Chapter 37 - The boy is hers

I groaned as my 06:30 AM alarm rudely awakened me from my relatively short slumber. My eyelids felt extremely heavy as I turned from my side to my back. Suddenly confronted with the ceiling silently staring right back at me. The second groan left my throat once I realized what the alarm had tried to tell me; the weekend was over and therefore it was yet another day at school. This meant that I needed to get up and I tried my hardest to encourage myself to do so, but kept lying down nonetheless.

Staring at the ceiling for the tenth upcoming minute, I came to think about Jung Daehyun’s lips on mine. It was a thought that had been able to keep me up the entire night. I recalled how nice it had felt and somehow I came to miss the feeling of him being so close to me. I turned around and buried my face into my pillow, squealing at the vivid memory. I couldn’t get him nor the kiss out of my head. It was driving me insane. For the past two days I had only been replaying the scene in my head. Over and over again. Reliving it so vividly, each time praying that it would happen more often.

This brought me to think about another point – or question rather. Because, how would this happen more often? After all, The kiss hadn’t done anything in the sense that it defined what we were now. I still didn’t know where we stood or what this made us. As a matter of fact, I believed that the kiss had made things the more complicated. Or better yet, far more confronting.

And I was honestly quite anxious to find out about how the two of us were going to act towards each other from now on.

Or rather; how I was going to act.  

‘’I need to tell you guys something,’’ I carefully began as I poked in the vegetables on my plate. I guess it was now or never. There were less than ten minutes of our break left. In a way this was perfect, because this way their interrogation couldn’t dwell on for all too long and less than ten minutes was about the maximum of time I could actually handle talking about the upcoming topic. Telling it now was a strategic plan; if I had done it through text they would surely be spamming me the entire afternoon, but if I were to tell it face to face now, there was at least the possibility of them forgetting about it by the time they actually had the time to talk about it. The odds weren’t exactly in my favor, but frankly it was the only chance I had. Even if it was a very small one.

‘’What?’’ Jea was the first one to look up from her phone. She was quickly followed by Chaerin who arched a charming brow, probably because of the serious tone I had used.

‘’Um. If I tell, will you guys please keep it down?’’

‘’What down?’’ Jea blinked, not understanding what I was asking from her. I couldn’t exactly blame her. After all, I was being quite vague. Chaerin understood perfectly well where I was about to go with this however, for she started to narrow her eyes at me in this certain manner she always used whenever she wanted me to start talking. Fast.

‘’Just promise me that you won’t shout or gasp or whatever after I’m done telling you something?’’ I tried to explain, more to Jea than to Chaerin. The two of them looked at me suspiciously but reluctantly nodded nonetheless. I took in a deep breath and tucked a strand of hair behind my ear before quickly glancing over the place where Daehyun was usually seated. It came to no surprise that he was sitting there, happily eating and chatting away with his friends.

‘’I- I had my first kiss. With Daehyun. We kissed,’’ I clumsily let out in one quick breath, sighing out in relief once the confession had left my lips. It felt as if a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders and I was glad it was done and over with. That was until I took notice of the shocked expression on their faces.

There followed a dramatic silence. One Kim Chaerin, of course, wouldn’t allow to be present for all too long. ‘’No. ing. way!’’ she exclaimed in surprise once the confession had entirely sunk in.

‘’Apparently. Yes. ing. way!’’ Jea beamed along. She laid her phone on the table and turned to me entirely. I, in turn, buried my face in my hands in embarrassment and let out a groan. I knew that they wouldn’t be able to keep it down.

‘’Park Aerin what the hell? When did this happen?’’ Chaerin inquired, this time with a softer volume. Something I was grateful for.

My hands moved shyly to my lap and I tried to sit straight before I cleared my throat, already mentally prepared to answer all their questions. ‘’Saturday… during the water fight.’’

‘’What! Two days ago and you are only telling this now wha—‘’

‘’Chae don’t mind that! So how was it? How did it happen? Was he gentle with you?’’ Jea dismissed Chaerin’s upcoming rant just like that. I was about to say something but wasn’t even giving the opportunity since Chaerin came in between again: ‘’gentle?’’ She scoffed, ‘’It’s not like he took her V-card. What is there to be gentle about when it’s about a first kiss?’’

‘’Well there is rough kissing! That’s a bit much for a first kiss don’t you think? Hence my question,’’ Jea retorted with raised brows. I shook my head. It was amazing how the two of them had turned the topic from the kiss to the many ways a kiss could, apparently, be executed. I didn’t say anything about it though. Time was ticking and if they were to spend that little time discussing pointless things then that was their call.

