Chapter 29.

Doyoung excused himself to the bathroom and Jaehyun lowered his gaze to the table in front of him. Johnny hesitantly continued the game sensing something was off about Doyoung’s reaction to the question. Jaehyun knew what it was about, so after doing a dare which was to kiss Johnny’s neck he excused himself to the bathroom ‘to go puke’ and Taeyong pulled at his shirt, dragging him down to kiss him before he went. “Is that better?” Taeyong asked and Jaehyun lost his breath.

  “Much better.” He gasped and Ten stuck out his tongue.

Johnny whispered something into Ten’s ear and Ten jumped away, but he still had his hands on Johnny’s stomach and shoulder. “What do you want me to do? your neck?” He asked a little too loudly and Jaehyun stumbled on his way out. He heard laughter behind him and Ten was blushing, hiding his face in Johnny’s chest. Jaehyun felt his heart grow at the sight and Taeyong looked at him longingly until Jaehyun couldn’t see him anymore. Jaehyun ascended the stairs and found his way towards a door that wasn’t closed. He pushed it open and heard someone sniffle.

  “Doyoung?” He asked and saw Doyoung sit on the bed of the room.

  “Jaehyun?” He called and Jaehyun the light, the other had been sitting in the darkness and Doyoung hurriedly wiped his cheeks. Jaehyun went over to the other and sat down beside him. Doyoung sniffled again, his mouth making a small movement as he did. Jaehyun was reminded of a rabbit and he reached out to wipe a tear away with the back of his index finger. Doyoung glanced at him. “Just ask.” He said, inhaling to steady his breathing.

Jaehyun sighed, he put a hand on Doyoung’s knee to comfort the other. “Remember our conversation in the hospital?”

Doyoung looked at Jaehyun’s hand before nodding, looking up again.

Jaehyun tried to find the right words. “You told me to make a choice before Taeyong did.” He said cautiously, eyes on Doyoung’s face to stop himself if he said something wrong. “That if I didn’t choose, he would choose for me…” Jaehyun continued and Doyoung grinned but it didn’t reach his eyes. Jaehyun could almost see the horror in the other’s wide eyes. “You were referring to something.” Jaehyun hated himself for not cutting the chase, but he was so afraid of being too harsh on Doyoung. He seemed so fragile. “Something that happened to you?”

Doyoung laughed, but there was no sound and he looked down. “You’re not stupid.” He said but Jaehyun didn’t take it as a compliment. “You’re right.” He then said and ran a trembling hand over his pale face. “How do I say this?” He asked but Jaehyun knew he didn’t have to answer, just be accepting because Doyoung was about to say something that would threaten to break him. It would probably break him. Doyoung smiled but he was crying again. He gripped onto Jaehyun’s arm. “I lied.” He said and Jaehyun’s eyebrows knitted together. Doyoung blinked the tears away. “I lied when I said I lost my ity at 16. It was 14.” He sobbed and immediately stilled, pulling himself together. Jaehyun’s heart broke. Jaehyun was a if he followed the basic rules. Ten and him… they never went that far actually.

Doyoung closed his eyes as if he was caught in the moment again. Jaehyun felt as if he was with Doyoung. “I was in my bedroom.” Doyoung started and Jaehyun imagined the way Doyoung’s bedroom would look. He was sure it had glowing stars on the ceiling, posters of Doyoung’s favorite bands on the walls. A younger Doyoung was sitting on his bed. “I was getting ready for bed, I sat in my pajamas when he came in.” Jaehyun didn’t know who it was, so for the moment he could only see a dark figure of a man in the doorway. “My brother always peeks in to say goodnight… But this time he came inside and he dropped down to sit beside me on the bed.” Jaehyun’s heart beat faster as he saw Doyoung’s brother come in. He had seen him at the game. “He was kind, he was always kind, but this time his touches were a little hesitant, as if… as if he wanted them to be different but didn’t dare to. I just smiled at him and he asked me if I loved him and I told him. ‘Of course, you’re my brother and I love you with all my heart.’” Doyoung’s fingers curled into a fist. “He- his hand was on my thigh. I remember it as if it was yesterday. It found its way higher and when I gasped he asked me. ‘Do you love your brother?’ And of course I nodded. Of course I said yes. I didn’t speak after that, I tried not to make a sound when he touched me. He didn’t make me do anything to him… not that night. Then that next Friday… with my parents home and all, he came inside again. He…” Doyoung looked up and shook his arms in front of him as if shaking off the feeling. “Let’s just say that it was lucky my parents were watching a movie. Or else they would’ve heard us.” Doyoung said without looking at Jaehyun who felt his heart break. Then Doyoung’s eyes found Jaehyun’s. “I didn’t say yes or no. I didn’t make the choice so he just decided for me.”

