Chapter 26 - Company loves misery

‘’Who is coming again?’’ Jea asked as she reached for the bowl with chips before she casually threw the salty snack into . She was lazing on the couch while I, on the other hand, worked hard to hang the last piece of the decoration, together with little Yejin who was, unlike Jea, excited in helping me out. Chaerin had been upstairs for quite a while now, dressing herself up. She needed to look flawless, since it was her day – her words. And so she had given us the instructions to hang the balloons. In the end it was me doing all of it however. It was a trait of Jea to be lazy and that trait was showing right at this moment.

‘’I don’t know. She said three of her classmates. Oh yeah, and Maeri as well,’’ I answered before I jumped off the chair I had been standing on. Yejin passed the tape and scissors she was holding for me and I thanked her with a ruffle of her hair before the said girl withdrew herself to play on her Nintendo DS.

‘’Oh, Maeri as well. Cool.’’

‘’Yup,’’ I confirmed and nodded as I put the scissors and tape away in its right place. I shared PE with Kang Maeri and so I knew the girl for quite a bit. She was friendly, someone whose presence you would appreciate. It was a relief that she would be present. Present amidst the girls I wouldn’t know all too well. Knowing at least one face besides Jea and Chaerin was nice.

‘’How do I look?’’ Chaerin asked, demanding our attention as she suddenly stood at the foot of the stairs. She wore pretty simple. Simple yet very chic: A nice white blouse together with a gold big necklace. Her blouse was tugged within her black jeans. Her hair was straightened - as she usually had a bit of waves in her hair - and her make-up looked very professionally done, which probably explained why she had been upstairs for so long.

‘’Fabulous,’’ I answered as I playfully clicked my tongue. Chaerin smiled brightly before she sat down besides Jea and took the decorated living room in. She seemed satisfied as she watched everything with this certain content smile. One I had learned about throughout all our years of friendship.

‘’Chaerin, who did you invite again?’’ Jea repeated the question she had asked minutes ago.

‘’Maeri and three classmates. Eunji, Sujin and Yuna.’’

Yuna. Choi Yuna.

Somewhere I felt unsettled with the thought of Yuna coming over and spending the night. I knew that it was unreasonable, but somehow I grew quite the dislike towards the girl. Whenever I saw her in school I automatically grew a bit disgusted with everything she seemed to do. The way she would smile so sweetly to literally everyone. The way she always looked as if she stepped right out of a magazine cover. They were all things that irked me about her. The biggest annoyance was, of course, her being somewhere close with Daehyun. I simply didn’t know what to think about the whole situation regarding the two of them and I honestly hadn’t given it much thought either. Whenever Daehyun would talk to me, something he did two times - I was keeping count - after that first time, all of that was forgotten anyway, but whenever I would see Yuna all of those insecurities regarding them came back to me again. It was annoying. It was annoying to not know how to feel. To forget and feel good whenever Daehyun would keep me occupied and to, then, be thrown right back at those insecurities almost right after with the simple sight or thought of her.

It was exactly 18:07 when the last two guests arrived and if I hadn’t known that it was Chaerin’s birthday I could almost have mistaken it to be Yuna’s. Seriously, I couldn’t imagine that she would always dress up like she seemed to do. I thought that Chaerin was extreme but even she couldn’t tip Yuna. The latter sweetly greeted the people present as she was one of two guest to arrive at last. She walked over to Chaerin and gave her a hug as she congratulated her with her ninetheenth birthday. It was a thing everybody had done up until now. Almost as if it were a protocol. Honestly it was quite a weird sight. I knew that Chaerin was pretty much of a social girl, but it was as if I had forgotten about it. She always hung out with Jea and I anyway. It felt a little weird that she had quite some friends, who she was, apparently, rather close with.

