Hey guys, I'm sorry this took me quite a while to get together and I am still not satisfied with it T.T I have been so busy with university stuff - yeah, I got in and I'll be starting in September!! But I'm still unsatisfied with chapter 25... oh well, I hope you like it all the same. My writing is going to the dogs these days... I am so sorry. But hey, we've made it halfway through Ephemeral! *claps hands* yay! :D

“Jungkook, you might’ve thought to leave my key with Yoongi before you left!” Junghwa shrilled as soon as her and Yoongi appeared in the hallway of their floor, only to see her brother stand in front of his door with May and Taehyung in tow.

“Well, Hwa, seeing as none of you bothered answering the door when I rang the bell, I couldn’t exactly throw your keys on the ground and risk getting the place trashed, could I?”
“I had to borrow his clothes!” She grumbled as she glanced over at Yoongi.
“You weren’t so fazed about it this morning, you know.” Yoongi shot back, giving her a look.
“I swear to god, you guys make the most bipolar couple out there.” Jungkook raised his brow at them.
“I agree, Jungkook.” May inched closer to him, snickering at the embarrassed pair as she said, “One moment they’re fighting cats and dogs, the next they’re sharing a bed together.”

Yoongi roughly pushed Jungkook aside, his face sinking low to hide his embarrassment. Jungkook snorted as him and May exchanged high fives.

“Ay, leave them alone, Junghwa looks like she wants the ground to swallow her up, do you really want that?” Taehyung pouted as he walked over to Junghwa, ruffling her hair.
“Since when have you been the good Samaritan of the group?” Yoongi looked over his shoulder curiously, casting him a sneaky grin that made Taehyung go pink at the ears. However, he was thankfully spared of any further embarrassment when Yoongi opened the door, allowing everyone to walk inside.

“Hey, Junghwa.” May smiled sheepishly as she walked in after Taehyung.
“Ah, hey, May-” Junghwa nodded hesitantly; she wasn’t sure if May knew about what had happened over the last week, so she wasn’t sure about how she should act around her.

“Oh, you guys bought ramen?” Jungkook peered inside the carry bags curiously.
“Yeah, since I remembered you’re finishing early.” Yoongi shrugged, before nodding over at May. “Thought you might tag along, so we bought extra.”
“Haha, you know me, always imposing.” May smiled sheepishly, as she looked over at Junghwa. “Hey, can I borrow some clothes to change into?”
“Yeah, sure, I might need to change too.” Junghwa shrugged. “Jungkook, keys.”

Jungkook threw the keys towards his sister, who caught them with her palm as she walked out the door, May right behind her.

“So how have you been?” May began as Junghwa turned her key into the lock, before the door clicked open. Junghwa shrugged, giving her a small smile as they stepped into the flat.

“Alright. You?”
“I’ve been… alright. Just… worried. About you.” May glanced at Junghwa, who gave her friend a sad smile as they walked into her bedroom.

“Just borrow whatever fits you, May.” Junghwa nodded slowly, ignoring May’s remark as she flopped down on the bed. May sighed, as she began to rummage through Junghwa’s cupboard, whistling a familiar tune.

“Mobb Deep? I didn’t know you listened to them.” Junghwa’s eyes lit up with recognition.
“My ex was a huge East Coast hip-hop fan. Yeah, he took the whole East Coast-West Coast rivalry a little too seriously.” May rolled her eyes.
“Me and Namjoon have that argument a lot.” Junghwa chuckled. “Mainly because he fusses over it so much. Always screaming ‘Westside!’ whenever he gets the chance.”
“Ah, well, Namjoon. He’s eccentric!” May grinned, as she brought out a crop top, and a pair of black shorts.

“You’re gonna wear that? Isn’t it cold?”
“Psh. I’ll live.” May scoffed, as she pulled off her uniform. “But seriously, Junghwa… how have you been?”

