018 

25 June 2014

I always wonder why I am so stupid, why all human stupidity is in me. 

Why I haven't seen this? Why I haven’t noticed this? 

Why I chose the possibility that’s too low that he is single? 

“Girlfriend?” I froze, unblinking and feeling bitterness in my mouth. 

Idiot. Idiot. Idiot.

As if it was something new that I see how my idiotic nature show and prove valid. I decided, something deep inside me, that Baekhyun requited at least 2% of my feelings. That he somehow the same, just 2% or even less. 

I am now recalling every smile, every word, every look he did. I saved them all in a very special room in my mind, but I think I should burn that room to the ground. 

I am in denial of my feelings. Everything I thought was real seemed the opposite. 

I will be safe that way.

I should dump everything I have ever felt for Baekhyun on the trash. 

I should’ve known it. 

Someone as hot as Baekhyun wouldn’t be single. 

It’s natural that someone like me is still single, but not him. 

Not a guy with those sad, deep eyes. 

Of course, I am not the only girl attracted to him.

Why I am so stupid and so blind?  

Why my luck is like this? 

I don’t usually have such feelings so easily, and when I do, it’s with someone I will never have. 

“Oh, did I break your heart?”

Can I just kill him and chop off his head? 

I am not in the ing mood, yet he is till fooling around. It’s not like he will stop if I asked him to. I know he does it and he fully knows that it makes me angrier. And until now I don't know the reason behind this. I think he is a sadist, but he get pleasure from making people wanna cry and kill him. 

“Shut up,” I said while gulping the glass in one-shot. I was angry, and I was mad that I was angry. I think the confusion of this new feeling I couldn't accept is what made me angry. 

“Oh, I see. I did.”

I groaned. “Please, Mingyu, shut up.” 

Baekhyun and Souji were apparently just checking on everyone if they’re needing anything or so. My eyes didn’t leave them. I tried, though. I tried not to. 

I tried to busy myself with something else other than this couple, but I was able to busy myself with drinking and drinking. “Hey,” I heard the annoying tall boy, but I ignored him. I thought he wanted to stop me from drinking. 

Again, I am regretting coming to Jeju. I regretted coming along with mom. 

I am the reason this is happening to me. 

I thought of my life there and how simple it was. 

I remembered my friends, my rare friends I lost contact with once my mom married for the second time. I don’t know why I did, but I realized that I missed them and I want to see them now. I miss talking to someone, like, really talking to them. Not like how I do things now, and talk just to make time go by. 

I now do not like to talk. I do not want to open up. 

I always feel betrayed and people use me. 

I can’t help it, I just do feel this way every time I talk to someone.

Like, the only reason they're listening to me is because they’re taking information out of me. I do not know for what purpose it might be, I just feel it. 

I feel insecure, unsafe and doubtful. 

Even when I opened up to my date at a party in junior high, I couldn’t help the feeling. I was feeling exposed, and I regretted it immediately. He turned to be an like my first impression about him. I thought that I judged him by his appearance, but my instinct was correct. I should have followed it. I should’ve gone along with my heart. 

“So you do like him?” 

I blinked and frowned, almost forgetting that he was still next to me and I am at Baekhyun’s mother party. “Who?” 

And with much stupidity, Mingyu pointed at Baekhyun, who was a few meters away and definitely saw that. “Him.”

I literally jumped on him, hoping to reverse time and prevent Baekhyun from seeing Mingyu’s finger that was clearly pointed at him. “ARE YOU ING KIDDING ME?”

And it was a split of a moment before both of us fall on the ground, gaining our surroundings’ attention. 

“Are you okay?” Someone said as I was right on top of Mingyu. 

He seemed pained, and I suddenly felt guilty. I was about to say that I am sorry, but a shadow of a smile on his playful lips made me changed my mind. I didn’t realize that his hands were holding me by the waist. 

“Imagine what your lover would think of you once he sees you like this.” He bit his lips, suppressing a smile. 

Within a second, I was on my feet. “,” I kicked his thigh as he was still on the floor, enjoying the attention and the gossips, I am sure. 

He stretched his hand and I slapped it. 

He wanted me to help him stand? What this boy thinks of me? 

“Uh-oh,” He said as pointed at the surroundings with his eyes. “You wouldn’t want your lover to see this side of you, would you?”

