A/N so omg it's been like forever since i updated this one.... sorry!! this one i'm putting author's note in the beginning just to warn you that this will be pure angst like at least i'm trying cuz for some reason i love making readers suffer (don't hate me pls) and yeah i feel like this needs to happen. also just a warning that this chapter is horribly short which is because i just wanted to update fast and even though i like it, i'm not good at writing angst or coming up with things that actually lead to this xD yup so once again i'm sorry it took me so long and i'm sorry about this chap but i hope you still enjoy it ^^

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It's not often that Jungkook gets really annoyed at Jimin. He acts like he gets annoyed a lot, but it's really rarely that he genuienly does. Those moments are usually related to Jackson and Jimin being super close to him. It just really, really bothers Jungkook. Like Jackson is totally hot and he's totally funny and he's just totally Jimin's type. That's what bothers Jungkook the most: Jackson fitting so well with Jimin. 

Jungkook knows his hyung deserves the absolute best, loving, caring boyfriend or girlfriend and it just saddens him that he's not a bright, compassionate person. It's not like Jungkook hasn't tried. He can do it from time to time without feeling too uncomfortable or overwhelmed and like he just wants to crawl under a blanket and stay there for weeks. It's not like Jungkook doesn't want to be a person Jimin deserves, he just can't change himself to be like that and he feels so damn anxious about it. 

The one thing you do not want to do is avoid someone when you feel like you're not good enough for them. When you push them away it just makes them feel even worse and eventually they will get sick of you and look out for themselves, not wanting to get even more hurt. That, however, is something nobody told Jungkook.

That's why things start to go downhill a little too fast.

"Kookie", Jimin says one night at the dorm after one of their last shows. He has a bright smile on his face and this look in his eyes like Jungkook's the most precious thing in the world, like there's nothing that's more important to him than Jungkook. Jimin looks just so damn in love that it makes the younger panic for no reason. 

"Mm?" he just mumbles an answer. Jungkook feels suddenly so uncomfortable when Jimin sits down next to him on the couch and wraps an arm around him. It's not necessarily anything romantic, it's just a natural thing for Jimin to do but it makes Jungkook feel awkward. For the last few days since he heard Jimin talk with Jackson on the phone Jungkook's been kind of avoiding the older one. He just feels like he isn't good enough for Jimin.

"You did a good job today", Jimin says brightly, not noticing how stiff Jungkook is. The most painful part about it is that Jimin really sounds sincerely proud of his dongsaeng.

"Mm." is not usually the answer Jimin gets when he compliments Jungkook so that makes a frown appear on his face but the younger one just can't bring himself to make it better. He's too lost in his self-pity that he can't see that there's something he could actually do to deserve a person like his hyung.

"I need to go shower", Jungkook says instead of showing any affection to Jimin and just gets up, leaving before the other one can say a word. So Jungkook just stands under the hot running water for over ten minutes, from time to time turning the water to ice cold and then back to burning hot, just to keep himself from crying or over-thinking. That night Jimin doesn't come to sleep beside Jungkook and Jungkook doesn't go asking for him.

After the tension between the two the night before, it's hard to go back to the way it was. Jungkook doesn't talk to Jimin and Jimin, even though throwing confused and kind of longing glances at the younger, doesn't talk to Jungkook. When they're sitting side by side in the van, there's a polite distance between them. Jungkook has no idea how to fix it. 

"Hyung", Jungkook hears Jimin answer the phone later that night. It's probably Jackson again. They've been talking awfully lot these days. Jungkook feels the anger flame up in his chest again.

"Yeah, I saw it. You look really handsome", Jimin giggles. He actually giggles, "No, I'm fine. Our holiday is starting soon so I'll get plenty of rest." Jungkook glances over at the older one, kind of waiting for him to mention the Busan trip. Jimin doesn't say a word about it.

"Yeah, yeah, of course. We'll meet during my holiday. We'll spend some day together", Jimin says with a smile. Jungkook frowns. How is Jimin going to spend a day with Jackson if he's in Busan with Jungkook? Then a realization hits him. What if Jimin's not coming? 

"Yeah, I'll tell everyone you said hi. Yeah, just go now", Jimin says, "I love you too." That's just the last straw. Jungkook stands up and grits his teeth.

"Now you love Jackson, huh?" his voice is a little too harsh, Jungkook knows it, but he's just so god damn mad. He's so mad that he can barely breathe normally and his heart is pounding hard against his chest. Jimin turns to look at him with an expression that's filled with confusion but Jungkook can spot a little anger in his eyes too. He knows he's gone too far.

"What is it, Jungkook? First you ignore me for days and now you get mad at me for saying 'I love you' to a friend when you know there's nothing going on between me and Jackson", Jimin sighs, clearly exhausted.

"Do I? Know that there is nothing going on between you two?"

"Yes, you do. We've talked about this. I've made it perfectly clear to you how I feel about you, it's you who's been making me feel like you're having second thoughts about this relationship and that you wanna leave me", Jimin says.

"Yet you just ignored me back, for days", Jungkook says. He knows it's harsh. He knows relationships don't work like that and he knows that all of this is his fault and he shouldn't blame Jimin for his own childishness.

"Because I thought you wanted to break up", the words leave Jimin's lips with so much desperation that Jungkook feels like that only could just kill him, "And I was scared that I'd annoy you. I'm always worried that I'll annoy you, that after all I've done for you, you don't love me as much as I love you. That's exhausting. I was scared, okay? I didn't wanna break up." The past tense doesn't go unnoticed by Jungkook. Also the look in Jimin's eyes doesn't go unnoticed; it's not nearly anything like it was before. Now the eyes that used to look at him so lovingly are completely filled with nothing but hurt.

"And now?"

"I think... I think we should end it here", Jimin says quietly, turns around and walks away. There's no words for how stupid, bad and desperate Jungkook feels. It's not true. That's his first thought, Jimin loves him, there's no way he would break up with him. The second thought is that he should run after Jimin, explain everything about not feeling worthy of him. The third thought just makes Jungkook want to curl up in his bed under the blankets and never come out, just hide there, drowning in his desperation. He loves Jimin so much. So, so much. How in the world did he let it get to this point? How? 

They say that an average person goes through two or three big heartbreaks in their lives. Jungkook just experienced his first and it's so much worse than he ever could've imagined.