Junghwa looked at May, before giving her a wistful smile. “Jungkook told you?”
“Yeah, he did.” May pulled on Junghwa’s t-shirt, before nodding at her slowly. “And… I feel bad because I haven’t been… been there for you as much.”
"Hey- don't worry-"
"I know you're going to say that it's okay because Yoongi was around, he was always there." May flopped down on the bed beside her friend. "But I still feel bad. You're the one that's introduced me to your friends. And yet, I find myself being there for some of them more than I do for you."
"May..." Junghwa began, looking at her thankfully. "Thank you for being so concerned. And you shouldn't worry about me. I'm fine... For now."
"Junghwa... Just- I'm sorry. Truly, I am. I haven't been there for you as much as I'd like to." May sighed, patting Junghwa's shoulder.

"May. It's fine, really. It's the thought that counts, anyway." Junghwa grinned, before murmuring, "I know I haven't been exactly honest with all of you so I probably don't deserve any sort of kindness from either of you."
"Honey... We all feel the same way." May was slightly exasperated now with the way Junghwa constantly put herself down, but she did her best to not show it. "And there are going to be people who make you feel the same way. But just remember that I'm here, and I want to help you, no matter what, okay?"

Junghwa gave her friend a grateful smile, before nodding. "Thank you, May. It means a lot."

And it really did mean a lot for Junghwa. She nodded at May, who once again told her that it would be okay.

It was okay. For now.

“And one, and two, and three, and rest!” Hyerin brought the group into position with the final step, and she turned around, giving them a broad grin as she clapped slowly. "Well done, girls. You can rest now-” 

Hyerin blinked as they heeded to her words at the speed of light, collapsing on the wooden floor behind her.

“We needed that.” Ara sighed, falling on her back as she exhaled heavily, trying to get her breath back.
“We really did!” Sori whined, running her hands through her now-sweaty blonde hair. It didn’t matter that practice room C was air-conditioned. With Hyerin’s intense choreographies, even the laziest of people could break a sweat in here.

Junghwa sat back down on the ground, twiddling her thumbs as she avoided having to look at everyone else in the eye. Wiping away the beads of sweat from her forehead, her eyes flickered to the clock on the wall. 9:45 PM. She had been at the dance studio for quite a while now.

“Junghwa.” Hyerin dragged herself across the floor until she was sitting in front of the younger girl. “You okay?”
“Yeah, I’m just out of it. I’ll be fine.” Junghwa forced a smile as she looked up at Hyerin, and sighed again. “Unnie. I’m okay, please.”
“Listen to me.” Hyerin murmured. “Hoseok told me about what happened-"
"He did?" Junghwa looked up, aghast.
"Yes, said we should look out for you-" Hyerin began, but someone had chosen to rudely interrupt her sentence.

"Yeah, we should also make sure you don't go around digging your nose in some stuff." Bada sneered from her place, making Junghwa glance over at her dangerously. The contempt in the youngest's eyes was so intense that the entire room had been engulfed by silence, as their eyes shifted about nervously.

"Bada... Not this again. Please." Hyerin grumbled.
"But this is important. If my boyfriend knew that there was a druggie dancing with us, he'd burn this place down."
"The only way he's going to know is if you open that large- mouth of yours." Junghwa jumped to her feet, glaring at Bada viciously.
"If you think you're going to last long with that large- ego, you are highly mistaken, Junghwa."
"You know, people like you are the reason I didn't have many friends in high school." Junghwa hissed.
"That's because you were too busy rolling up grass to notice!" Bada shot back.
"Listen, I'm clean now. I really am. Believe what you want to believe." Junghwa snapped, before walking over to her bag. As she picked it up, Bada spoke up once more.

"What about those pills in your bag, Junghwa?"
"ing hell- here, since you're so goddamn nosy about it,"

Junghwa took out a strip of medicine from her backpack, before throwing it on the floor next to Bada. "Aspirin. If you're going to snoop around, unnie, at least do it properly. Stay away from my bag."

Turning on her heel, Junghwa stormed out of the dance room, her eyes b with angry tears as she stormed down the narrow hallway. Anger, hurt... Junghwa was cruelly tortured by these conflicting emotions that she couldn't even think straight.