It was around 22:30 when all of us got used to each other, laughed and even talked comfortably about whatever. We were already in our sleep wear and I had regretted my choice of sleeping clothes. Most of the girls were wearing cute shorts along with cute sweaters or dresses, two of the girls - Sujin and Eunji - even wore a sleeping mask. I, on the other hand, wore a way too big sweatpants together with an old washed out T-shirt that didn’t do my body any justice. On my feet were my woolen socks as I easily got cold. It was safe to say that I hadn’t cared much about the outer appearance of my wardrobe, but now that everyone looked quite decent and was either taking pictures or snaps I felt that I perhaps should’ve put more effort as well.

 ‘’Okay,’’ Chaerin sang as she downed the last remaining of our self-made cocktails. She was the only one to finish her beverage as quickly as she had done, as the other girls had at least one glass of the liquid still in front of them. For me that was two as I wasn’t as fast with drinking alcohol. Especially not cocktails made out of Jack Daniels – though it was only a little bit. ‘’Let’s play a game,’’ she engaged, snapping me out of my thoughts, as she stood up and walked towards one of her cabinets. She grabbed a little box that lay on top of it before she took her original seat again.

‘’What kind of game is that?’’ Sujin asked amused as she stretched her right arm around Yuna’s shoulder while the other arms rested around Eunji’s neck. I guessed that the three of them were close friends. They always had lunch break together after all. 

‘’It’s called topic starter – Girls Edition. It’s basically a set of cards with questions on them. I ask them, or anyone can, and we answer them. If we find certain answers from certain people interesting, we can ask that person to elaborate. That way you get really interesting conversations in which we also get to know each other,’’ Chaerin explained as she carefully opened the box.

So that was the game Chaerin bought that day in the mall, I thought as I nervously shifted in my seat. I figured that games such as ‘topic starter’ could ask some pretty personal questions. Honestly, therefore, I wasn’t really that fond of the idea of playing this game. The ambiance had been great and so I had no doubt that this would turn out to be some nice girl talk in which we could truly get to know each other and have some fun wit some of the answers. The problem, however, was that in which I didn’t know if I actually wanted to be that personal in the first place.

‘’Let’s get this straight first. We are all girls. We are having a nice time and there is no need to feel uncomfortable or ashamed. We can talk freely and everything we say stays within these walls, understood?’’ Chaerin told sternly.

‘’Okay so, first question. What is the most embarrassing thing you’ve done when you were drunk?’’ She read slowly and amused.

‘’Oh god honestly whenever I’m drunk, I’m really drunk so I can’t even recall,’’ Sujin told us in hysterical laughter, which caused us to laugh along with her. I didn’t know the girl all too well, but it was pretty obvious that she was rather outspoken and… crazy even.

''I never got drunk,’’ Maeri admitted innocently.

‘’Me neither,’’ both Eunji and I spoke simultaneously.

‘’Well, I did get drunk but I don’t recall doing something totally embarrassing?’’ Jea answered unsurely as she watched the ceiling trying to find out if the answer was perhaps there. It obviously wasn’t. Jea’s characterization rarely knew that however.

Yuna took a sip from her cocktail before opened, probably to give her answer to the just asked question. ‘’There is this guy I happen to like and I told him that I loved him,’’ she confessed not even all too shyly. There fell a silence. Her answer made me uneasy. Very uneasy. I couldn’t register what was happening but my heart was suddenly beating very fast as if danger was approaching. It was unreal.

‘’Who?’’ I heard Maeri question curiously as I mentally told my beating heart to calm down.

‘’That wasn’t the question,’’ Yuna dismissed with a laugh before she took a gulp from the remaining of her cocktail.

‘’That’s why this game is called topic starter,’’ Jea pointed out as she took a sip from her own drink as well.

‘’She doesn’t have to talk about if she doesn’t want to,’’ Chaerin explained matter-of-factly as she was about to the take the next card from the box. She did it rather quickly, almost as if she didn’t even want to hear anymore.

‘’We will let you off the hook for now then, Yuna,’’ Sujin joked as she gave the girl a playful push.

