The first step to healing is recognizing that there's a wound.

-quote-

****

Hyung Sik slammed the accelerator and the car sped at the speed of light. Cars were honking and avoiding him, but he didn’t care. Hot tears rush down his eyes as he only kept his eyes on the road, his hands tightly gripping onto the steering wheel.

Ji Yeon was in the car behind him, trying to follow him with all her strength and courage. Hyung Sik came in the house and roughly took off his blazer, throwing it across the room. Ji Yeon followed angrily.

“Hyung Sik-ssi.” but he ignored her and only walked away faster. She ran after him in attempts to stop him destroying the items on the table. He pushed the chairs away and kicked the table over. Ji Yeon tried to stop him but he only shoved her away. She harshly pulled him back as he was fuming.

“Why can’t you forgive her? Something horrible happened to her but it didn’t mean that she didn’t want you!” Ji Yeon argued.

“What about me then? Did she ever wonder how I lived? Wait, maybe she didn’t even want to know and tried to erase my existence from her life!” Hyung Sik swing his arm free and head up the mini stairs to his sight-seeing room. Ji Yeon ran after him but he shoved her away, causing his shirt to tear as she pull him for balance. He went to the counter and poured himself a drink as Ji Yeon followed him.

“She is your parent, your family. She didn’t mean to hurt you. She was in too much pain, too young to be a mother.”

“Stop.”

“If she could, she would have kept you.”

“Stop it!”

“Can’t you think of it from her mother’s view?! A love for her daughter-“

Hyung Sik slammed the cup in his left hand on the table, breaking the cup in his hand. Blood sprinkled on the table and Ji Yeon jumped in shock.

“What are parents? What is family? What is love?” He chuckled. “I don’t know what it is, but I know Soo Jin. SHE is my family.”

“Hyung Sik-ah,” Ji Yeon stared at him.

“No one!” He wiped the fresh blood from his hand on the paper and continued, “No one sang me a lullaby. No one put me to sleep. No one cried for me. For us. Orphans like us are nothing but trash. No, we are monsters, that’s why they left us in the hands of the devil. We live our lives enslave to loneliness.” He threw the bloodied paper on the ground. Ji Yeon’s tears streamed down her cheeks.

No, you’re not a monster. He turn back to her and continue until the only distance between them was their breath. He reached up to her face and wiped away her tears. She stare into the depths of his deep brown eyes.

“Why are you crying?” He smiled with tears in his eyes but he’s fighting to stop them from falling.

“You shouldn’t be. Kids with parents like you should be happy, be happy that you were wanted… unlike us, monsters.” He looked down to the ground before continuing.

“You were taken care of. You were well fed…No one beated you, punched you, kicked you, or starved you.” Ji Yeon can only quietly look at him, imagining all the pain that he suffered. A little kid being pushed around and beaten. She closed her eyes, not wanting to imagine it. He took a deep breath, looked back at her with her eyes tightly shut.

“So, don’t tell me to forgive her. And get out.” He said as there was only hatred left in him. He backed away from her and walked to the enormous window that showed the beautiful, bright city lights.

So beautiful yet so cruel.

He heard her footsteps walking away further. Each step made his heart crack and painful. Then the door opened and shut. He finally let out the tears that were threatening to soften him. His legs let out strength as he slumped to the ground and broke down silently. She left me. She deserves better. Ji Yeon –ah.

His face frowned and his brows furrow. Then a pair of arms wrapped around him. It was Ji Yeon.

She hugged him with her small arms and snuggled by his nape. She sadly held onto him and turned to face him. She took his left hand cleaned it up with the aid kit she brought. He let her took control over his body.

“My mom used to tell me that, forgiveness is not forgetting what someone did wrong to you. It is giving your hate just a little room in your heart. ” Ji Yeon quietly said as she bandaged his hand.

“That’s why when my father cheated on my mother and wanted a divorce, she agreed to it. When I cried as my father left us, my mother only smiled and said that, ‘no matter how long you stay together, if there is a change of heart then that is all that matters.’ She, was glad that he found his happiness...” Ji Yeon finished and raised her hand to his face, caressing it, he looked tired, and his eyes became puffy and watery.

“Hyung Sik-ah, I understand. I understand it all now. Can you open your heart for it? For your own happiness?” Hyung Sik stayed silent.

“If you can’t, can you, at least give me a room in your heart?” Ji Yeon asked and slowly smiled at Hyung Sik who now looks up to look at her.

