UPDATED 250918

021

26 June 2014 

The doctor saw my wounds and scolded me for not coming earlier when I could. I was silent the entire time, because if I opened my mouth I would curse at him and then I would be the bad, unmanned kid. 

He let a nurse do the cleaning, and not to my surprise, there were still some glass inside. The doctor was amazed how I endured such pain. “It should’ve been awful.” 

It was. But I thought it’s the cuts and the blood that made it hurt like it does. They took out what was still inside after putting a local anesthetic, they cleaned the area, they did a few stitches to the wound, and they finally put a bandage on both feet, and I was ready to go. 

One foot was less severe than the other one, so I could stand on one, but I was told, if I want it to heal fast, I shouldn’t walk on it for a few days.  

Even if I wanted to that, I can’t apply so much pressure on the other one. 

It hurt if I did. 

So, even if I tried to pretend nothing happened, if anyone sees me at home, they will know. I was limping, and even if I tried to hide, it was too clear. Too obvious. 

The bandages. 

The doctor insisted that I stay in the hospital.

Mom eventually knew as she started sending food to me. 

God I wanted to just kill myself every time a visitor stopped by. 

.

I couldn’t stay one more moment in bed, because it was too boring, so I thought of how much I hate hospitals. 

Frankly, I am scared of hospital since I don’t have any good memory of it. Aside from needles and vaccines that seemed to me like a horror movie, the days where grandma and dad died are stuck in my head as phobia of hospitals. 

I didn't want to think more about it.

Mijin was by my side when I told her I need to get some fresh air. We did go to the rooftop, as one of the nurses recommended that I would admire the view, I glimpsed someone’s back I recognized instantly. 

It was Baekhyun. 

I blinked in disbelief and in an instant I stopped the elevator. “wait,” 

“It’s the fifteenth floor.” 

“I know.” 

What was he doing in a hospital? 

Was he hurt too? 

I really, really want to know. 

That nothing actually mattered, not even my pride that will be shattered into pieces once he glances at me and sees that I got hurt when he lectured me last night for going there barefoot. 

“I kind of crave coffee right now, do you want some?”

I was in a wheelchair, wearing the hospital gown, with my hair looking so horrible but I don’t even care. “I would wait there, as you go and get us something, huh?”

It was too late to change my mind since I don’t want to converse with him after what happened last night, but there I was, as the surprise rose in his face. “Haneul?”

He would be worried. I kind of wanted some attention and I hate myself for it. He would ask about the wheelchair and if my wounds are that serious. 

“Oh,” I smiled at him as my cheeks flushed with blood at the distance and the sudden eye-contact, not to mention how easily the letters of my name went out of his mouth. Then I instantly remember that I am still mad at him and my initial plan was not to see his face ever again. But, here I am. 

“Why are you here?” He asked out of the blue. 

“Ahm,” I got nervous. I had no plan at all. I just want to know why he is here. 

I looked at the nurse behind Baekhyun, eying both of us suspiciously. “I hurt my feet,” I shrugged with a stupid smile. “And I got three stitches,” 

I exhaled some air, and I found it really difficult to inhale while he’s a few inches away. He even sat to match my eye level. It did not make my life any easier. “You can scold me now, too, if you want.” 

The hell I am saying? It was bull on top of another handful of bull. But to my surprise, he chuckled lightly. Nothing was funny, though. I was pointlessly being stupid as usual, but I guess he did that to relieve the tension that was in the air. 

I still remember how angry he was yesterday, and how much I wanted to beat his . Wow. I am contradicting myself. I am so angry at him, yet I’m kind of happy to see his face and hear his voice. 

Focus, Haneul. You want to know why he’s here. That’s it. 

“You?” I asked, full of curiosity I tried to hide. “Hopefully, you’re not hurt too.” I know he is not, like, not physically hurt. But I kind of know or feel that whatever happened yesterday wasn’t just nothing. 

“I am here to visit a friend.” He said with a reserved smile, not looking at me, and looking at his watch instead. 

“Oh, is your friend hurt or something?” 

“No, no, everything is fine.” He shook his head with the same smile. 

Let’s say I am 100% sure. 

Or why would someone who’s just got out of prison do with Baekhyun unless there is something we don’t know? 

I wish I could just ask him. 

I wish I could do that without explaining to him why I need to know or as whom I need to know. I am no one to him, and of course, I have no right to know. 

But I do want to. 

“How do you know the guys from the other day? Especially the one who’s recently released from prison?” 

He froze. 

And I wanted to slap my face because I knew that he’d just say: THIS IS NONE OF YOUR ING BUSINESS. 

He averted his eyes. “A long story.” 

He then asked if I am going to stay the day in the hospital, but I told him that I am not sure. But I think I am not going to stay for long. I lied one lie after another. I don’t know from where I got the courage to do that. I guess it’s in my genes. But, thanks to my lies, I had to spend more than 20 minutes in a cafe with Baekhyun, which is something I will never even dream of. 

“I can listen.” I said out of the blue. 

He turned and I accidentally looked at his hair and almost touched it. It was too soft. I can already feel it. 