Honestly I felt so weird at the moment. Yuna didn’t directly tell that the guy she had been referring to was Daehyun, but there was still a great possibility it was him. And if it was him, what did he say in response? My mind was making up all the possible scenarios and somehow none of them really satisfied me. If she got rejected she wouldn’t tell us so open about her confessing in the first place right? That would be kind of embarrassing after all, right?

I didn’t know the answer to all of the questions I was asking myself and therefore my mind became fuzzy. I took a big gulp from my cocktail and told myself, once again, to calm down. Surprisingly, the beverage did just that. I was relaxing a bit and so I took another sip.

‘’Okay so next. Would you rather have a good looking but poor guy, or a rich and ugly guy?’’

All of us agreed that we rather had a good looking but poor guy, except Sujin, who defended herself with the argument: Money can buy looks. An argument I - in all honesty - had to agree with. Sujin turned out to be quite the mood maker in this group. Her blunt and funny answers to the questions caused everyone to laugh and relax more around each other. The effect of the little alcohol might’ve caused it as well. I decided to leave my third and last drink to be. For my own good.

‘’Do you have any hidden talent? If yes, demonstrate,’’ Chaerin read the following question.

It was quiet for a moment, all the girls very much in thought about this question and a so called talent.

‘’I don’t think I have one,’’ I shrugged finally.

‘’Don’t lie! You totally do Aerin!’’ Jea suddenly exclaimed hysterically. Her statement made the girls look at me with much surprise. I could only raise a brow at Jea. I didn’t know what she was talking about.

‘’Aerin can dance to almost every girl group dance!’’ Jea explained.

‘’Yes, yes it’s true!’’ Chaerin confirmed with an amused laugh.

‘’That’s not true,’’ I muttered embarrassed as I wasn’t convinced that my dancing was actually a hidden talent. I was never serious whenever I danced after all. It was only sometimes for fun to amuse Jea and Chaerin.

‘’I want to see!’’ Maeri exclaimed as she nudged me to stand up and demonstrate this so called hidden talent I possessed.

‘’No!’’ I laughed, not really intending to give in.

‘’Please Aerin, just this once as an extra birthday gift?’’ Chaerin tried to pout cutely. The pout didn’t work, but after a fair share of the girls pleading me to show them I finally gave in anyway. Chaerin had set her phone ready, probably to start some music and to take some pictures and clips as well. Most of the girls followed her example and I didn’t oppose. They had been filming and photographing everything ever since they entered anyway. Apparently all of it had been posted on Snapchat. I guess that the world just needed to see how much fun all of these girls were having and so every happening was posted on that medium. It was a phoneme, of this generation, I never really understood but accepted nonetheless.

‘’Okay start!’’ Sujin smiled as she cued Chaerin to play the music.

The volume of Chaerin’s phone wasn’t all too loud as Yejin and Mrs. Kim were sleeping upstairs and the first song to play was SNSD’s Mr.Mr. That song came out only some days ago, however, and so I dismissed the song as I had no clue how the actual routine went. I secretly hoped that that would be the case for all the songs Chaerin would choose to play, but of course it wasn’t.

Ma-ma-ma-ma Madonna, donna.

Secret’s Madonna was a song I, indeed and unfortunately, knew the dance to.

‘’She actually knows it!’’ Sujin pointed out amazed as I lazily performed the routine in a still quite embarrassed manner. Chaerin played the next song after only a minute and her doing so started to look very much like a Weekly Idol Random Play Dance. The following song Chaerin played, was one I also very much knew the dance of. It couldn’t be execute without a chair however and that only added to the slight embarrassment.

‘’Give the girl a chair!’’ Sujin pointed out as she recognized the song as Chocolat’s One More Day. Jea immediately got up and did as Sujin had instructed. She almost tripped in the haste, however, and that caused all the girls, but especially Eunji, to laugh hysterically.  

