“Jae, what do you say we get some ice cream?” Sunhwa asked, pulling her handbag up over her shoulder.

“Yes umma.” He replied lazily.

He wasn’t really interested in sightseeing, but his mother had spent the last day and a half practically begging him to go. He told her that if she were to go by herself he’d be fine on his own, but he knew she wasn’t about to leave him alone. So inevitably, Youngjae agreed.

They went to a few stores, although Youngjae didn’t want to buy anything. He didn’t want to buy things, he didn’t want to see people or for people to see him, he didn’t want to leave the hotel room, he didn’t want to pretend that his regular life wasn’t over.

“What flavour would you like?” Sunhwa’s voice reached Youngjae, making him snap back into reality.

“What?” He asked, disoriented. He was so lost in thought he didn’t even notice that his mother had dragged him to an ice-cream stand.

“I asked what flavour ice cream you want.” She repeated with a patient smile, she just wanted to see him smile too.

“Oh, um, I'm not in the mood for ice cream. Sorry.” He told her walking away to wait on a nearby bench. He saw her sigh. He felt bad for her, but he couldn’t help but feel worse for himself.

She approached him a minute later with an ice cream in one hand and a bear claw in the other; she knew Youngjae loved them. She offered it to him and, more out of politeness than anything, Youngjae took it. She tugged on Youngjae’s sleeve and dragged him to another store.

“Come on sweetie, let’s get you a phone.” She said as they walked, keeping an eye out for a phone store.

Gripping his wrist tight so not to lose him in the busy streets, Sunhwa dragged her son into an Apple store. She knows how much her son loves new technology, so she thought maybe getting him a brand new, high-tech phone might cheer him up a little.

Youngjae wasn’t paying attention as his mother walked up to the front desk to buy his phone, he was too busy wondering what Daehyun was doing, if he was hurting as much as Youngjae was, or maybe even more. Youngjae supposed he didn’t really have the right to compare his own pain to Daehyun’s, as he was the cause of both of them.

“Ta-dah!” Sunhwa the box in front of Youngjae’s face happily. “Here is your brand new iPhone 6!”

On a regular day, Youngjae would have been over the moon but although he felt a twinge of excitement now, he just couldn’t find it in himself to be happy.

“Thanks umma,” he said. “Um, can we please go back to the hotel now? I’m not feeling good.”

“Of course we can sweetie.” She said and hailed them a taxi.

When they reached their room, Sunhwa proceeded to set up Youngjae’s phone with the knowledge that he wouldn’t do it himself. She put in the sim card she had saved and kept showing him the phone whenever something new or exciting happened. Youngjae still showed no interest.

She sighed. “Youngjae, please, just try to lighten up.”

Something inside of Youngjae snapped.

“Lighten up? Lighten up? Are you serious? I’m a guy, and I’M PREGNANT! I just left the love of my life back in Korea with only a voicemail to tell him that I’m disgusted with him and the things I did because of him, while I'm in America making sure everything is okay with his child and you’re treating this like a vacation! Well, it may seem like a holiday to you, but for me it’s just another thing reminding me that I'm just messed up!”

Sunhwa’s eyes were shining with tears.

“Jae-ah, I know this might not be what you want to hear, and you might not believe me, but you do fall in love more than once in your life. Do you think your father is the only person to ever hold my heart? He’s not. I know you think Daehyun is your everything, but one day you’ll have a new everything and Daehyun will just be a bittersweet memory.”

Youngjae sniffled, trying and failing to hold in tears. He really was tired of crying; he’d done enough of it in the past few days to fill an ocean. He knew she was right, but he didn’t want to believe it.

“But I don’t want to fall in love again,” Youngjae said, his arms wrapping around himself. “I don’t want Daehyun to be a bittersweet memory, I want him to be my husband, the father of my children, the one person I can always count on in my life and I know that one day it’ll get better, but today it feels like my heart is being ripped out and torn apart and all I can do is watch.”

Youngjae waited for her to respond, but she didn’t. She didn’t know what to say. So Youngjae went to his room, not wanting to face the world.

X x X x X

Daehyun wasn’t paying attention. He was in advanced chemistry; the class where he first met Youngjae. He found it hard to focus when all he thought about was Youngjae and the times they had in this class. He found it hard to breathe when the teacher called out Youngjae’s name on the role.

Once again, Youngjae wasn’t at school. Daehyun wondered where he was, but he couldn’t call or text to find out where he was. He wasn’t welcome, Daehyun remembered. Youngjae didn’t love him. It was all a lie.

“Jung Daehyun, are you paying attention?” Mrs Won asked him.

“Yep, sure.” Daehyun replied uninterestedly, scribbling doodles on the front of his notebook.

Mrs Won huffed. “Your pair’s assignments are due in two weeks. Are you and Youngjae ready?”