“Listen to what?”

“To your long story.” 

He looked at me for a prolonged amount of time and that did not help my poor racing heart. “You don’t mean that,” He laughed it off. 

I wasn’t being ing courteous. I am not that type of person. “I do.” 

He looked again, his smile wiped off, as if to search for my sincerity. The longer he stared, the stronger I feel my heart against my chest. I felt sweaty even in my light fabric of a gown. 

“I got to go.” He said as he stood, ready to leave. Or let’s say to escape. 

“I am sorry,” I said, without thinking. “About everything.” 

He stopped and turned. “Hey, it’s not your fault that my car was smashed. It’s okay,” 

“No, I am sorry I spoke like that last night, and actually I am sorry for all the times I was rude and senseless,” 

I couldn’t believe I am kind of opening up to this creature and actually apologizing. But, I was an with him most and he didn’t deserve it. Everyone deserved me being a with them, but not Baekhyun. He did nothing wrong, except being so perfect and so beautiful to the eye. It’s not fair is that his only mistake that his mere existence does so many things to my body and it makes me uncomfortable.

“I mean, I don’t know you, yet all I did was offensive. I was yelling at you even though you’re older, I was being disrespectful every time we meet, and-“ 

“It’s okay, really.” He murmured as he shook his head, not meeting my eyes, and again, looking at his damn watch. “None is taken,”

If he was looking, he would see my face all red because: 

1. I am with him. 
2. I was saying something so hard for me to say. Apologizing. 

I would say it’s a first that I was looking at him from this close distance and enjoying the smallest details of his face while he wasn’t looking. However, I remembered the dance of yesterday, so it is not a first. 

Anyhow, it rarely happens when I am the one looking, and he is not. Whether because he is really unaware I am doing it or he knows but he doesn’t care. Either ways, I couldn’t stop looking and wondering. 

Within a few minutes of silence, he repeated what I said with an unidentifiable tone in his voice, interrupting my thoughts train. “As you said, we don’t know each other.” Now, he met my eyes. “Do not explain yourself, because there is no need.” 

I frowned as he stood, ready to leave, as I thought of his last words. 

What do they mean? Or they’re just words he said so he can go to wherever he wants? 

For a moment, I regretted saying what I said. 

Why did I even apologize? 

I stood, trying to stop him. “Hey! Ah,” But I fell. I wanted to punch myself in the face as he came back and rushed for my arm. “Are you okay?” 

He held me and kept asking if there’s anything that hurts. 

“I am fine!” I almost yelled. 

I looked up. “Why don’t you tell me?”

“Tell you what?” The worried look on his face weakened my heart even more. He’s going to kill me before I kill myself, I swear. 

“Why did they do this to you? What happened? Why do they mean?” 

He blinked a few times. “Why you care?” 

“Because I’m ing worried!” 

. 

“What the hell? We looked everywhere for you, we thought something happened to you.”

Everyone was yelling at me. Because simply they were worried when they did not find me in my bed. 

I pretended to be asleep, even though I cannot be near sleepy after the coffee I’ve had. I sat there, silently, which is the only way I can do to admit that I am wrong and I am sorry. I have problems sometimes, I know that. 

But what kept me from talking back is the sentence I’ve told Baekhyun as it kept repeating in my head, only to embarrass me even more. 

I told the guy I am worried about him.

A guy I claimed that I don’t know, which is literally true. 

“Oh god,”

My ears are so hot as I can’t stop thinking about it.

I can’t see him. 

I mustn’t see him at all. 

Or else, I’d explode. 

.

28 June 2014

It was three days after that party. Finally, I returned home. 

Mom suggested to do a party for me but I insisted that she does nothing at all or I will kill myself. 

I can walk around with no help. It still hurts, though. I’ve been given lots of medications, antibiotics and analgesics. Yeonhee helped me to administer them. She even put a reminder on her phone for the time of my meds. I had to about this and I am not sorry. 

Today, I was up on my own. Everyone was sleeping. 

As I reached the living room, first thing in the morning, I saw something. I approached to see what it was, even though I know what it was, I read the names; A wedding card. 

The Wedding Cards are out. 

.

29 June 2014 

It was 8:00 in the morning as I was watching TV downstairs when mom, Mr. Kim and Yeonhee left to check the preparation and do some rehearsal and things I don’t want to part of. 

I told the servants you’re dismissed after mom called telling me they would take hours and then they will eat lunch out. I decided to order some pizza, since I missed fast-food so much. 

Here, I eat well cooked food for every meal, for which I am very thankful. 

I watched cheesy TV shows and I got bored. 

Soon, I drowned into deep sleep in the living room sofa. 

Something I have never done before. 

At least not in Kim Manor. 

.

I woke up, my neck supposed to hurt, but it didn’t. And I realized the reason behind that as I looked up. “Morning! Oh, I mean, it’s not morning but…” 

“What the hell are you doing here?”

Mingyu was here. Strangely, I ended up sleeping on his thigh. 

“Well, the horrible temper is back on unfortunately. You looked so peaceful while sleeping.”