The rest of the month and next month was dedicated to broadcast, album promotion, fansigns and performances. Their schedule was jam-packed and the only rest that they have got was sleep. Often, that was reduced due to travelling on the road, early rehearsals and practices. By July, they were having their world tour in Australia, USA, Mexico and Brazil. Then, they went to Chile, Thailand, Hong Kong and fan meetings in Tokyo.

When they toured in NYC, we got a day off before the concert. Since they were in my hometown, I took them around. I took them to eat coal-oven pizza, hot dogs, New York cheesecake and Shake Shack for burgers with crinkle fries on the side. They all enjoyed the food and Jin in particular, ate two burgers and ate one whole pizza on his own. V was addicted to the hamburger and coke that he ate it straight for three meals. Talk about amazing appetite and preferences… However, I noticed they always seem to crave for Korean food so there will always be a meal that is settled at a Korean restaurant.

“Rhiannon, want to get some supper?” Rapmon texted me after wrapping up the concert and we were back at the Hotel after dinner. It was 1.30am and I was about to head to bed.
“Aren’t you tired? You had a full day of rehearsal and concert.”
“Yes and no. I can’t sleep yet. If you are not hungry, can we just talk?” He was pleading.
“I can’t say no to that right? I will head down to the tea lounge area?”
“Yeah, see you there.”

Even though it was midnight, in a hotel where fans were not evidently roaming around, Rapmon was dressed in all black, hoodie over his head, mask over his face, in his full out please-do-not-recognise-me-outfit. “Joon, there’s no one here except the waiter over at the counter, can you please relax? I can’t even see your face,” I pointed out. “Aww, so you want to see my face?” he mused as he took his mask and his hoodie off. “Well now I see a human,” I snickered.

Me: So let’s talk about what’s bothering you and what’s on your mind that you can’t sleep.
Rapmon: You.

He looked at me straight, his eyes unwavering and his expression did not reveal any hint of deception. He was making me nervous, staring at me so intently without hiding it.

Me: Do you want to be serious or should I go back to bed?
Rapmon: I am serious. I mean, it’s amazing how important you have become in my life.
Me: I am honoured to be appreciated.

I flicked my hair, pretending to be sassy when in the inside, my heart was beating like a horse in a race and my eyes were blinking furiously, not knowing where to place my sight.

Rapmon: Not just to me but all of us, you have become such a close friend to us and it dawned to me when you left for a month.
Me: Aww, that’s sweet Joonie.
Rapmon: You were always there for me, I know that for sure. Whenever I was unsure of something, worried about something or needing some advice, you were there. I just want to thank you because I seem to be bad at expressing it. I mean you comforted me when we won first place at the show but I never thanked you. So thank you, thank you for being there for me, when I needed you to be.
Me: You are more than welcome buddy. You are my friend, in fact, you are becoming like my best friend now.
Rapmon: Best friend?

He whispered that as his eyebrows knitted slightly and his eyes fixated on the empty table between us.

Me: Yes, best friend. You were my first friend that I made in Korea. Thank goodness that you can speak English. Otherwise I will have been struggling. So I thank you, thank you for existing and for being able to converse with me.

He smiled without revealing his teeth but his dimples peeked out. Without any makeup and his stage persona, to me, he is just an adorable, sweet and thoughtful guy. After expressing his gratitude for me, he continued to talk about his worries. How on the stage everything seems so glamorous and beautiful? Yet, when he finishes the concert, steps out of the limelight, he feels a gush of loneliness when he steps into the empty bedroom. He feels as though the attention that he had was seeping away through his fingers. The applauses, the cheers and the screams rings in his ear at night as he tried to hold onto it as he tries to sleep.

“Joon-ah, why don’t you just enjoy the present? You don’t have to worry about the future. Today don’t come again and tomorrow will be a new day. Immerse yourself in the moment, don’t get trapped by the worries of the future.” I advised him.

He sighed and thought about it for a few minutes. “Yeah, you are right. I am overthinking everything,” he admitted. “It is okay to feel that way; I am sure all idols feel like that once they stepped down from the stage. I just want you to be happy now and in the future, we can only hope for more good days, right?” “Right.”

That night, I wondered if he believed in what I said and I drifted off to sleep while thinking of Bangtan boys, if they all had the same worries and thoughts.

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