It’s been 6 years since I bid farewell to my friend Sandara. We moved to Tainan City 6 years ago because of my health problems. “Kris, are you all right?”My mom asked. “Huh?” “I said are you all right?” she repeated. “Maybe,” I replied.

“It’s been six years isn’t it?” she said.

“Yes,”

 “I never had the chance to visit here, I heard that Sandara is one of the fairest back in Chiayi City,” mom said. “I’m really looking forward to meet her,” I said. We’re driving our way back to Chiayi City.

After a long time on the road we finally reached our destination. Everything is new. The houses changed their colors. Only one thing didn’t the old Maple tree at the park. I asked mom if I could stay for a while. Luckily she said yes.”But don’t climb the tree,” she said.

While standing in front of the tree my childhood memories came back. I remembered the day when I bid goodbye to Sandara. We were 14 back then. I was at the top of the tree while Sandara was sitting below. “Why do you have to go there?” she asked.”I don’t know,” I replied. Then I jumped down. “Don’t worry I will return by that time we will never be separated,” I said. Then we went to the nearby field. We stayed there until the sun bid goodbye to the land. Before I leave I gave her a ring. “Promise me that you will keep that ring,” I said. She didn’t react. Instead she kissed me. I didn’t stop her. I didn’t react. All that I know is that kissing is a wet thing to do.

“Hello,” a voice said. I was brought back to reality. “Huh?” I said.

“I said hello, you’re new around here,”

 “No, not really, I lived here 6 years ago,”

“Really nice to know, by the way I’m Sandara,”

I looked at her unmoved.” Your name is Sandara?”

“Yes, how about you, what’s your name?” “Kris, Kris Wu,”

“Nice meeting you Kris,” She said. That time I became puzzled. If she is really my Sandara why didn’t she recognize me?

“Is there anyone else named Sandara here?” I asked.

 “No one else, except me,” she said. The first thing that I thought was amnesia.

 “I have to go home, bye,” she said. While fixing her hair I saw her necklace with the ring I gave to Sandara.

“Wait, I have a question, where did you get that ring?” I asked. “My father told me that it came from someone from the past,” she said.

I walked my way home. I am thinking of what happened in the park. Suddenly I bumped into someone. It’s Pastor Chen. Pastor Chen is a family friend and Sandara’s father. “Kris is that you?” he greeted me. “Yes Pastor it’s me, how are you?” I said.

“Well I’m fine, I see you have been walking from the park, and did you see Sandara there?” “Yes sir, I saw her but she didn’t recognize me,”

“Well Sandara is playing around, because you see when your mom called me that you will return here Sandara was so happy, she even wore the ring you gave her,” Pastor Chen said.

 “How about that fight of yours?” he asked.

“I’m half way winning Pastor,” I just said. I felt the acid in my stomach on my throat. “Good, I must be going,” he said.

When we parted our way I felt my chest aching. “Maybe I walked too far,” I said to myself. Luckily mom went out to find me. “Is it aching again?” she asked. “A little, but I can still walk,” I replied. Slowly we walked our way home.

When we reached the house mom gave me my medicine to make me feel better.” You should have called me when you’re about to go home, you know that you have,” mom said.” Stop! I came back here to spend the rest of my days not to be reminded of my illness,” I shouted. I stood up suddenly and everything went black. I can’t remember what happened next.

When I opened my eyes I’m inside my room. I saw the same lovely lady at the park.

“Hello, feeling better?” she asked. Without a word I stood up and hugged her, “I miss you!” I said. “Miss you to my Kris,” she replied. Then she kissed me.

After 6 years I felt that feeling again. Even though I hate the feeling I thought it’s worth it this time. We talked and talked until we run out of stories to narrate.

 After dinner Sandara went home. “You did miss her,” mom said. “Yes, and she still kissed me,” I said. “It’s time for your medications,” mom said. Every night is what I call torture night. I have to drink tons of medicines just to make me last another day and to make me sleep. That night is one of the hardest nights. I vomited all my medicines making my mom not sleep. I forced myself to sleep and to calm down. After hours of meditations I became numb of the pain.

