(Rae In)

“Rae In-ah…” In the middle of such a sweet sleep, I hear someone whispers. I groan softly in response as I still want to sleep more. Then again, he calls out, “Jagiya~”

That term – I am not aware until now that to be called that way will feel so sweet and delightful. I want to hear it again. This is so funny, because all my life, I thought terms like this were so cheesy – but heck, now that I have come to realize it, I have been doing all sorts of cheesy things with Taemin since we arrived here. I have been so in love I’m already doing the things I thought I will never ever do in my life.

“You’re smiling.” He teases when he notices that slight curve on my lips as I am still closing my eyes. “You like that, don’t you?” His lips touch mine before whispering another cringe-worthy “Jagiya~” that once again melts my heart.

Finally, opening my eyes, I meet his calm and comforting gaze. “Good morning.”

“Good mor… ning.” I can’t help but stare at his lips. Those lips were all over my body last night. I can still feel him going through every inch of me, and as if on cue, I can feel goose bumps all over me at the moment. I unconsciously my lips which makes him chuckle.

“I know what you’re thinking.” He laughs teasingly which causes the butterflies in my stomach to start rumbling again. His face goes down on mine at once and owns my lips while biting them lightly. I flinch on that and I can feel myself turning red from embarrassment.

“Y-yaahh…” It’s the only response I could give and he gives me a funny frown as if he’s wondering about something.

“Wait. I think you forgot how aggressive you were last night…”

“No!” I quickly defends myself.

“No? Do you want me to remind you about everything you did to me last night?” He teases and I can’t take.

“I don’t want to hear it!” As I abruptly turn to face the other side, I feel a striking pain in between my legs. “Aw!” I frown in pain and he holds me as if calming my nerves down. Magically, the pain starts to lessen when he holds me and places me in his embrace.

“That reminds you of everything then.” He chuckles and the way his bare chest moves as he laughs fascinates me again.

I don’t know why everything he does since the moment I open my eyes make me amuse: when he talks, he laughs, and even when he breathes – I find them all wonderful. Am I weird?

“That reminds me that you have no mercy.” I say jokingly.

“Not that I have no mercy!” He denies. “You have no idea how controlled I was last night not to hurt you! You were even almost pushing me to my edge because you were so , I only held it in coz I might hurt you!”

“Yah!” My face turns red from embarrassment of what he just said. ? Me?

“Tell me you’re not then.” He dares. “Tell me you didn’t put all your strength to turn me around and do everything you desired to do on top of me. Tell me you didn’t beg-“

I stop him with a kiss. That works every time. I was not with myself last night.

It’s just that… I badly wanted him. I badly needed him, and I was so desperate to get him that I didn’t care about whatever I was doing anymore.

I guess, it is just always like that. When you’re already so desperate to get what you want, you will put everything on the line just to get it. You will do everything. It’s like when you crave for some food – the desire and the frustration will always be there until you finally get to have it.

That’s what I felt last night. The sudden gush of desire to have him. I have never felt this to any one, so I was that aggressive. And to be honest, until now, as I kiss him, that desire is still there. I still want him. I want him mine.

Have I gone too crazy?

“I love you.”

Damn, I don’t know, those words just come out of my mouth all of a sudden.

He smiles his sweetest smile and nodded. “I know but I think I love you even better than how you love me.”

“That’s not true.” I say to fight back. “You’ve been playing all those women’s hearts, you don’t know how it is to love someone better.”

“Because it’s not love, and it’s just a game, that’s why we play.” He says while tucking my hair behind my ear. “You’re the first woman I love. You’re the first woman I held like this on the bed. You’re the first woman I made love with, and to be honest, you’re the only woman I let to sleep in my room, on my bed.”

“Huh?” I doubt. “What about those girls?”

“I never brought anyone of them in our room.” He says, but the way he utters our room sends me a happy feeling again. Aahh… why am I like this today? “They complain, but it’s either we do it on their bedrooms, or I could only lend them the couches…”

“Aaahhh… So that explains why those red bras were stuffed under the cushions.” I blurt out without even thinking and he only nodded. “Why didn’t you bring them in your room?”

“I need privacy.” He says. “That’s my own space, and that’s something I can’t give them.” He says and I notice how his expression starts to become gloomy.

“But you let me sleep there.” I say.

“I don’t know why I did that, too. One time, when I woke up in the middle of the night, I asked myself why I let you in there, why I allowed you to sleep in my room… and until now, I’m wondering why I let you invaded my life.” He speaks softly, and I don’t know why I’m having a feeling that he’s about to tell me something so I just quietly listen. “Now I guess, I really should let you into my life.”

“I stayed three years in that orphanage.” He opens up, and I voluntarily adjusts myself on top of him to see him better. He leans back on the bed and smiles a bit when I gently kiss him on his cheek.

“Go on. I’m listening.” I say.

“I couldn’t remember a lot of things until the time I got there. I only get to recall them when they hunt me in my dreams before.” He breathes heavily before continuing. “I was brought to the orphanage after being hospitalized for malnutrition. I was five. They said some passerby saw me collapsed on the street while I was walking. When they asked where I lived, I was not speaking. When they asked who my guardians are, I didn’t even say a word. So they brought me to the orphanage, no one searched for me then. I stayed there for three years before mom and dad adopted me.”

“During my first days in the orphanage I kept dreaming about a couple fighting. It was in a very small house. I was crying, and the man kept on telling me to shut up. He left, and then another man came in. I was in the room but I could see clearly what was happening. They had . Then another guy came in, and the woman did the same with him. I’m not sure if they are my parents, but I only saw them in my dreams.”

“How did they adopt you?”

“They saw me the same way I saw Dannie that day.” He smiles mentioning Dannie’s name. “I was alone on the swing while other kids play together. Mom walked to me. She asked me something but I only looked at her. Suddenly, she gave me her hand and said ‘I can be a friend’, and I don’t know why it was the most comforting words I heard since the day I came to the orphanage. Ahjumma was always there for me, yes, but there was just something about her words that really comforted me. They became my foster parents for six months until after that, I finally got adopted.”

There is silence between us. I am both surprised and sad hearing that story for him. I knew from the start that he had some past, but I was not expecting that his childhood was that traumatic. Now I know why his sympathy to Dannie is so much that he was very willing to marry me just for the sake of adopting her.

“Hey, I’m okay now.” He says and shakes me a little for me to come back to my senses. “Jinki-hyung said it affected how I deal with girls as I grow up. I have relationship trust issues, so I haven’t really fallen in love that seriously – well, not until you came.”

“I’m happy you told me about this.” I utter, genuinely happy that I am able to know a deeper part of him.

“Because I’m putting all my trust on you now.” He says and plants a soft kiss on my forehead.

I realized that instead of myself, Taemin is having harder time to trust anyone for a relationship. If I was a bit afraid before to fall for him with the thoughts that he might just play with my feelings, now I feel so brave to stand beside him, to assure him that right now, this love I have for him is real, and that he can trust me with all his worries and doubts. 

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