But what was she so angry for? What right did she have to be so... enraged?

The anger unwillingly turned to panic, and her heart rate was so unbelievably fast that she thought her heart might burst out from her chest.

She just needed to escape, and fast. It was like everything came crashing down around her, and she had to get somewhere safe, somewhere where she could escape.

She was so caught up in her burning thoughts that she didn’t realise she was on her way to colliding into someone else, who was just as absorbed with his own phone. Junghwa bumped into the taller male, who let out a surprised shout as he stumbled on his feet, before looking down at her with concern.

“Oh- sorry!” Hoseok gasped, when his eyes lit up with recognition. “Junghwa?”
“Move.” Her voice cracked as she spoke; it was becoming hard for her to even talk, being choked up with such unbelievable rage and sadness at the same time... and not to mention the horrible panic attack she was beginning to have.

“No. What’s wrong?”
"Hoseok, I'm fine-" Junghwa tried to push him aside, but her own legs gave out, and hadn't it been for her grabbing onto Hoseok's arm, she probably would've collapsed there and then. Her head fell forward, trying to catch her breath as her fingers dug into his arms, her whole body still shaking for what reason, she did not know. 

It did not take Hoseok much to realise that she was panicking, so he gently rubbed her back, hoping that it would reassure her and help her to calm down. Fortunately for the both of them, her attack did not last very long, and she looked up at Hoseok, giving him an apologetic grin. 

"Sorry..." She murmured, before looking down." Sorry, I'll just be on my way-"
"No, look at me."

He lifted her face, and was surprised to see her on the verge of breaking down into tears. He sighed, before nodding towards the front door of the building.

“How about you and me get out of here?” He smiled sadly.
“No- I’m fine, and besides, you need to practice.” She tried to shake him off, but Hoseok wasn’t going to have any of that.

“It’s fine. Come on, I’ll take you back home.” He offered, before pausing to think. “In fact, I’ll take you to this really good coffee shop down the road before that. My treat. Please?”

Junghwa, despite not wanting to, was unable to resist Hoseok’s pleading smile, and she nodded slowly, giving him a smile of her own.

“That would be great.”

-----

As Hoseok brought their drinks to the table, Junghwa looked up, as she whispered, “Why’d you put practice aside for me, Hope?”
“Oh, you looked like you could use with the company.” Hoseok shrugged as he pushed her drink towards her. “And sometimes, even people you’re really comfortable with become people you don’t want to see. So here you are, hanging out with someone you don’t often hang out with!”

Junghwa blinked, finding herself amazed with the baffling explanation he had just offered. She managed to smile as he laughed nonchalantly. That smile sure could turn her frown upside down.

“You’re amazing, Hoseok.” Junghwa grinned despite herself. With a boastful air, Hoseok coughed out, “Well, they don’t call me J-Hope for nothing.”
“If you’re going to be greasy, Hoseok, might as well get the out.” Junghwa smirked as she sipped on her warm drink, sighing contently.
“But girls like it when I’m greasy.” Hoseok winked, making Junghwa nearly choke on her hot cocoa.

“Ugh, Hoseok. I don’t think Hyerin unnie would appreciate that thought much, though.”
“No, she would not.” Hoseok smiled, before putting his drink back down on the table. “Speaking of Hyerin… what happened back there? When you left practice, I mean.”

Junghwa sighed, also placing her cup of cocoa down on the table. “Well… Bada was being a about my drug problem.”
“Ah… yeah, she’s… she gets on your nerves sometimes.” Hoseok shrugged. “Just don’t pay attention. Bada’s… yeah, well, don’t let it get to you.”
“But-”
“No buts. She’s not worth crying over. Now let’s make that pretty little face smile some, eh?” Hoseok chuckled, and proceeded to make her laugh through a series of jokes, recounting embarrassing snippets from his childhood as well as the past two years with rest of their friends. One recount about her brother had the both of them laughing so hard that Hoseok accidentally kicked one of the wooden chairs.

