UPDATED: 230915

10:00 pm

I got back. Mom dragged me by the hand before I even take my shoes off. "Apologize,"

Like, for real, this was what I least needed to end my ed-up day. The idiot was sitting in my favorite spot in the living room. Maybe if she wasn't sitting so comfortably there like she owns the place, I would've probably done it.

It is only one word.

It doesn't require much energy.

I was glad to see her get horrified at the sight of me.

As if she didn't want it to end like this.

But she didn't say anything. No 'Oh, it is okay, mom'.

Yeah, she started calling my mom mom.

I expected her to at least say 'nothing happened, I just overreacted', or 'I was overdramatic and a pain in the ,' which was nothing but the truth.

To me, it was like she was waiting for that 'sorry'.

But I won't give her that.

"For what?"

Mom surely predicted that I would say that, or she wouldn't have smiled secretly at me. "You know what for."

"No, I don't."

"Haneul, don't make it last longer, just say the word, honey."

Honey. It came so forced. Too fake. So out of place.

The furniture must be shocked as well to hear that word. It might as well freeze from the absent of sincerity accompanied with it. 

"Why would I apologize for doing nothing?"

I heard a sigh coming out of mom's husband. And right here, Yeonhee spoke, like the good girl she was. The girl who ended a possibility for the start of a fight between her beloved family.

"Mom, it is okay, really,"

I looked at her sympathetically. She did look tragic. I didn't know I would frighten her this much. I thought it was too late for her to speak, but it fits.

It fits her image. The good girl defending the bad girl even though she offended her.

Ugh.

"Haneul," she said it with a nice smile, to express how good she is as mother. But I don't buy it, and she knows it, and sadly, she doesn't give a damn. "When there is a fight between you and your sister-"

"She's not my sister, Jesus,"

Oh yeah. Mom nearly lost it and nearly slapped me in the face. Her eyes expressed that, and her eyes also did slap me in the face. "-like normal people do, you need to apologize-"

"But there was no fight-"

"Haneul!"

It was my mother's husband who called my name with that end-of-the-discussion tone. I looked at him, he is eight years older than my mom.

But he looks young to me.

Yeah, I guess money does this to people.

He looked at mom with softened eyes. "Will you excuse us,"

They did excuse us and it didn't occur to me, that these three have spent so much time together that they believed the play they're playing.

The oh-we-are-family-now play.

They are in fact so into it.

He looked at me with those eyes, brown and sparkly. He sighed again and stepped forward. "I don't know what happened between you and Yeonhee, and truly I don't want to."

He is close to me. And I wanted to motion him to stand a few steps back. But how can I say that when he is so into character?

"As you can see, both me and your mom are trying our best for this to work,"

This = their marriage.

The marriage I don't want to work. Well, actually I recently began not to care as long as they leave me out of it.

"You need to try to do that as well,"

Oh, hell I will.

I kept my eyes on his eyes and said nothing. I want him to say the last words of his boring, fancy speech so I could climb the stairs and directly to my room.

"When I officially marry your mom, it will be the event of the year and everyone will be talking about it."

Yeah, what mom exactly wants. More attention.

He looked worried. "I don't want us to confront the world while we still have hard feelings for one another,"

"What do you mean officially marry her? You two are already married."

"We did, but it was so simple and fast. It was just signing on a paper," He nodded and smiled shyly as he brushed his hair to the back. "Well, we decided to make this a surprise for you and Yeonhee."

"What surprise?"

"I am going to make a public wedding in my hometown," he smiled proudly. "I want everyone to see that I am married to your mom, the woman I love."

He put his hand on my shoulder. "This is my intention from the beginning. I want my family, my colleagues, and every Korean citizen to know that I married someone I love."

.

12 June 2014

Mom was avoiding me.

.

13 June 2014

She pretended it was due to that little thing we had, me and Yeonhee, but she was definitely trying not to converse with me.

.

14 June 2014

The day of the wedding was set, and I still didn't share my thoughts with mom. She decided the date with her husband and her new idiot daughter.

Me excluded.

.

15 June 2014

Mom told me to pack 'cause we're going to Jeju island for the wedding for a few days.

The wedding that hasn't got my approval.

The wedding I don't want to go on.

The wedding that will connect two people together, but will officially exclude me of the family.

.

16 June 2014

Everyone was ready to leave while I was not. The reason why is that I didn't want to accompany them. The reason why I didn't want to accompany them is because I don't want to.

My dream will finally come true.

The dream where I will stay and own the house by myself for a few days.

But to my surprise, mom didn’t force me to go nor did she get mad at me and simple give me some ty speech, she actually begged me to come.

I am not kidding. She begged me and almost cried.

"But I don't want to,"

She sighed. "Please, Haneul, please."

I generally don't like it when people beg. And when mom does it, I feel weaker.

She stood and held my hands. Her eyes were watery. Her lips trembled. "I know I was harsh on you. I know I've never been nice with you. But I also know one other thing,"

I didn't know why my heart was shaking.

"That," She looked somewhere else, biting her lips so hard. "I won't last a day there-"

Her eyes were back at me. "Alone,"

One tear dropped fast. And she wiped it with her shirtsleeve faster.

She murmured something to herself, as if too hopeless of me. "What the hell am I saying," she reached the doorknob. And did the same thing again with dropped shoulders and a long face. "I just wanted you by my side, that's all."

.

17 June 2014

Well, damn.

I am in Jeju.

Specifically in the Kim manor.

And what a house they've got.

Them chaebols, they play with money and we normal people suffer.

But mom told me not to worry no more.

I didn't like that our 'no more worries' depends on someone else's fortune.