  “Doyoung I’m so sorry.” Jaehyun said and Doyoung stood up.

  “We should go do-” Doyoung’s voice broke as if realization of what he had been put through all this time came back. “We should go down-” He tried again and covered his mouth with his hand, crying into it. His cries got muffled, but still they were loud and Jaehyun stood up, he pulled at Doyoung’s hand, taking it away from his mouth and Doyoung looked at him through teary eyes. Jaehyun raised his hand to put it on Doyoung’s cheek. Hoping it brought him comfort and wishing with all his heart that Doyoung would find the strength to break through. Still… when as a young child you learn love in such a twisted way you’re bound to get traumatized in some way. Doyoung would probably never understand love and only take what he thought he deserved. Jaehyun looked at the other’s face. Doyoung deserved someone who loved and respected him. Jaehyun wasn’t sure how he could say that.

Jaehyun cupped Doyoung’s cheek with one hand, thumb brushing over the other’s skin and wiping away the tears that kept on falling. Doyoung leaned into the touch and Jaehyun wondered what he could do or say to make Doyoung not look so hopeless. Doyoung’s round eyes opened and they looked at Jaehyun who stared back at the other. Wondering what went through Doyoung’s mind and if he would ever know. Doyoung came closer and Jaehyun’s hand fell to his side as Doyoung’s breath touched his lips. He looked at the other as Doyoung closed his eyes before pressing a kiss to Jaehyun’s lips. Jaehyun blinked. The kiss was wet, he could feel Doyoung’s tears on his lips and it tasted salty.

He stepped back, ending the kiss and Doyoung looked down. Jaehyun was speechless; he didn’t know what to say. Doyoung’s knees gave in and he collapsed onto the ground, crying out and Jaehyun winced, quickly kneeling beside the other and pulling him into his embrace.

  “I’m sorry.” Jaehyun said, and Doyoung’s cries were muffled as he buried his face in Jaehyun’s shirt. Jaehyun looked through the window towards the dark sky and he wished upon every star that Doyoung didn’t have to go through this pain.

Doyoung’s cries died down and the two sat in silence for a few long moments. Then Doyoung straightened his back, and Jaehyun let the other out of his arms. Doyoung sniffled. “I’m sorry for kissing you.” He said and Jaehyun smiled.

  “I don’t mind.” He said and Doyoung blinked.

  “Why?”

  “Did it make you feel better?” Jaehyun asked and Doyoung sniffled again, his nose scrunching up as he did.

  “It did.” He admitted and Jaehyun nodded with a soft smile.

  “It’s okay.” He assured the other. Doyoung laughed but he was crying again.

Jaehyun watched the other laugh and cry on the same time. Doyoung wiped his tears while laughing. “Taeyong is lucky.” He said and Jaehyun chuckled.

The two got on their feet and Doyoung worried on his bottom lip. Jaehyun reached out a hand to hold Doyoung’s in his. “Will you be okay?”

Doyoung laughed again. “I don’t know anymore.” He said honestly and this worried Jaehyun.

  “See you this Monday, then?” He asked with a soft smile and Doyoung looked into his eyes. Jaehyun couldn’t read the other’s eyes; he wasn’t sure of what the other was thinking.

  “Let’s see to that.” Doyoung said and Jaehyun knew he had to accept that reply.

Doyoung went out of the room and Jaehyun followed him down the stairs and into the hallway.

  “My brother is here.” Doyoung said and Jaehyun balled his hands into fists at the mention of him.   

  “Stay here.” Jaehyun tried but Doyoung just breathed in deeply before smiling a little.

  “I’ve chosen, Jaehyun.” He said and Jaehyun followed the other out to the road where a car was parked, lights on and engine humming.

  “I’m here, you know?” Jaehyun said and Doyoung turned around and smiled at him before getting into the car.

