Chapter 5 - These are mine confessions

‘’So… this movie we were supposed to watch,’’ I trailed in an attempt to change the subject.

‘’Nice try, Aerin. Really nice,’’ Chaerin laughed as she opened her bag of Lay’s chips. Jea sat on her bed, looking at me with curious eyes. I could tell she was curious, but somehow she wasn’t being as noisy as she normally would. That’s when I realized that she was only really noisy when it came to business regarding Chaerin, somehow. 

‘’We were at this part were the lead male met the lead female again after so many years… Allie was her name right? They were about to have this really passionate kiss,’’ I continued, trying to drop the subject.

‘’You are about to experience a passionate kiss like that soon too,’’ Chaerin teased as she wiggled her eyebrows. I could tell that she tried to hold in her laughter when she noticed my startled expression. Jea couldn’t hold it in however and that’s when she started to laugh really loudly. I just rolled my eyes. I’ve noticed how I tended to do that a lot whenever I would be with them.

‘’With who? Jongup, Daehyun or maybe some random other guy I will meet tomorrow?’’ I asked in order to make Chaerin see how stupid her statement was.

‘’You bad girl,’’ Jea joked in between her laughs. I threw a pillow at her face in response but laughed too nonetheless. They were crazy.

‘’But seriously,’’ Chaerin said in between her laughing. ‘’What was taking you so long?’’

‘’We were just taking a break at the playground,’’ I shrugged, ‘’he bought a lot of snacks and it was quite heavy, so... you know we were there for quite a long time to catch our breaths.’’

Both Jea and Chaerin gave me this knowing look. This interrogation was ridiculous. I didn’t like Daehyun in the way they were thinking, I barely knew him. I was charmed by him, yes, but wasn’t everyone? Wasn’t that what he was known for anyway? He was handsome, he dressed nicely and he was nice with a touch of arrogant. It was the perfect mix every girl would swoon over. Somehow guys with this so called bad boy aura were sought after, so yes he was this fantasy many girls had about the perfect guy. I knew for a fact that no one was perfect though and the same should apply to Jung Daehyun. I just didn’t know him well enough to know about his flaws yet and that had been the case for many girls of our school.

‘’He said something about owning you, what was that about?’’ Jea asked curiously.

And so I started to tell them how I met him just yesterday because of Choi Yuna. How I gave him a ride and he had this thought that, apparently, he owned me for it. They listened carefully as if this story was really interesting, it wasn’t.

‘’Jung Daehyun and Choi Yuna have this history, right?’’ Jea asked all of sudden before she stuffed a hand of chips in . Her question was probably meant for Chaerin since I didn’t really bother much with gossip. Everything I knew, I knew through Soojin and she talked about everyone. It was hard to keep track on who was hooking up with who. I mainly knew the stories, not the names and faces related to it however.

‘’I honestly wouldn’t know about that. She hasn’t mentioned something about it,’’ Chaerin shrugged casually.

My eyes wandered to the nightstand, my drink was still there. I started sipping it.

‘’I did hear from some girls that they were sleeping together though,’’ Chaerin stated suddenly which resulted in me almost spitting my drink out. Jea looked at me with a frown. I didn’t know why I was so surprised. I thought something was going on between the two of them when I saw her flirting with him nearby the bike stalls. This shouldn’t come as a surprise so why was it?

‘’I hear a lot of stories of her sleeping around with guys, honestly I think it’s just jealousy because she is friendly with a lot of people, including some handsome boys. Girls will start to talk, you know,’’ Jea pointed out in Yuna’s defense. Jea’s point made sense. Many girl didn’t like Choi Yuna for some reason. Even Soojin. Sometimes she would make certain remarks about her whenever Choi Yuna would walk past us in the hallway. It often made me wonder if and why Soojin didn’t like her. Whenever I would ask her about her reasons she would say that sometimes you just don’t like people. I left it at that, because I sort of understood. Besides I envied Choi Yuna too sometimes. She seemed like the girl who had everything coming for her with ease. I also knew she was nice though, so I wasn’t the type of girl to badmouth her to make me feel better about myself.

