I was always by your side, but why haven’t you noticed me yet?

Best friends. That was what you and Yugyeom would be called by everybody. No one would refer to you and him as a couple, but simply the closest friends that anybody would meet. There was no denying it, the two of you were closer than close. You had thought that after all of this time, romantic feelings would have been gone way before. Due to your naturally naïve personality, you weren’t able to see any of his affection go very far, and instead, you focused your attention on other things, such as the guys on the posters in your room. Every hug, every brush of the cheek, were no more than friendly actions. But every time he held you, you would feel a tiny pulsing tang of affection. 

You weren’t one of the super popular girls at school, rather, you didn’t bother with the “cute” add-ons to your school uniforms that all of the other girls talked about. You didn’t spend half an hour in the morning slaving away at trying to draw a black line on your face. You didn’t try to break the uniform code by pulling your skirt higher than usual. You were just an ordinary girl in a school full of jocks and preps. Your name was spread around the school though, for being so close to Yugyeom, who happened to be the most popular guy at school. People either hated or loved you, either trying to drive a wedge between you and Yugyeom, to shipping you two like crazy. You didn’t mind the latter.

Everyday after school, one would wait for the other in front of the school, and instead of taking the bus, the two of you would walk home together. The walk home with him was always something that you cherished, like a luxury that you would indulge in everyday. The two of you either walked in complete silence, with a silent bond that felt like two magnets being attracted to one another. Other days, the two of you would be engaged in fiery conversation, trying to get your point across when arguing about a stupid little thing, such as what was the best place to get bubble tea, or how much time it would take for you to catch up to him in the latest new manga series. It was something that only added the the incredible friendship that you and Yugyeom shared.

One day, at lunch time when you were standing in line to the counter, you brushed your hand through your hair, re-adjusting the headband that some of your other friends had wrestled you into. You found it flimsy, useless and utterly unmanageable, but managed to keep it on until now. Your hair was reaching unmanageable lengths, making it difficult to wash and maintain, but you enjoyed having long hair. Sometimes, when you went to Yugyeom’s house, you would sit on one end of the couch, and he would play with your hair, braiding it and tying it up as he pleased. One might argue that this was a hint at something more than friends, but you and him treated it as a brotherly gesture. 

Picking at the plastic-wrapped meals that were on layers of shelves, heated and cold alike, you inspected each before picking up a lunch box with a mixture of kimchi, rice and beef slices. You paid quickly and headed towards the table near the high-traffic exit where you and Yugyeom sat everyday. You saw him waiting for you, and threw down the black plastic tray which held your food and slid the backpack off of your shoulders and threw it down on the bench. You tilted your head to the side and slid down on the cold bench, tucking your blouse into the belt of your skirt. Snapping the disposable chopsticks apart, you rubbed the rough ends together before digging into your lunch. Throughout the entire lunch period, Yugyeom sat awkwardly with his hands fidgeting mindlessly with the wooden splinters on the the table. You didn’t bother him about it though. Through the years, Yugyeom hadn’t acted any differently, and you were accustomed to seeing him doing his own thing in his own world. 

“Hey ______” He spoke suddenly, snapping you back into reality.

“Yeah?”

“Do you want to come over after school today?”

~  ~  ~

On the way home, the two of you walked together in silence. You were walking while studying, and only looked up to look at the road. Too often he has had to pull you back from walking into a pole, which embarrassed you every time. As you passed groups of whispering students, you repeated key terms for upcoming exams over and over again. Even when you reached Yugyeom’s apartment, you didn’t even notice, until you felt his presence leave your side. When you looked up, baffled, you saw Yugyeom standing at the front foyer.. laughing at you. Your face turned red when you spun on your heels and ran behind him.

He tapped his key ring on the sensor, and the two of you walked in together. You waved hi to the security guard and pressed the elevator button multiple times in irritation. As you stood there with him, you heard the neighbourhood ahjummas laughing quietly at the two of you. The bell dinged, and the two of you walked into the empty elevator, reaching for the same button at the same time. Both pulling back, then reaching back out together made you smile just a little bit more. 

As the doors opened a final time, you stepped out and re-shouldered your backpack. Looking back at Yugyeom, you started walking to his apartment. He started doing the fidgety thing he would always do when he got nervous. It was normal to see him like that during class or when something big was about to happen, but why would he be nervous about going home?

You waited for him to open his door, as you were a few strides in front of him. He fumbled for his keys as he saw your waiting face. Hiding a laugh under your breath, you waited for him to unlock the door to his impeccably clean house. The door creaked open and you followed him in. Kicking off your shoes, you flattened your skirt once again and looked around aimlessly before walking over to the couch and throwing your bag on the ground. Yugyeom followed you and grabbed the remote and flicked on a recent drama the two of you had been watching. As you sifted between the papers that had been handed to you by every single one of your teachers, he went to the kitchen to fix a snack for the two of you.

“Hey Yugyeom-ah, do you understand what Mr Ahn meant when he was talking about the process of somatic cell cloning?” You spoke in a questioning manner. Even though you had listened well in class, you often had to check up on him, worrying constantly that he wasn’t keeping up in class. 

He walked up to you, carrying a tray full of goodies and lemon water. Setting it down on the coffee table, he plopped down next to you and reaching into his bag, pulled out binders upon binders of notes and diagrams. Looking at your impeccably neat notes, he made an attempt to hid the fly-away papers that were peeking out of every corner of the binder.  Sighing you opened his binder and tried to tuck all of the papers back into orderly fashion as he sat sheepishly beside you. 

Sighing once again, you looked up at him to scold him for his messiness, he ran his hand through his hair and looked past you staring at the window, as if it contained valuable information. You waved your hand impatiently in front of his face, trying to snap him back into reality, however, you did not expect what ever was just about to happen.

Yugyeom grabbed your chin and pulled you close and pressed his lips against yours, a warm feeling spreading though out your body. You widened your eyes in surprise, and sat there, frozen, unsure of what to do. He held your chin lightly and held still, his eyes closed, savouring the moment. You were confused at what was happening, but didn’t try to stop it.

He pulled away, and his eyes wandered around your face, scared to land. You looked down, embarrassed, but he grabbed your hands and rubbed them lightly before lifting your chin again.

“______, I don’t know how to say this, but ever since i’ve met you, you’ve been the girl that i cannot stop thinking about. I don’t know if you feel the same way about me, or have even had this thought, but i have watched you all my life, and you’re the girl that stole my heart and never gave it back. In other words, i’m in love with you.”

You held your breath, taken aback by the suddenness of the situation. He stared at your eyes, with a sharp determination you had never seen before, but tinged with fear of rejection. You couldn’t think properly, words catching in your throat each time you tried to reply to his affections. Every passing second, the grip on your hands had tightened, further implying his desperateness. 

You couldn’t think straight, all of your mind was consumed with the thought of your best friend hiding all these years, pretending to want nothing more than just friends. His affections shrouded by your naiveness. You wanted to apologize. You felt emotion and infatuation grabbing at your mind, thinking about Yugyeom non-stop. It made you realize, you had the same affections towards him, just uncertain on how to express them.

Yugyeom looked to you with uncertain fear. His emotions bubbled in him wondering whether or not to speak, to continue or just to say sorry.

“________, i’m sorry, i don’t want to force you—“

Before he could talk again, you leaned in close and effectively shut him up with another kiss.