Philocaly:

*Mingyu's POV*

The school walls are closing in, my heart levels increasing, chest rising rapidly. My footsteps are unsteady as the loud thuds from the school shoes echo through the staircase.

I escape from the enclosed building, breathing for fresh air, unable to accept what I just witnessed.

Wonwoo and I shared our first kiss, our first time of letting ourselves go, entrusting our darkest secrets together. He said we loved each other.

He said he loved me.

I cross my arms rubbing my hands against my elbows to keep warm.

He kept me warm..

I don't know how to get home.

My hands move from my arms and into my pockets digging deep for my cellphone and I call for a taxi.

I stand here waiting, just waiting, hoping I could possibly forget the things I saw.

---

I hand the driver his change and exit the car and hobble over to my house and open the flickering lights.

The atmosphere feels empty and bare inside reminding me of the loneliness I had once felt.

The counsellors tried to tell me that sometimes I just have to imagine that everything's okay but this time I am unable to pretend.

I laugh at how selfish I sound in my own mind but it's the only way to quiet down the demons screaming inside my head and I yearn for the idea of being held by Wonwoo's welcoming arms.

I drop down to my knees my head falling to my hands the tears pooling in. 

When my parents died, the sun rose and it kept me company. It kept everyone and everything bright and full of light, but as soon as the moon came out it became a barrier between my light and when the night comes, I am alone once again. 

My desire for someone's warm embrace always lingered in my heart because it would always be fulfilled then taken away as if it was a test of life to see how long I would be able to wait for it to happem.

I drag myself over to the mattress and slam my fists into the walls starting out strong then weaker towards the end because that's all my will was, strong then weak.

What good would it do for me to keep on living? 

Teachers always said there was an answer to every question.

Should I keep on living?

No.

Have you ever just lay down facing the night sky matching the beautiful stars with an ugly flaw? There are an infinite amount of stars there, for every flaw. But there are is no star too ugly for a blessed characteristic. 

I want to beat myself up until I'm too bruised to stand.

My eyes wander around restlessly around the room until they land on the dresser.

I crawl over and open one scurrying to find the one thing I need and I finally find it in the corner of one drawer.

The neon green bottle containing the remaining tablets that I didn't take.

I empty the small pills into my hand and there is no one around to stop me.

No one.

Because I'm already alone in the void.

I gulp down and I dump the medicine into my mouth swallowing them all.

Then, the world around me slowly melts into a blur and the last thing I saw was Wonwoo, marked with red, his image splattered with blood, the one last memory starting to disfigure in my head.

He kept me alive..