The next morning I woke up with a bad headache. I didn’t tell mom about it. She told me to stay inside the house. But she can’t held me prison again inside, I escaped and went to the fields. I let my body lay down to be hugged by the cool grass. I felt the wind touch my skin as if welcoming me back where I truly belong. Abruptly I felt some one lay down, it Sandara. “How did you find me?” I asked.  She didn’t answer so I stood up. I saw a tear fell from her cheeks. “Why are you crying?”I asked again. “Why didn’t you tell me?” she asked. “Tell you what?” I asked.”That you only have 3 months to live!” she said. Silence filled the air.  “I didn’t tell you because I don’t want you to have pity on me,” I replied. “That’s not a good reason not to tell the truth to someone you love! I will never feel pity upon you; you know you don’t deserve that. I almost died of sadness when you left. Thinking that you will not come back, but now you’re here but still forever is not clear!” Sandara burst with tears as she hugged me. “Let’s go home,” is all I replied to her.

When we got home Sandara and I stayed at the backyard. “Do you still draw?” she asked. “Why yes!” I answered.”Do you want to see them?” I asked. “Sure,” she replied. We went to my room. I held for the box full of sketch pads. “Who is she?” Sandara asked while looking at my sketches. I can sense the curiosity and jealousy from her voice. That made me smile. ”That’s my vision of you after all this years,” I replied. Sandara smiled at me. Suddenly mom interrupted our conversation. “Your dad is here Kris,” mom said. My face became gloomy. I don’t like my father. He never stays at home. My dad is a doctor in Tainan City and his one of the reasons why we moved there. “How are you feeling now?” he asked me upon seeing me.”I’m feeling much better,” I answered. After asking some medical related things he left.

 “You’re still not at ease with your dad aren’t you?”

“We will never have good times,” I answered.

“You stayed with him for 6 years but no connection was made?” Sandara asked. “You can only lead the horse to the water,” a short reply from me.

Mom asked Sandara to stay with me for the night. She and dad will return to Tainan City to fix some business and to sell our house there. “Here is the list of Kris’s medication for tonight,” she told Sandara. Then they left.

At first Sandara and I sat silently. Staring at her fair skin and green eyes gave me some memories that were more heart breaking than comforting. “Are you all right?” Sandara asked as she saw the anguish in my eyes.

“Are you feeling something?”

 “Oh, it’s nothing, you don’t have to worry much Sandara, I’m good,” I lied. Hoping that lie will make her feel more at ease around me. We spent the afternoon outside. Sandara watched the sun bid goodbye to the land while I manage to sketch that scenery. “A Day with Freedom,” Sandara read. “An appropriate title to a sketch for this day,” I told her. “Let’s go inside Mr. Artist,” she smiled. After dinner and the usual routine, we stayed at the terrace. “Sandara can I ask you a question? If you don’t mind,” I turned to her with uncertainty in my eyes.

“Anything,”

 “What if someday you will find out that our promise of forever will not happen and something and someone will take me away from you, what will you do?” I asked looking in her eyes. Sadness flashed on her face and moist is clearly seen in her eyes.

“Don’t answer; it’s rude of me to ask,”

“No, I’m all right, I don’t know, why you ask?”

“Just curious,” I replied not looking at her.

“Hey, could you promise me one thing?” Sandara said as she held my face to look at her. “Promise me that you will never leave me and you will not keep a secret to me anymore,”

What will I say? I’m not sure about things right now and here is the girl of my life making me promise something more confusing and unknown “Promise?”

“I don’t like the sound of how you said it but I’ll take it as a yes.”

I went to my room and left Sandara stay at the sofa. When I got in my room I felt something strange inside me. Is my heart skipping a beat? Or it’s just my imagination. I got a good grip at the table near me. Everything is moving around. I tried to breathe and reached out to one of my medicines on the table. Before I took hold of the right bottle I fell towards the floor. “KRISS!!!” Sandara shouted my name right after she opened the door. I can’t move my body. I can’t see her either. Maybe my ears are the only sense I have now. “Kris what can I do! Oh please answer me! Wake up! Can you hear me? I know you can, wake up!!” Sandara continued to say. After that my ears also abandoned my body senses.

It’s so cold out here. Am I still alive? I can feel the wind on my face. When I opened my eyes I’m in a place covered with snow. Drops of blood? Where did they come from? Wait, I can feel something warm coming out of my nose.

“Kris?”

“Hey, what happened?”

