A/N: This song is my childhood with a trap twist #holyseok #namjesus

Following a random conversation me and Kai (a.k.a HeadToToesLove) had on each other's walls, she asked me to do a crack story with Yoongi and swag. However I have too many stories, so I'm posting it here to make up for my writer's block with chapter 18 (which is Yoongi's first b-ball match so look forward to that) :)
Don't worry, this has NOTHING to do with the story but I thought I should give you something to laugh about ;) Think of it as a special treat as Ephemeral celebrates 64 subscribers! Thanks you guys, you're the best :') I hope you enjoy this<3

Swaegception.

#CrackAhead #onceseencannotbeenunseen

Junghwa rang the doorbell to her friend's apartment, and was extremely puzzled when he didn't open the door after five minutes. 

That was weird. Though he always took his time to open the door, five minutes was pushing it, even by Min Yoongi's standards. She tried ringing the doorbell again, waiting for another five minutes before she let out an exasperated groan, her hand falling on the doorknob. In a fit of anger, she violently twisted it, knowing very well that it would have no point since the door wouldn't be open.

However, she was in for a harsh shock. 

The door gave way, making Junghwa lose her balance as she fell to the floor with a loud thud. 

"-" She hissed as she pulled herself to her feet, her mind racing with thoughts. Yoongi never leaves the door open. He hates people barging into his house without permission, and she knew that only too well. But why did he leave the door open?

What if he wasn't home? What if he got kidnapped? That boy was far too skinny, anyone could apprehend him-

"What the , Junghwa, stop overthinking !" Junghwa hit herself on the head, clicking her tongue in anger. "You've been watching too much of CSI, this isn't a ing crime scene. Yoongi?"

Junghwa spoke loudly, her voice filling up the room as she walked inside his apartment. Her heart rate was increasing with every small step she took to his bedroom.

As she reached his bedroom, there was an eerie silence filling the hallway. With a deep breath, she put her hand on the doorknob, before turning it slowly. Taking another deep breath, Junghwa peeked inside. 

Yoongi was sitting on the bed, wearing an oversized black sweatshirt with the words 'NOTORIOUS SWG' written across the front. He was sitting cross-legged, with his Beats headphones on his head, along with a black beanie. Yoongi was wearing a pair of sunglasses, and he was staring at the wall with a stoic expression. And he was hugging a pillow

"Yoongi-?"

No response. 

Surely he wasn't having a seizure now, was he? That would be impossible, he didn't have a history using anything that could induce fits. 

Junghwa walked over to him, before waving her hand in front of his face. Yoongi stirred, as he looked up at her, his eyebrows arching up into a confused expression. He took off his headphones, and stood up to face her. Junghwa looked up at him incredulously, crossing her arms across her chest. She arched her eyebrows at him, waiting for him to speak.

He opened his mouth to speak, and when he did, he said the most ridiculous words that made him sound dumber than Taehyung and Jimin combined.

"Swag is love, swag is life."

Jungkook let out an angry groan as his phone began to ring, cutting through the peaceful in his bedroom. Sitting up, he felt around his window sill for his phone. As soon as he felt its cold metal body, he grabbed it and jumped off his bed, muttering angrily at his sleep being interrupted. His eyes squinted at the phone, and he let out an exasperated shout as he saw his sister's name flash across the screen

"Junghwa, this had better be good!" He snapped, rushing out of his bedroom and storming towards hers. He opened the door, waiting to yell at his sister... when he realised that she wasn't there.

"Where are you?!" He yelled.
"Jungkook-! Come- ing- over- I'm at Yoongi's- He's not letting me go-" Junghwa struggled to speak, her voice breaking occasionally.
"Woman, what are you saying-"
"Jungkook, GET YOUR OVER HERE NOW!" She snapped back.
"Jesus Christ, alright! Calm down..." He rolled his eyes as he walked back to his room, before pulling on an old pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt. Grumbling audibly, he grabbed his keys as he walked out of his flat, not bothering to pull on a pair of shoes as he entered Yoongi's apartment. He took quick strides towards Yoongi's bedroom, before he barged inside.

What he was about to see was beyond anything Jungkook had ever expected. 

Yoongi was sitting on the bed, his expression unreadable, his body eerily still. While that was a worrying sight to behold, something else was just as worrying.

"Jungkook-!" Junghwa spoke through gritted teeth as she looked up at her brother. Yoongi was holding her tightly against his chest, with no intention of letting her go. And it was obvious that she was trying to wriggle out of his grip, but even Jungkook knew that you couldn't get out of Min Yoongi's strong grip, no matter how hard you tried.

