“It was just a goodbye kiss!” the tomboy said, trying to explain in a good way.

 

“Still a kiss!” the other girl shouted, she’s not calm, and no she’s not hiding her anger and dislike in what just she saw.

 

“It was nothing, okay? She came by to apologize, we talked things out, and in the end we decided to take different path. By staying away from each other.” Amber said. Still calm, trying hard to control her emotions.

 

“By kissing her? Amber, you know better than that”, Krystal argued, she can’t handle her emotion if it’s about their relationship.

 

“It was just a friendly goodbye kiss for goodness sake Krys!!" Amber is trying her very hard to convince Krystal, trying her best not to lose her temper because she knows that this is a messed due to her bad judgment.

 

"What ever happened to just waving hands?! Why did you have to kiss her?! Do you still have feelings for her?" Krystal bombarded her with questions.

 

"It was nothing!" Amber repeated her answer a while ago. "I love you Krys, not her." Amber took a step forward to close their distance but Krystal answer made her stop.

 

 

Krystal lifted her eyebrows and cross her arms. "Do you now Am?"

 

"Yes, I do! You know I love you."

 

"What a way of showing your love."

 

Amber was speechless.

 

Krystal took a deep breath. “Sorry about that. That was a low blow.” She paused. “You know what? Just leave now, I’ll call you when I’m done with this.” Krystal turned her back and marched to her room, not forgetting to slam the door close, leaving Amber.

 

“Let her calm down for the night, she’ll come around, she loves you” Amber heard Sulli said. She honestly forgot about the other girl in the apartment.

 

“Yeah, I think I should go. Sorry about this Sul. Update me about her” and with that, she left her girlfriend’s apartment feeling so down and worried of what will happen next.

 

--

 

“It’s been what? Couple of weeks?  A month? And you two can’t even have any decent meal? Does she really love you?” her best friend asked.

 

Amber want to depend her girlfriend but she can’t, she herself is doubting their relationship now.

 

Krystal never talked about that kissing incident. They didn’t talk about that; well they didn’t talk anything at all. She’s just impassive, emotionless and cold, it’s like she’s dating a robot.

 

 

Krystal never kissed her back, stopped smiling, and didn’t hold her hand. They can’t even pass as couple in anyone’s eyes.

 

Amber’s the one to initiate everything ever since, but she always had a respond, but now, all she have is a cold Krystal.

 

Sometimes, she just wants to give up, but she loves Krystal so much that she can’t do it. She can’t leave Krystal. Well she can; but she wouldn’t.

 

At  first she taught that this setup is much better that losing her, but by pretending that there is nothing going on, she started to lose herself along the way, she started to doubt her own feelings; her will to fight for it.

 

“I’ve made a decision” Amber finally said.

 

“What decision?  That you’ll stay whatever happened? You’re still in that mindset that she’s the best thing ever happened to you?” Min said.

 

“I’ll take my leave.”

 

--

 

“Krys? Why do---”

 

“If you’re going to talk about my relationship with Amber, please stop.” Krystal cut Sulli’s sentence. She’s still numb. She can’t feel anything.

 

“Why don’t you just leave her? Break everything, that will be much better, much easier.”

 

Breaking up with Amber? Leaving her? Will that be much easier? Can she do it?

 

She loves Amber, that’s the reason she’s doing this right now. She loves her that’s why she didn’t broke up with her. She wanted them to last.

 

“I can’t”

 

“Why?”

 

“I love her, you know that.”

 

“Then what are you doing here? Go over to her place; talk things out, make up and make out!” Sulli shooed her. Pushing Krystal out of the apartment.

 

“I’m going.”

 

--

 

Amber heard a knock on her door but she’s too lazy to get up. So she stay quiet and pretending not to be home.

 

The knocking continued and she groaned as she tried to get out of bed, fixing her bed hair on her way to the door.

 

She looked at the peep hole and froze as she saw the girl outside. She was surprised but she opened the door anyway, she can’t let the princess waiting.

 

“Hi” Krystal shyly said.

 

“Hi. What are you doing here?” asked Amber.

 

“Can I come in?”

 

Amber open the door widely to let Krystal in. “Why are you here?” she asked again.

 

Krystal sat down on the couch and patted the space next to her, silently asking Amber to seat beside her; silently wishing that Amber will. But Amber didn’t she stayed standing.

 

“I want to apologize, I’ve been treating you so badly and I’m being too cold.” Krystal said. Eyes on the floor.

 

“I deserve it.’ Amber kept her face straight, she can’t show how much pain she’s feeling right now.

 

“No, you didn’t. I shouldn’t have reacted that way.” Krystal pause, “It hurts Am, It hurts a lot because I love you.”

 

“I’m sorry that I made a bad judgment that day. I really meant nothing--”

 

“I know. I know. Can we fix this? Fix Us?”, Krystal asked.

 

“I don’t know” Amber answered. That made Krystal look at her.

 

“What? Don’t you.. don’t you love me anymore?” Krystal choked, she don’t know what will happen if Amber said no.

 

“I love you, I always do.”

 

“Then can we have a second chance? I’ll promise to talk things out and never act that cold again.”

 

Amber didn’t answer.

 

“Am?”

 

“You know what Krys…” Amber took a deep breath.

 

 

 

 

 

“.. sometimes second chances are not available.”

---

reality check.

 

 

 

 

my last shot.