UPDATED: 280915

18 June 2014

"Breakfast,"

I rolled my eyes at the third knock.

Mom, Yeonhee, and now probably one of the servants. All of them came to my door to inform me themselves that the breakfast is already served.

I mean, I get it.

One was enough, I guess. No need for million people to tell me that.

I'm sure mom was hesitant that I wouldn't come. But after yesterday's dinner, I will make sure not to miss any meal.  I hate mom sometimes, yes, but I just can't stand the sight of her being miserable, sad and hopeless.

Not because of their food, not because I enjoy the company of the new family, but because there is something deep inside me doesn’t want to leave mom alone, facing these rich monsters.

I mean, thanks to Mr. Kim, or else they would've eaten her alive yesterday.

Oh. I realized I haven’t referred to him as Mr. Kim before.

Funny.

I also wonder about one thing.

Is it a habit to have someone else at the meal? Why not eat alone, the four of us, I don't understand. But yet, I can't say anything because it's barely been one day in this house.

I have to see more to judge.

That person whom I saw when I entered the house after swimming in the sea was here, the one who lives next door.

Mrs. Byun.

I believe she is a very close friend to the family. Her husband came as well, I bowed with my head to them and mom introduced me to the husband who smiled toothlessly. His face's bones reminded me of Collin Farrell. As someone this good looking even in this age, his wife must have been through a lot and she is lucky.

While he had strong facial features, his wife had softer ones. Not just as male and female different.

I sat in the seat next to Yeonhee, since it's the only one left empty. She was stupidly smiling at me and I wanted to smack her face. She was dressed up 'properly' in a white dress that I am sure worth over 400$. She mouthed me a 'hey', but I ignored her.

She talks like we know each other, and I hate that.

I ate as slow as possible, chewing the food for like one whole minutes. I didn't dare to make an eye-contact with anyone, especially my mom. Her eyes were proudly eating me.

The most proper outfit I had was a black and white flannel oversized shirt and a pair of jeans. I had my hair pulled back in a braid. I didn't take my choker off though.

I don't think anyone would notice the tattoo behind my ear.

I know, usually old people take tattoos, nose-piercing and crazy hair dyes the wrong way. I mean, some people in some cultures see a girl with a nose ring as a and she asks for it. People here receive tattoos as something that only gangsters and bad people have, not an educated and with a good family back ground 18 years old girl.

I honestly don't care if they do, but for the sake of mom, I tried not to show that very much. At the same time, I tried not to show that I cared.

I covered what's needed to be covered, but let something left.

But these people sitting with us seem the least concerned about how the hell I looked and how the hell I behaved.

"So, you and Yeonhee age is the same."

Frankly, I don't know.

"I am a year younger," I looked at a very smiley Yeonhee. She knows how old I am and I don't know how old is she until this very moment. So she is younger than me, no doubt she was such a pain in the . Well, I guess even if she was older than me she will still the same annoying step-sister.

She is just annoying even when she's not talking.

Mrs. Byun smiled and apparently, she knew Yeonhee for a long time according to how freely she speaks with her. "Yeonhee has always wanted to have someone who's her age,"

She nodded so hard next to me and I couldn't help but fake a smile. Mom gave me another tight smile as she ate.

"She must have plenty, huh?" I turned to look at her. "I mean, at school, maybe?"

Uh-oh.

My little attempt to talk wasn’t as good as I expected. I waited for an appreciative smile or nod, like the one that had her head almost ripped from her neck, or from anyone, but I got none.

Her smile disappeared.

She looked dull.

I didn't know what I've done wrong, but I don't need mom to lecture me for an hour up in my room after this.

I smiled from ear to ear. It made my cheek ache. "But, of course, someone in the same house as you is different,"

I blinked at her with the same smile that made my dry lips to bleed. "Right?" When she didn't respond, I immediately formed her name for the first time in my lips. "Yeonhee?"

Something shone in her eyes, and I found it kind of awkward to look at her this long, and on top of that, lie.

I didn't lie with words but with actions. I looked like a cooperative girl who really care about her relationship with her sister.

I felt guilty as she spread a smile and nodded. "Yeah,"

.

After breakfast, I stayed in my room.

It was only a few minutes until I heard a knock on the door.

