I stepped out the door to get some air. 

It's been 6 months since my mom left our house and was strapped on to wires and machines to help her fight this curse. I never understood why it happened or how it started. 

Im always at the hospital now, it's upsetting to call it my second home. The doctors are trying everything they can but they say there isnt much time. Im working at YG entertainment, doing anything and everything possible to make money to help with my mothers treatments. It just though.....having all this weight on my shoulders..... having to support my younger siblings and help my mom......im at my limit. 

You may be asking where my father is right now. Your guess is as good as mine. He left us about a year ago and i havent seen him since. That really took a toll on my mothers health, and deep down i really do blame him for all of this. 

This life is torture and i just need to escape. I want out. 

___________________

"Jen make sure to clean up the training room before IKON is done practicing today! They need it ready for their next session tomorrow! Do it before you leave!" 

I nodded as i ran around the building fulfilling everyones errands. Things were hard here, everyone was always busy and no one really had time to do much. I was always stuck with running the ty errands that no one else wants to do. But if it wasnt for those id be absorbed in my own thoughts so i guess that's the bright side. 

I never want to be alone with my thoughts. Never. 

It was 4:30pm, i was going to leave for the hospital around 5 so i thought id do the cleaning now and just get it over with before i go. As i opened the door a bunch of the IKON members gushed out of the room, bumping into me as they left.

"oh sorry!" said Bobby, as the rest bowed their heads to apolgize 

I didnt even bother looking at them, i went into the room as soon as the coast was clear and started to work.

The guys were really loud (one of their many annoying traits), and none of them really seemed to care if anyone heard what they were saying. 

I could hear the loud whispers from outside the room. 

"ive never seen such an emotionless expression!"
"LOL yea! i dont get why she doesnt smile. I think it would suit her"
"if you think it will suit her why not ask her out ahaha"
"yo screw you Bobby!" 

I put my earphones in to zone out the noise and continued mopping the floor. 

The room was pretty dirty, tissues left on the floor with bottles of water half spilled. The guys even left their hoodies and shirts in the room..... i never understood why they didnt clean up after each other. 

"yah! watch my sweater!" i heard someone yelling from the entrance of the room

I took my earphone out of my ear and turned around to see who it was. 

It was the infamous Han Bin. The one who always seemed to find me no matter what time of day it is. His attitude and facial expressions made me want to throw up. I hated him the most out of the members of IKON. He always found a way to make my job 10x harder than it had to be. And i could never say much since i needed the money, or else i wouldve quit ages ago. 

I looked at the hoodie in my hand as Han Bin pointed towards it. I then looked at the smirk he had on his face. He seemed to have the wrong idea, thinking he could boss me around as his slave. 

But today i was in a more bitter mood than ever, i wasnt gunna take any of the bull that came out of his mouth. 

"what this?" i gestured at his hoodie. "if u want it, take it yourself" i threw the hoodie on the ground and put my earphones back in my ears, resuming with the mopping i was doing. 

Han Bin didnt seem too amused at what i had just done, i could tell by his whining voice and his intense breathing. From the corner of my eye i could see him walking up to me. I looked up to see him right in front of me, holding his head up high trying to prove who was dominant between the two of us. 

"pick that up" he ordered in his strict im-not-playing voice 

"it's by your feet isnt it, pick it up yourself" i rebuttal

He smirked "you think you can treat me like this?" he started to laugh. He then moved his sight to the bucket of dirty water beside me. Picking up his sweater, he moved towards the bucket and put one foot on the rim. 

"Han Bin....dont" i tried to move closer to the bucket to try to save it from what was about to happen

...too late......

He kicked it with the heal of his shoe, so that all the water spilled across the floor. 

I couldnt believe what he had just done. After looking at the new mess he had just created, i turned my eyes towards him. He stood up tall with the coldest smile on his face. He was proud of what he had just done. 

"maybe next time you'll listen to me" he said as he gathered his things and walked out of the room. 

It was 5pm now.....i was supposed to meet my mother by 5:30. I looked at the mess around me now and i knew that wouldnt be possible. 

I could feel the tears fill in my eyes, but i refused to cry. If i cried i'd be letting him win. And id hate that more than anything. 

