Chapter 16: Sorry

(Seulbi's POV)

They say that being Sorry is the highest act of selfishness, seeing value only after discarding it. I do feel stupid right now. I found out that Jinhwan left the house last night, he left the country to be exact. I went to harsh on him. I didn't mean what i've said. Will he come back? I wish he do. I can't imagine my life without a nagging cousin who acts as if he's my father, I can't imagine my life without a bipolar cousin who makes me laugh and cry at the same time. I can't imagine my life without the only family i have. And yes, I do feel sorry.

I woke up with a heavy heart and an aching head. Crying so much is painful. I hurriedly went to the kitchen to make Mark and Kai breakfast. After preparing their food, I grabbed my jacket and headed to the falls, alone. The Cheon Jihyun waterfalls of jeju-do. My favorite hiding place. When my parents died, and no one can't comfort me, I always go to this place. It's so peaceful and i can breathe.

Being occupied as ever, all the memories in my past keeps flashing back in. When the first time i started to walk. When my Grandparents discovered i have a wonderful voice. When Jinhwan's 10th birthday and he got a puppy. When Jinhwan was a crying-wreck because his puppy died. When Baekhyun confessed that he likes me in 4th grade. When my parents died with Jinhwan's parents. When Baekhyun tried to comfort me. Whe Baekhyun asked me to be his girlfriend. When the first time I met Hanbin and Jiwon because Jinhwan brought them over. When Baekhyun left me because of his dreams. When I bumped into Kai's life. The night that Me and Kai vowed to the stars that we will love each other forever. When he left because his dreams are more important. When Grandfather died. When Jinhwan decided that we should move to America. When I met Mark until I became Sapphire Ahn. I've been through alot of things. It's funny how i survived. How did I even survived? It's because of Jinhwan. He held me not to loose hope. I'm so stupid for letting him go. I want to say Sorry, but something is blocking me to do so .. my Ego. Is my Ego more important than Jinhwan? No. I just can't let my ego go bye-bye just like that because that's the only thing left inside my body.

"I was right! You are here :)" someone said from behind.

"What are you doing here? Did you eat? I prepared breakfast" i said as he sat down beside me.

"I can't eat especially when you're not around. Why are you here?" Kai asked

"Just ... thinking." I answered

"Thinking about what? About me?" he teasingly smiled.

"yeah you! On how on earth i will be able to help you" i teased back.

"Bringing me here again is already a big help, Seulbi. And thank you. For not giving up on me." He said.

"Kai, can I ask you something?" I asked and he nodded right away "Why do you love me?"

"Because ... I don't know. Seulbi, Love isn't supposed to be defined, it's supposed to be felt. When I'm with you my heart beats fast, I know this sounds crazy and cheesy but I am truly, madly and deeply in love with you. I love you" He confessed.

"What will you do when i tell you that I don't have any feelings for you anymore?" I asked and he froze.

"I ... don't know.  I seriously don't know what i'm going to do. Seulbi, those years that i'm away to you are most terrible years i have been to. You don't know how much I wanted to be with you again. I wanted to go back to the days that you're mine and mine only."

"But you can't. I may be yours if you wished, but you will never be mine. Because you're Kai. You belong to your fans" I said.

"Then I will quit everything. I will leave the group .. just plase don't reject me"

"No. You cant quit. You left me because of your job .. might as well continue what you've started. I don't want to be the reason for your fans disappointments. Think about the others, They already lost one, and i'm pretty sure they don't want to loose you" I said looking away.

"We can hide our relationship" that was the most idiotic words i had ever hear in my entire life.

"No way. Kai, can't you understand? What i'm trying to say is ... I don't love you anymore."

"LIES! I KNOW YOU STILL LOVE ME. WHY CANT YOU LOVE ME AGAIN? IS IT BECAUSE OF MARK? WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO TO MAKE YOU WANT ME AGAIN? SEULBI PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME" Kai cried.

"We're already over 4 years ago, Jongin. People change and feelings fade. I don't love you anymore and that's final. Please don't make this hard for me." I said trying to walk away but he gripped on my wrist and hugged me. I hugged hm back, because I know that this will be the last.

"Please don't say that. Seulbi, I will make you fall in love with me again." he said burrying his face to my neck.

"You can't do that" I whispered.

"I see you everyday, ofcourse I can do that."

"I'm quit, Jongin. I already called your company that I'll be leaving the job." I said and he pulled away from the hug.

"What? No. You can't do that. Why did you do that? Do you hate me that much? I love you, Seulbi. Please don't leave. Please keep me" he said and I sighed.

"Sorry. Pack your things. Your company will be fetching you tonight. Jongin, I'm sorry" I said.

"You're cruel"

"You pushed me to be the person i never wanted to be ... Sorry, and I love you" I whispered the last part. I know that he didn't heard it.

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2 months had passed after I left the job as a psychiatrist for Jongin. I didn't payed a visit to their company because i'm afraid of seeing him again. Jinhwan never called me or anything. I don't know where he is. I asked Hanbin and Jiwon about Jinhwan whereabouts but they said th