Double Update! Make sure you read the previous chapter before reading this one.

Jaejin didn’t know if she should be proud of her daughter or take her away from this place. Jaejoong had not even reacted to her father’s sudden disappearance, a fact that disturbs Jaejin even three months after Hyunjoong walked out on them. She’s slightly relieved that she’s no longer in suspense, waiting for when he finally makes that choice. But now that he’s gone, she feels stupid. Even after all these years of his cold-hearted behaviour, she still loves him and wishes he didn’t leave.

She wished he was here now more than ever. Jaejin looks at her daughter, sniffling and holding her tears on the chair beside her grandfather’s picture. This seven-year-old is trying to show the world she is strong, like she promised her grandfather before he died.

Jaejin still remembers her father-in-law’s eyes moments before he died. Ever since Hyunjoong left, the shock affected Yoongi’s health. Jaejin, with all her medical skills, couldn’t keep him alive. She wanted to apologize to him for that, for not giving him more time with his granddaughter.

But when she saw him, he apologized instead. He didn’t say what for, but his eyes spoke volumes. He looked at her with such pain, like he was her criminal, like he was the one who walked out on his family. At that moment, Jaejin knew Kim Yoongi died with a lot of regret.

She pulled her daughter close and closed her eyes, praying that Yoongi finds peace now.

Junsu was restless in her spot. She was sitting next to her father while her mother took it upon herself to attend to the guests here for the wake. It was the little girl’s first introduction to the concept of death. And she’s not liking it.

She can see grownups cry and grownups don’t cry. And the whole atmosphere is depressing. She wants to call Joongie to play with the unicorn plushies.

Junsu tugs at her father’s sleeve and when he looks at her inquiringly, she whispers, “thirsty.” Her father points to a table of refreshments, “tell your Mama to get you something.”

Junsu jumps off the chair and toddles to the table, fully intent on bypassing her mother and getting her own water like the grown girl she is. She passed the open door but then stopped. She came back to the door and curiously watched the back of a familiar man leave.

~~~

Hyunjoong hurried home after he took a half-day from work. He wanted to plan something special for Hyuna. He put the flowers on the table, deciding he’d decorate a vase with it as a centrepiece later and prepared Hyuna’s favourite dishes.

They just found out she’s pregnant last night. Well, actually he did. She knew a week ago but didn’t tell until last night. He was getting all excited by himself while she just looked solemn. He thinks it’s because she found out already.

He got one of the pregnancy books he bought on the way and began reading while the food simmered on the stove. He was through the first ten pages already when he heard the door open.

Excitedly, he sat up on the chair and smiled, “Welcome home. In here.”

Hyuna came over to the kitchen/dining area and frowned. The table was set up fancily, there’s more than the usual food being prepared, and Hyunjoong is reading what is clearly a pregnancy book. “What are you doing?”

“reading.” An oblivious Hyunjoong showed the book, “these are pretty interesting. We should get a few more.” Hyunjoong went through a book when Jaejin was pregnant, but with his preoccupations, he wasn’t interested that time. But it’s different now and he wants to be more prepared. “Why don’t you clean up quickly so we can get started. You need to eat a lot.”

Hyuna watched him serve the food, but she didn’t move. She felt a ripple of frustration like can’t he tell how she’s feeling right now. when she sees him place the book so carefully on the side, she bursts out, “I don’t want this baby.”

Hyunjoong’s movements halt. He slowly, almost fearfully looks at Hyuna with wide eyes. His face is begging as if asking her if he heard right or if she’s serious. That makes her more anxious and frustrated and she looks away, “I don’t want a kid right now. I’m going to get an abortion tomorrow.”

“What?” Hyunjoong nearly lost it. he didn’t even get to talk to her about this and she’s gone and decided to terminate the pregnancy herself! “It’s our child! What’s wrong with you?”

“What’s wrong with You? Why are you so attached to something that is only less than two months old?”

“I’m the father!”

“you’re a glorified -donor. We’re not even married. This child is mine to do as I wish. And I wish I don’t have it.”

“Is this what is the problem? Marriage? You know we can  get married right now. I’m ready. It’s you who keeps putting it off.”

“Marriage, kids. I don’t have time for this.” Hyuna angrily flung her bag and coat somewhere as she stalked off to the living room, Hyunjoong in tow, “I told you, I want to focus on my career. Do you have any idea how tough it is for women in sports management? It’s a bloody male field. I need to give my hundred percent if I want to make it. and I can’t do that while managing kids.”

“You don’t have to do it alone. I’ll be there.” Hyunjoong grabbed her hand but she slapped it away.

“You don’t get it!” she groaned, “It doesn’t matter if you’re there. It just doesn’t. Kids are just not part of my plan right now.”

“Can’t you just try? Let’s go ahead with the pregnancy and maybe you’ll rethink it’s not such a bad thing. And if you don’t then…” Hyunjoong took a deep breath to say it as calmly as he could, “the baby and I will be out of your hair.”

Hyuna looked at the man with a coldness he never knew she was capable of. Both are screaming inside to get to see each other’s point of view, Hyuna more than him. “I’m going to say this just once. It’s my body. And that thing is growing inside my body. I don’t need your permission to do what I want with my body. I’ve fixed it with the doctor and I’m getting the abortion. You can stay or leave, it’s your choice.”

Hyuna stalked off to the bedroom and closed the door. The clicking sound indicated she had locked the door. Hyunjoong was rooted there for how long he didn’t know.

When he heard her move inside the room, he woke up from his stupor. He guesses she’s getting ready for the hospital stay. That thought finally hits Hyunjoong. “She’s really doing it….” he whispers to the quietness of the room.

He wills his legs to move, ignoring the food and grabbing a coat. He needs some fresh air and goes for a walk, not caring its past 9 in the night.

The next day, as Hyuna  is preparing to go the hospital, she sees Hyunjoong right when he’s walking out the door to go to work. She spots the pregnancy book in the trashcan and without thinking much of it, she leaves for the hospital.

