Chapter 36.

I’ll keep you safe
Try hard to concentrate
Hold out your hand
Can you feel the weight of it
The whole world at your fingertips
Don’t be, don’t be afraid
Our mistakes they were bound to be made
But I promise you I’ll keep you safe

Jaehyun took Taeyong’s hand in his and he looked at the bus-stop that passed them without getting up. Taeyong moved, but stilled as if moving pained him. Jaehyun gritted his teeth and watched his school pass by outside in the cold. Taeyong lowered his head.

Jaehyun didn’t let Taeyong get off at his school and Taeyong sighed but leaned back in his seat, dropping his head to Jaehyun’s shoulder. The world was covered in snow, Christmas surrounding them and people counting down to the day full of happiness and love. Jaehyun felt so bitter, and he planned that Ten and Taeyong definitely would be celebrating Christmas with him instead of their awful parents that didn’t deserve their children.

  “This is my house.” Taeyong said as Jaehyun got off after the bus had been driving its second round. Taeyong tried to tug Jaehyun back but he still left the bus. Taeyong followed Jaehyun, walking up in front of him. “You shouldn’t!”

  “Watch me!”

Jaehyun was seething with anger as he passed Taeyong. He couldn’t stop up, he had the courage right now out of pure anger, so he would use it to bravely stand up to Taeyong’s parents. Taeyong’s father was in the hallway when Taeyong unlocked the door with a grim expression. Jaehyun pushed Taeyong behind him.

  “Mr. Lee.” He said with a smile, but it was stiff and forced. Taeyong’s father raised his gaze and Jaehyun felt like he just shrunk two sizes. Taeyong looked like his father, and he had the same piercing gaze, but there was kindness in Taeyong’s eyes. These ones carried no such thing. Jaehyun still tried to speak up, but he didn’t sound as confident as he should be. “My name is-”

  “Jaehyun.” Taeyong’s father said and Jaehyun blinked, watching the other cautiously. Taeyong was pulling at Jaehyun’s jacket, and Jaehyun knew he had gotten himself into something stupid. Taeyong’s father put down his bag and went back into the living room. “Follow me, Taeyong.” He said and Taeyong winced before obeying. Jaehyun reached out to hold Taeyong’s hand.

  “He can’t hurt you.” Jaehyun said and Taeyong smiled.

  “But he can hurt you.”

Jaehyun stood in the wide living room, realizing in that moment that Taeyong’s family was very wealthy. He felt small and odd, like he was some cheap product placed in between a lot of expensive ones. Taeyong stood behind him before he inched up beside him, straightening his back and raising his chin. Jaehyun felt as if somebody was ripping strings from his heart by the sight. Taeyong deserved the world, he deserved so much more than what he got.
Taeyong’s mother was sitting on the couch, eyeing Jaehyun. Taeyong’s father turned around to face them.

  “So he’s the one?” Mr. Lee said and Jaehyun feared what Taeyong had said. Had Taeyong come out to his parents? Only to end up beaten and broken?

Taeyong seemed to shrink. “Yes.” He said, not as confident as he had tried to be.

Mr. Lee’s eyes snapped to meet Jaehyun’s. “This is the filth that… changed my son into some weak .”

Jaehyun’s heart dropped, his jaw did too. He was too surprised by these words to feel offended. Taeyong’s jaw clenched. Jaehyun closed his eyes. “Mr. Lee that’s… how could you talk like that about your son?” He decided to ask.

  “Whatever he’s becoming that’s not my son.” Taeyong winced and Jaehyun felt outraged.

  “You don’t deserve him.” He said and Taeyong’s wide eyes looked at him. Jaehyun stared Taeyong’s father straight in the eye and then his mother. “None of you deserve him. He’s better than both of you.”

Taeyong’s father raised his hand, lip twitching in rage. “How dare you?” He asked and Jaehyun avoided a slap by moving away but he still heard it sing. He gasped and straightened up to see Taeyong stand there, wide-eyed. A pale image of a hand appearing on his cheek that blossomed red. His bruised lip twitched.