“I say you lying on the floor; I was so scared I don’t know what to do. I thought I’m going to lose you at that moment,” Sandara said as her eyes were filled with tears. I managed to sit down and hug her. “I’m fine. That usually happens to me. Just not as severe as before. Oh, there’s blood,” I saw blood on Sandara’s dress “Are you hurt?” “No, no it’s not me, it’s you. You cut your arm when you fell down.” Sandara replied as she reached for my left arm. “Don’t worry I’m alright now,” I said as I kissed her forehead. Sandara helped me stand up and sit at the bed side. I told her that I’m alright and she can go to sleep but she wouldn’t. “I’ll stay here,”

The next morning was unbearable. I felt my body so heavy and weak. I was about to stand up from bed when I felt something tucked on my side. I saw Sandara holding my shirt there. Her eyes are wet. “I’m always making you cry, yet you still love me more each day.” I kissed Sandara’s forehead and managed to stand up without waking her. I went down to make some breakfast hoping to shake the bad feelings I have. I suddenly felt looking at the calendar. “August 13”. Wait today is Sandara’s birthday. “Kris? Where are you?” I heard Sandara shouting from upstairs. “Kitchen, be there in a minute,” I replied. I don’t have anything to give her today. Am I really that stupid?

I kept on talking and cursing myself as I went back to my room. Sandara was rubbing her eyes when I saw her. “Hey, don’t do that, It’ll be irritated,” I told her as I yanked her hands of her eyes. “How are you?” I added.  “Isn’t it that I’m the one whose suppose to ask you that?” she replied.

She held my face and took a good look at it. “How are you, honestly?”

 I tried to look away and thought of a good excuse to hide my paleness. “I’m good, by the way, Happy Birthday.” Sandara blushed and smiled. “Thanks, where’s my gift?” She asked smiling. “What do you want?” I asked. “You’ll give me anything I want?” she asked. “As long as my stupid heart and idiotic body can do it,” I answered her jokingly. She pouted and turned away from me. “What? I was telling a joke!”

“Well it’s not funny young man. Don’t forget that you owe me big time because of what happened last night. You knock the hell out of me,” she said back. ‘ I’m sorry, that’s just me making myself forget of these things happening to me and making you smile in spite of what happened last night. So tell me, what do you want for your birthday?” I said as I kissed her palm.

Sandara’s face glowed as she set her eyes on mine. Her green eyes holds something that makes my heart contract and uneasy. “Could you please tell it to me now before my heart explodes, really, that makes my heart accelerate,” I told her when I can no longer hold the pressure. “Ok, ok, don’t rush me, uhm, I want you to marry me,” Sandara said. I looked at her with wide eyes before I burst into a big laugh. Sandara pouted and stood up. “Why are you laughing at me, I’m serious!!” Sandara said. “I’m sorry, it’s just that, oh forget about the reason,” I smiled.

To make Sandara forget of her proposal I made her mind busy this day. We played chess, scrabble, crosswords and even Sudoku to make her occupied. I pondered her idea of getting married while thinking of the consequences it could bring to our lives.

What if we got married? What will happen if she will come and show up then? What will I do? What if I die at that very moment? What will happen to our plans? Before I could think of answers to one of my questions in mind my mom returned home.

“How’s your night?” she asked as soon as she entered the room. “It was good,” I replied immediately to keep Sandara from telling my mom about what happened. Sandara just stared at me and continued doing a puzzle. “Kris, can I speak to you alone for a moment?” mom asked looking at Sandara. “I’ll just make some juice,” Sandara said to excuse herself. I smiled at her as she made her exit. “What’s the verdict?” I asked mom as I moved closer to her. “Do you remember Bom? She’ll be coming over next Saturday here,” mom said with a worried face. “Did you tell Sandara anything about her?” “No. and I have no intentions of telling it to her because it’s nonsense. Why would I marry that girl if she’s not the one I like?” I answered as I tried to go follow Sandara. “Kris, it’s the condition your dad agreed with to save your life,” mom said as she pulled my arms. “Then let dad marry Bom!” I said as I retrieved back my hand. Mom stared at me with pitiful eyes. “I’ll let you and your father talk about it tonight then. It looks like I can’t talk to you about it,” she said as she turned away from me.

Talk about it tonight? Dad will be here? I can sense a fight. To not have a conversation with him I thought of a thing to do to escape all of these things. I will talk to Sandara about it now.

I went to the kitchen where Sandara is sitting at the breakfast table. “Hey, are we good?” I asked her as I sat beside her. “Why sure, what was that?” she asked when she saw the fury in my eyes. “Oh nothing, just some silly things my father did back home in Tainan City,” I replied pleading that the explanation I gave her is enough. She just smiled and seemed contented with what I answered. “Can we stay at your house today? I’m kind of sick of mine,” I asked with making a face. She smiled and pulled my head close to hers, “Sure, let’s go.”