‘’Okay not the point. So how did it happen?’’ Chaerin, unfortunately, came back on track. Her eyes were big and filled with curiosity. I could only guess how eagerly she wanted me to tell her everything.

One of my hands fidgeted with my utensil in an attempt to look casual, something that wasn’t nearly working as much as I wanted it to. My lips parted and I began to speak: ‘’we… were playing with water and… then it happened,’’ I tried to shrug nonchalantly, causing both Jea and Chaerin to narrow their eyes at my concise explanation.

‘’So he was throwing a water balloon at you and then he suddenly came closer and stole a kiss? That doesn’t make any sense, please elaborate Aerin. In great detail, if possible,’’ Chaerin urged, causing me to sigh.

‘’Okay so we were playing and laughing and he was chasing me down and at some point he had me trapped between him and the wall and we were really close to each other and then he asked me why I wasn’t kissing him and that’s when I did and—‘’

‘’Oh my god! You actually kissed him first!’’ Jea nearly exclaimed.

‘’Only because he urged me to,’’ I muttered embarrassed, recalling that moment again. I bit my lip as the memory of him ily and huskily speaking my name before daring me to kiss him tugged on my conscious again. I glanced over Daehyun’s seated figure again and suddenly came to realize how weird this was. The guy I had given my first kiss to was sitting so close yet so far away from me and it was almost as if nothing had happened between us. Nobody could ever predict what had went on that Saturday and, for a moment, it almost felt like it hadn’t happened at all. 

‘’The fact still remains that you kissed him first! I’m pleasantly surprised with you now Park Aerin. So when is your wedding going to take place? Did he already put a ring on it?’’ Jea beamed with sparkling eyes, reminding me of how much of a er for romance she actually was.

I laughed as I shook my head because of her ridiculous questions. Unknowingly, my hands trailed towards my wrist under the tale and I tugged on the bracelet underneath my sleeve as I disabled other people to see what I was cherishing so much. I hadn’t wore the piece of jewelry for quite long, but today I had felt the need to again. Of course this required me to put on a long sleeved shirt and I suppose that I was lucky that it wasn’t as hot as it had been during the weekend, because the choice of wearing something long sleeved in that type of weather would’ve been rather silly.

‘’Actually… I don’t know. He hasn’t talked to me the days after it happened,’’ I shrugged, all the while feeling bothered by this little fact. Somewhere I knew that it was unreasonable of me to expect so much from him, after all I could also talk to him first, but that didn’t stop me from expecting him to contact me first nonetheless.

‘’Maybe he’s shy about it?’’ Jea tried to come to his defense.

‘’Jung Daehyun shy? Please,’’ Chaerin scoffed, ‘’He probably wants to act interesting. Or he just doesn’t know how to handle this for now. Guys become flustered when they’re in love,’’ Chaerin determinedly nodded to herself.

‘’In love?’’ I muttered to myself, hoping that the both of them hadn’t heard me as soon as the two words left my mouth. Unfortunately they did hear though and as I looked up I was met with two expressions looking at me in disbelieve.

‘’Oh come on Aerin. Please. You must be the densest girl I know. You’re still questioning him? After everything?’’ Chaerin raised her brows in that way that was so typical of her. Jea remained silent and instead let Chaerin speak the words she probably wanted to spill as well.

‘’Well no,’’ I interrupted with a blatant lie, ‘’but in love… is rather farfetched? I mean, maybe he slightly likes me bu—‘’

 ‘’Jung Daehyun is so annoyingly obviously crazy and desperate for you. Last Saturday he was staring at you the entire time after that water fight. Now I know why. He was smiling to himself about everything you would say even if it was just directed to us. It’s so obvious to literally everyone that there is something lovey-dovey going on between the two of you, except for the actual two of you. Just make it offici—‘’

And just before Chaerin could finish that particular sentence the school bell rang. I smiled as Chaerin’s words about Daehyun’s supposed feelings about me sank in, yet on the same time I found myself still wary about the idea of Daehyun taking a great liking to me. I couldn’t pinpoint what it was exactly, but somehow it was very hard for me to imagine that Daehyun was crazy about only me. Especially as I watched his table and to my surprise - and annoyance - found a girl I had never seen before talk to Daehyun with a wide smile. I didn’t even notice that I was openly staring at the short interaction between the two of them until Daehyun eyes were suddenly locked with mine. Feeling slightly embarrassed about being somewhat caught, I smiled sheepishly before I hastily grabbed my bag and stood up.