  “I’m leaving.” He then said shortly, a tear falling from his eye and Taeyong’s father frowned while his mother looked like she didn’t believe Taeyong.
Jaehyun tugged Taeyong behind him and the two backed off. Taeyong’s father laughed.

  “You’re running away?” His voice sounded as the two boys went out the door. “Don’t come back when he leaves you.” Taeyong’s father said and Jaehyun took Taeyong’s hand in his as they went out the door.

  “I would never.”

 

Taeyong stopped up when they stood outside, pulling Jaehyun closer and hugging him tightly. Jaehyun ran his fingers through Taeyong’s hair, holding him close. The world was white around them, the sky covered by pale clouds. Christmas lights looked faint and the morning traffic buzzed in the distance. Somehow in that moment Jaehyun found silence embrace him, like fresh air to an open wound. He needed it, he needed a moment to clear his head so that he could heal. This person in his arms, meant so much to him, that it scared him. Taeyong was becoming not only a part of his world, but he was becoming his world. His sun that he needed and loved and treasured.

If he could protect him from any harm he would. For now, he could only hold him close.

 

Jaehyun’s father sat with them for dinner. Taeyong ate slowly because of the pain and Jaehyun followed his pace, it fitted him too. It was silent. Jaehyun could hear the clock tick and his own chewing sounded so loud. He wondered if the other two could hear him as loud as he heard himself and it made him uncomfortable. He looked up to meet his father’s gaze. It was serious and strong, almost warning. Jaehyun’s father shifted his gaze to Taeyong, breathing in deeply.

  “Taeyong.” He said and Jaehyun placed his spoon in his rice, turning his attention to Taeyong who looked up from the food. Eyes round and innocent, even after all that he had been through. Jaehyun’s father frowned lightly, the expression of a worried parent. “You can stay with us.” He said and Taeyong stared back at Jaehyun’s father, glancing at Jaehyun before putting down his spoon, a smile stretching his lips.

  “Thank you, Mr. Jung.” He said and then dropped his gaze to his food. Jaehyun found Taeyong’s hand beneath the table, curling his fingers around Taeyong’s.

  “I’d like to speak to your parents.” Jaehyun’s father then said. “If you wouldn’t mind?”

Taeyong grimaced. “Sure.” He said and found his phone, handing it to Jaehyun’s father. “I have their numbers saved.”

Jaehyun’s father put his own phone beside Taeyong’s, putting in the numbers and Taeyong and Jaehyun shared a gaze. Taeyong held Jaehyun’s gaze for a moment and Jaehyun sighed.

  “Oh and… you’ll have to share the bed.”

Taeyong and Jaehyun snapped their heads to face Jaehyun’s father who was smiling a little lopsidedly.

  “Jenny and Mark will live with us until we find a bigger apartment.”

  “You’re moving in with each other?!” Jaehyun exclaimed in shock. Jaehyun’s father gave him a look.

  “Their landlord suddenly threw them out, it’s a mess. They have already paid 3 months ahead, and will have to get the money back somehow. I told them they could stay with me until they find an apartment or… that maybe we could find one together.”

  “Dad you’ve known her for like… a few months?”

  “Actually about 4.” Jaehyun’s father corrected him and Jaehyun groaned, hand coming up to cover his face.

Taeyong chuckled. “Well, you’ve shared room with Mark before.”

  “True.” Jaehyun sighed and dropped his hand. “Don’t know why I’m getting upset.”

Jaehyun’s father and Taeyong both smiled. Jaehyun’s father had his arms crossed over the table. “It’s normal Jaehyun.” He said in a reassuring voice. “It must be odd for you and it must feel wrong, I’ve had my doubts too, but-” Jaehyun’s father looked up to find the right words. “But it just feels right. Finally it feels right.” He smiled.

Jaehyun looked at his father and he couldn’t help but feel a little guilty. He also felt relieved. His father was okay, a good kind of okay. You could get better after losing the one you loved. You could love again. Jaehyun smiled, he was getting convinced, but he still waited with believing it yet. He wanted to see if Jenny really made his father happy.
 

