Chapter 47.

Darkness exists to make light truly count.

Jaehyun went to Taeyong's graduation with his father, Mark and Jenny. Watching Taeyong receive his diploma and walk over to them with the widest smile. Jaehyun wasn't wearing a hat that day, it was warm out, and his hair was now an inch long. He stepped forwards and embraced Taeyong, burying his face in the smaller's neck and whispering congratulation into his ear. Taeyong giggled and rubbed his ear, the sensation of Jaehyun's breath making it tickle. He tip-toed to kiss Jaehyun's cheek a little secretly, and Jaehyun tried not to blush too hard, but ended up smiling widely. Taeyong received flowers and hugs and they were all going to their favorite ice cream place to buy ice cream and share gifts. They would meet up with the other graduates and then they would go to their respective celebrations. Taeyong's were small, he had few wishes, but Jaehyun and Mark had been decorating the garden and making sure Taeyong didn't notice in the morning.

Johnny looked exceptionally happy and Jaehyun rarely saw Sehun talking this much. He felt happy to see these boys graduate, next year he would be next. Johnny had an arm around Ten's shoulder most of the time, and the two looked so happy that Jaehyun was a little surprised by the positive energy surrounding him. Hansol was showing off his diploma and making jokes about teachers with the others, it must be such a relief, Jaehyun thought. To finally accomplish something.

  "I think I will cry," Ten said honestly and Jaehyun nodded, because he would too. Now, everything that once was a small thing, was so much bigger. Finishing high school was something he thought he wouldn't be able to do. Jaehyun looked at his father and Jenny who were sitting close, the ring glistening in the sunlight that streamed through the trees as they were all in the small park beside the ice cream store. Taeyong and Yuta were imitating a teacher they both were happy to say goodbye to and Jaehyun and Mark were laughing so hard their stomachs hurt.

Jaehyun felt spent after that day. There had been many people as the boys who were graduating were all popular, and Jaehyun had received many compliments on his hair growth. He tried to avoid the flirting of two girls who definitely had somehow avoided the rumors - or was it rumors anymore? - that Jaehyun was gay. Jaehyun had hit Johnny who was laughing at it and Taeyong was giggling at the scene.

He was sitting in his room, finishing his job applications and research for colleges from yesterday. The sun had set, and his room was lit by a lamp in the ceiling and the little desk light he had. He had lit a candle to hopefully calm him after such a long day, and it did help sooth him a little bit.

A soft knock on his door made him turn around in his chair and he saw his father stand in the doorway.

  "How are you doing?" His dad asked and glanced around the room. Taeyong and Jaehyun had hung photos on the walls. Taeyong had printed them out as polaroids and it made it all the more sentimental. Jaehyun’s father walked over to look at them. Jaehyun turned his chair so that he faced his father.

  “I’m good,” Jaehyun said honestly. “Finally.” He huffed and smiled when his dad looked at him.

  “Finally,” he said as well with a caring smile. Jaehyun felt his chest warm up, he loved his dad and he was so lucky to have such a great dad. “I am happy to hear that.” His father then said and walked over. “Save the work for later. Relax a little.” He caressed the top of Jaehyun’s head. “Your hair looks a little lighter in color.” He observed and Jaehyun reached up a hand to touch his hair.

  “They said there could be changes in color or texture.” Jaehyun said and flattened his hair. “I could’ve gotten curls!”

  “I’m sure you’d look great with them.” His dad assured him and Jaehyun chuckled.

  “Probably not.” He joked and the two chuckled together when Taeyong appeared in the door.

Jaehyun’s father took this as a sign to leave, bidding them both goodnight and giving Jaehyun a knowing look. Jaehyun shook his head with a grimace and his dad’s laughter filled the hallway after he closed the door. Taeyong who had missed the interaction looked at Jaehyun with a puzzled expression.

