PARK JIMIN

Tossing and turning around on the bed, I realised that it was close to morning and yet, I couldn't even fall asleep. I swear that a moment ago, I was totally drained out but who knows that after that small, little incident, I became awake as hell. 

Strangely, there was this really weird feeling that is sending butterflies to my stomach and churning my heart, but I've just not yet gather enough evidence to conclude that that's because of it. 

My fingers trailed to my lips unconsciously, and there again, I felt my heart beating faster. 

No way, it couldn't be her. I'm still mad at her and her officer friend. 

I have been convincing myself that that's the case for the past few hours but as I shut my eyes, the scenario of the kiss was stuck on replay.

Feeling troubled, I grabbed my phone off the desk and opened my KakaoTalk once more.

I mean, what are friends for anyway?

---

KIM DONGHYUN

"Sorry sir, you're not allowed to enter,"

"Why?", was all Jungkook could choke out, as his mind filled with a succession of horrible outcomes, each worse than the last. 

"You must wait outside or in the waiting room," the nurse said in an educated but clipped tone and gestured to where she was talking about. 

"No, let me in. Please, I need to see him,"
"Dr. Kim," 

I glanced up at the nurse who was seeking my help after successive failures in holding Jungkook back from the operating theatre. 

"Byul-ssi, you head in first and get ready. Just give me some moment,"

With that, I gestured her in before grabbing onto Jungkook's arm and forcing him down onto the chairs. I watched as he slumped back dejectedly in one of the hard plastic chairs and buried his face in his hands.

"Jungkook-ssi, just bear with us for a short moment alright?", I searched his eyes, told him and gave a comforting pat on his shoulder. 

"I need to go in now, so be good. Stay here and wait for me," I ruffled his hair and began stepping away from him. 

"Please", I felt him tugging onto my coat just as I was about to leave. 

"Save him,"

---

"Patient, Jeon Jongsuk, 12 years old male. Current history of leukemia. SpO2 93% on 4L nasal cannula. Was alright throughout the day until code blue was activated at 0230 hours. Patient was discovered without his nasal prongs on and was unconscious by then," Byul read out the report as we all gathered to examine the CT scan that was carried out tentatively. 

"We managed to resuscitate the patient but now, there's another problem,"

Dr. Kwon, the head of the pediatrics department pointed his laser at the results. 

"His heart worked too much in the midst of fighting for air and hence, there's a rupture here, over at the aorta,"

I frowned upon receiving the news.

"And now, the only way out is to operate his heart,"
"Then doesn't it mean that the chances of survival is only at 20-80?"
"Unfortunately, yes,"

---

Two hours. Two bloody hours have passed and yet, we were still not done with the operation. 

"Dr. Kwon, Dr. Kim, we are left with 30 mins on the clock and patient's vitals are rather unstable,"

My hands trembled as the news hit upon me and I turned to check the ECG machine. Jongsuk's heartbeat was still irregular after all that we have done and nervous, my heart began pumping faster and faster as well. 

"Now Dr. Kim, try suturing,"

I nodded my head at Dr. Kwon's order and skillfully taking over the instrument, I started stitching when all of a sudden, a spurt of blood shot up into the air. 

"Damn, the lad couldn't handle the pressure", all of our eyes widened in shock as Dr. Kwon quickly took over my place and placed his hand over his heart to stop the excessive blood from flowing. 

"Doctors, his vitals are plunging," the nurses warned while I bit into my lips in anxiety. 

"Call up the storage and see if there's a spare heart," Dr. Kwon ordered right away and when he saw me standing there looking all flustered, he called me over immediately,

"Dr. Kim, I need some help here,"

To my horror, no one was aware of this mini conflict I was actually fighting with my own mind at the corner. As beads of perspiration trickled down from my forehead, snippets of haunting images started flashing across my mind and my heart pounded like crazy. A sharp pain shot through my chest subsequently after and as I clenched my jaw and in a sharp breath, all I could thought of was Myungsoo. 

"Save her," his voice echoed in my head.

"Dr Kim, Dr. Kim!"

I snapped out of it and as I turned around, I saw Dr. Kwon waving me over frantically. 

"Hold onto this," he instructed and then called Byul again,

"How's it?"
"They ran out of hearts,"
"Oh no, this doesn't sound good,"
"Doctors, asystole. On the screen,"

I whipped my head around at the monitor, staring at the numbers in shock. 

"No, hand me the paddles, we're losing him," I yelled in frustration but all of the nurses could only look at me, wide-eyed.

"Dr. Kim, we can't,"

"No, let me do it," I kept insisting.

"We can't,"
"I-"

"KIM DONGHYUN-ssi", it was then Dr. Kwon bellowed. 

"The case's different. We have no choice. We've got to let him go," he said and just then, a consistent beeping sound of the machine penetrated across the drop dead silence room. 

"Doctors, the line's flat," Byul announced and at the same time, I felt a heart wrenching closure in my heart. 

---

Now is the time. 

Dragging my feet, I starting exiting the different doors which were separating the operating theatre from the rest. Each door felt more like an obstacle to me than an escape now and when I finally came into view with the two anxiously looking people who were desperately awaiting my news, all I could do was to shake my head at them in despair. 

"Donghyun-ssi", Jungkook was the first who held onto my hand.

"What do you mean by this? Jongsuk, Jongsuk's fine, am I right?"

A single tear slid down from my eye and gradually, it broke into a loud, shrill cry. Seeing my reaction, Jungkook's mother had already became weak all over and as she collapsed back, she even needed the support of the nurses.

"I'm sorry", I removed my mask and mouthed and immediately, Jungkook withdrew his hands away from me before stumbling back. I watched him as the look of agony dawned upon him.

It was more than crying. It was the kind of desolate sobbing that comes from a person drained of all hope. He sank to his knees right at that spot, not caring for his knees may hurt or the ground might dirty his jeans. His tears flowed nonstop down his cheeks and his gasping wails echoed along the hallway. 

The pain that flowed from him was as palpable as how much my heart was hurting deep inside, but the only person at his side now was his mother, who was struggling to keep her tears silent as she looked up to the skies and heaven beyond. 

She had to believe that her son was safe up there, comfortable and warm. 

Sniffling hard, I dropped my head low and was about to follow the team into the room for debrief when a figure behind them caught my attention all of a sudden.

Standing rooted to the ground, my eyes shot wide at his presence and it was then, Dr. Kwon ran his hand behind my back.

"I contacted him and told him that you are here. Donghyun-ssi, run along and go speak to him,"