I’ll always be with you

“I….what!” words failed Heechul as her eyes smarted with tears at the doctor’s news.

“I’m sorry Heechul-ssi, but you’re unable to bear children. But it’s not…. Siwon-ssi!” Dr. Gyuri stopped mid-sentence when Siwon abruptly left the Ob/Gyn’s office.

When Siwon left, Jaejoong, Kibum and Changmin walked in, looking curiously at Siwon. Not long after the entered, Changmin came back out to give Siwon a piece of mind. The two girls stayed back to console a devastated Heechul.  

Changmin looked left and right and found Siwon not to far from where he was standing.

“what the hell Siwon!” he dropped the honorific in a show of  livid he was. “how can you leave your wife like this when she needs you the most?”

Siwon neither flinched nor moved from his position on the floor. Silent tears flowed from his eyes as he sat haphazardly on the sterile hospital surface.

“what do you know Changmin! You have Luhan. What if you were told that Kibum can’t bear children? What would you do?” Siwon whispered, but Changmin caught his words.

“I wouldn’t leave her, that’s for sure! This isn’t hypothetical hyung. I wouldn’t leave the woman I love for no fault of hers. I know what you're going through.  Right now, Heechul-noona needs you. You made a big mistake walking out like this.” Changmin’s words hit Siwon like lightening. He looked up at the tall neurosurgeon who’s eyes showed his disappointment. “your behaviour made her think that she failed you. She blames herself. Can you imagine what she could do to herself in such a state? Are you willing to take that risk?” each word that Changmin said intensified the fear in Siwon’s heart. He was right, Siwon shouldn’t have left her the second he learnt that she was infertile. He left her alone to mourn over the fact that he may never have the family he wished for instead of being her pillar of strength during this difficult time. That was violating his marriage vows.

In good times and in bad, I’ll always be with you.

Those were the words he said, not Heechul. They wrote their own vows 5 years ago and while she promised to do best she could as his wife, he promised to constantly be her stronghold.

Changmin had wanted to speak more. He had quite a few choice words to share in his rage, but was held by a hand on his shoulder. As a chief surgeon, Changmin knew that the doctors working under him are best equipped to deal with their patients than a friend could, as the boss he made it a point not to interfere in another doctor’s business unless necessary. The young doctor took a step back and let the gynaecologist do her job.

Dr. Gyuri followed after the distressed husband of her patient when she was sure her colleagues, the haematologist and the paediatrician she had treated during their pregnancies, could take care of their friend.

As a fertility expert, she had seen many such cases on her short career of 8 years. Often, it is the partner, and not the infertile person itself, that is the most distraught. So Gyuri decided to speak to Siwon first.

“Siwon-ssi, please don’t up and leave when I’m not done talking.” Her voice was gentle, yet there was the underlying warning in it, “what you did wasn’t right, yet it wasn’t unusual. But you can still fix this by going back in there and being the husband your wife needs right now and in the coming days. You can always adopt, but if you’re still insistent to have your own child, I can tell you that Heechul-ssi may be able to conceive after fertility treatment. I already spoke to her and she said that she’s willing to do whatever you want. So now the question is, Siwon-ssi, what do you want? Because if you want the treatment then you can’t be this dejected, mopey dude who will run to the corner and cry every time his wife holds a negative pregnancy test. This treatment is not easy and she needs her spouse more than some medicines to get through it.”

“so what say, hyung?”

Siwon raised his arm to Changmin as sign to help him up. Changmin obliged, a small smile tugging at both their lips. “I’d like to speak to my wife.” The two doctors were hopeful of the outcome, so they gave him all the leeway he needed.

When Siwon opened the door, he was greeted by a glaring Jaejoong. Her anger episodes were rare and epic to say the least. So when they did show up, the one to whom the anger is directed to knows that they really ed up.

“I’m sorry Jae. Let me talk to her. I’ll make it up, promise.”

“you better.” Her voice was steely and cold, something he had only witnessed twice long ago, once at Changmin in college and another at another classmate from college, a first time directed to him. He looked down, not daring to meet those cold big doe eyes, as Jaejoong called Kibum and they both left the room.

“Heechul?” Siwon called in a low voice. He was answered by a sniffle. Siwon followed the sound that came from behind the curtain that separated the examination area from the office. When he drew the curtain, he found his wife sitting on the examination chair, her back facing him. “Heechul, I-”

“I’m sorry.” Heechul said out loud, “I’m willing to do whatever it takes to give you the child you always wanted, I don’t care if its