Jaehyun reached out a hand and Taeyong took it, the puzzled look now exchanged for a small smile. “Tired?” Jaehyun asked at the look of Taeyong’s droopy eyes.
The older nodded and closed his eyes heavily, leaning against Jaehyun in the chair. “Please come cuddle with me.” He muttered in a cute voice and Jaehyun grinned.
“Okay, give me a moment.” Jaehyun quickly pecked Taeyong’s lips and got up to change into his pajamas. Taeyong dropped onto Jaehyun’s bed and got under the covers. By the time Jaehyun had been to the bathroom and come back, the other was fast asleep. Jaehyun froze by the door and took in the picture of Taeyong sleeping so soundly. Flashbacks of the game that had tortured both of them came back to him. Of Taeyong standing by the vending machine, giving Jaehyun cryptic messages and making Jaehyun go out of his mind. He remembered the look of Taeyong’s pleading eyes before the final goal, the way he nodded to the right, pleading Jaehyun to oblique. Now knowing Taeyong’s parents, he understood why Taeyong had seemed so fearful. To think Jaehyun wanted to use the picture as vengeance. He could’ve killed Taeyong with it.

But he stepped to the right and let Taeyong score, bringing them onto a journey that had brought them to this very point. Taeyong looking safe as Jaehyun’s blanket kept him warm. Jaehyun turned off the light and blew out the candle, finding his way to the bed in the darkness. He crawled beneath the blanket and made himself comfortable, throwing an arm around Taeyong, holding him close as promised.

The wedding was a mix between the Korean culture and the Western culture. Jaehyun’s father wasn’t reluctant to let Jenny make some wishes and the two of them worked together in planning it. It would be rather intimate; they would invite the guests because Jaehyun didn’t have any grandparents except his grandmother on his mother’s side who lived on the other side of the country. She did get an invite because she had been close, but after her daughter’s passing, she moved away from town. His dad’s parents died in an accident during the early days of Jaehyun’s life, he always heard stories about them but didn’t have the favor of getting to know them.

The teams showed up, Soohyun in a well-fitting suit and his hair pushed back. Jaehyun felt a little drop of his heart when he was reminded of the last time he saw his coach in a suit. Two people could have been here at this wedding. The third was watching over them.

The venue was bright and Jaehyun stood with his father in the hall, greeting all the guests. Johnny and Ten were preparing the musical part of the ceremony. Johnny was to play piano, Mark guitar, Hansol drums, Taeyong was backup, Ten second-lead and to surprise everyone; Jaehyun was going to sing. All of them had worked hard on this project together.
  “Looking great, Jaehyun!” Soohyun grinned and Jaehyun smiled and pointed to his hair that was now long enough to be styled. Soohyun patted Jaehyun’s cheek.“Well I expect you to come back to court as a player soon.”

  “Still getting back to full strength,” Jaehyun smiled and Soohyun nodded.

  “You mean, even stronger.” He winked and Jaehyun laughed. Soohyun had too much faith in him. Soohyun had a short conversation with Jaehyun’s father and Jaehyun bowed to the next guests, which was some of Jenny’s friends and their families. He directed them to the small greeting room that Jenny was in and received some compliments for his great manners.

Jaehyun stood ready with the band as the ceremony started. As soon as the kiss was done they would begin playing and they all waited with bright smiles on their faces. Jenny looked absolutely stunning and so youthful in her white dress. His father looked very handsome with his hair styled, Jaehyun thought he’d recommend his father to do that more often. Jaehyun looked to the side to see Ten grin at the scene while absentmindedly fiddling with a silver ring on his ring finger. Jaehyun’s eyes narrowed, he had seen Johnny and Ten whisper to each other the night of the graduation party. Looking at something between them and Ten had hugged Johnny tightly. Jaehyun was about to jump to conclusions when he heard his father’s name being mentioned and he turned to pay attention.

  “Do you, Jung Yeong-Ho, take this woman as your wedded wife?”

His father smiled, “I do.” Jaehyun’s heart melted at the smiles on their faces. Mark wiped his cheeks beside Jaehyun and Jaehyun wrapped an arm around his brother.

