KIM DONGHYUN

I pulled my knees up to my chest and wrapped my arms around my shins as I sat by the bathtub with overflowing water. Moments ago, I had meant to take a bath, just that those memories wouldn't leave me alone.

Since young, I have learned that if I could just curl up into a ball, I wouldn't have to face the real life, I'd be protected from everything around me. But, I'd still have to live with myself, with the wretched memories swirling around in my head. 

My eyes, already red and puffy from crying, squeezed shut to push more tears out. I let my head fall down to my knees, and I pulled my legs closer to me. No matter what I did, there was no where I could hide from the thoughts in my head.

Shivering in my position, all I could mutter under my breath repeatedly was just, 

"Sorry, I'm really sorry,"

---

PARK JIMIN

Upon reaching home, I took a quick shower, ate my dinner and then headed straight into my room. 

Plopping down onto my bed, I stared hard at the ceiling above me and held up the piece of memo in the air.

I wonder how's she's doing, I thought. 

This sort of empathy usually comes to me in quiet moments, such as when I am going to sleep or whenever I stop to take a break. It will seep to the foreground of my mind and demand to be re-examined again. 

To be honest, I wouldn't really consider myself to be on good terms with Donghyun, but considering what she may be going through now, I thought that maybe by showing up at her door, it will at least stop her from worrying and in a way, it may kind of make me feel better as well. 

I stuck the memo on top of my forehead and stuffed the pillow into my face. 

There is no way I can turn back the clock now for the fact that I had already approached the security guard and wasted a few bottles of Soju on him just because of her, so why not I get on with it here and now.

Jolting up from my bed, I adjusted my bed hair and throwing on a singlet over my head, I left the room. 

"Hyung, where are you going?", Ji-woon, who was sitting at the sofa watching television noticed my departure. 

"None of your business," I hissed and stuffing my feet into my slippers, I shouted back into the kitchen for my mum,

"Eomma, I'm heading out for a short while,"
"Jimin-ie, where are you going? Listen to me, I need you to bring this to Donghyun-ssi-"

However, when my mother scurried out, I had already walked out on her. 

"Gah, that kid,"

---

To knock or not?

For the past five minutes, I have been pacing up and down in front of her apartment door, contemplating whether or not to greet her. In my mind, that kiss kept bothering me and also, afraid that I didn't exactly leave a good impression the last few times I exchanged conversations with her, I became as timid as a mouse. 

I had my hands chucked into my pockets as I just stood there blankly but just nice, the security guard decided to make his rounds at the same timing. 

"Oh Jimin, I see that you are hot on your heels uh? It was just...", he took a glance at his watch before snickering back at me,

"An hour ago since you got the number from me and baammm, you are here,"

He is a well-kempt man, b with confidence as he speaks. 

"Uh, continue with whatever you are doing son", he gestured me to proceed but waited there still.

I tilted my head and stole a glance at him.

"If you don't mind..."

"Ah right, I better continue with my rounds now. Goodluck with it", he blew a whistle as he then disappeared down the corridors. 

After making sure that he was gone, I inhaled a deep breath, gave the door a hard knock, stood back and waited. No one came to answer it and thus, I gave it a few more knocks until my knuckles hurt. 

"Dr. Kim, are you in there? It's Dr. Park here," 

I announced from outside but still, there was no sign of anyone answering it. Dejected, I turned my body around and was about to leave when a voice called out for me from down the corridor. 

"Son, a little tip. Use the doorbell," 

I saw the ahjusshi's head poking out from the exit and giving him a weird smile, I bowed slightly to acknowledge his words.

"Thanks," I mouthed to him and awkwardly, I walked up to the door once again and hit on the doorbell next to it. 

Stupid, why haven't I thought of it earlier? I rolled my eyes and cursed myself mentally. 

I could hear the bell sounding loud and clear from the outside and within a minute or so, I heard the door clicked and gradually, it was drawn open from the inside. 

"S-y?", her voice sounded from inside and my first instinct was actually to turn back to face the ahjusshi in case he heard it. 

And of course, he did. 

He squinted his eyes at me before cracking a laugh, making me blush hard. 

"W-what are you here for?" 

Her voice made me break out of my trance but as I turned back and studied her face, I was stunned. 