‘’—how deep she is in it already. She isn’t even paying attention to what I’m saying,’’ Jea sighed before nudging me roughly.

‘’Huh?’’ I said as I absent-mindedly slung my bag over my shoulder, instantly forgetting about Daehyun – and that girl. It bothered me and it shouldn’t. She was just a girl. For all I knew she could be a simple classmate I hadn’t seen before. I had no right to make stupid assumptions.

‘’Never mind,’’ Jea laughed off as she followed my example and stood up as well, apparently ready to leave too. Chaerin took her time and I let out a dramatic long sigh, impatiently tapping my foot. Unlike them I needed to visit my locker before going to class.

‘’I’m heading to my class already. You’re slow Chaerin and I need to go to my locker first,’’ I announced before turning on my heel to head towards the locker section, all the while patting myself on the shoulder for withdrawing myself in a smooth way. I heard both Jea and Chaerin call something along the lines of we still want to hear all about it later on after me and I shook my head for the nth time before I quickened my pace towards the direction my locker was located.

‘’Hmm, English and… math,’’ I mumbled once I stood in front up the cramped space. My index finger caressed the backs of my different study books and I tilted my head slightly as I tried to find what I was looking for.

‘’You never text first, don’t you?’’ an all too familiar voice busted my peaceful bubble, nearly causing me to jump in surprise. A couple of second were wasted as I intently looked at the space my locker held, very much in avoidance of his eyes. I honestly wasn’t sure how I should face the male.

I mentally prepared myself before I turned my head and looked at a mesmerizing Jung Daehyun. Donned in a simple black T-shirt and blue jeans together with white sneakers. His hair was as perfectly messy as it always was and I tried to stay composed as I stared at him for a tad too long.

‘’I- I was about to text you,’’ I shamelessly lied. It earned me a raised brow from Daehyun who, apparently shrugged it off as I watched the suspicion on his countenance change into a smile.

‘’Right…’’ he chuckled as he leaned casually against the opposite locker. I couldn’t stop looking at him as he did so. My heart was beating incredibly fast and I felt nervous for the most idiotic reasons.

I smiled sheepishly and turned away from Daehyun so that I could stuff my English book into my bag. I was glad with the couple of second this action got me, because I was being quite awkward at the moment. And I hated being awkward. ‘’So aren’t you supposed to… go to class?’’ I ultimately came up to say.

‘’Do you want me gone or something?’’ He questioned seriously. For a moment I feared that he had taken offense to my question. I didn’t want him gone. I only wanted me to act normal for a change, but somehow I couldn’t.

‘’No, no of course not it’s j—‘’

‘’Alright, alright. Don't beat yourself up for it I was just kidding Aerin,’’ he chuckled amused.

‘’Oh,’’ I said dryly, slamming my locker shut, ‘’of course you were,’’ I smiled faintly before swinging my bag over my shoulder. I looked up and finally met Daehyun’s eyes directly. My attention shifted to his lips and I soon needed to look away as I started to recall things again.

‘’So…’’ I said once a silence had settled itself between us. I found it unusual for Daehyun to be quite. He had only been looking at me with those piercing eyes of his and I couldn’t figure out what he was thinking – at all.

‘’So… shall I walk you to class?’’ he offered as he scratched his neck sheepishly. For a moment it seemed as if this was somebody entirely different than the Jung Daehyun I knew. The Jung Daehyun I knew never seemed fazed or unsure of what to do or say. But for that moment he had seen like that. Only for a moment, because his signature carefree smile appeared right after.

‘’Aren’t you… going to be late if you do?’’ I questioned with slightly raised brows. We had been standing here for some minutes now and the second bell would ring soon. There was a possibility I was going to be late myself.

‘’Probably, but it doesn’t matter. Where is your class?’’

Despite the awkwardness I couldn’t help but to smile widely. I told him where I was supposed to be, and soon we were found peacefully strolling towards the said class. We small talked on our way up and it was nice, because for a moment it made me forget about everything regarding us. For a moment, I wasn’t wondering what the hell we were. Or what we were doing exactly. For a moment, I didn’t think about what we truly felt about each other and if we weren’t supposed to talk about that kiss we shared. For a moment, we were simply friends, walking and talking. And in that moment, that was enough.

But only for that little moment.

It had been unusual for me to be in the classroom a little before time. Normally, I was always seated early but now I, of course, wasn’t. The majority of my class was already in the classroom however and I felt slightly uncomfortable once I noticed certain people look at me with surprised expressions. Or amused ones. I couldn’t even tell. I guessed that those expression had little to do with me alone. Instead they had to do with the fact that Daehyun was here. With me.