  “Do you, Lee Jennifer, take this man as your wedded husband?”

Jenny beamed, “I do.”

Jenny had liked the idea of rings and as the two exchanged them and shared their vows, Jaehyun squeezed Mark’s shoulder before taking his spot by the microphone. Johnny was wiping his hands in his pants, getting ready to start playing.

  “By the power of your love and commitment, and the power vested in me, I now pronounce you husband and wife! You may kiss each other!”

And they kissed. Like that; a completely new love had been promised, a completely new life was beginning, and Jaehyun felt the lights fall upon him. Johnny played the beginning of the song they had chosen. “Uneven Odds by Sleeping At Last.” A song that had resonated within Jaehyun when he first heard it, and he knew his father would appreciate the memoir to a woman that had given Jaehyun this chance, a woman that was the cause of all of them meeting. Jaehyun’s mother. Without her, Jaehyun would not have been born, and without Jaehyun, Mark would not have had anyone defending him and if nobody had, Jenny would not have met Jaehyun’s father at the school.

Jaehyun, consumed by emotions, started singing;

“I once knew your father well.
He fought tears as he spoke of your mother's health.”

His dad looked at him and smiled, tears in his eyes and with a look that knew what Jaehyun was singing about:

“As your guardian I was instructed well
To make sense of God’s love in these fires of hell
No I don’t expect you to understand
Just to live what little life your broken heart can.

Maybe your light is a seed
And the darkness the dirt
In spite of the uneven odds
Beauty lifts from the earth
From the earth

As the years move on these questions take shape
Are you getting stronger or is time shifting weight?
No one expects you to understand
Just to live what little life your mended heart can

You’ll always remember the moment God took her away
For the weight of the world was placed on your shoulders that day

Maybe your light is the seed
And the darkness the dirt
In spite of the uneven odds
Beauty lifts from the earth
From the earth

You’re much too young now
So I write these words down,

“Darkness exists to make light truly count.” ”

Jaehyun was embraced by his father, the crowd of people all clapped and Jaehyun hugged his father with all his might.

Yeong-Ho, Yeong meaning Hero and Ho meaning Great, his father was his great hero, the man who raised him, when he had been left alone with a child that didn’t understand why his mother was taken away. The man who accepted him with no issues not a doubt in his mind when he told him that he loved his child for who he was. Who now had given Jaehyun a new mother, a new family, and a new beginning. His father was everything to Jaehyun, the pillar he could support himself against when he was weak, the caring arms that held him when the nightmares of his mother woke him up in the night and he realized she was still gone. He had always been there for him no matter what.

Now his father got the happy-ever-after that he deserved. He had found love and Jaehyun knew that no matter what, no matter how much darkness there were in his life, the people around him were all stars, stars that shone brightly and made this darkness bearable. The universe gave him the sky and now it was bright blue, and there was a sun and that was his father. His sun and his hero.

While the guests spoke and ate together, celebrating the marriage of two families, Jaehyun stood with Ten and noticed the other touching the ring once again. He nudged Ten’s arm with his elbow and gained the smaller’s attention. Ten’s hair was still not too long, he kept it rather short, but right now his bangs were curling towards the left, they had grown too long. Jaehyun fixed his eyes on the ring, raising his eyebrows before giving Ten a look. Ten looked at the ring before smiling so brightly, Jaehyun’s heart grew.

It was a promise ring. The ring on Ten’s finger had the meaning of a promise, that Johnny would love him even if the lives they had were busy and they wouldn’t get the chance to meet up often. Ten was so happy and Jaehyun was happy for him.

Months later:

Jaehyun was on the court again. This time he wasn’t just there as defense. He was the captain of the team, with new team members to guide and to lead. He faced Sicheng, the tall basketball player who had helped to save Doyoung when he had run away on the camp trip. Sicheng grinned and shook Jaehyun’s hand. Kun waved and Jaehyun greeted him too. Taeyong was on the benches watching the game with his new friends from university. Jaehyun’s dad and Jenny sat not far from him, they had a small sign saying Mark and Jaehyun, making both of the boys cringe.