~~~

It’s been more than a week since Hyuna returned. She had recuperated at a friend’s house because she couldn’t trust Hyunjoong at that moment.

When she was back, she was surprised to see he’s still there but didn’t say anything. Things were too gloomy between them the first few days. They weren’t speaking at all. Hyunjoong would walk past her like she’s a disembodied ghost.

Since he’s still here, Hyuna decided they can’t go on like this and tries to remove the tension between them. she starts with small talk, asking him what he wants for meals and how was his day. he initially gave very brief answers, almost like he doesn’t want to talk to her. as he started having longer conversations, she wished he’d go back to giving her the cold shoulder.

Hyunjoong couldn’t bring himself to even look at her. he was just too angry. After a while, the anger somehow turned to himself, that he still loves her. When she told him to leave, the infuriated part of him wanted to not return from that walk that night. But then he did, dressed up and left for work. He’s mad at himself that he still stays with her, that he has nowhere to go but her.

There was a huge cloud of ‘what ifs’ in his mind. He began thinking what would it have been if Hyuna had kept the child. Somehow, he doesn’t see a domestic image. It feels unreal. Like it’s impossible for them to have a family. When that thought came, he’d lose awareness of Hyuna and it looked like he’s ignoring her.

Then he began doing what he never did since he met her. he compared her to Jaejin.

Those ‘what ifs’ with Hyuna somehow became ‘what if it was Jaejin?’. He imagined a world where he never left her and their daughter. Unlike how it felt like a deadend with Hyuna, his imagination would take an almost cinematic turn. He’d constantly picture himself playing with Jaejoong. He’d feel her hug him lovingly like she did on her birthday that one time, only this time it’s a proper hug instead of grabbing his legs because she’s a tall beautiful woman. He imagines scaring off boys, watching her graduate and becoming a doctor like her mother and looking like an angel when he walks her down the aisle on her wedding.

Hyuna should have left him alone. When he began talking, his thoughts began spilling out loud.

It started with him telling her not to cook dakgangjeong because it’s not the same as Jaejin’s. well, he caught his tongue and said it’s not the way he wants.

Then he told her to stop giving him those strawberry cereals and one day he blurted out that Jaejoong likes strawberry. She pretended she didn’t hear.

Once he began giving her very specific instructions for laundry. They usually do their own but she was obviously trying to appease him by doing his. And he began telling her how she needed to scrub the cuffs and collars like Jaejin used to do. Then he told her to turn all the pants inside out, like Jaejin used to do. And how to not mix the fluffy coats so the lint from the lining didn’t come on the shirts like Jaejin always told him.

The final straw was when she was cleaning and came across two things- a picture of Jaejoong and old stuffed bunny. Hyunjoong had taken more than just those pictures from her seventh birthday. He even took the bunny she hugged to sleep when she was a baby. For some reason Hyunjoong got really mad and snatched them away.

“why are you hanging on to them?” she asked icily.

“none of your business.” He said as he put the things in his office bag intending to keep them at work from now on.

“You left them.”

“It’s None. Of Your. Business.”

The two exchanged heated glares, panting though they barely yelled or spoke much. Hyuna’s patience was running thin and she finally said what has been at the tip of her tongue for days.

“You came to me. You made that choice. Now you’re all about them just coz I don’t want a kid. Well, you know what? You are a deadbeat dad. you have no right. you should just throw those things away.” She pointed at his bag where the photo and toy were.

Hyunjoong’s jaw was tight. He has no right? she has no right to say that. “You know what I think? I think you’re still insecure even after all these years when I picked you over everyone.”

“Shouldn’t I be?” Hyuna shrieked, no longer caring if she’s too loud, “haven’t you been going ‘Jaejoong this’ and ‘Jaejoong that’ all these days? You’ve done no favours picking me. You had the choice and you made it. if you’re regretting it, then why don’t you just go back.”

They glared at each other more. Hyuna was breathing heavily after her outburst. Hyunjoong was calm, almost cruelly cold. Without a sound, he walked to their bedroom much to her confusion.

Hyuna didn’t know what to do, so she just sat on the couch. The silence was deafening so she the TV to th