  “I know.” Doyoung stated and then he got in. The lights in the car went on and Jaehyun felt like opening the door and pulling Doyoung out of it when he saw a hand land on Doyoung’s thigh. He bent down to see a man looking a little similar to Doyoung sit in the driver’s seat, smiling at Doyoung and Jaehyun felt his heart break when Doyoung lowered his head as the car drove away.

Jaehyun crouched down, face in his hands. He had done what he could, he had reached out to Doyoung and now he hoped Doyoung would accept his hand.

Jaehyun stood and walked back into the house. He took off his shoes, sighing to himself before turning around. Jaehyun jumped. Taeyong stood with grim expression on his face, he looked almost angry?

  “Care to explain?” He asked and Jaehyun felt fear strike at his heart.

  “It wasn’t like that!” He quickly said reaching out his hands and shaking them.

Taeyong looked disappointed. “Sure.” He grumbled and then started wearing his shoes and jacket.

  “Where are you going?” Jaehyun asked and Taeyong huffed.

  “Home.”

Jaehyun quickly wore his shoes again, abandoning his jacket as he ran after Taeyong. “Hey, Taeyong, please!”

  “So Doyoung likes you too? Don’t have the heart so say no?” Taeyong didn’t even look at Jaehyun. “What am I? A joke?” He asked and finally stopped. Jaehyun hadn’t tried to be this scared of a situation, not like this. Jaehyun threw himself down on his knees.

  “I love you!” Jaehyun yelled and Taeyong’s eyes widened. Jaehyun’s eyes widened too.

  “What?” Taeyong asked, expression softening.

Jaehyun panicked. Why did he say that? Taeyong kneeled down beside him, gripping onto his arms to calm Jaehyun. Jaehyun avoided the other’s eyes. “I don’t like Doyoung, not like that I… I…” Jaehyun felt his throat burn and he ignored the ache in his stomach. “Taeyong, I think I’m in love with you.” Jaehyun admitted and Taeyong gawped at him.

  “I love you too.” He said and inched closer, cupping Jaehyun’s face. “You don’t like Doyoung?”

Jaehyun shook his head. “He was really sad and I couldn’t just throw him off me. I’m not afraid of falling for someone else, I know I lo-lik-love you.” Jaehyun explained and avoided Taeyong’s eyes again as he noticed the other smile.

  “Please say it again.” Taeyong smiled and Jaehyun smacked the other’s hands off him.

  “Stop!” He whined and Taeyong put his own face in his hands, looking at Jaehyun bashfully.

  “Say it again.”

Jaehyun laughed. “No!” He cried and gripped onto Taeyong’s hands before they could tickle him. He bit his lip to stop himself from smiling too widely as he looked at Taeyong’s face. “I love you.” He tried tentatively and Taeyong’s face lit up.

Before Taeyong could say anything, Jaehyun let go of his hands, placing a hand on the back of Taeyong’s neck and pulling him into a kiss. Taeyong released a startled moan and Jaehyun smiled before kissing Taeyong deeply and Taeyong moaned again, hands gripping Jaehyun’s sides.

The two of them pulled away from each other. Taeyong blinked up at Jaehyun. “Wauw.” He gasped and Jaehyun smirked. He was quite impressed with himself.

  “Come home to me.” He stated and Taeyong eyes widened.

  “What?”

Jaehyun chuckled and stood up, pulling Taeyong up on his feet. “You want to, I know that.”

Taeyong’s startled expression turned sly. “Of course I want to.” He said in a slightly deeper voice and Jaehyun gasped when Taeyong smacked his .

  “Taeyong!”

The other laughed. “You can’t use your height on me in bed.” He laughed and Jaehyun blushed.

  “Taeyong!” He shrieked and slapped the other’s chest. “Stop!”

Taeyong continued to laugh and two went into the house again to take Jaehyun’s jacket and to bid their goodbyes. Ten eyed the two and Jaehyun winked at his best friend. Ten gasped and sent his friend two thumbs up. Jaehyun chuckled and he felt Taeyong take his hand in his as the two walked into the night, towards Jaehyun’s apartment that weren’t too far from Sehun’s house.

A/N:

This chapter... Doyoung is my baby <3
 - BTW the next chapter is so yeah :iiiiiiiiiiii (BUT IT'S BAD)

Thank you for all the comments on the last chapter! I felt so motivated to keep writing! <3

Love,
Emma <3