“This home is cold and lonely. Let me… accompany you, please.” Hyung Sik could only tear up at her words. She wiped away his tears, smiled at him and slowly pulled him closer. She shifted to sit on her knees and hovered over him. She kissed his forehead, eyes, tears, and lowers in for a soft kiss on his lips. He then wrapped his arms around her and kissed her back, his tears not stopping. She shush his cries and they became one that night.

Whether there is a contract or not, he needs her now. She did hesitate but he was all that matter now. She wanted to be closer to him, even if that is all that she will get. In this moment, she wants him to feel safe in her arms.

****

Ji Hyo woke up to the raging ocean sound. She was still wrap in Jong Kook’s arms as he cuddles close. She stir awake and needed to use the restroom. She gently removed his arm around her and covered him with the thin blanket.

After using the restroom, she was about to go back to Jong Kook until she saw the rising sun at the horizon. Ji Hyo stepped outside and leaned on the porch. She remembered how beautiful dawn and sunset was when she was little.

Father… I’m back. I’ve returned home.

She was so mesmerized by the orange, pink lit sky that she didn’t notice Jong Kook walking behind her. He made sure to make some sounds before wrapping his arms around her waist and resting his head on shoulder, lazily opening his eyes and yawning.

“You’re up?” He nodded and leaned on her head.

“Why didn’t you wake me up?”

“It’s just… the sunrise was just too beautiful.”

“Just like you.” Jong Kook smile and kissed her cheek. “What would you like to do today?”

“Everything. Anything, as long as it’s with you.” Ji Hyo said. Jong Kook smirked teasingly and push their bodies against each other.

“Then let’s take a shower together first.”

Ji Hyo immediately turned around as they face each other face to face. “Why?” he asked while grinning.

“Oppa…” Ji Hyo’s face flushed pink.

“You ask me so I suggested that. If not, we can go back to bed… and you know…” Ji Hyo hit his shoulder as he yelped. “I was just joking. So violent.” He pulled her into another hug.

“Let’s stay like this…” Ji Hyo said. Jong Kook nodded in agreement.

“And then go take a shower together.” Ji Hyo look back up at him, his smiley eyes. “What? I’ve already saw it all earlier at the hospital. No need to be shy.” He lowered his head to lightly bite her lips and kiss her forehead. Ji Hyo pushed his head up and bit his chest, making him scream in pain. Ji Hyo quickly pushed him away and ran in the house first.

“Yah!” Jong Kook ran after her as she ran inside the bathroom and locked the door. “Ji Hyo-ah, open the door.”

“In your dreams.”

“Come on, let’s shower together.” Jong Kook .

“ert.”

“Didn’t you say I was a loving, protective man? When did I become a ert?” he knocked on the door.

“I was wrong, you are more than just a ert. You – you-“

“What? I can’t hear you. Speak louder, miss mong~ knock, knock~” Jong Kook profusely teased Ji Hyo before tiptoeing away to the kitchen. Ji Hyo sat in the bathroom upset but decided to clean herself. She got out of the bathroom, all fresh and clean with a new set of clothes they picked last night.

Jong Kook was in the kitchen preparing breakfast for them. “You’re done?” He pulled out the chair for her and sat opposite of her. He poured the orange juice for her.

“You cook all of this?” Ji Hyo asked.

“I’m a good cook aren’t I?” He boosted and ate the salad.

“Oppa… I can’t eat grass.” She pouted her lips. “Let’s go grocery shopping later, okay?”

“It’s healthy though. See, I even made you the non-vegetarian salad Ji Hyo-ah.” He pointed to the ham, chicken , and boiled egg.

Ji Hyo smiled cheekily and took a bite. “Wow… I’m ‘so full’.” He shot up his tiny eyes at her as she continued eating.

****

“Ji Hyo-ah, are sure about this? I don’t think we can finish all that.” Jong Kook looked at the bags full of ingredients as they went through the market.

“Ani, we need a lot.” Ji Hyo carried another bag and thank the older lady.

Jong Kook raised his eyebrows. “Are we making some kind of feast?”

Yep, Ji Hyo picked up a bunch of food and Jong Kook had to help her carry a lot, although her hands were almost full.

“It’s been so long since I’ve come here. Oh my, I almost forgot something.” Ji Hyo ran to the seafood area, the place bidding crabs. Jong Kook rushed behind her as she stand among the crowd with the elders bidding for crab.

“Oppa, have you ever had crab king before?” and he shook his head. “Let’s buy some.”

He worriedly look at the set of crabs all over the center area then at the bags in his hands.

