Jessica's POV

I inhaled the air deeply, allowing my lungs to be filled with oxygen. This is probably going to be the last few minutes of my pathetic life. How lovely would it be not to live in misery? I let out a sigh. I removed my floral printed shoes and placed it on the ground. Things would've been better for them if I'm gone. I won't be missed anyway. I took a penknife out from my pocket and started cutting my wrist. For each cut, my tears flowed rapidly, causing the blood from my wrist to dilute. I winced in pain each time I slashed myself. I just wanted to end my life. I sat in a sheltered corner where my thoughts roamed round and round with only the thoughts of dying. I walked to the other side of the roof top. I'm ready. I inhaled my last breath deeply and clambered onto the railing. Goodbye..

"DON'T JUMP!" A familiar voice cracked.

Startled, I turned around and saw Taeyeon. Her lips were dry and trembling, her cheeks were drenched in tears and her eyes were glossy and wet. What's she doing here? I ignored her and turned around. I counted, preparing to jump again as I ignored her. 

One.. Tw--

Someone held my waist tightly. She hugged me from behind, with her chin resting on my shoulder. I felt her warmth as she hugged me. She damped the sleeves of my shirt, but I didn't care. For once, I felt free of worries and secure. And that was when I remembered I was about to commit suicide. As much as I enjoyed the hug, I needed to pull away.

"Jessica-ah.." her voice cracked terribly as I pushed her forcefully and she tumbled on the ground, scraping her knee. "Please don't jump.. I love you, Sica-ah.." I froze. Was that a confession?

"JESSICA!" "TAEYEON!" screams and shouts from my members were heard. Within a split second, they embraced me in one huge group hug, crying for so long without talking. 

"Jessica.. I'm so glad you didn't jump. , are you okay?" Yoona hugged me as we cried our hearts out. I felt an uncontrollable sadness, it left a huge and permanent hole in my heart. I was depressed, I would never find any form of happiness ever again. I caused a lot of trouble. And now, paparazzis were already spamming their camera buttons from the ground floor. We're doomed.

We all walked back to the wards. I still refused to say anything. I felt ashamed. I felt depressed. I felt miserable. My members did not say anything either. We walked back in silence, sniffs could be heard coming from each of us. When I arrived in my room, Hyoyeon reprimanded me. 

"That was a very foolish act, Sica," she shook her head in disbelief and disappointment. I started to tear up once again as I felt a lump in my throat. "Don't ever do that again, please." I felt so ashamed that I was unable to face anyone. I buried myself under the sheets and the pillow as I sobbed my heart out. 

"You're so blunt," Sooyoung commented on Hyoyeon as she patted my back while Yuri my hair. "I hope you will agree with our arrangement though." 

"We arranged for you to see psychologist every week, we want you to recover." I knew they were doing this for my own good, so I didn't refuse their offer. I did not express any form of displeasure nor any form of response. They were trying so hard to break down the walls in my heart. I got so caught up with my thoughts that I didn't realize that they left. I was all alone again. I packed my things in my Gucci handbag as I was able to be discharged tomorrow. That was when I thought of the paparazzis just now and the news tomorrow. Wild thoughts conquered my mind.

Girls' Generation's Jessica Jung suicide attempt

Nation's Number One girl group Jessica Jung attempting suicide

I visualised all the hate comments attacking me tomorrow. I tarnished Girls' Generation's reputation. I felt extremely stressed out and depressed once again. I started screaming loudly in the room while hugging my legs. I shook as I started pulling my hair out. I took out my penknife again and started slashing myself. The sight of blood made me feel giddy. Nevertheless, I continued cutting myself as blood dripped down from my wrists to the bedsheets. I screamed agained at the sight of my own blood. Why am I becoming like this? My emotions were uncontrollable as I continued to harm myself. I knew this was wrong but I could not stop myself. I felt as if I turned into another person. I cried myself to sleep. It's going to be another painful day tomorrow.

"Ahhhhhhhhhhh!" a loud voice erupted and interrupted my sleep. I opened my eyes to see my eight other members staring at me. I knew I looked unsightly. My eyes were swollen, my wrists were covered with dried blood, my hair was messy and the sheets were covered in my blood. 

"Oh my god, Jessica!" Tiffany screamed in English. "What did you do to yourself?!" I closed my eyes and turned away. It wasn't Jessica Jung last night. I was sure it wasn't me. Jessica Jung wouldn't self harm. Jessica Jung was an idol to her fans. What happened? They all looked at me worriedly. My eyes felt hot and tears started to flow down from the sides of my eyes to the pillow. 

"Jessica.. Please don't do this to yourself," Taeyeon said unexpectedly. She kissed my forehead. 

"I love you."

To be continued..

A/N:

Annyeong~~ Sorry for the short update, I've been very busy these few days and would be busy for this whole week D: Well.. anyway, how did you find this chapter? Scary? Sad? ;;; 

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