Jungkook was crying silently at the corner of the room and I had to make sure that this baby will not shed too many tears. How young was he? He had been training at such a young age, living away from home, missing school, to train as an idol. Life has not been easy for him and as the golden maknae, he had to live up to his hyungs’ expectations and the fans’ expectation. I sat next to him, his head gently, telling him it is okay to cry but not to cry for too long. He nodded while I wiped his tears with tissues.

Jimin cried so much after his first win, tried to control his tars but still spilled so much tears. He was the angel of the team, he made sure to praise each member, ensure that the members’ insecurities do not pull them down, he cared for everyone and kept his worries to himself. He practiced his vocal and dance equally hard. I patted his back, wiped his tears away from him and his smudged red lipstick.

V, who did not seem to cry as much as the other members, he still teared up and wiped his tears quickly away when it falls. I knew he was trying to put on a brave front so that the members will not cry more when they see him. I pulled him in a hug and told him it was okay to cry and he should not hold back on his emotions. He rested his head of my shoulder and started to sob. I told him that it is okay to cry for a minute because my shirt is getting wet on the shoulder. He cracked up when I said it. He stopped crying, wiped away his tears and gave me a smile. “That’s my Taehyungie, smile now because you should be happy!”

Suga’s tears had dried up as he stared lovingly at the trophy. He may be quiet most of the time, sleeping in the waiting room but he shows his aegyo to his “Oppa, stop, your fans gonna be jealous of the trophy soon,” I laughed. “Congratulations oppa,” as I reached in for a hug. He hugged me back, “It is just incredible and so surprising to receive this. I never thought we will win…” he trailed off as he stared at the trophy. I left him to enjoy his moment with his precious trophy.

Jhope, who was usually chirpy and hyper was quiet.  Seeing him like this reminded me of that one time, when he looked so tired and he napped most of the time before broadcast. That day, although he was smiling, his smile did not reach his eyes and his high pitch screaming was almost forced. I asked him, when the day was over. While all the members were heading home, he was heading to the studio. I looked at him and said, “Hobi oppa, what’s wrong? You can’t tell me nothing’s wrong because I can tell. You are upset about something. Tell me, let me share your worries.”

“Rian-ah, the reason why I am practicing harder than the members is because I am lacking so much. As the lead dancer, I have to be perfect with my dancing as I am representing the group. But I am not good enough yet. My rap is crap too, I have to practice more in order to catch up with Suga and Rapmon. I don’t want to drag the group down…” he said softly, his face dropped as he took over his happy mask that he had on the whole day. I listened to all his worries, sorrows and insecurities.

Many people probably overlooked the fact that despite being the cheerful Jhope, behind his smile, he had his vulnerabilities. He did not want to show it to s or his fans. He kept it bottled up and one day it will come bursting out like a running tap. I told him, how amazing he was, as a dancer, as a rapper, as a group member. He is an irreplaceable member.

He lightens the mood, he would make a fool of himself to make other laugh and he always place others before him. He helped Jin patiently whenever he struggles with the choreograph and he worked harder than anyone with his dance and his rap. I told him to stop demeaning himself, to stop letting his insecurities eat him up, because he is good enough. He is more than what he thinks he is. He looked at my eyes, searching for the truth and thankfully he saw the sincerity of my words. I gave him a long comforting hug, before telling him to head back to the dormitory instead.

Yet today, he had his sad smile on as his tears roll down his cheeks. “Hobi oppa…” I said, unable to say anything, knowing that in his mind he must be thinking that he did not deserve to hold the trophy. “You know you deserve it right? You worked so hard and the fans definitely can see that. Did you not hear them cheering your name loudly during the fanchant? You are amazing Jung Ho Seok ssi,” as I sat next to him. He looked up and turned to look into my eyes. After staring into my eyes, he mouthed a thank you and hugged me. This precious ball of sunshine needs to be protected at all cost.

Jin, the soft-hearted man, who had broadest shoulders of them all is the gentlest. His tears were falling down like pearls. Why is this angel crying? “Jin ah, you should be happy, stop those tears, you are making me cry more,” as I pulled his arm. Without looking at me, he said, “I can’t help it, tears just keep falling…” Knowing him, he had his own set of insecurities. Although he is the visual of the group, he was barely recognised as a vocalist. He had a few lines in the songs and he has yet to showcase his beautifully soft voice. He was the mother of the group because he cared for each member like his own child. The young ones will always order food from him and he will always cook what they wanted. He is the oldest but he plays well with Jungkook. I hugged him tightly as he continued to cry, “Stop crying, I will call you oppa if you stop and smile instead.” “Really?” he looked at me with his teary eyes. “Really.” With that, he wiped his tears and held his pinky finger up, “Promise?” I could not help but laugh and pinky promised him. “Yes, Jin oppa.”

After consoling all the members, I have one more man to comfort. Rapmon, though he teared for a while, he was no longer crying. He was in his deep thoughts with his head bowed down. I tapped him on his shoulders and I looked at him without saying a word. Somehow, without him saying anything, I knew that I can only be there for him and let him have his moment to collect his thoughts and emotions. He had the heaviest burden of them all. He was a leader, a rapper, a composer and the pillar support of the team. He spoke eloquently during interviews and for international fans. He had his worries that he kept to himself. The members all seek him for support. Who does he lean for support? “You did great Rapmon, winning the first place is your well-deserved reward,” I said, breaking the silence between us. “Thank you Rhiannon, that really means a lot to me.” He gave me a small smile.