I blinked, suddenly aware that Baekhyun probably saw me when I fell on the boy. I actually wondered what was in his mind at the moment. “He is not my lover,” Unconsciously, I stretched out my hand to help him as he grasped it. I averted my eyes and blinked nervously. “Stop it,” I was suddenly too aware that everyone was looking at me, as if they just noticed my existence. I was sure that he was looking as well. 

“You’re blushing,” He whispered. 

I looked back at him, alarmed. “I am not, and it’s none of your-“

I blinked as I felt his lips on my right cheek. “You look cute,” I froze, and my mind froze as well. 

Did he just kiss me on the cheek in front of tens of people along with Baekhyun? 

This bastard.

I couldn't even think. 

My hand was faster and it slapped him right on the cheek. “Do that again and I will ing kill you,”

I didn't think that the slap would drive more attention, but I always forget how stupid I am and how I always fail at avoiding notice. 

He held his cheek. I thought that smug smile would disappear, but it even became larger. 

Well, I needed to leave instantly. 

People were talking already as I headed to the bathroom. 

I just wanted to be alone for a minute. 

I feel disgusted of my own self. 

.

What I have done? 

My plans for the party were nothing like what just happened. I seriously want to leave as fast as possible. 

Why I let it all happen? 

I know it is my fault after all.

I held out my phone, and dialed the newly added number. ‘Wonwoo.’

I went back to Baekhyun and his girlfriend. 

Why I was mad? 

Like, for real? 

It’s not like I was expecting something from whatever relationship we could have. 

Oh my god, even when I say a relationship and I picture myself and him, it seems strange and impossible. 

The sad thought is even if he was single, even if he asked me out like Mingyu did, I am not sure I would do good. I am not sure I am good for him. I am not sure he would like what he sees. I am not sure he wouldn’t be disgusted within few days and regret that we met. 

And I hate that I get self-conscious at things I am not usually self-conscious about. 

I usually do not give a of what people might think of me, but when it comes to Baekhyun, I want him to think highly of me. 

But how he’s going to do that when all I showed him so far is bull and a frowning face? 

“Aish,” I messed up my own hair in frustration. 

Why am I overthinking? Why am I slowly becoming someone else I am not? 

I feel wrecked. 

And my brain drove me to the same conclusion. 

I shouldn’t have agreed to coming here to Jeju Island with mom. 

I found a place where there is no one. It was far, far away from where the party was held. It was at the end of the hall I am walking in. Like a balcony. 

“Like a mom, like a daughter,” 

“I wouldn’t be shocked if I knew that her mom encouraged her into this, you know?”

“I know, right?” 

“I mean, I didn't think I would see it this fast?”

“Well, obviously the girl is following her mom’s steps,”

“She is not as pretty as her mom, but-“

“But the girl had no sense at all.”

“Yeah, she slapped The Kim’s son in front of everyone’s eyes!”

The girl chuckled. “She thinks she will get away by slapping him?”

“She doesn’t know she just slapped a million box-“ 

“Maybe that’s why she did it-“

They are not talking about me and mom, right? 

I looked over my shoulder at a group of girls who are undeniably older than I am as they were now looking at me in the eyes while gossiping. I couldn’t walk any more and I actually changed my way to them. 

I narrowed my eyes, raising my hand and pointing at myself. “Were you by any chance talking about me?”

I didn’t give them the space to talk as I answered right away. I shook my head. “Oh, shame on you.”

They greeted me with shocked eyes and jaws almost touching the ground. “Well, next time you’re gonna do it right to my face, es.” 

I looked into each one’s ugly face. “You, pathetic, empty-headed, ball-less es, got to say whatever you want to say to one’s face instead of gossiping behind their back. But what can I say?” 

“If you as you claim,” I stressed out every letter as I spoke. “part of this high-class, you should act like one and have a life and some manners.” 

I didn't know I would be able to speak and I seriously expected at least one of them to say something back, I expected some humiliation, but all of them were as silent as the walls when I spoke. 

I was about to walk, but I just couldn’t. “What, follow my mom’s steps?” I looked at the one next to me who said those things. “Is that what you’re thinking? Is this what usually happens in your small heart-rending world? People stealing one another’s attention because of money? Not having any purpose in life? Is that how you guys live?” 