_____________________________________

6:30pm 

I finally finished cleaning the mess that was made. My hair was slipping out from the braid i had made and my face was sweaty from the humidity in the room. My pants and shirt were wet from the water i had to clean and my knees were soar from all the kneeling i had to do to clean up the mess. 

But it's alright. I get to go see my mother now. That's all that matters. 

Luckily my younger siblings werent living at home during all this. My aunt who lived in the city next to us was taking care of them. It would be too hard for them to see their mother in such a fragile state and truthfully i dont know how i'd be able to take care of all of us. So right now, i was the only one inhabiting our home. 

I quickly grabbed my coat and wore it so my mother wouldnt have to see my messy clothes. I didnt want her worrying about anyting other than getting better. She never knew and i would never tell her about all the heads at work. I didnt think it was worth talking about. 

As i entered the hospital i greeted all the workers who were more like family now.

"how's everything going Jen?"
"Have you eaten dinner? if not we have some left overs in the staff room, so feel free to take whatever you want" 

"Thank you Mrs Young, ill make sure to eat some when i feel hungry" 

I bowed my head to say thankyou and walked over to my mom's room. 
As i entered, some doctors were leaving, which got me a bit worried. I looked at them and saw them taking notes on their clipboards. 

"is there a problem?" i asked as they spoke at the entrance of the room, blocking my way 

"oh jen, i didnt know you were coming today. no there isnt a problem, your mother just seems to be a bit more tired than usual today so we were just checking her blood pressure and making sure everything was good. She's sleeping right now, feel free to go in" 

I nodded my head and entered the room.

There she was. My mother. The woman i looked up to and wanted to be since the day i understood how to walk on my own two feet. She was my everything and seeing her so weak and fragile now almost made me lose my mind. I had to stay strong for the both of us, but truthfully sometimes it was so hard to keep all the fright and worries in. 

I pulled up a chair beside the bed and held onto my mothers hand. 

"hey mom" i whispered, "im sorry for coming late today. i know i promised id be here earlier. things just held me back at work" my voice was trembling 

I felt my mothers hand grip mine softly, she opened one eye to see who was beside her and noticed it was me. She gave me a light smile and turned her head toward me. 

"hi my little girl" she said in her weak voice, "how have you been?" 

I could feel a lump in my throat forming. No Jen. Dont cry. Be strong. 

"im good mom" i replied as i moved closer to massage her arms. 

She soon fell asleep once again, leaving me in the dark room....alone...with my thoughts. 

__________________________________________

6:15am

I woke up to the sound of my phone ringing, my alarm had gone off. I quickly shut it off in hopes of not waking my mom up. I gave her a kiss on the forehead and left the room. 

As i left i said my goodbyes to all the nurses and walked out.

I quickly went home to grab some new clothes and take a quick shower. My house felt like death. It was worse than the hospital since there was never anyone home. 

As i got out of the shower i put my hair in a towel and let out a loud yawn. My body ached from sleeping on the cold stiff chairs at the hospital, and it was really taking a toll on my muscles and posture. 

I stretched a bit and ate some food for breakfast. 

I changed into my hoodie and jeans and walked out of the house. 

It was time once again to work in the hell hole of a place. 

__________________________________

I had to make sure today i got out of work by 5pm. My mother was having an important surgery today to help clear up her lungs from all the buildup, hoping it would help her heal faster to fight the cancer. 

I walked into the practice room that i worked so hard to clean yesterday. Today i was told to watch the guys practice and take notes on things they would need for their live performance later this week. 

As i walked in the laughter and screams gave me a headache. The guys looked at me and made their own little remarks. As always, i ingored them and moved to the empty couch to watch them perform. 

I could see Han Bin looking my way, i didnt bother giving him the pleasure of seeing any emotion on my face as I ignored his stare. 

they started to practice once i settled down. Not going to lie, the guys were good at what they were doing. The singing was all on point and the dancing was perfectly synchronized. I could see why so many fans liked them so much. They really did have raw talent. 

As the day went on, i took my notes and during breaks i gave the members the beverages they desired. Thankfully today wasnt too hard to tolerate and everyone seemed to be having a good time (except for Han Bin who i chose to ignore throughout the day). 

It was 4:50pm now. Everyone was done practicing and now just relaxing in the room. I handed in my notes and grabbed my jacket to leave, when suddenly Han Bin blocked my way. 

"move Han Bin" i said as i tried to go around him 

"make me" me smirked as he walk