Daehyun scoffed and muttered under his breath. “Me and Youngjae? What me and Youngjae?” To the teacher he answered; “I don’t know, why don’t you ask Youngjae?”

“Well he’s not here, is he?” she said.

“Yeah, you’re telling me!” he retorted. Dae scooped up his notebook. “Look , I don’t know where the hell Youngjae is! I don’t know if he’ even going to be here to help me present the assignment! Even if he was here, I’m sure that he wouldn’t want to present the assignment with me because he hates me! I ruined him! So why don’t you stop asking me questions about him because I don’t ing know!”

With that, Daehyun swiftly left the classroom.

As he walked through the hall, he bumped straight into Himchan.

“Daehyun? Where are you going?” Himchan asked. He knew that Daehyun should be I his advanced chemistry class right now.

“I’m going home. I can’t be here right now with that stupid teacher asking me stupid questions about stupid Youngjae!” Daehyun told him harshly and walked off.

‘That’s it,’ Himchan thought, pulling out his phone and dialling Youngjae’s number. ‘He needs to explain himself.’

“Hello?” a female voice answered. What? Did Youngjae run off with a girl?

“Uh, hello. Who is this?” Himchan asked.

“Himchan it’s me; Sunhwa!” the voice said.

“Oh Sunhwa!” Himchan said, relieved it was just Youngjae’s umma…but why did she have his phone? “Is Youngjae there?”

“Right, sure, I’ll just put him on. One second.”

There was the sound of a knock, then a door opening and a small “Youngjae honey? You’ve got a call?”

Silence, and then; “Is it Daehyun?”

“No sweetie, it’s not.”

“Oh.”

Himchan couldn’t tell if Youngjae sounded more relieved or disappointed.

“Hello?”

“Hey Youngjae, it’s me, Himchan.” Himchan greeted.

“Oh, Himchan, hey. How are things?” the blonde asked casually.

“Look Youngjae, I’m at school – where you should be – so I don’t have time for formalities. Where you and what in the hell happened between you and Dae because, I don’t know about you, but he’s self-destructing.”

There was a prolonged pause.

“H-He is?” Youngjae asked. He knew Daehyun would be upset but he had hoped he would take out his anger hating Youngjae, not himself.

“Yes! And he won’t talk about it, not even to Yongguk, so will you please explain why he’s acting like a dickhead?”

“It’s a long story…” Youngjae muttered, half hoping Himchan would drop it and go to class.

Himchan sighed and rubbed his forehead with his free hand. He really should get to class, but if he wanted his friends to get back to normal he had to hear Youngjae out. So he skipped class, going out to the parking lot to sit in Yongguk’s Jeep (Yongguk picked him up this morning and was dropping him off this afternoon, so Himchan didn’t have his own car) while he spoke to Youngjae.

Youngjae told Himchan about his being interual, about being pregnant and being in America. At first, Himchan couldn’t quite wrap his head around it, but he listened and he kept an open mind. He understood why Youngjae was away and he accepted it.

“Okay, but all of that doesn’t explain Daehyun. Wait! Don’t tell me you left without saying goodbye to him!”

“N-No. I said goodbye.” Youngjae’s voice told Himchan there was more to it than that.

“Youngjae.” Himchan said, using his ‘hyung voice’.

“I, uh, I left him a message that said…” Youngjae’s breathing became jagged and Himchan knew he was holding back tears. “I said that I regretted being with him, and that he makes me disgusted. Himchan, I didn’t mean it! Please know I didn’t mean any of it, I love him! I just needed him to hate me so he’d move on.”

“Well, the first part succeeded, but he’s clearly not moving on,” Himchan mused aloud. “But shouldn’t he be in America with you? It’s his kid too after all.”

“Well I…I didn’t tell him about that.”

For the first time, Himchan was truly upset with his best friend. To not tell someone about their own child is lower than Himchan could ever imagine Youngjae stooping.

“Youngjae…”

“I know, I know, I’m horrible! I just can’t bring myself to do it. Himchan, I need you to swear you won’t tell anyone! Junhong is okay, but no one else – especially Daehyun!”

“Fine, it’s not my place to say anything about it anyway, but Youngjae, even if you don’t take Daehyun back, please, please, please at least tell him. It’s the right thing to do.”

“I’ll think about it.” Youngjae knew he was lying, but it’s what Himchan needed to hear in order to drop it.

“Okay,” the senior said. “I better get to class now. I’ll talk to you later, okay?”

“Neh hyung. Goodbye.”

“Bye Jae.”

Himchan hung up and leaned his head back. The black haired beauty noticed that the car smelled like Yongguk. He smiled for a brief moment. Himchan felt bad for being so happy when two of his friends were going through the worst time of their lives.

He wanted everything to go back to normal, but he knew that was just wishful thinking, and it wasn’t going to happen any time soon.