While walking towards their house, a familiar face flashed as a car passed as by. I turned my face towards the car as it turned by the corner of the street. “No way,” I mumbled.  “What’s the matter?” Sandara asked as she looked at my face. “Wait let’s just go somewhere else, the fields perhaps?” I suggested. “Anywhere you want,” she just replied.

She followed me contentedly as I led the way. Will I tell it to her or not? That was the question occupying my head right now.

“Kris, where are you going?” Sandara suddenly asked. “What?” I just replied.

“That’s the road to the riverside,” she pointed out straight to where I’m leading to.

“I’m sorry, I’m just thinking of something,”

“Well you’re scaring me again. Could you please tell it to me before I go mad?” she asked grinning.

“We’ll have it later,” I replied. How can I tell her everything with so little time? Will she believe me and agree with my plan?

When we got by the fields I immediately turned to her and said “Sandara let’s forget about this place and go somewhere else! I want to spend all my remaining life with you and that won’t be possible if all of them are around.” Sandara’s face was shocked and pale. Her pulse seemed to beat like a drum that I can hear every sound of it. One, two, three, ten, fifteen seconds passed but she never speak. “Sandara? Are you all right? Can you understand me?”

“Yes, off course, I can. But why do you want to do that? I can’t find any reason? You want me to run away with you?” she reasoned out. “I can’t tell you everything, it’s too complicated. Do you trust me?” I asked with pleading eyes. This is what I learned from her to get my way.  Sandara continued to look at me with puzzled eyes as I try to persuade her. “Tell me one reason first before I tell you my answer,” she bargained. “Well, you’re making me hurt your feeling. So here we go, they will be sending me back to Tainan City for series of tests that doesn’t avail of my return to your side anymore. And what I mean with that is I might die there without you even seeing me anymore,” I replied.

Well that was half the truth of what really will happen. “No, you all ready promised that… you said that you’ll never... you… You gave me your word!” Sandara mumbled as tears came down from her eyes. Her unending sob was unbearable. Is this what my return to her side really means? Hurting her? Killing her slowly? Giving her pain? I pulled Sandara and crushed our bodies together. Sandara looks at my face then crushes her body tighter on mine from time to time. “Do you now see my point? I’m doing this for you,” I told her again. Without saying a word Sandara kissed me. I didn’t react but gave in if that would make her feel better. Her lips were intense and full with anguish. She kissed me again and again. Her lips were salty due to her tears. She didn’t stop doing it until we fell onto the ground. She stared at my face while she traces the lines of my features. “You will not go anywhere anymore, you and I will be together from now on, I own you starting from now on,” she keeps mumbling as if just talking to herself.

“So, are you coming with me or not?” I asked her when she stopped crying and her face seemed normal. “Yes, I will come with you, when we will leave?” she asked still her voice full of sadness. “Tonight, when everybody is fast asleep,” I answered immediately as I looked into her eyes. “Why can’t we go now?” Sandara asked. “Well we can go now. I’m just thinking about you preparing your things and getting packed,” I answered. “That will be easy, how about your stuff?” she asked again. “All ready packed, just waiting for your decision,” I smiled as I pointed to a bag hanging at a tree branch near where we lie down. “When did that get there?” she asked with a giggle. “Just this morning when you thought I was preparing our snack,” I informed her. Quickly Sandara stood up and fixed herself. “Where are you going?” I asked puzzled by her action. “I’m going home to get my things. Will left it here so that they will not see that where running away,” she answered. I smiled and offered my help.

In no time we packed a bag of her clothes and hang it together with mine at the tree by at the fields. “What is the use of running away without a vehicle?” Sandara asked as she hand over a car key. “Who’s car is this?” I asked. “It’s my father’s gift to me last year,” she replied. I parked it in front of the motel just around the corner from our house. It’s been there for quite some time now that dad wouldn’t notice we will use it tonight,” she said as she kissed my cheeks.

“Let’s go back to your house then so they won’t suspect on what we are planning,” she said as she saw the setting sun coloring the sky. Hand in hand we walked our way home. When we got on the porch I could hear my mom shouting on someone as if having a huge fight. “Mom?” I said as I opened the door towing Sandara behind me. “He is here now,” mom suddenly said that made me realize that it was really my dad whom I saw this morning inside the car. “Kris can I talk to you now? We have a serious matter to talk about,