Chapter 40.

We'll prove that we are strong,
Though our lines are bleeding through.
We are becoming whole, slowly now.

Ten and Johnny wasn’t too well either and Jaehyun found himself sitting with Doyoung way too often. Doyoung never spoke, he just sat in the other bed, reading a book or writing. Jaehyun wondered what his mind wanted to tell him. That he was seeing the dead because he would get there too? Maybe it was a way to get more comfortable with the thought of death.

It was nice though, not feeling too alone.

Donghyuck and Jaehyun were talking outside of the therapy room. The girl Jisoo was with them and she mostly just listened to Donghyuck talk. Mark came over to meet Jaehyun and to walk him back to his room. He was wearing a dark blue knitted beanie and his school uniform. Jaehyun guessed he came straight from school. Donghyuck turned around to look at Mark and his funny story died into a mummer. Jaehyun smiled at the younger and introduced Mark to the other two. “This is my step-brother, Mark.” He said and Mark laughed.

  “Well they haven’t married yet.” He added; his laugh awkward but light. He greeted Jisoo and Donghyuck that was oddly silent. Jaehyun stepped away from the two.

  “I gotta get back, see you on Thursday.” He smiled and Jisoo waved. Donghyuck beamed and waved at Jaehyun and this made him smile. He told Mark lightly about what they had talked about today, and then found himself thinking of Taeyong.

  “Is he okay?” He asked and Mark’s bright expression fell.

  “I seriously don’t know, man. He is not taking this well.”

Mark started talking about something else, something that only sounded as background noise as they walked towards Jaehyun’s room.  Jaehyun’s mind started to imagine Taeyong and how lonely and afraid he must be. How could anyone take this well? A thought passed him then another came to ruin it. Yet he leaves you when you need him the most… maybe love really isn’t worth it.

Jaehyun froze in his step. Mark’s hand found its way to Jaehyun’s elbow and it guided him to move forwards. He followed the younger, feeling so cold all of sudden. Doubts.

Jaehyun didn’t really notice when Johnny and Ten left the room. He was alone, sitting with some text books and doing his homework. He tried to focus, but it wasn’t easy when Taeyong’s face kept on appearing between all the letters. He kept on remembering Taeyong’s face when he smiled under the sun, when water was dripping from his dark hair and he had fear in his eyes. When he came down from the high of an and his movements were slower and there was this satisfied smile tugging at the corners of his lips. When Ten had crawled up closer to him, snuggling close like they used to, he felt as if he was trying to match two puzzle pieces that didn’t work. They were the same color, they look like the matched but they didn’t. Ten’s body had fitted oddly against his and it just wasn’t right. The heat and the feeling weren’t right and Jaehyun felt so lonely in his bed at night. Ten had created more distance, and he was starting to mutter curses about Taeyong beneath his breath. Jaehyun wondered if Ten meant for Jaehyun to hear them or not, but it made the side of him that was angry at Taeyong satisfied.

Jaehyun slammed his book shut with all the strength he could muster before getting up. He would walk around; train his body a little bit. Maybe try out some stairs. Physical workouts are always good if your mind is troubled. He needed to get better quick too, because he missed basketball.

He didn’t get far though, he ended up at a deserted end of a corridor, large glass windows revealing a small park, just a blanket of tree crowns laid out in front of him. He turned to the left to get to the staircase that wasn’t used often. He didn’t want a nurse to come and stop him. He felt almost rebellious as he slowly got closer and he opened the door silently. The smile on his face fell as soon as voices reached him. Voices he knew. His limps locked and his ears perked up as he tried to figure out where they were and what they were talking about.

They were sitting with their backs turned to him on the middle steps of the stairs. Jaehyun could see their shoulders and there was a distance between them. He knew something was wrong.

Ten’s voice was getting shriller as he spoke and he was crying; shoulders moving as he raised his hands to hide his face. “I’m so sorry, Johnny! I am so scared of losing him and I thought it would help, but it didn’t. I know excuses mean nothing, but - “

  “I’m so sorry, please, please Johnny say something.”

Ten was crying, it was daylight and here he sat beside some tall senior. The captain of the basketball team. The guy who protected Jaehyun and helped him when others tried to tear him down. The guy who asked Jaehyun for help when he wanted to confess to Ten. He’s the person that stood beside Ten when Jaehyun wanted to kill himself, he tackled Jaehyun to the ground to save him. To make sure Ten had his best friend. Even when he realized Ten’s parents were homophobic bastards he stepped up and went to Ten’s house to pull him out of that hell. Jaehyun almost didn’t have count on all the things Johnny had done for them, for Ten.