"What the - Yoongi, let go of my sister!" Jungkook spoke loudly. Yoongi looked up at Jungkook, his face still holding the same expression that Junghwa had met.

"No. She lacks swag. This is me giving her the swag she needs. She should be grateful."
"He's been saying the same ing thing for the last fifteen minutes." Junghwa grumbled, as she gave up trying to get out of his hold, slackening against his chest as she looked up at her brother angrily. "Apparently, I lack swag. And when I saw him this morning, the first thing he said to me was 'Swag is love, swag is life'. This was before we ended up in this position. What the hell is up with him?"

Jungkook blinked as his eyes switched from his angered sister to his momentarily (or possibly, permanently) abnormal best friend, before realisation hit him, and he let out a groan. Junghwa looked at him in surprise, and she furrowed her brows together as she looked at her brother quickly dial a number. Jungkook met her confused expression with a deep sigh. 

"This calls for professional help."

"It's another case of swag-itis."

Namjoon said gravely, as he looked at Yoongi's sunglassed face with a grim expression. 
"Yep. Swag-itis alright." Hoseok looked at everyone else and nodded solemnly. 
"This is your idea of professional help, Jungkook?" Junghwa rolled her eyes at her twin, who shrugged nonchalantly. 

"Hey, they have more experience with Minswag than I do." He held his hand to his mouth as he suppressed his laughter.
"Damn straight." Hoseok smirked, as he knelt down beside Yoongi. "Yoongi? Let go of Junghwa, please."
"No ing way." Yoongi shook his head adamantly. "She lacks swag." 
"What the , Yoongi, I have enough swaggaty sweggety swagger, so let- me- ing- go!" Junghwa snapped as she violently struggled in his grip. Yoongi smacked her head with his forehead, drawing out an annoyed cry.

"It's swiggity swaggity swag!" He pouted. "This is why I'm not letting go! You need to know the ways of swag!"
"Jesus Christ!" Junghwa groan. "LET. GO!"
"What's up- oh, dear."

Jimin let out a gasp as he walked into Yoongi's room, with Taehyung and Seokjin right behind him. 

"Swag-itis?" Seokjin arched his eyebrows. Namjoon slowly nodded, and Seokjin couldn't help but roll his eyes at the situation. 

"MY JUNGHWAAAAAA~" Jimin wailed loudly, falling to his knees beside her and Yoongi. "Yah! Yoongi, let go of her!"
"Shut up, swagless peasant!" Yoongi rolled his eyes. "Go away! You wouldn't get it, why I'm doing this, you're not worthy of swag anyway!"
"Excuse me?!" 
"Shut up, you loudmouth! Jamless idiot-" Yoongi muttered under his breath.
"What did you say?" Jimin looked at him coldly. 
"You got no jams." Yoongi shot back, glaring at him, and Junghwa couldn't help but let out a snort, despite her predicament. 

"You got yourself into this," Jimin snapped at her. "You can get yourself out!"
"Jimin, I'm sorry!" Junghwa yelled. "Come on, you're the strong one, help me out here! Chimchim, pleaaaaase?"
" you." Jimin smirked as he flopped down on the ground beside Namjoon and Seokjin. 

"Oh, wow." Taehyung snickered. "Way to go, Junghwa. Looks like you didn't listen to me when I told you not to be around Yoongi during his swag moments."
"Swag, you're it." Yoongi grinned as he poked Taehyung's arm. 
"Oh my god." Junghwa's head fell as she let out a frustrated groan. "Yoongi, please let me go! I have dance practice today! Hyerin unnie's going to be mad, Yoongi, please."
"She got no swag." Yoongi scoffed. "You're better off with me!"
"My girlfriend has more swag than you any day, Min Yoongi." Hoseok arched his eyebrows. 
"Yeah, right, that very little amount of swag Hyerin noona has is only cause I made out with her last year." 
"WHAT?!"

Hoseok jumped to his feet, looking at him outrageously. Namjoon immediately stood up and held Hoseok back before he could injure Yoongi's face beyond recognition. He knew that Hoseok was capable of that much. 

"Hoseok, it's okay, we were drunk and it just happened-"
"You knew too?!" Hoseok's eyes widened with shock as he pushed Namjoon away. "How could you?!"
"You'd have flipped big time if you ever knew!" 
"And I'm still going to flip!" He snarled. 
"As long as you don't flip a table..." Yoongi spoke up. "Cause that's just swagless-"
"TO HELL WITH YOUR SWAG!" Hoseok snapped. 
"Alright, everyone calm the down!" Taehyung spoke up loudly. "Let's just figure out what's wrong with him."
"Thank you!" Junghwa rolled her eyes. "About time someone thought of me!"
"So... what did he eat?"