“Uh… I think we have enough ingredients already.”

“But I’m really hungry oppa.” Ji Hyo pouted her lips.

“But it’s really heavy Ji Hyo-ah.” Jong Kook pouted back. Ji Hyo smiled and nodded.

“Let’s go then!” They turned around as Jong Kook bumped into someone.

“I’m sorry, excuse us.” The man they bumped into look at up them.

“Cheon Seong Im?”

“Kang Hee Gun?” Ji Hyo also called him.

“It is you.” Hee Gun was too excited and jumped to hug Ji Hyo. Jong Kook was pushed back as he glared at them. He quickly push in to separate them.

“Excuse me, what are you doing?” Jong Kook stood in front of Ji Hyo.

He looked at Ji Hyo and back at Jong Kook. “Sorry, I was just too excited.”

“Are you alright?” Jong Kook asked Ji Hyo.

“Nneh, I’m alright.” Then she look back at Hee Gun. “Oppa, this is my boyfriend, Kim Jong Kook.”

“Really?” he looked kind of sad but quickly smiled. “I’m Kang Hee Gun. Sorry about earlier, I was just too excited to see her again.”

I know you were, Jong Kook said in his head. “It’s fine. I was just… surprised. May I know how you two are related?”

Hee Gun’s face lit up again. “We were neighbors and grew up together.”

“Oh, really?” Jong Kook look at Ji Hyo with his fuming ears. Ji Hyo noticed it and quickly look away with a weak smile.

“Oh, my hands, it’s so heavy. Let’s go put these down first.”

“Let me help you Seong Im.” Hee Gun quickly help take the bags out of Ji Hyo’s hands. “I live not too far from here. Let’s go to my place.”

“Oh…ok…” She look at the grumpy Jong Kook and went to help him carry his bags. But he walked passed her with his nose up and followed Hee Gun.

“*Sighs*, what do I do now? I forgot all about Hee Gun oppa…” She could only pray that Jong Kook will be understandable.

The three of them prepared the feast.

“Seong Im-ah, why didn’t you tell oppa you were coming back to visit Pohang? If I knew, I would have invited you to sleepover.”

“Ey~ Really?” Ji Hyo smiled as she chopped the green onions. Jong Kook was peeling the garlic and breaking them apart harshly as he glared at them.

“Aigoo, why is it so hot?” Jong Kook said aloud. Ji Hyo look up as she caught Jong Kook’s sarcasm and gaze.

“Why don’t you sit in the shade then oppa?” Ji Hyo insisted. Hee Gun was clueless and kept chatting with her.

“So Hee Gun oppa, when are you getting married?”

“Didn’t you hear?” Hee Gun look up at her.

“Hear what?” Ji Hyo asked.

“Yah, why are you being so nosy about his marital status?” Jong Kook could no longer stand them.

“What about it? It’s normal to ask.”

“You’re the one that is not normal.” Jong Kook pointed at Ji Hyo with the green onion as he made his way to her. Ji Hyo pushed the green onion out of her way as Jong Kook kept annoying her. Ji Hyo grabbed it and snapped it in half and put it in Jong Kook’s face. He grabbed some celery and they started veggie fighting.

“Why are you doing this?” Ji Hyo whispered.

“I should be asking you that? Why are you so curious about him?” He whispered back.

“He’s my close friend, it’s normal for me. Why are you so fidgety?”

“Because-“

“What?” Ji Hyo raised her brows. “Jealous?”

Hee Gun tried to stop them from attacking each other. “No, no, no. It’s normal. I was just surprise.” They stopped and look back at Hee Gun.

“Actually, oppa is…”

“Oppa!” a high pitched voice came from the gate. They all turn to the gate. A petite lady with a big stomach came inside the yard.

“Seolhyun-ah,” Hee Gun went to help her. “Why didn’t you tell me to come pick you up?”

“It’s okay.” Then she looks at the guests. “Oh, hello.”

“Hello,” they bowed back. “You are…”

Hee Gun smiled as he held Seolhyun. “This is my wife, Kim Seolhyun. We got married last year and are having our first child soon.” He rubbed her big stomach.

Jong Kook and Ji Hyo look back at each other. Ji Hyo crossed her arms at him as he coughed, looking away.

“Congratulations.” Ji Hyo smiled. “When did you get married? Why didn’t you invite me, huh?”

“I lost contact with you. We only invited family members and a few close friends.”