Ashen-faced, Donghyun clung to the door pathetically as if it was a life raft. Cold sweat glistened in her gaunt features, with her eyes sunken and her skin sallow, everything ached, everything sagged. She stared at me by the door, slightly pushing it open to allow me to enter but she suddenly lost it and plopped onto my shoulder instead. 

"Dr. Kim. Yah, Dr. Kim?!"

---

Even under the light cotton sheet, she was radiating heat like a brick right out of the oven. I reached to her forehead and pressing my hand against it, I compared her temperature with mine. 

"You've got fever, you idiot," I scolded her although she probably couldn't hear me. Just minutes ago, she fainted on me and I had to support her all the way in. 

Sitting by her bed, I checked her pulse and all but as I sat back and watch her when I was done, I couldn't help but to frown. 

She was still in the shirt I last saw her in and that would probably mean that she haven't take the time to clean herself up at all. This side of Donghyun is definitely new and a stranger to me. 

I let my eyes wander further and it was then, I realised that her shirt and pants were all soaking wet too. I didn't know what she had done but I was angry that she didn't even bother to change out of it. She's just using the lame reason as an excuse.

Sighing hard, I shook my head at her before letting my hand roam freely to her buttons unknowingly. Right when I was about to the first button, the doorbell sounded, making me jump. 

Scrambling up onto my feet, I stared at my own hands in disbelief before I hurried towards the door. I peeped through the hole and seeing her there, I heaved a sigh of relief. 

Swinging the door open, I cried,

"Eomma, thank god you turned up,"

---

"Jimin-ie, bring this bowl of porridge over to her along with the tablets,"

I proceeded on with my mother's instructions. A while ago, she turned up and although she was pretty much shocked by my appearance, she didn't bother to question me just yet. I got her help to change Donghyun out of her soiled clothes and now, setting up a table on top of her legs, I shook Donghyun slightly, trying to wake her up.

"Dr. Kim, wake up now. You need to take your medicine as well as your dinner," I supported her back and slid a pillow underneath. 

"Argh", she let out a groan and swatted my hands away.

She ate nothing, so diminished was her appetite. All I wanted was for her to get up and sort out her feelings, but all she wanted to do was to sleep with the curtains drawn all day. 

"Don't force her if she doesn't want to eat yet. You can always try later," my mum appeared into the room once she was done settling the stuffs outside. 

"Eomma, why are you here anyway?"
"Hmm... Probably because I figured out that something like that would happen?"

She shrugged her shoulders, rolling her eyes skyward.

"Besides, it's not just any patient, it was her friend's dongsaeng," she shook her head sadly as she spoke. 

"What do you mean?", I jerked my head up at her, puzzled by her words. 

"Officer Jeon's brother was the one she was handling," she took a glance at the sleeping Donghyun and caressed her face,

"This young lady sure cheated all of us of our feelings," she chuckled before her face turned serious again, 

"She look so strong on the outside but in fact, she's so vulnerable," 

Uttering to herself, my mum then stood up and began running to and from her room with cool cloths - She has a supply of them out on the washing line so they're almost frozen when she brings them in. 

Carefully and gently, she laid the cloth over her forehead and wiped the sweat off her neck. Her eyes then wandered to the clock and patting on my shoulder, she said to me,

"Jimin-ah, eomma is going to drop by the funeral, so in the mean time, please take good care of Donghyun-ssi,"

My eyes enlarged at her words.

"Eomma, I-"
"This is one of the rare opportunities I will allow you to stay over at someone's else house, so treasure it, my son,"

Having said that, she walked out of the room and soon after, I heard the door clicked. 

Looking helplessly at the figure who was lying in front of me, I tugged onto my hair and sighed. After which, I attempted to get up when I felt a sudden tug on the hem of my singlet. 

"D-don't leave", the voice pleaded.

"Stay, stay here with me,"

I turned back swiftly, only to find Donghyun muttering in her sleep. All the while, her eyebrows were knitted and twitching, as though she was experiencing a bad dream. My fingers trailed to the middle of her brows subconsciously and pressing down onto her temples, I mumbled,

"Yah, your forehead will get all wrinkly from you scrunching your brows like that," I took a short pause to take in her features before I then added on,

"And no, I'm not leaving. Not after seeing you asleep like that. I feel like it would be a waste,"