Now Ten had done something that could ruin that perfect relationship that they had built. Jaehyun felt absolutely terrible as he knew he was the main reason. Yet he stood there and listened because he was curious to see if Johnny would leave or stay. Because what Johnny did, would determine if Jaehyun’s hope for Taeyong and him to stay together was realistic or not.

Ten was looking at Johnny’s face, searching it for answers before he broke down. “Oh no.” He cried. “Johnny please, please, you mean the world to me. I didn’t do it to hurt you. I’m so sorry!”

  “Ten.”

Johnny’s voice sounded and Ten stopped crying and Jaehyun stopped breathing.

Johnny inhaled deeply before speaking as if he needed courage to speak. “Who did you have Ten?” He asked and Ten frowned lightly.

  “What?” He asked in a small voice.

  “Who did you have when your parents ignored you? When they told you that you weren’t right in the head and so they sent you to a shrink? Who was there when you felt so scared and alone? Who held you close and kept you safe, gave you the feeling of being safe? He was there for you. He did all the things you needed and you two found a way to deal with life.

I wish-

I wish I could’ve been there. Been the one to stand up to your parents and been the one to kiss you for the first time.

But I’m here now. I’m here for you and I’m here for him.”

Ten was looking at Johnny with wide and admiring eyes. “I love you…”

Johnny gasped. “That’s the first time you’ve said that to me when we are alone, without joking, or having se-”

Ten hit Johnny’s shoulder. “Johnny!” He smiled and Johnny smiled back, leaning in closer and raising a hand to caress Ten’s cheek. Ten leaned into the touch. “I love you, Johnny. I don’t ever want to hurt you, I’ll do better for you. I want to be with you, I want to build a life with you. I know that I need you, but don’t feel obligated to stay just because of that. You’re amazing and I’m so grateful to have you.”

Johnny smiled and leaned in to press a loving kiss to Ten’s lips. “We’ll be okay.” He promised. “He’ll be okay.” He added and Jaehyun’s eyebrows twitched closer.

Ten leaned his forehead against Johnny’s, eyes squeezed shut. “What if I lose him, Johnny? I can’t even bear the thought of it, what if I lose- I can’t lose him.”

  “Believe in him, Ten. He has come back from so much. He can come back from this too.”

The anger Jaehyun felt towards Taeyong faded.

Jaehyun had dropped down beside the door. Ten and Johnny had kissed and Jaehyun felt his heart bleed and ache. He sat with his knees pulled up to his chin, arms hugging his legs. He could still hear their voices. It was mostly a mutter, because he was just staring at the sky with a blank look. His thoughts came and went and he wasn’t too sure of which one to grab and keep thinking about. Then he heard Johnny’s voice.

  “What… did you do?” He asked. “Did you do the whole thing or?”

Ten huffed. “No. We kissed and I- you know- this sounds so ing wrong- but I tried to touch him, to make him feel better but- he fell asleep.”

Jaehyun blinked. Did he dream about them doing more or did they really just kiss and then he fell asleep? Ten wasn’t wearing most of his clothes? Yet Jaehyun doesn’t remember taking it off.

  “What? How can he fall asleep when you- this gorgeous person is touching him?” Johnny half joked and Ten chuckled.

  “After he had fallen asleep I just went to sleep too. But even with me sleeping beside him he still had nightmares. Johnny… I shouldn’t have tried to. Some part of me just said that was the only right thing to do. You comforted him like that before, you can do it now. I don’t know…”

  “Ten. He lost his mother and the loss must’ve been hard on you too. I feel like this was some kind of relapse but look at you, look at him. You don’t need each other like that anymore. You’ve come through this. That’s almost a good result.”

  “Johnny… Always looking at the bright side.”

  “Well I am tall enough to see it.”

  “You didn’t.”

  “I did.”

  “Nobody will find your tall body when I am done with it.”

Johnny laughed.

Jaehyun huffed, wiping his tears. This was a proof. Johnny was right. It was a proof that Ten and Jaehyun had distanced themselves. It was a proof that Jaehyun was over it, out of it, and that he truly loved Taeyong. The love Ten and Jaehyun had was one amongst friends, brothers. Not lovers. Not anymore.