“Oh, -” Hoseok suddenly cursed as his backpack fell off the chair, the contents spilling out across the cafeteria floor. Junghwa immediately knelt down next to him as they both began to gather Hoseok’s things. It wasn’t long before Junghwa’s fingers curled around a small bottle, the label across it strangely familiar.

Prozac? Where had she heard of this before?

And suddenly, it clicked. Junghwa’s eyes widened slightly, as she remembered the name. Jungho had been prescribed the same tablets when he was her age, during a depressive slump in his life. She looked up at Hoseok again, who hadn’t seemed to notice the medicine in her hand.

All those smiles, all that laughter. Hoseok was easily the most cheery person in their little group of friends.

Was all of that really a lie?

When he finally managed to get everything back inside his bag, he glanced up at her with a sheepish smile. Almost immediately, Hoseok froze as he looked at what Junghwa was holding in her hand, his face becoming instantly pale as he turned up to face her.

After what seemed like forever, he gave her a wry smile, one that made Junghwa’s heart twist in the worst way possible. He looked so… vulnerable, in that moment, it was very strenuous to stop herself from giving him a reassuring hug. But she couldn’t have, either way. Was it even in her place to do so?

“Well, I guess the cat’s out the bag now…” He mumbled, as he stood up, only to sit back down on his chair again. Was it just her imagination, or did Hoseok seem even more fatigued than he did not five minutes ago?

“Hoseok, what’s wrong?” Junghwa asked tentatively, only to have Hoseok shake his head slowly as he looked at Junghwa again. He looked so broken in that moment, and it bothered her to no end. She took his hand in hers, giving it a gentle pat that made him break the eye contact he had forced to establish.

“Things haven’t been so great at home.” Hoseok began, relaxing when Junghwa gently his palm, the gesture calming him enough to open up about his circumstances.

“How so?”
“We- My parents. They hadn’t been getting along. For quite a while.” Hoseok mumbled. “It’s been a few years since they split up. And, well, until the beginning of the year, there was the whole custody thing.”

“Well, that took a toll on my mother’s health. She fell sick quite often, I couldn’t bear to leave her. Plus, a lot of her money went towards a lawyer, because Dad kept trying to make it seem like she’s the bad parent, so he could gain custody, you know?”

Junghwa looked at Hoseok helplessly, as he began to shake, and he looked away, his eyes b with tears as he started to speak again.

“It ruined us, Junghwa. Sure, Mom’s better now, but she had to stop working. And now, it’s really hard for her to find a stable job again. Me and my noona are doing all we can to support her. It’s kinda like Yoongi, really… except none of the guys know about my situation.”
“How come?” Junghwa mumbled. “Damn it, Hoseok, why have you been hiding it?”
“I don’t know, Junghwa.” Hoseok shrugged, looking down at their entwined fingers. “I didn’t want them to worry. Plus, if they found out about the meds… They’d never-”
“I get it, Hoseok.” Junghwa mumbled. She really did, and only too well.

“I’ve been having these slumps more frequently.” Hoseok murmured. “I had a really bad one when I was sixteen, when all of this started out.”
“Have you been seeing a doctor?” Junghwa asked. Hoseok shook his head, breathing out with much effort, “Self-prescribed. I prefer not to take them, but lately, I’ve been having… real bad days. And… I’ve been using them a lot more.”

“Look at us,” Hoseok suddenly chuckled, shaking his head. “Two people with depression, talking about depression.”
“Hoseok, I’m not-” Junghwa began, but knew that it was futile to lie. “I am. I know. I’ve been having these moments too, a lot. Sometimes, I just sit in my room and think about… well I don’t know what to think about. I don’t get enough sleep sometimes, and Jungkook has had to drag me out of bed in the mornings, after I started going back to school. In fact, the last time I did manage to sleep so well… it was when I went over to Yoongi’s one night.”

Hoseok shrugged, nodding as if he understood. “It’s the same when I go to Hyerin’s for the night. Otherwise, a good night’s sleep is like a farfetched dream.”

