I arrive at the MTV Korea headquarters in Gangnam. My brain feels fuzzy and my eyes feel heavy. The sky is gray and dull and I just want to curl up in bed and stay there forever, but I have to face the cameras... again. It's getting harder to pretend that everything is alright. We had a huge fight last night and all I can think about are those last words he said before walking out. 

"You've changed. I've changed. We're not the same anymore and I don't know if things will ever go back to normal."

He's right. I have changed and not for the better. Constant heartbreak and sadness has ripped me apart. My heart feels almost nonexistant. It's hard for me to smile and it's even harder to laugh. Every time I try to utter a word I feel the tears coming and my throat constricting. The heartbreak is eating me alive. I catch one final breath before walking out of the van with a smile plastered on my face. There's a nice-looking girl waiting for me at the lobby. We bow and head for the interview room. I greet the interviwer, Seoyeon, and wave at the camera; it's almost a routine now.

"Hey! MTV Korea with one of the biggest stars in the moment, CL. She is the leader of girl group, 2NE1, and has a killer style!" Seoyeon is overly excited and it's kinda funny, so I laugh and introduce myself.

"We will be asking you some questions from the fans. Questions they've been dying to ask, by the way." She mixes up the stack of cards in front of her and begins. 

"Favorite color?" Easy. 

"Red." 

"Favorite animal?" That feels like a small stab in the throat. Butterflies, of course. But butterflies remind me of him, it's not so easy anymore.

"Uh, butterfly. Yeah." I try to keep my smile but I know it won't be long before it fades away.

"You recently said that Lonely has taken a new meaning for you. What did you mean by that?" Woah. Personal question. I don't even know how to answer this. What did I mean by that?? I meant that I feel lonely even though I have the boy of my dreams right next to me. But he keeps breaking my hear