As I danced - in my opinion still halfhearted yet accurate as well - and watched the girls stare at me in much amusement, I briefly thought about how crazy it was for me to actually randomly dance in front of a bunch of girls I didn’t know all too well. Let alone, to let it be filmed for fun.

Do something crazy in your life. The words Daehyun had once spoken to me suddenly echoed through my mind. Almost like a mantra. Daehyun’s mantra.

I got pretty tired after dancing to Miss A’s Hush, SNSD’s Tell me your wish and AOA’s Miniskirt. I thought that I would be done once I would finish dancing to Miniskirt, but the girls urged me to keep going and somehow I gave in, telling especially Chaerin that the next song would, definitely, be the last.

Ey, the first collaboration of JYP and Bravesound. Yes sir, here it comes. Sunmi.

‘’She knows the entire routine to this one, all of it,’’ I heard Chaerin laugh as she pointed towards me.

And as I danced I couldn’t help to laugh as well - still half in embarrassment - as I did all the y moves in my ugly sweats. It was quite a sight, but I somehow felt blissful nonetheless. It was actually kind of fun and I dropped myself back on the couch, exhausted, after I was done. I wiped the sweat of my forehead as I panted heavily, feeling a weird mixture of feelings. I had done something crazy, I mentally told Daehyun, causing me to realize that I missed the male somehow.

‘’Woow, Aerin. Are you a dancer or something?’’ Eunji questioned as she clapped both her hands in amazement. I shook my head in response, too exhausted to speak actual words.

‘’How the hell do you know all the routines?’’ Sujin questioned with big surprised eyes.

I shrugged. ‘’Watch the music videos and live performances I guess.’’ I had brushed it off nonchalantly, but I was actually very much fond of the admiration these girls were giving me.

‘’I wouldn’t have thought that you had this in you Aerin,’’ Yuna chuckled good-naturedly. Although her intentions were pure - as always - I couldn’t help but to mentally scowl at her words. What did she know about me anyway? Was it that weird that I, Park Aerin, actually knew how to dance a bit? Was everybody seeing me as this timid girl? I could be crazy and I could be playful, but only with the right people and circumstances.

‘’Okay so no other hidden talents? I doubt any of us will be able to beat Aerin's though,’’ Jea chuckled as she watched all the girls in much anticipation. Sujin attempted to dance to the girl groups as well, but failed miserably, something that was very amusing despite it not looking all too flattering.

‘’Okay so for the next question,’’ Chaerin laughed as she got the next card out, ‘’what’s the furthest you went with a guy?’’ she spoke as she wiggled her eyebrows at practically everyone.

‘’All the way!’’ Sujin immediately responded which caused us, yet again, to laugh.  

‘’Only kissing,’’ Eunji admitted in which almost everyone joined in. Except Maeri and I, as it turned out that we were the only ones that had never kissed before. Yuna was quiet and all eyes were on her in anticipation.

‘’What? Don’t act like you guys don’t know a thing. You must have lived under a rock if you didn’t hear the rumors about me,’’ She joked, indirectly telling us that she, as well as Sujin, went all the way. I was a bit offended at her living under a rock statement. After all, I hadn’t known about the whole deal until only recently. I certainly didn’t know about it when the situation had been a hot issue and therefore I felt as if I indeed had been living under a rock – which wasn’t something complimenting.

‘’So are they true?’’ Maeri asked curiously. I immediately looked at Yuna to see how she were to respond but she kept quiet for some seconds and I couldn’t quite read any expression from her face. That was until she showed her signature smile again and opened to speak: ‘’Parts of it. I’m the same as Sujin,’’ she tried to brush off nonchalantly as she threw one of the snack on the table into .

 ‘’Alright next question. If you have a crush, what’s his best physical trait?’’ Chaerin asked before she lay the card back on the pile of already asked questions.

Lips, I immediately thought as Daehyun’s face came to mind.

‘’Definitely lips,’’ Yuna blurted out, her hands in front of as if she hadn’t intended to say this in the first place.