My eyes scanned them all. “Don’t you have anything else to do? Oh my god, I can’t help but feel sorry for you,”

I pointed at all of them. “All of you,” 

And I walked away.

.

I realized that I shouldn't have confronted them. 

It will only adds to the list the things mom will hang me for. 

Not only that, but we were already in a bad position and I think I only made it worse. 

‘Oh god,’ I murmured internally as I stormed to that balcony to gather my thoughts. 

And it was the right place for that. But I wanted to say it, I felt like if I didn’t the day will not feel complete. 

I looked at the view. 

Buildings, lights, cars on the streets. 

I smiled. At least, now I have a reason to.  

I breathed in as I closed my eyes, enjoying the transient moments of freedom and the wind without any disturbance. 

It was only a minute. 

My peace was interrupted. 

And the big disturbance appeared from behind, hands in pockets, walking in as if he's welcomed. “I congratulate you,”

He should be mad that I did slap him, that’s what people do. I didn’t look at him. If I did I will throw him from the third floor and I will not care if I was sentenced to death. 

He said after a few seconds of hesitation. “You’re just so perfect-“ 

“Perfect?” He now succeeded in grabbing my attention. “Are you a masochist?”

“NO!”

“Then why you’re talking to me after I just slapped you? You should hate me and want to kill me.”

“Are you kidding, Haneul?” He seemed confused at first but he chuckled. “I am referring to you being the right girl for me.”

“Oh, please, god send help for me.” I rolled my eyes and held my head. “You’re not serious and you’re not in your right mind.”

He is a masochist. He enjoys pain. “I know it, it’s the drinking, right?”

“No, for real, Haneul.” He looked to his right, and smiled at people who just passed by us. 

“I need to be as far as possible from you. People are already talking, and I want nothing to exacerbate even more than it already is.”

He bit his lips. “I was right when I came to this party, and I would thank you for coming, you made things a lot easier.” 

He’s probably not getting it. 

I didn’t know what he means and I didn’t want to ask him. “Look, we are not going to date, like, never.”

He exhaled and frowned. “WHY?”

“I do not need to explain anything to you, brat.” Oh, I said it out-loud. 

“We’re not gonna do it for long-“

“No is no.”

He narrowed his eyes. “So you do really like Baekhyun?”

“WHAT IS ING WITH YOU, IT’S OBVIOUS THAT I DO NOT WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT,” I started yelling and I seriously felt better. “I AM NOT COMFORTABLE DISCUSSING THESE THINGS, AND ESPECIALLY WITH YOU!”

He cocked his head and simply blurted. “You do ing like him, girl.” He nodded as he leaned against the wall and crossed his hands. “And you, poor little thing, are facing this for the first time, right? I knew it.”

I blinked. 

How did he know? 

“You’re ed up and you’re scared he will find out and reject your poor little -“

My breathing changed. This guy is reading me.

“Yes, you’re just scared of being rejected. You pretend that you don't like him, you do not care what he is and what he’s capable of, and you even deny your own feelings for your own sake not because-“

“I like him, so what?”

silence. 

Silence that lasted for ages as I saw Mingyu’s smile widening. “Do not smile like this at me,”

His smile didn’t disappear and it only made me even angrier. 

I inhale sharply and I yelled. “What?”

“Nothing. Your face is red, and it’s just-“ He bit his lips suppressing a smile. “It’s cute.”

I couldn’t stop myself as I walked to him and showered him with my fists. I hit everything my hand have access to. “Hey, hey, it hurts!”

I continued. “Stop, goddamn it!”

He’s laughing, even when I was hitting him. 

I was facing the door, and he was facing the view. I saw the people coming toward us, and they probably didn’t see us there. I blinked as I realized they’re aiming to come to the balcony. 

No, I don’t want to be seen with him, again. 

I whispered. “Let’s hide!”

“What- Why?” 

I looked up at his eyes. He gets stupid when he wants. “We mustn’t be seen together.” 

“Well, I do not want to hide-“ 

I dragged him by the hand as we squeezed behind the decoration of the window that was on the left of the door leading to the balcony. 

We were close to one another, my ears were on his chest. I heard him chuckle and I looked up. “I see you’re liking this, Haneul,”

“This?” 

He pointed at our position with his eyes. 

I rolled my eyes. “Idiot,”

“I am serious here,” He his lips and his dimples showed. “Where’s the ‘we mustn’t be seen together’? Is that how we mustn’t be seen together?”