“He didn’t invite you because you were not important.” Jong Kook answered Ji Hyo while looking to the side. Ji Hyo grabbed his hair.

“What did you say?” Jong Kook grabbed her hand and tried to stop her. The married couple just laugh.

“I was just kidding. Let go of my hair. Do you want me to be bald?!”

Ji Hyo grabbed it one last tie before letting go. Jong Kook rubbed his head quickly, it felt as if she pulled off his scalp.

****

Ji Hyo looked at Seolhyun’s big stomach. She was almost due, her small structure showed off the 8 month bump with her tight maternity shirt.

“Unnie,” Seolhyun repeated.

“Nneh?” Ji Hyo finally looked up.

“Which one do you think looks better?” she held up two outfits. The couple are going to have a baby girl.

“They are both adorable,” Ji Hyo gave her a bitter, faint smile. Seolhyun didn’t seem to notice the look on Ji Hyo’s face and tried to think.

“I wanted to choose one for uri sarang to wear when she is born, but I can’t decide. One for the morning and one for the evening?” Seolhyun smiled to herself and Ji Hyo nodded.

Jong Kook could see the despair in Ji Hyo’s eyes.

“Aigoo, that would be too much. Uri sarang would be tired.” Hee Gun brought in the fruits. “Too much for you too my love.” Seolhyun smiled and pinched his cheek.

“How thoughtful of uri sarang’s appa.”

Hee Gun turned to Ji Hyo and Jong Kook. “How long have you teo been dating? I never heard of you two dating before? Is it a secret?”

They look at each other as Ji Hyo try to speak up. “Actually, we’ve only been together for-“

“6-7 months now.” Jong Kook finished.

“Really?” Hee Gun was excited. “So when’s the wedding?”

Ji Hyo almost choke as Jong Kook chuckled. “Isn’t that too soon oppa?”

Seolhyun cut the apple as Hee Gun peeled another one. “Really? Seolhyun and I only dated for 4 months, engage for 2 months, then got married and had a baby after 3 months.

Jong Kook started laughing while Ji Hyo was stuck in brain digestion. “So, you’ve only been together for a year and a half? Wow, daebak. Just, daebak!” Ji Hyo was shocked. “Aren’t you suppose to like date for a year or something?”

Seolhyun fed the apple to Hee Gun. “Oppa is just being over dramatic. Actually we’ve known each other for a few years during my trainee years. He proposed to me after my singing debut went on break. He was the sweetest thing ever and I just knew that he was the one I wanted to marry and have kids with, to grow up and look like him.” Hee Gun shyly look down then back at her. “Who could resist such a sweet man?” She smiled and peck his cheek as he blushed.

“Stop it, I’m getting shy now,” Hee Gun look away as he tried not to smile.

Ji Hyo nodded as she look at the happy couple. Can me and Jong Kook oppa be that happy too? She look at Seolhyun’s stomach then touched her own. Is the child really nothing to me?

She felt a grip on her hand, Jong Kook smiled at her and held her hand tight. “Eat this, it’s nutritious.” He fed her a piece of orange. “Don’t think too much.” She nodded lightly.

****

Jong Kook slept next to Ji Hyo as her back faced him. He didn’t turn away and cuddle with her from behind. He lay on his elbow and played with her hair.

“I know you’re not asleep yet.”

Ji Hyo turned around and faced him as he continue to play with her hair. “How did you know? I didn’t even make a sound.”

He tuck the strands in her face behind her ear. “I just do. You are a part of me. How can I rest assure if a part of me is troubled, hm?”

Ji Hyo lightly smiled and rested on her elbow as it supported her head. “Look at you, so overconfident.”

“I know you best and you know it too.”

Ji Hyo stick out her tongue. “Then what am I thinking?” she raised her brows, teasing him.

Jong Kook moved closer, “Let’s see, what is miss mong thinking?” He scooted closer and closer, leaning in. “You’re thinking that, why don’t oppa just…” Ji Hyo look at him with her blank face. “Why don’t oppa and you just make a baby?” He quickly wrapped his arms around her and tickle her body, softly biting her neck.

“Oppa!” Ji Hyo yelled and laugh as Jong Kook kept tickling her. Their giggles and laughter soon filled the whole room.

Hee Gun and Seolhyun smiled at each other and went inside their rooms after hearing the two laughing in their room.

Jong Kook held her waist as he rested on her chest. Her breathless laughter quiet down and grasp for air. She tried to get up but Jong Kook wouldn’t get off her.

“You’re heavy, I can’t breathe.” Ji Hyo tried to lightly push him off.