‘’Thanks,’’ I said about the same time the bell rang. He was now late for class and I almost felt guilty for that, though I figured that Daehyun probably didn’t even care. He smiled, telling me that it was no problem before he told me he’d see me and ran off to his class. One I assumed was in another wing. Daehyun’s classes were rarely near mine.

It felt as if a lot of eyes were on me when I walked up to my seat. I quietly sat down next to Soojin, ignoring the looks I was getting from Lee Suji and her group of friends. I fished my book out of my bag, lay it on the table and watched the item as if it were the most interesting thing in the world, all the while hoping that Mr. Nam would start his lecture soon.

‘’Excuse me, Mr. Nam. Can I go to the restroom?’’ I asked after Mr. Nam was done with his lecture. He had given us time to work on assignments ourselves and I guessed that it was now the perfect time to, finally, go to the restroom. Mr. Nam barely looked up from the papers he was reading. Instead he faintly nodded towards the door, silently telling me that I was allowed to go. I gave him a smile he probably didn’t see before I went out of our busy classroom.

Rubbing my temples because of an upcoming headache, I made my way to the restroom. Although there was one closer to my classroom I still opted for going to the one past the canteen. Those cubicles were often cleaner than the ones near the classrooms and I figured that a longer walk was better for my clouded mind anyway. The canteen was nearly empty except for some students, whom I figured had a free period. One group of students I recognized as Chaerin’s classmates. Or better yet, Yuna and her friends. That they supposedly had a free period suddenly explained why Chaerin had taken her time in leaving the table earlier.

I paid little attention to Yuna’s group as I passed them. Yuna gave me this acknowledging smile that had become such a characteristic thing of her to do and I simply returned it, but that was about it. Before I allowed Yuna to invade my mind even further I walked into the restroom. Quickly forgetting about her altogether once I specifically walked into the cubicle.

It was only until I came out of that same cubicle, I was ready to wash my hands, that she found a way to intrude my mind again. I guess that it made sense now that her figure was actually in front of me. She stood in front of the washbasin, staring into the mirror while she fixed her hair, all the while indirectly looking at me through that same mirror. Suddenly there seemed to be a change in atmosphere and it somehow got me nervous. Especially because we were the only ones in this space.

I tried my hardest to ignore this certain ambiance. As casually as I could I walked up to the washbasin as I opened the faucet. The sound of the water being the only thing that could be heard.

‘’Can I ask you something?’’ Yuna suddenly broke the painful silence between the two of us. I turned to look at her, taking in her striking appearance once more. She was dressed in a denim short together with a big t-shirt she had tugged within the short. I suddenly felt self-conscious with my choice of simple jeans and a long sleeved t-shirt, even though I had purposely chose the outfit to conceal the bracelet.

‘’Uhm, sure,’’ I answered hesitantly. Her expression seemed rather serious and I honestly didn’t know what she would have to ask me. I could only guess.

‘’I know it’s not really any of my business,’’ she started off with a faint smile, ‘’but are you perhaps… seeing Daehyun?’’

The question caught me off guard. I blinked multiple times just to ensure that I had heard it right and I began to feel nervous once I realized that I hadn’t heard her question wrong. She in fact wanted to talk about Daehyun. The guy we both happened to like. I dried my hands before I turned to Yuna, not quite sure if I was able to hide how nervous I actually felt with this upcoming topic.

‘’Seeing Daehyun?’’ I repeated, trying to win some time before having to answer her difficult question. Yuna looked at me with expecting eyes, clearly anticipating my answer. She almost seemed just as nervous as I was, but then I figured that she couldn’t. Yuna rarely looked nervous, whatever she did she did it confidently and therefore she always looked confident. A trait I had been jealous of. One of the many things I had been jealous of.

‘’No, I- I’m not seeing him.’’ And that was the ugly truth. I wasn’t officially seeing him. We weren’t officially dating. He wasn’t my boyfriend. As much as I honestly wanted him to be, he wasn’t. The realization of our status made me feel as miserable as Yuna must have felt all this while. In fact, she must have felt much worse. I hadn’t given Daehyun nearly as much as Yuna had. She had given her body and soul, literally, whereas I had only given him my first kiss. I couldn’t tell whether giving him so much made us reach to the status of seeing each other.

Yuna’s expression shifted, making it seem as if a huge weight suddenly fell off her shoulders. I wanted to raise a brow in response, but realized just in time that I couldn’t do that without looking slightly cocky.  