There was no holding back. Jaehyun scored and he prevented a lot of goals. Sicheng just laughed. “You definitely let us score at that game.” He said and Jaehyun patted Sicheng’s back. The other’s shirt was damp. They were all sweating so much, their bangs stuck to their foreheads and drops of sweat ran down their temples. Jaehyun nodded, concentrating on the ball that was being thrown again, Sicheng was looking at him, waiting for Jaehyun to reply. Jaehyun looked at Sicheng with a grin.

  “I definitely did.”

The two laughed together and Sicheng stood ready when Ten came running with the ball. Ten tried to play the ball to Lucas their new team member but Sicheng jumped in between and fished the ball, getting it and running towards the goal. Jaehyun ran back with him, but he didn’t get to be in front of Sicheng who scored and Jaehyun gave the other a look.

  “You were holding back too.” He gawped while pointing and Sicheng nodded.

  “I wasn’t really in on all that , but I can read a situation and know what is happening. It wasn’t really my game to play.” He explained, his accent still noticeable, but almost gone.

  “Incredible.” Jaehyun huffed.

Jaehyun’s team barely won. Mark and Jaemin managed to get some goals in and Jaehyun found Taeyong in the stands, the other was cheering and clapping. Jaehyun walked over to the other. The new guys beside Taeyong was his new friends from university, they were nicely dressed. Jaehyun glanced at them before he reached up, the palm of his hand on the back of Taeyong’s neck. He pulled the other down and Taeyong’s eyes widened in surprise. Their lips met, and Jaehyun smiled into the kiss. Taeyong gripped onto Jaehyun’s sweaty basketball shirt and pulled him closer. Ten cheered and that started a cheer around the stands. Taeyong was breathing in heavily, out of breath and Jaehyun smiled. “I love you.” He said and Taeyong fanned himself.

  “Love you too, silly.” He chuckled.

  “I’m gonna do this every day at university,” Jaehyun said, while backing off to go celebrate with his team. Taeyong nodded.

  “I’ll wait for you.” He smiled, and Jaehyun knew that the future was bright.
 

Even with uneven odds, Jaehyun always somewhere deep inside knew it would get better. When it all hurt and he could only see darkness, he always knew there was light somewhere. It did get better, and he was surprised by how much better it would get. There is always hope. Always a chance for it to get better. If you always think there is a chance for it to get worse, the same thing goes for the good times. Take your time. Jaehyun took his, he now knows that no matter what, that time was important and the time coming will be just as important. Don’t take your good times for granted, but don’t panic, more of them will come.

Knowing that, Jaehyun will continue living.

A/N:

It’s impossible to know what life will bring you, what tomorrow holds. It’s always up to you to make a choice. If you get up early and walk outside, things could happen. If you stay in late you could sleep and avoid things, but, sometimes things want to come to you. This is where you handle it, where you choose how to let this affect you. Sometimes a wave can knock you ever, but your choice is getting up on your feet again, even against the tide. Whatever comes at you, if you let yourself stay under, if you just hold your breath; one day it’ll be dry enough for you to sit up and inhale fresh air. For how long, no one knows, but breathe it in while it’s there.

I’ve been through , times where I’d wanted to die so badly but somehow the thought of knowing better times were ahead kept me going. I always tell myself, something good awaits me, I’m preparing for it, it’ll come at some point. It keeps me going.

Knowing this, continue on living. Live for whatever keeps you going.

Thank you for reading, upvoting and commenting on this story. It has been an emotional journey for me too. Some of the topics have been personal for and I've done so much research for this. It's really been a big milestone of my journey as a writer. I hope you treasure it as much as I do, that it made your day better or moved you in any way. Because I write so other people can escape a reality or learn something new. 
 

Keep living, friends! <3

Love,
Emma <3