I walked, opened and was greeted with Yeonhee's big eyes. She took a breathe and her lips. "Mom suggest that I would show you around,"

I rolled my eyes. If mom stopped pushing us in one another's face, maybe we would actually get close, like, normally.

"You know, since you're new here and everything," she was excited, I can see that, but I also can see that she's expecting that I would say no.

I will.

See, the last thing I need now is accept this and make mom think she succeeded on making some development in our relationship.

"I can do that whenever I'm free, you know, by myself,"

A frown appeared on her face, a little one. "B-But you know nothing about the streets and-"

"Well, I think I can learn, yeah?"

I could see the disappointment in her face and yet I can still envy her spirits.

It wasn't my intentions to disappoint her, but it wasn't my fault that she expected so much out of this marriage.

Right?

.

19 June 2014

5:56 am

When I was in the garden, I caught a sight of my mom. She was sitting all alone with a cup of coffee in one hand. She was thinking and I didn't want to interrupt her.

The sea is waiting for me.

But she did notice my presence. I don't think I can just walk.

"Morning, Haneul,"

I replied briefly. She patted at the seat next to her and I dragged my feet toward her. I sat and turned to her. "What?"

She bit her lips and then raised her hand to show me the big ring. She had a ring before, but now it was bigger and with a huge diamond.

I don’t know what to do. Should I smile, laugh, or scream out of happiness? Or would I congratulate her, again?

Jumping around and hugging her would be so Yeonhee, right?

She expected my response to be as cold, because her grin disappeared. "God, can't you even share this moment with me at least?" She pointed at somewhere. "He proposed to me like whatever we did a few months ago doesn't count."

Again, I don't know what to say or do at such conditions.

"If you're happy, then it's fine, I guess." With that, I stood but her hand grabbed me right away. "Ah, god, help me." She scoffed.

"I am happy, Haneul. You too should be." Her eyes fixed on mine. I didn't say anything, because I felt she has something else to say.

"For real, Haneul. This," she pointed at me. "and the attitude need to be changed,"

I frowned. "Oh, is me being honest doesn’t satisfy you?"

"Honest? You're too harsh with Yeonehee and Minjoon and they've never done anything bad to you, do you think I didn't notice that?"

I widened my eyes. "I simply don't like them,"

"So, you're going to be like this forever or what?"

I shrugged. "Maybe,"

"But they will be your father and sister. No, they are now, by law,"

I screamed. But, of course, mom didn't hear it. Because I was internally screaming. If I did it externally, I would get killed, or expelled from earth.

"Well, that won't change anything,"

It won't.

Mom cleared and changed the subject. She always does that. "We've decided on the wedding date. It is going to be public, and everyone Minjoon knows will be there. Friends, relatives, colleagues. He told me that some paparazzi might be there as well."

"You want me to treat them like family when you didn’t treat me like one? Why wasn't I informed?"

She smiled. "I just did."

She knew I would make a drama about it.

She knew I would make it harder.

I just want her to think of me as something that has feelings, opinion, and other things that matter. She seriously think about me as someone who says anything just to oppose her. Stubbornness as she likes to refer to it. She still thinks I am still a kid.

'You're just like your father,' she would say.

I want her to see me. I want her to feel and know that I am enough.

I am enough.

I'm always there for her when she needs me. I will work my off and we won't need anyone.

I want her to see and believe in that.

She doesn't need to marry someone and pretends that his daughter is like hers. Pffft. She doesn't even treat her own daughter like that.

But these things, if I opened up about these little silly things, mom would explode and say one word. "Stop being jealous,"

Jealousy.

The word I hate.

Like she sums up the whole problem of me being jealous and wanting her all to myself.

Sometimes I think what if I did?

What if I wanted her all mine. My mother, not anyone's lover.

Why isn't it acceptable?

What if I didn't want her to get married, not because she always end up with a broken heart, but because I am an overprotective daughter who doesn't want anyone to take her mother from her?

Why is it wrong?

She is my mom, and she's been my mom for 18 years, but I rarely felt like it.

I secretly felt happy when she got divorced from her last husband.

She cried in my lab when I was 15 and I smiled when she wasn't looking.

I felt freedom. Energy runs through my veins, even though I was so tired that day.

I took a breathe and faked a smile. "Okay, when is it?"

"Next week!"