Sometimes, I want to confirm everything to her

But..!. I'm always afraid.... That she'll said otherwise... I was loved by everyone and I was beaten with that man... When it comes to her ...

                                                                       ~~from Yoongie's diary

                                                                        Scribbles of Thoughts

YOONA'S POV

I freeze for a moment. What she had said had made me realize that what we are doing were wrong. And as much as how I hate to say this but...

WE SHOULD END THIS TONIGHT

"I don't even know what to say Yoongie!" She said without looking at me.

We are now sitting on the bed facing each other. 

"That's crazy..." I said.

 "We should end this tonight, Yoona." She said in a firm voice looking sharply at me.

I was uncertain for a moment. I can't even grasp which reaction to portray or which word to say. It seems that the time is with me enduring the moment of truth. Jessica Jung had said, we should end this tonight. I forced myself to smile, but no matter what I do to pretend, that I shouldn't be hurt but it feels like there's a knife stabbed on my chest making me hard to breathe.

I'm feeling that I wanted to cry. My throat is tightening up. I feel like there is a lump or something blocking on it. I am crying n pain. I don't want to get exposed at my sudden vulnerability but tears shed uncontrollably. Being rejected about something I am not yet sure of must be the biggest downfall I've experienced so far. 

I looked down and cover my face with some of my hair so she wouldn't notice that I'm crying. But it's already late. I already got her attention.

Please don't say a thing or i might weep in crying.

"Yoongie..." She said in a mellow tone while cupping my face with both of her hand. Since when she was this close?! I didn't notice at all. Her eyes looked at me worriedly...

"Please don't cry, I was just.... " she bit her lip.

I looked at her with confidence. I know that my eyes are already puffy and red.. But I don't care, I want to hear what she's about to say...

"I was just kidding around. I wanted to check what's your reaction be like. So don't cry, I didn't mean it that way."

I was dumbfounded. 

She kissed me on my lips tenderly. I responded to that kiss even tears are shedding and I am quite sure that she taste it ~bittersweet.

She broke the kiss and looked at me. She caress my face and gently wipe my tears, "I love you, I miss you and I'll stay..."

THE FOLLOWING DAY..

JESSICA'S POV

I'm still thinking of what we did yesterday... It was the actual or should I say, OUR VERY FIRST OFFICIAL MAKE OUT...

Both of us were there. Both of us were aware. Both of us have feelings for each other.

I looked at the mirror and shift my eyes to my lips. I unknowingly touched it with my finger, gently caressing it. I close my eyes as I try to remember how Yoona nibble it with her own and would bite it tenderly.. I was blushing tremendously at the thought that that doe eyed girl just did it... Yesterday...

That girl, has never fail to surprise me and make me fall in every little things she is doing. So effortless, nevertheless, it makes my heart flutter...

And her affection towards me. I felt it. Though we are not to together, I can still feel her presence. I witnessed it, yesterday. I was amazed at the thought that someone aside from Dong Hae loves me that much. 

I didn't do anything at her, she didn't even do anything at me as well. But, there is this connection between us that I never felt towards anyone. Even Dong Hae hasn't reach that extent. Yoona, who the hell are you?!

"Why it has to be that complicated?!" I whispered talking to myself.

I just allowed her to enter my life even though I already have Dong Hae. Am I just using Yoona to fulfill the things Dong Hae should be doing?! But, it would unfair. I bit my lip, I was already unfair to Yoona. I even made her cry yesterday. 

Yesterday, I won't forget it. Yoona has showed me the things she is capable of doing without telling me much. I can feel it. She can become someone she's not aware of just to be with me. And I'm liking the idea of how I affect someone that much. I smiled to myself..

I get my phone to check for messages. But the inbox is empty. I pouted and start typing..

To: Dong Hae

Morning!! Don't forget to eat your lunch^^ text me if you're not busy.

I tossed my phone. I sighed. This has been an ongoing boring routine that I would text him to tell him I'm still alive. And he will do the same. I suddenly thought of Yoona. Has she eaten? Already?! I was planning to check her out but... I needed to think... Did i make the right decision?! Is it right to allow her to stay in my life? I don't know.

I lay again on bed. Continue staring the ceiling as if it would give me answers. 

Yoona... Why?

I shouldn't be confused right now. Dong hae and I are going 3years straight now but I can no longer feel the excitement and eagerness to be with each other since both of us graduated in college. We barely see each other, and when we do, it's just like a normal meeting with a friend you haven't seen for a long time.

It even took him 5 months after our official being together to kiss me and it was just a smack. But Yoona, we're not even official yet and we're already on 2nd base and if I can still remember, I'm the who initiated our first kiss. I even was the one to say "I love you" first..

Damn.

I miss her already...

YOONA'S POV

I still lay on my bed.. Did I do the right thing?! Allowing myself to stay in this relationship? Are we even together? This is the first time