Junghwa sighed, as she glanced up at Hoseok again. Her heart began to ache, as the desire to tell Hoseok everything she had been feeling burned inside her. The fact that she was always thinking about the day she overdosed, and what would have happened if Jungkook and Yoongi weren’t there. The fact that if she hadn’t done anything in the first place, maybe they wouldn’t have been in this situation. She wanted to tell Hoseok that had all of these thoughts choked her up, and that they made her cry herself to sleep each and every single night. She just wanted to tell him everything.

But for what? Would he care? He had enough problems on his own. Junghwa definitely wasn’t going to freeload them onto him, and put more strain on his mind. She knew better than to do so. She remained silent, instead choosing to, and rather sadistically, find comfort in the fact that she wasn’t the only one feeling so forlorn about her life and… things in general.

Although she really did feel sorry for Hoseok. Who would have known the person whose smile was like a breath of fresh air would have kept such a dark secret from all of them?

She wasn’t one to contemplate on the idea. She, too, had kept dark secrets before.

“Junghwa… please don’t tell anyone. No one knows, not even Hyerin. And… I just don’t want anyone to worry about me, yeah? So please?” Hoseok pleaded. Her natural instinct, of course, would have been to refuse… but then again, she couldn’t. That would have been hypocritical of her. And very much so.

With a small sigh, she nodded, shifting herself to the seat next to him. Hoseok looked at her, smiling apologetically. “I’m sorry you had to find out this way.” “Hey, Hoseok. Don’t apologise. And, I’ll keep this between us, but-” Junghwa placed her hand on his shoulder, giving it a gentle squeeze. “If you’re feeling like , or you want to talk, please call me. Or come over.”
“Junghwa- it’s fine, really-” Hoseok began, but Junghwa was determined.

“Please, Hoseok. At least allow me to help you. I know, I won’t be able to do much, but I know I’d find even the slightest bit of comfort in the fact that there’s someone there to hear me out.”

Maybe, and a part of her felt very selfish for thinking so, but Junghwa wanted to help him in the hopes that she could get her mind off her own situation. She genuinely wanted to help Hoseok, though, no matter what else crossed her mind.

Hoseok nodded, giving her a grateful smile as he rubbed his eyes fiercely. He lifted his hand to gently pat hers, before whispering, “Thank you.”

“Hey, Hobie, Junghwa!”

Junghwa perked up, slowly smiling when she saw Jimin waving at her, as he made his way over to their table with Seokjin and Taehyung in tow. Taking a seat next to her, he grinned as he said, “Funny seeing you here! I didn’t think you’d know this place.”
“Well, Hoseok decided to bring me here today, since we were both done with practice.” Junghwa shrugged; of course, that was partly a lie, but she felt as if it were best if she didn’t elaborate on what happened before her and Hoseok came to the cafe.

“Ah, alright.” Taehyung nodded, sitting down next to Hoseok.
“Hobie, you okay?” Seokjin suddenly piped up, noticing how red Hoseok’s eyes were. The other two glanced over at Hoseok, who looked at them with a sheepish smile.

“Sorry… the new choreo’s getting me really worked up-” Hoseok chuckled nervously.
“Aw, Hoseok, you could have just asked me and Jungkook to help you!” Jimin pouted, instantly buying into the lie. Junghwa nodded furiously, smacking Hoseok’s shoulder lightly as she said, “I would have helped out too, you know!”
“Thanks guys, sorry…” Hoseok laughed, reaching out for a tissue to wipe away his tears.
“You should be.” Taehyung teased, ruffling his hair playfully. “Our Hobie should always be smiling, huh?”
“That’s why you’re J-Hope. Our hope.” Seokjin grinned. Junghwa held in a sigh, instead choosing to nod her head with the rest of them as they laughed, which made Hoseok smile with them, despite himself.

It was okay. For now.

Ah, this chapter gives me the feels because... poor Hobie T.T Anyway, I hope it's not too bad! :3
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