“Ani, you’re heavier,” He smiled, Ji Hyo made a face. “Let’s stay like this for a while. Just for a few minutes.”

She stayed still and let him rest on her despite his heavier weight. The silence grew but their breaths regulated and Ji Hyo looked at his brown hair, it with her fingers. He didn’t say anything, only silence.

After almost half an hour, nothing happened. Ji Hyo slowly nudged him to check if he was awake. His eyes were closed.

“I thought you said only a few minutes.” She pinch his cheek and was about to move him but he held her tightly. Surprising her, he spoke with his eyes closed.

“Just a few more minutes.”

“I thought you fell asleep, oppa.”

“Just a few more minutes, Ji Hyo-ah,” he snuggled to her neck and wrapped his arms and legs around her body.

“Yah, am I a pillow? You look like an octopus now.” She tried to move.

“But you still love me.” He opened his eyes and look up at her as he lie by her chest and she look down at him. “I love you, Song Ji Hyo. This much,” He hugged her tightly and snuggled closer like a little kid with a teddy bear.

“What is this?” Ji Hyo laugh but didn’t push him away.

He lie by her side, not moving, keeping their contact close. Another half hour passed by, Ji Hyo’s eyes were closing as he tried to stay awake, in case Jong Kook didn’t fall asleep yet.

Her eyes were drooping when she felt a movement. Jong Kook moved a bit, reposition himself so Ji Hyo could breathe.

“Ji Hyo-ah,”

She was about to speak but he continued, “No matter what happened in the past, let’s start over and live happily. Forget all the bad things that happened to us, the regrets that we weren’t able to accomplish. I want to see you smile and laugh like before.”

He look up at her and she quickly closed her eyes, acting like she was asleep. He longingly stared at her. “Let’s be happy… Please be happy with me. My angel,” He moved and pecked her forehead before getting up and snuggling her in his arms. Ji Hyo opened her eyes as she heard him humming to her and patting her back.

She smiled joyfully, and snuggled in his chest and they drifted asleep.

* years ago in Wonju

A teenage boy carried his backpack over his shoulder as he walked down the bridge.

“How can those punks leave before me?” He complained. “Why is it so windy today, sands getting in my eyes.”

Then he stopped as he sees Ji Hyo stand on the rail of the bridge. He walked toward her.

“What are you doing?” She didn’t answer and look out to the water. “Excuse me?”

She turn to him with tears in his eyes. He stopped and stare at her.

“W-why are you crying?” He asked as she only stare at him. Her eyes, despair and sadness.

“It’s okay, I’m not crying because I’m sad. It’s because of the wind. It’s making my eyes water.” She whispered to him.

The boy look around as he try to process her words. “By chance… were you dumped?”

He observe her physical appearance. Her lip was partially bleeding, her hair a bit messy, her clothes a bit messy too, her skin pale but that did not hide her charm.

“Really, young kids like you should not even think about relationships. Even a high schooler like me does not have a girlfriend yet. Just pay attention to school.” He looked up at her again as she shook her head.

“So you want to jump?” He eyeballed the water. “You are willing to jump off a bridge at such a young age for someone who dumps you. How foolish of you.” He ruffled his hair.

“Go ahead and jump then. If you want to hurt yourself over little boys then go ahead and jump.” He challenged her. “Go ahead, I won’t stop you.” He was about to walk pass her.

“I’m… sorry.” She said before letting herself fall down the bridge. Her body hit the water and drowned down.

He stop and ran to the side of the bridge. Her body disappeared into the water and bubbles came out.

“Did she really jump?” He nervously pulled his hair. “Ottoke? Ugh~.” he threw his bag to the side of the ground from the bridge before jumping down in the water. He grabbed her and took them out of the water.

Her body was pushed on shore as her body laid on the wet ground. The boy tried to give her CPR and pushed her chest to get the water out of her body. She choked out the water and turn to the side as he sighed in relief before letting his body fall on the wet ground.

“Idiot.” He said as he looked at the sky then look at her. “Today must be a bad day for me.”

He got up and walked up hill to get his backpack. He took out his phone and dialed the police and walked back to Ji Hyo.

“Hello, there is an emergency here.” he looked at her who lied unconscious. “A teenage girl tried to commit suicide by jumping down the bridge and is now unconscious.”

“May I ask who this is?” the person from the operator asked.

“Me?” He look at the young teenage girl, Ji Hyo, again, “Kim Jong Kook, a high school student from Anyang.”

****