Chaerin shrugged. ‘’Could be. She’s really good looking after all, and a bit naïve too.’’

‘’You’re a like that too Chaerin. So can we go back to watching the movie now?’’ Chaerin gave me this look that was supposed to look like she was offended, while she wasn’t. It was this fake pout of hers. I laughed.

‘’Yes we should watch further, it is about to become very romantic and y!’’ She squealed ignoring my insult.

‘’Don’t spoil!’’ Jea and I called at the same time which caused Chaerin to laugh.

When the movie ended both Jea and Chaerin were in tears. ‘’It was so romantic!’’

I chuckled. It was a very sweet and romantic story, the type that made my own life look dull. As if I was missing out on something… on great love.

‘’We will have a story like this of our own once,’’ Chaerin cooed happily. I wasn’t so sure about that, at least not for me.

‘’Easy for you to talk. You got boys lying at the bottom of your feet,’’ Jea muttered. I agreed with her on this one though Jea had some admirers of her own too, the only one really missing out was me.

‘’That’s not true!’’ Chaerin almost yelled. ‘’Besides the one I’m interested in doesn’t really bother with me that much, yet,’’ she muttered that last part under her breath.

What… Kim Chaerin had interest in some one? How come she never told us that? Both Jea and I looked shocked.

‘’What did you say?’’ I asked in disbelief. Chaerin dug her face into the pillow in embarrassment.

‘’Tell us!’’ Jea demanded excitedly.

‘’No! He is not even that handsome, you guys will laugh at me!’’ She muttered into the pillow.

Jea frowned whereas I laughed. ‘’Liking someone isn’t always about the looks Chaerin.’’

At those words Chaerin began to sit up straight, looked us right in the eye, ‘’promise not to tease me?’’ She asked. Jea and I both nodded.

‘’Okay it is…’’ she began as she fiddled with her fingers, ‘’it is…’’ she didn't even bother to finish because suddenly she dug herself into the pillow again. ‘’I can’t tell. I’m so embarrassed!’’ She muttered again. Both Jea and I rolled our eyes.

She sat straight again, giving it another try. ‘’We won’t tease,’’ Jea tried to encourage her. Chaerin was blushing and believe me, that was definitely a first.

‘’Okay it’s… Bang Yongguk,’’ she spoke before she dug into her pillow once again. A silence fell upon us. Jea and I were both at a loss of words. It’s not that it was bad, it wasn’t at all. We just didn’t expect Chaerin to fall for a guy like him. He seemed like this intimidating guy at first glance. I hardly knew him though, I had only heard about him and I faintly knew what he looked like.

“He’s handsome I guess,’’ I broke the silence.

Chaerin smiled shyly at this, as if I was complimenting her rather than him.

‘’Wow, I… I didn’t expect that one,’’ Jea said still surprised or rather shocked. ‘’You mean the one, sitting downstairs… right now, right?’’

My eyes widened in surprise. Sitting downstairs? It hadn’t registered that Bang Yongguk had been among the group of friends. It proved that I indeed faintly knew what he looked like.

Chaerin nodded. I realized that I have never seen her this shy and embarrassed. Chaerin wasn’t the type to get embarrassed. She was always quite confident even if she did embarrassing things. She would do everything with pride. It was weird to see her so vulnerable, but at the same time this vulnerability made her really pretty, beautiful even. I know that sounds weird but somehow it was true.

‘’How?’’ Jea asked, stealing the question that was lingering on my own lips. She had never mentioned him before and Chaerin had always been very outspoken when it came to boys. He’s cute, he'll become mine very soon and I wouldn’t mind waking up next to him every day were sayings she threw around quite often whenever she spotted a simple crush of her. Those sayings were never related to a certain Bang Yongguk however.

‘’I don’t know… I just...’’ She tried to speak. I was really amazed at this other side of her. Sure she had crushes before, relationships even, but I never saw her as flustered as this, ‘’we had PE together this one time. It was weird since he is a year above us and we normally don’t have PE with his class. It was something about Mr. Choi being absent, so… we his class was added to mine.’’