Everyone looked at Seokjin in surprise, before letting out exasperated groans.

"All you can think of is food at a time like this?!" Jimin threw a pillow at his face.
"Don't touch my pillow, swagless peasant-" Yoongi began, but Junghwa, who had managed to free one of her hands out of his grip, smacked him across the head. Hard. 

"Shut up! Your peasant has more swag than you!" She grumbled, before yanking his sunglasses off his face and chucking them into Jimin's hand. "You don't need sunglasses in this dark room, you !"
"MY SHADES!" Yoongi wailed, as he lunged forward to grab them from Jimin's hand; but failed miserably as he couldn't move while firmly holding Junghwa in his arms. 
"Ha." Jimin laughed as he pulled them on, giving Yoongi a smug grin. 
"No, they're losing their swag! You swagless, jamless peasant-"
"I'M NOT A PEASANT!" Jimin snapped. 
"My shades~" Yoongi wailed. "Hwa, how could you?"

It was truly a sight to see the intimidating Min Yoongi acting like he was intoxicated, as he wailed continuously, rocking back and forth as he let out whimpers. Junghwa winced as she moved her head away from his mouth, his loud voice ringing in her ears.

"Yeah, he ate something messed up." Seokjin nodded slowly, holding in his laughter upon seeing Junghwa's pained expression. 
"It doesn't have to be food, it's probably something he- smoked-!" Junghwa grumbled as she moved about violently, trying to escape the arms that were holding her back. 
"Well, he's not one to smoke." Namjoon shook his head, kneeling down beside them. "Yoongi-yah, what did you eat this morning?" 
"Brownies." Yoongi grinned. 
"What kind?" Jimin spoke up.
"There's only one kind, you , swagless peasant!" Yoongi snarled at Jimin, rolling his eyes. 
"Jimin, you got no jams." Taehyung guffawed. 
"Man, you!" Jimin snapped. "Besides, I was talking about pot brownies. Obviously, you were too blonde to figure that one out."
"Oh man!" Yoongi winced. "Damn, Jimin, swag level went from minus one hundred to minus ninety-nine!"
"What difference does that make, you ?!" 
"Hey, if you're done dissing each other, some help would be ing appreciated!" Junghwa roared. Everyone blinked rapidly, before nodding. 

"Did you have pot brownies?"
"Yeah." Yoongi nodded at Seokjin. "They were a gift from Taehyung." 
"KIM TAEHYUNG!" Seokjin shouted loudly, glaring at the younger boy. 
"Wait- no, wait, I can explain!" Taehyung shook his head rapidly, holding his arms across his chest in the shape of a cross. 
"Really, Taehyung?" Hoseok shook his head disapprovingly. "How immature."
"You're not even listening to me!" Taehyung snapped. "I didn't put pot in the brownies! My mother and sister made them!"
"You still could've put weed in them!" Junghwa growled. 
"I didn't! I was just messing around with him!" Taehyung threw his hands up in the air exasperatedly. "I swear upon all our families that I did not put pot in the brownies!"
"You didn't...?"

Everyone looked at Yoongi as he glanced around at his friends nervously. His eyes darted to Junghwa, who was looking at him incredulously. 

"!" Yoongi pushed her away, as his cheeks began to turn pink.

After a brief silence, the whole room burst into laughter. 

"Oh my god, Yoongi!" Jungkook snorted. "You thought you did weed when you actually didn't!"
"This is gold!" Seokjin and Hoseok were holding onto each other, unable to contain their laughter. 
"Yoongi- you got no jams-" Namjoon fell to his knees, tears streaming down his stomach. "Ah, my stomach-"
"Swagless peasant!" Jimin snickered. "Oh man, Yoongi, you failed big time."
"I hate to agree with Jimin, but you did." Junghwa winked, before she let out a loud laugh. 

"KIM TAEHYUNG!"

Taehyung left the room as fast as he had entered it, with Yoongi hot on his heels.

I really don't know where we went with this chapter.
Anyway check out Kai's new story Fifty Shades Of Jimin c:
I will tell you that it's heavy but there's no , so it's not like the actual FSOG (chains and whips don't excite her you see)
So go check it out! There's a trailer in her forward and jajaaaaan I made it c:

Anyway, hope you liked this spinoff chapter c: Taehyung you idiot x'D
- Haru. (P.S. Yoongi...)