‘’I’m sorry, it’s… it’s just that I heard some things about the two of you and…’’ she suddenly stopped midsentence as her eyes shifted from mine to somewhere else. For a moment I was scared that she had looked at my wrist, because the expression that followed was one in which it looked like something had caught her of guard. Then I figured that the chances of her seeing the actual bracelet were slim especially as I watched her recover and clear , watching me straight in the eyes again. ‘’I uh… I heard things and I wanted to know if they were true. From you. But they aren’t and that’s honestly good to hear,’’ she suddenly chuckled, this time making me raise my eyebrows for real.

‘’Why is that good to hear?’’ I brought myself to ask. It was rather courageous of me, because all I initially wanted to do was to get out of this restroom so that I could avoid any further interrogation. One per day was more than enough.

‘’Oh that,’’ she continued chuckling as she waved her hand in front of her face dismissively, trying to look unfazed while she most definitely was, ‘’It’s just… you know. We have this long and deep history and because of that it’s quite hard for me to let go of him. I’ve tried, but I can’t so easily. But of course… if there were to be something going on between the two of you I should let go of him. That’s why… I’m honestly glad there isn’t,’’ she smiled that gorgeous smile I came to hate and with a bit of difficulty I could bring myself to lift the corners of my mouth as well, not being able to show a smile as dashing as hers but instead giving her an empty smile in return.

I knew that I needed to set the record straight with her at this moment. It was the perfect moment in which I could tell her to back off, but instead of saying: Actually, I’m in love with Daehyun and there is a possibility in which he feels the same way, I opted for the fake smile I had given her and I was truly disgusted with how much of a coward I actually was. I couldn’t bring myself to be honest with her. I couldn’t bring myself to say that I, indeed, liked Daehyun. I simply couldn’t. Especially not in this setting. It took me ages before I could even admit those feelings to myself. How could I possibly tell Yuna that there was something going on? I couldn’t even tell it to Daehyun.

Yuna was unaware of my internal struggles and so went on: ‘’I know that this sounds silly, but I really love him. He might not always be ideal or extremely nice to me, but I still have strong feelings for him and I’m sure I can make him return them,’’ she continued on, making me feel more miserable with each second that passed. The way she was empathizing how much she really loved him and how much she could make sure that he would return the sentiment, broke my heart in million pieces. Although I didn’t want to, I could perfectly understand where she was coming from and I found it sad that two of us had entangled ourselves in a messy love triangle. A triangle Yuna obviously wasn’t even aware of. It was cruel of me not to say anything and I hated this cliché scenario, because the only one not hurting from this in the end was going to be Daehyun.

She looked at me suspiciously once she noticed that I kept awfully quiet, not even moving a muscle the entire time she had spoken. In the end she opted for shrugging it off as she grabbed her lipstick and carefully applied it, making herself look prettier than she already was. How could I ever win against Choi Yuna? Since when had this become a competition in the first place? And for what purpose? For affection of a guy who couldn’t even be clear to the both of us to begin with? I hated him for not saying what was going on, just as much as I actually hated myself for not daring to ask or say anything to him.

I had been living on cloud nine for the past two days. I had been living on that same cloud just now when he had walked me to class, but this suddenly made me fall down from it. Hard and brutally.

‘’Anyway,’’ Yuna said as soon as she was done applying the make-up, disrupting me from my troubling thoughts, ‘’thanks.’’

‘’Thanks?’’ I questioned taken aback.

‘’For clearing this up for me,’’ she chimed. She was about to say something again but was interrupted by the loud vibration of her phone against the washbasin. She eyed it before she stared at the message she apparently received, she did so for a couple of seconds in reluctance before she broke out in an extremely wide smile. The look she had on before she smiled was weird, almost as if she was making up a scheme in that split second. I shrugged it off, mainly because I disliked her so much to the point that I would try to find something shady behind everything she did. Under her breath I could swear I heard her mutter: talking about the devil and the grin she had on immediately told me who she was referring to. In that moment I felt as if somebody was kicking me to the stomach.

‘’I’m heading to the canteen again, I’ll see you around?’’ I heard her say cheerfully. I bit my lip and nodded, watching her figure retreat. I felt confronted with myself once I was left alone in that restroom. I felt miserable. Somewhere, I had known that the happiness I had felt for the past 48 hours couldn’t be there for forever. Yet, it still hurt to be confronted with the existence of Choi Yuna once again. And this time it was my own fault I was hurting too.

After all, I should’ve just told her. Because perhaps if I had done that, Choi Yuna would be out of the picture for good.

But now it seemed like she was determined to be in the frame I so desperately wanted her to be gone from.

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