‘’The ‘I love you’, the ‘all the way’ and the ‘lips’, are you talking about Jung Daehyun all the while?’’ Maeri asked bluntly causing for an abrupt silence. A silence that held anticipation, especially by me.

‘’Honestly, yes,’’ Yuna replied as she tried to smile faintly, trying to show that she wasn’t taken aback by Maeri’s sudden bold questions while she most definitely was. I noticed that she was eating more of the snacks by now, probably to look somehow occupied and I wanted to do exactly the same as I felt a weird knot in my stomach. Why was it that things like this could still get to me despite me knowing so much of it already? Was it perhaps because, now, everything about the two of them could be confirmed for real? Hadn’t it been confirmed already though?

‘’You better explain yourself now Yuna,’’ Eunji teased as she earned herself a playful feigned glare from Yuna in response.

‘’Okay, so he and I… know each other through work. Honestly when I first saw him. I immediately fell in love. Well, not really in love, but you know,’’ she began unsurely, ‘’I instantly liked him. Maybe because he is so freaking hot, I mean, he’s so nice looking I don’t know. So I got to know him and honestly I was pretty straight-forward with him since the beginning, I didn’t let it go unnoticed that I liked him and so I flirted with him whenever I got the chance. I just wanted him… to be mine, you know.’’  

All the girls nodded in understanding, except Jea and Chaerin who were giving me worried glances. They most likely knew that I didn’t like how Yuna spoke about Daehyun. Actually, I found it quite incredible how she had spoken about this situation altogether. I wanted him to be mine? Do girls actually have the confidence to step up to some handsome guy and obviously flirt with them? I couldn’t imagine. The thought was quite depressing as I figured that Daehyun must have been so intrigued by a girl like Yuna. I mean, how couldn’t he? Yuna was a very good looking girl who knew what she wanted and did everything to get it. I wasn’t like that – at all. I guess that I was rather stiff compared to her and it pained me to think that I probably never left a memorable impression on Daehyun as we had met.

‘’We kind of befriended each other as we were colleagues and yeah from this came that, and after that came that.’’

‘’Oh, so you guys… are together?’’ Maeri curiously probed further.

‘’No,’’ Yuna answered curtly. Her expression had seemed to harden as she spoke those words. It was only to be seen for a split second though, for her expression turned into her usual, faintly smiling one quickly after.

‘’Oh I mean, I thou—‘’

‘’He’s not the type to want things to become serious,’’ Yuna interrupted with a sigh before her fingers ran through her wavy smooth looking hair, messing it up almost as perfectly as Daehyun could do.

 ‘’And he’s an idiot for that, Yuna. I mean look at you! If I were a guy, I would know it already!’’ Sujin spoke with quite the volume as she comfortingly threw her arm around Yuna’s neck. The latter only smiled but, to me, it seemed empty nonetheless.

I didn’t know how to feel. All I knew was that it wasn’t any feeling I would want to feel over and over again. Every time I was reminded of Yuna and Daehyun, something just snapped within me. How could he not want to settle down with a girl like Yuna? He was most definitely attracted to her, if he wasn’t they would never have gone so far in the first place. If he didn’t want to settle down with Yuna though, how in the world would he want to with somebody else? Somebody like… me for example? The entire situation was hopeless as I began to wonder if Daehyun was perhaps playing games with me, or any girl for that matter.

‘’Well as for my answer to the question we almost forgot about. Yongguk’s best trait is definitely… everything,’’ Chaerin spoke all of sudden, grinning dreamily. And just like that she had dismissed the whole DaeNa subject, something she seemed to do purposely. Or at least I thought so.

‘’Aaah, I want a boyfriend too!’’ Jea exclaimed as she pouted cutely, almost as if she was a little kid whose candy has been taking away. It caused everyone to at least chuckle. But I couldn’t bring myself to laugh. I felt like utter crap somehow.

