyong. Something was definitely wrong.

Jaehyun stood by the bus stop, Christmas decorations clad the trees with lights in the dark morning and Jaehyun focused on how his breath danced away from him. When the bus came into his sight he stepped forward, almost running inside towards his seat. Someone was sitting there, a boy with a hood. Jaehyun dropped into his seat when the bus started driving. It was him. Taeyong.

Jaehyun smiled in relief. He reached out to take Taeyong’s hand but then noticed that there were bruises on his knuckles and Jaehyun lost his breath. He raised his gaze to Taeyong’s eyes that were watching him, a black mask covering his lower face. Jaehyun saw a tear form, clinging to Taeyong’s bottom lashes until it fell. Shadows around one of his eyes indicated a black eye and Jaehyun saw his own trembling hand reach out and pull down in the mask, tugging it off Taeyong’s ears. Taeyong dropped his face to hide it, but Jaehyun softly directed the other’s head to face him. He had a cut on his bottom lip, a bruise around his mouth and cheekbone.

Jaehyun pulled Taeyong into his embrace and heard Taeyong cry out in pain, but still the other gripped onto Jaehyun’s jacket to stay in his embrace. Jaehyun felt warm tears trickle down his cool cheeks. “I love you.” He told the other, but hearing Taeyong cry was tearing his heart into pieces.

  “It’s not your fault.”

A/N:

Sorry for taking to long with updating. And then only having this shot chapter.
Living the busy life. You can follow my blogs where I update on if I'm going to be busy.
 - I also started a new horror story because HALLOWEEN. It's called At Dawn and will be my main focus until it's finished. 

Hope you guys are still with me. Comments are always so so appreciated, thank you~! 

Love,
Emma <3