She did.

Mark slept on the floor beneath the closet and at the foot of Jaehyun’s bed. He small talked with Jaehyun and Taeyong excitedly. Taeyong sat at the foot of the bed, cross-legged and talking with Mark with a smile on his face. Jaehyun listened to their conversation a small smile tugging at the corners of his lips. He found it nice with company. He found it very nice with Taeyong by his side. The other kissing him when they knew Mark was sleeping. It was dark, only a faint light creeping through the curtains, and Jaehyun felt Taeyong’s lips, he felt his tongue and he felt it with his own and on his neck. Jaehyun could even feel the smile on Taeyong’s lips when Jaehyun accidentally moaned a bit too loud.

Jaehyun woke up with a burn in his throat. He sat up, grimacing as he felt the acid in his stomach burn its way up and threw the blanket off of himself, stumbling out of the room. He tried to silently close the door but had to hurry towards the bathroom. He threw himself on his knees, gripping the toilet seat and closing his eyes tightly. Nothing came up. He just sat there, drooling and aching and he was beginning to get scared. Very scared.

Their routines matched well because of them taking the same bus. Jenny gave the whole apartment a new feeling as another female being was there to give the apartment a whole new dynamic. Mark needed to be reminded to do his homework, or he would sit around watching tv all day. Taeyong was good at telling Mark to do it and he helped Jenny with cooking as well. Jaehyun watched his father kiss Jenny goodbye when he went to work. Jaehyun and Taeyong always laughed when they heard someone make gagging sounds when they kissed thinking Mark wasn’t noticing.

  “I’m right here guys, cool down.” He’d say while sitting on the floor doing his homework.

  “Maybe you should do your homework in the kitchen?” Jaehyun would suggest and Mark would grimace.

  “Ew.” He’d say and cover his ears. “Ew!”

Jaehyun loved them all being together, but it also meant a lot more eyes on him. He didn’t miss the worried glance Mark threw him when Jaehyun exited the bathroom after 35 minutes. Jaehyun hoped to laugh it off, but he felt Taeyong’s fingers trace his prominent hip-bone and he felt them run up to his ribs. Taeyong was noticing it too.

One day Jaehyun was shaken awake after he’d run to the bathroom. He opened his eyes only to blink as water was dripping onto his face and he squinted while trying to make sense of where he was. A figure was moving up before a blurred face appeared in front of him. The water stopped, his bangs covered some of his sight and he glanced down his body. He was wearing clothes and he was sitting on hard ground.

  “Jaehyun!” A voice laced with worry and panic called out for him and he looked up to see Taeyong’s eyes. He coughed and felt his emotions overwhelm him when he looked down to see his white shirt was discolored because he had thrown up on himself. The room was spinning and he reached out to hold onto Taeyong, smiling at him before letting himself finally give in.

  “I’m scared, Taeyong. I’m scared.” He heard his own voice cry, it was ripping at his aching throat and he was pulled into a tight embrace. Taeyong’s hands were trembling as they gripped his shirt tightly. They had just come home after school and while doing homework, Jaehyun had left the room to go to the bathroom. When his body was hurting too much he tried to cool himself down with water, only to pass out.

For how long Taeyong and Mark had knocked on the door, he didn’t know. It looked like they had broken their way in by the cracks in the doorsill. Taeyong looked back at someone.

  “Call an ambulance.” Taeyong told them and Jaehyun looked up to see Mark looking at him with frightened round eyes. Jaehyun hid his face in Taeyong’s neck. It was true. His fear had become a reality.

He was ill.

He was going to die.

He was going to leave everyone behind just like his mother.

He was going to leave Taeyong.

A/N:

As you can see I waited with this chapter before I knew if I had the courage to continue writing this. My plan is not set yet. I have ideas but I'm not sure which ending I'm going for. But lately I feel more determined, so now I can post this chapter.

Love,
Emma <3