‘’So how about you Aerin? Best trait of your crush?’’ Sujin wiggled her eyebrows as she tried to engage me in the discussion about best traits on boys. A discussion I felt no need to meddle into.

‘’I… I’m not crushing on anybody,’’ I tried to lie as casual as possible before I took a sip from the cocktail I hadn’t touched in quite a while.     

‘’Really?’’ Maeri suddenly joined in with surprised eyes, ‘’truthfully, I was under the impression you had something going on with Seokjin.’’

‘’W- what?’’ I uttered dumbfounded, ‘’that’s ridi- really not the case,’’ I defended quite clumsily as I awkwardly shifted in my seat. How did this topic even come around?

‘’Now that you mention it Maeri, I did spot the two of them on a little date a few weeks back,’’ Yuna spoke teasingly.

‘’It was not a date,’’ I pointed out immediately as I, unknowingly, glared at Yuna. Luckily the latter hadn’t noticed that much, for I would look like quite the mean person.

‘’Well Jin is a cute fellow, so I certainly ship it,’’ Sujin suddenly remarked. She had the ability to make everyone laugh with her sudden, extreme and random statements but this time I couldn’t really bring myself to laugh along with the rest. And so I just forced a smile. Why was Jin brought up in this?

‘’AeJin,’’ Eunji joked along.

‘’I don’t like him,’’ I pointed out again, annoyed by now.

‘’But I bet he likes you!’’ Maeri almost exclaimed, a wide grin on her face before she stuffed her face with snacks.

‘’How would you even come up with that, we’re just… friends,’’ I spoke, this time with a raised brow. Honestly I didn’t like the way they paired me off with Jin. I didn’t like him in that way. Sure, he was quite nice overall but as of now there was only one guy that had the ability to make my head spin. And it was just my luck that that certain guy was paired off with the flawless girl that sat approximately two meters away from me.

‘’I don’t know it’s a gut feeling, whenever we have PE I get that vibe from him. He always looks at you. It’s adorable. You should give the guy a chance he’d certainly take it,’’ Maeri chuckled as she knowingly wiggled her eyebrows.

Looks at me? I had no clue what she was talking about. This was all very much new to me.

‘’Okay well, next question,’’ Chaerin cut in, dismissing the current topic much to my relief, ‘’has a guy ever told you your best physical asset and if yes, what did he tell you?’’ She read, her facial expression quite troubled.

‘’A lot of guy questions,’’ I muttered not really meaning for anyone to hear. Chaerin did however.

‘’Yes you are right, let’s just skip th—‘’

‘’No! This is an interesting question!’’ Maeri protested loudly.

‘’A classmate once told me that I had nice hands?’’ Eunji innocently answered first in which Sujin urged for her to show her hands.

Sujin was the second one to give her answer and according to her, her ex-boyfriend had always told her that she had nice legs. Jea couldn’t recall a guy ever complimenting her and of course I didn’t as well.

‘’What about you Yuna? Did Daehyun ever tell you what your greatest asset is?’’ Maeri questioned. She sure was very curious about the two of them. Then again, many people were.

‘’He… once said that my body as a whole was nice,’’ she smiled, ‘’that sounds very erted though,’’ she chuckled, ‘’but I never felt so flattered in my entire life,’’ she finished with a faint smile.

There were several imagines going through my head as she stated that and none of them were very pleasant.

We did some more questions after that. Surprisingly none of them were about guys anymore, very much to my relief. Hearing another detailed thing about Daehyun and Yuna’s seeming relationship could have driven me crazy after all. Crazy to the point I could have cried out in desperation.

Chaerin’s sleepover had been fun for most people present, especially the birthday girl herself. But for me the night had been bitter sweet. One to not easily forget. And though there was many laughter, I simply couldn’t help but to feel slightly miserable throughout the night.

But eventually that would come around. After all, all would be forgotten once Daehyun would occupy me.

I had become bipolar like that. 

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