(Rae In)

I feel so weak that I can’t even respond properly to his kiss. He is dominating me all over and all I can do is to go along with this flow of emotions.

“Taemin-ah.” I whisper, almost running out of breath. He pulls away but not too far, our heads still touching. His smile almost blinds me, though I keep my eyes open because seriously, I don’t want to miss his smile – ever.

“I love you…” He speaks.

“I love you…” I repeat and I don’t know how he can do it – speaking so straight despite the situation. I can’t even breathe properly!

“This will hurt just a little, baby, just tell me if it’s too much, promise I won’t go too fast.” He says and I can’t believe I can get even weaker than how I was just few seconds ago.

I nod and close my eyes, preparing myself for it… then,

“Tae min-ah!” I open my eyes and start catching my breath. It’s suddenly so bright in the room and I can see sunlight entering the window – from where Taemin is currently standing right now.

Gosh. It’s just a dream – and it’s a very weird dream. I am so embarrassed of myself, why do I dream like this with him?

“Don’t ask me about everything you did last night.” He says and if heard it right, he sounds so cold. Everything I did last night? What is he talking about?

“What are you say – oww.” I pause moving when I felt that striking pain in my head, and suddenly I’m a bit dizzy so I shut my eyes back for a while. Gosh, I feel so heavy. What did I exactly do last night?

I went to the party. I met Mike and his friends and… he was there. Oh my Gosh.

I got drunk and he went there to pick me up.

“This is Lee Tae Min, a doctor, but unfortunately, I never turn him on!”

 “Wa-wa-wait! But he likes girls!!!!! He aced all of them well! And he likes red bikinis… so love, what do you think about this?”

No way!! Why did I say all those things?! No! Not in front of all those people!!

I bite my lips together and rub my forehead with my palm as I recall everything I did last night. I danced with those people. I made noise with them. I drank everything Mike offered me…

“Do you remember them all now?” Finally, Taemin turns and looks at me. I am still on my bed, struggling to keep my senses up because of the freaking hangover. “Do you remember what you did to yourself and to me?”

He’s really mad. Gosh, this is the first time I see his eyes staring at me like that. He’s scary, and I feel like I suddenly want to bury myself under this bed.

I’m such an embarrassment.

“Answer me!” He shouts and I nod immediately, even sit up on the bed despite the pain in my head. I have my eyes looking down at my fingers, fidgeting, as I know he’s really mad for all the things I did to him at that time. I embarrassed him. Of course, he’ll be like this! “You don’t know how much you disappointed me.” He says coldly and as I look at him, I can’t see anything but hate. He hates me. He hates me for what I’ve done.

He looks very different than how he was in my dream…

He starts walking out of the room, and I can’t just sit down here and be the sick girl like I’m the victim. So even if my head’s still hurting big time, I stand up and follow him outside. That’s when I realize I’m wearing my clothes now.

Oh, right, the worst thing last night is that I went there, with nothing but that bikini outfit his mom bought for me. It must have made his anger even bigger.

“Taemin-ah… Taemin-ah, I’m really sorry. I’m so- I’m sorry.”

“Go back to bed.” He orders without looking back at me. I’m not used to this. I’m not used to this cold treatment anymore. I can’t sleep back knowing he hates me right now. I need to apologize.

“I can’t.” I speak like I’m just whispering. “I can’t sleep back knowing you’re mad.”

“Oh yes, how can I not be mad!?” Again, he turns at me, his eyes and his treatment never gets any better. This time, I know he’s going to explode and throw it all to me. “Am I supposed to applaud you for what you did last night? Be so proud of you? You didn’t listen to me. You never listen to me. Didn’t I tell you not to go there? I even reminded you before sleeping last night, and what? You bluntly hated that gift mom gave you, and then without me knowing, you already had your body exposed to those people!” He makes few steps towards me, his anger really coming out of his voice and his expression. I hold myself tightly in. I deserve this.

“If I decided not to come and follow you there, do you know what will happen next after you get really drunk and just pass out? I thought you hate guys like me, but you were around that guy when I found you!!”

“I’m sorry…” I say, my voice starts to shake.

“Sorry? Do you know how scared I was last night? Do you even know what you actually did? You walk on that party wearing that, and while you were drinking and having fun, those guys already receive the hint that you want to have with them!”

I glance up at him, surprised.

“You’re surprised? That’s what it meant, Rae In. Can you even assure me that no one in that party had touched you?”

“No! No way!” No way had they touched me. No way.

“Mike had his arm around your waist when I pulled you away.” He reveals, which makes me hate myself even more. “You don’t even remember him doing that, and I’m sure you’re not even aware of the other sneaky things he did to you.”

I can’t say anything at all. I am too disappointed. I want to cry but I can’t. I don’t deserve to cry in front of him and ask that he should forgive me.

“Fine. I won’t stop you anymore. For the rest of this vacation trip, you can just do whatever you want.” He says flatly, and walks away leaving me alone standing so devastatingly at the living area.

I hug myself tightly. The one who disrespected me was myself and not anyone else. I didn’t listen to him, instead, I went there thinking I can fight back with those girls, that I can be as proud of them. But instead of winning, I end up having problems with Taemin.

This is supposed to be a very good honeymoon trip, but I ruined it all. Taemin’s not happy anymore, and if he gets even angrier than that, we probably would just fly back to Korea later before this day ends. I am so stupid. I shouldn’t have done any of that.

We never talk after that. He walks in and out of the house but he never speaks anything to me. I silently make meals, thinking that I should need to give him some time to make him feel better. I need to apologize. I need him to accept me again. I can’t go like this until we go back to Korea.

I’m so afraid. Will he still like me after everything I did? Does he still love me the same? What if everything has changed now, and instead of loving me, he just started hating me?

I can’t handle that. No. I’m so scared I’ll lose him. I can’t. We need to go back as a happier couple. I need to do something.

So during that night, I’m very sure that I will apologize, beg on my knees if I should, and assure him that Mike didn’t go farther than touching me, and I will promise to listen to him starting from now, to never disobey him.

“I’m really sorry.” I gather all my courage to speak to him during dinner hoping the start of the conversation will eventually fix everything between the two of us.

“Sure.” He says but the sound of his voice seems like he’s not really genuine about what he just said.

“Taemin-ah.”

“Yeah?” He looks at me with those cold eyes again. No.  I need to know he still loves me. No. I don’t like those cold eyes.

“I said I’m sorry.”

“I said sure.” He replies and puts his utensils down his plate. “I’m done. Just put all the dishes at the sink, I’ll do them later.” He stands up and leaves me again alone at the table.

How am I gonna fix this when he doesn’t even want to talk to me?

A/N: It's either Taemin, Rae In, or the Author isn't ready for an M yet. Hahahahahahaha. :))