It still didn’t erase the guilt, but Jaehyun found himself sitting with his phone now. He was in Taeyong’s contact, wanting to send him a text but he was afraid of not getting an answer. Jaehyun looked up at the ceiling in deep thought when he heard someone clear their throat.

  “Yup, they’re all white. I think painting them blue like the sky would make this place a little brighter but… Hospitals are no fun.”

Jaehyun watched Donghyuck stand in the doorway. He had his hands in his pockets. He was wearing jeans. “Mom and dad were allowed to take me out today. We went to this café that I really love, they have the cheesiest toasts ever and I love cheese.” Donghyuck said his eyes going up in an expression of bliss. Then he fixed his eyes on Jaehyun with a smile before bringing out a hand he had been hiding on his back, there was a small bag and Jaehyun inhaled deeply when a heavenly scent came his way. He gave Donghyuck a look and Donghyuck basked in it. “I know, I’m the best.” He said and Jaehyun laughed before accepting the toast Donghyuck had brought him.

The two of them got comfortable on Jaehyun’s bed and they started on Adventure Time. As the title song was on Mark came in and he was singing along as he entered.

  “I love that show, man.” He said as he entered, pushing the door closed and turning around to face them. Donghyuck smiled a tight smile in greeting and he fiddled with the grey beanie he was wearing. Mark’s eyes widened slightly before he gave Donghyuck a smile. “Hi… Donghyuck, right?” He asked and Donghyuck nodded.

  “The one and only.” He said but sounded half as confident as he used to. Jaehyun squinted at the wall before connecting the dots. He then grinned to himself. Mark sniffed and eyed the toast Jaehyun had taken one bit of.

  “That. Looks. Good.” He said and Donghyuck piped up.

  “It’s from Toasted Love Café, cheesy name and cheesy toasts, it’s my favorite café.”

  “I love toast!” Mark said enthusiastically before coming closer to Jaehyun opening his mouth wide to signal to the older that he wanted a bite. Jaehyun huffed before raising his toast to Mark’s mouth.

  “When we eat lunch together I noticed that Jaehyun likes mushrooms so I bought the one with mushrooms, green onions, ham and cheese.”

Mark groaned, making the same face Donghyuck had made earlier. “You gotta take me to that place.” He said and Jaehyun felt like a thirdwheel while he fed Mark another bite. Donghyuck had turned his whole body towards Mark now instead of facing the TV.

  “Maybe next week?” He asked and Mark blinked. He obviously hadn’t expected that Donghyuck wanted to take him there. Mark nodded after a moment of surprise and Donghyuck’s cheeks looked slightly pink, he tugged down in the beanie that he wore and Mark sat on the other bed to do homework. Jaehyun tried to watch Adventure Time but kept on noticing Donghyuck stealing glances at Mark. Jaehyun eyed Donghyuck and the younger noticed it.

  “No.” Donghyuck said in answer and Jaehyun grinned. Donghyuck gripped his arm. “Please don’t tell him!” Jaehyun shook his head in promise and Donghyuck went back to admiring Mark doing his homework.

The conversations that had often been random and more about getting to know each other were now about Mark; Donghyuck was very curious about him and Jaehyun liked Mark so he didn’t mind feeding Donghyuck’s curiosity while watching the other’s crush on Mark grow. It was a nice distraction from the fact that Taeyong still hadn’t appeared yet.

Jaehyun decided to go to Ten. The other must meet Taeyong at their apartment. Maybe Ten could figure out why Taeyong didn’t want to see Jaehyun anymore. 

A/N:

This is quickly becoming one of my longest stories. I think only EXO Warriors is longer (and that story but it's my baby)
I have a new years resolution even though I promised not to make some haha. It is to finish my unfinished stories! And I can use any method that I want.
I've taken an exo story called Stranded and made into NCT, to celebrate Johnny's debut and NCT 127's comeback. 

Btw I am so ing hyped for Johnny's debut, I don't think people understand that that is the best news of 2016 since NCT U's debut hahaha. I am so happy for him, he has worked so ing hard. Dedicating this chapter to a guy I'm sure is as kind-hearted and openminded as the Johnny in this story. <3
(But can we all cry about the fact that Ten hasn't been in any units since NCT U? He could've rocked the NCT 127 theme. ;A;)

Happy New Year guys! 2017 is definitely gonna because of Trump but let's make it amazing! <3

Love,
Emma <3