This piece of information wasn’t even interesting so both Jea and I gave her this blank stare which meant she should just cut to the chase.

‘’So we were playing soccer and you know how much I at that,’’ she continued, twirling her hair nervously. Jea quickly nodded. She had PE with Chaerin and so she knew for a fact that Chaerin did in sports, especially soccer. ‘’We got teamed up and it was really a guy asses team who just wanted to win badly. I was really nervous about screwing up since these guys were older and almost the whole team consisted of guys. There was only one girl besides me and she was pretty good, which didn’t help at all! I tried to do my best, I really did but I can’t help that I ! I mean I’m already pretty and cool what more do you want, right?’’

I scoffed, it was typical of Chaerin to turn situations like this into conceited one. Both Jea and I just rolled our eyes, yet again.

‘’So I was really as usual and the guys on the team got sick of me and started to complain and it made me feel very uncomfortable, especially since they were much more intimidating than the guys from our year. Yongguk he… he stood up for me and told them that I was trying my best and that they shouldn’t be that hard on me since it was just a game and it was clear that I had tried my best. He even joked that those guys were weaklings for taking their anger out on a girl that was a year below them. He gave me this smile and pat on my shoulder and I… I just freaking melted right on the spot, for no particular reason I just did,’’ she smiled as she recalled that moment.

‘’Oh! I remember that time I was in the much gentler team!'' Jea chuckled, ''but… That was like two months ago! How come you haven’t told us!’’

‘’I just wasn’t sure if I really liked him. Besides it would be weird because he is friends with your brother and stuff,’’ she played with her fingers again.

‘’Like I care about that! I think my brothers friends are nice, for as far I know them, so if you were to date anyone it would be good if it was one of them,’’ she chirped happily. Chaerin looked hooked. I was quiet, I just couldn’t believe it.

‘’What are you going to do about it,’’ I asked when I finally recovered.

‘’Chase after him of course. I am not letting this go without even trying. I’m already talking to him on a daily basis after all,’’ she answered as if it was nothing. I was amazed that she was this determined to make him hers. She had the confidence to do that and apparently she was already succeeding.

‘’You should come here more often, he is here a lot. Even more than the rest of them. He is the closest to my brother,’’ Jea almost squealed. She looked happier than Chaerin did, ‘’I will hook you guys up, don’t worry!’’  

They almost made it seem as if the romance of their friend was their own. I guess 'love' could make you really happy and both of them knew that, which is why they wanted it so desperately for the ones they cared about. That included me, which is why they would assume that every contact I made with the other gender involved romance even though it didn’t… at all.

We were lying in bed talking about almost everything we could possibly talk about. Chaerin talked the most, about the feelings she harbored for Yongguk. She seemed this other person now. She talked so carefree and relaxed about it, it gave me this feeling that it was something she wanted to tell some time ago. Now that she finally did it was probably all she wanted to talk about.

‘’What is it like… to like somebody. How do you know you like him, like... in a romantic way?’’ I asked genuinely curious. I’ve liked people before, or at least I thought so. They were innocent crushes when I was younger, but they had never changed me the way I saw Chaerin change right now. What was the difference between a simple crush and actually liking someone genuinely, how would one know?

‘’It’s like… I get nervous whenever I’m close to him, or something related to him. Like how I’m quite nervous right now because he is downstairs. It’s nervous in a good way though,’’ she quickly added that last sentence when she took notice of my confused expression. ‘’I can’t explain how I know… I just know. I just want to be with him and he makes me want to be good enough for him. Also, when we were watching The Notebook for example, I fantasized about me being Allie and him being Noah. I want to have passionate kisses with him like that. Whenever something slightly romantic comes up I see his face. He is just… you know… constantly filling up my thoughts, if that makes sense. I know it had only been two months, maybe even less. But I still feel like this, sometimes it just hits you for no real reason.’’

Jea looked very mesmerized by Chaerin’s words. She even let out a soft squeal. Chaerin made liking somebody sound like this really good feeling. It made me somewhat jealous.

I truly hoped that Bang Yongguk would come to like Chaerin though, because she certainly deserved it.

Everyone deserves a chance at love.