I widened my eyes when I heard Yeonhee’s name mentioned. Why is everyone talking about us? Like for real, don’t they have anything else they can talk about? 

“Shush!”

I tried to listen for more details but this dickhead was still talking. I looked at him threateningly. “I will punch you right in your balls if you spoke another word!” When he opened his mouth, I threatened again. “I am not kidding,”

And surprisingly, he shut up. 

.

The conversation wasn’t that clear. My name was mentioned, they referred to me as The Crazy . That I am scary. That my relationship with Yeonhee is not good as everyone is saying. They said something and I heard it clearly. “So I don’t think she told her anything,”

And they were referring to Yeonhee telling me something. 

I was mad that they were right. 

She told me nothing.

“Aish,” 

And why the hell they’re referring to me as a ‘The Crazy ’, I couldn’t understand. They don’t know me. 

They said something else. They mentioned a name I couldn't catch. 

That someone is mad at me. 

That I clearly did something that made that person angry.

The first thing I had in mind was this person’s mom. 

I slapped her beloved, spoiled, only child’s cheek. 

“You’re an only child, correct?”

He smiled tackily. “You’re interested about my life, Haneul?” 

I remembered that I shouldn’t ask him such questions. “God, no.”

“Yes, I am.”

As I expected. 

I didn’t give it more thoughts, that the woman that hates me and mom, saw me slapping her son. Not only that, but she probably saw our interactions all day. 

I should’ve known it!

If I did, I will not even talk to him!

It would be like adding fuel to an already set fire!

“You’re not planning to stay like this forever, right?” His voice interrupted my thoughts. “Unless you’re comfortable that way, you know, and you like it- OUCH!” 

I inhaled some fresh air, not like the one shared with him during the ten minutes talk the girls shared while we hid. “God forbids!” 

There was a girl we didn’t say. She came here to call someone, but Mingyu was definitely checking her out. Once she walked away, he whistled. “Was that a normal ?”

“Well, I didn’t dig holes in it like you did.” 

He whistled again. “Are you jealous?”

“Oh, yeah, my heart hurts.” I tried to mimic his sarcasm. It’s somehow lessen the stress in me. 

I took a few moments before turning to him, super serious. “By the way, I want to ask you a question.”

He inclined his head. “Always ready for you,” 

“Like for real, I want to know this. Why did you ask me out?” 

He shrugged and sighed in disappointment. “I thought you’d ask me this, again.” 

“No, seriously speaking here.” I shrugged as I counted the uncountable reasons why someone mustn’t date me, or even think about it. “I am poor, not rich. I’m not like any other girl you went out with, at least, the girls I’ve seen so far, so I am sure I am not your type.” 

I pointed at the door. “I don’t have an like that one had. I don’t like you most of all.” and it popped in my head all of a sudden. “Your mom hates me, and my mom.”

His face lightened up. “Well, this is the exact reason why I asked you out.”

I narrowed my eyes, confused. “Because I don’t like you?” 

“That’s my mom hates you,”

He must be kidding.  

It was like he was talking about his favorite band or movie. He was excited and smiling differently. “It's like you fell from the sky, like an angel who will be the perfect choice to drive my parents crazy,” He pursed his lips in a line. “Your ty personality, ed up attitude, your skin that's full of tattoos, and the fact that you are not from here and not with a background and your mom is married to Mr. Kim, and you’re here for his money-”

“I AM NOT!”

“Aren’t you?” 

“No,”

“Whatever. You are mom's most hated person in this universe, and that's another reason I chose you for.”

I blinked in shock. “ you,”

He tried to stop me but I walked away. 

AN: it's been so long, I missed you guys and the characters as well.

It was a month full of midterms :( and I had no time at all to write this story. 
But finally I am back. 
I will have the next chapter updated so soon. 

For BaekhyunxHaneul team, sorry, this chapter is mainly for MingyuXHaneul, but hope you all like it. 

Now mingyu's real intentions showed. 

He asked her because it is what is going to drive his parents crazy. 

Stay tuned to the big thing in the next chapter. 

"I wanted to write it here, but it will be too long chapter that it has to be split into two, so sorry .-." 

I missed your comments as well! 

Lemme see them! 

I'm also near to 100 subbies! 

What an accomplishment!

Thank you guys!!