Namjoo couldn't believe whatever she was thinking about. How Jun is Jimin. How, Niel is possibly Jun's biological father. Although she's happy, she's also worried. She can't be his mom. She left him long ago and didn't even watch him grow. Still, the guilt is there. She doesn't know what's Jun's favorite food, she doesn't know his favorite cartoon, his favorite show. Everything was, too wrong for her. She was walking with Jun holding his hand.

"Do I have the rights to even hold you?" She told herself as she walks with Jun. 

"Jun-ah, what do we want to buy for your birthday celebration?" Namjoo asked. 

"I don't know." He said. 

Namjoo decided to meet one close partner of her who had always handled events at her hotel to organize one simple, birthday party for Jun. It's the least she can do for missing his previous birthday. She went and discuss with the event planner and it could be done as planned since it's just a small birthday party. Instead of using Niel's credit card, she used hers. 

"What about the cake and any special card?" The event planner asked. 

"The cake... I will bake it myself." She said and smiled. 

After meeting the event planner, Namjoo was unsatisfied. She wanted to reassure herself that Jun is her son. She went to the House of Hope and Jun started crying. 

"Are you sending me here!? Why are we here?" Jun cried. 

"No, I am just here for something. Jun, look, go and meet your friends and after I settled my things, I am going to take you for an ice cream. You can invite any friends you want for your birthday party. Okay? Do we have a deal?" She said 

Jun nodded and walk fearfully hoping it wasn't a lie. 

Namjoo entered teh administration office and met the volunteeree. 

"Hi, how can I help you?" 

"Hi, erm. I have a question." She said. "Erm, I came here with Sung Jun. I am a close friend of Ahn Daniel. Maybe you know him? The person that lives with Sung Jun now?" 

"Yes, yes. I know him. He came here a few times to discuss about the adoption with me." 

"I just want to know if there's any child, the same age as Jun and the same birthday as he is grew up here?" Her hands were trembling.

"No. In fact he's the only 5 years-old that we have for now. May I know why?" The volunteeree was suspicious over Namjoo's question.

"Actually, we are throwing Jun a birthday party, and I was wondering if there's any of his friends that has the same birthday as he does. Maybe we could do a party for him too but I guess not. I told Jun to invite any of his friends here." Namjoo smiled trying to cover up her question. 

"Jun, has no friends here."

"Pardon?" 

"He was bullied. Most of the time by the bigger hyungs here. I was always unaware. I tried to help but he insisted. He found out about the letter that his mother left him and told me he wanted to find his father. He told me, he wanted to leave this place. That's the best I can do to help him. I guided him to Ahn Daniel so that he would be safer." She said regretfully. 

"A letter?" She thought Jun didn't read the letter. "What did it wrote?"

"It was nothing. Only Mr Ahn's name and the school he attended. I went to his high school and got his contact information which lead Jun to Mr Ahn." She smiled. 

After Namjoo left the administration office, she saw Jun sitting at the bench infront of the orphanage, looked like he was crying. From afar, she heard the kids laughing at him. 

"See! Even his father didn't want him!" 

"Told you, no one wanted him."

"They sent him back here."

Namjoo felt like crying looking at how he was bullied. 

"Jun-ah, let's go get some ice cream." Namjoo called Jun. Being the cold-hearted Namjoo, she turned to the kids and talked to them. "Hello there." She greeted them.

"Hello." They bowed to her. 

"I just want to say, as much as you tormented him saying no one wanted him. I just want to remind you, you should fix that attitude if you want someone to adopt you cause sympathy expires when you're around this age. No one would adopt someone as old as you. So, when you go to bed tonight, you will look back at the reasons why you are still here. I hope you reflect back on your life. Don't think just because you're an orphan, I won't tell you the truth. When you go outside in the real world, no one really cares or sympathize you for being an orphan. In the end, one day you will just be an adult and with that atittude, I'm doubting how you would survive." Namjoo said coldly. "Please study well. At least, to reassure your future." She said and took Jun with her. 

--

Namjoo looked at Jun as he eats his ice cream cheerfully. 

"Is it that tasty?" Namjoo asked. 

"The best ice cream in the world!!!" Jun shouted excitedly. 

Namjoo sighed feeling wronged to be infront of Jun as someone Jun only knows as his neighbour. While they were talking, Niel called Namjoo. Namjoo stared at her phone with mixed feelings. 

"Hello?" Namjoo answered. 

"Hey, erm, I'm really sorry. I hope things are doing well. I'll pick Jun up tomorrow." Niel said. "What is he doing right now?" 

"He's, eating his ice cream right now." Namjoo said as she cleared . "Ah, Niel. I will bake the cake for Jun so don't worry and I've met the party planner and sorted things out." She said and quickly hung up on me. 

"What's wrong with her?!" Niel was agitated. 

That night, Namjoo helped Jun with his studies as Niel told her to let him study more. She watched and tought Jun as much as she could. She felt like crying every moment Jun smiled to her. The guilt that was building up in her heart was too much for her to handle. It was Jun's bed time and Namjoo let Jun slept on her bed. Before Jun fell asleep, Namjoo built up her courage to carrassed him, carrassed her own son that she had left years ago.

"Jun-ah." She called and Jun looked at her eyes. 

"Why?" He asked innocently. 

"Have you ever thought about your mom?" She asked and felt the urge to cry was strong. "Like, what kind of person she could be or, are you mad with her."

Jun was silent for some time and felt like it was a difficult question for a boy his age to answer. 

"Erm, I wish I have her name and address like I found Niel's." He said with a smile. "If they can't find me, I will look for them." Jun added. 

Namjoo shed tears listening to his answer. She couldn't imagine how much pain he had felt to have been so matured with his thoughts at his age. If only she had the courage, to just live with the fact that her 'Jimin' existed, nothing as painful as this would ever happened. If only adults would have the same kind of idea on how the world actually is like kids do, so many things would happen. Kids have such pure dreams as 'I can be anything in this world' but as we grow older, adults are full of doubts, full of 'what if's' that stopped them from doing everything they have ever dreamt of as a child. Like how Jun said 'If they can't find me, I will look for them.' If only Namjoo hadn't thought of all the 'what if they found out? What if the father of this child won't take responsibility? What would other people think of me?' Jun wouldn't have to grew up in an orphanage. 

"Jun-ah, if one day, your mom comes to you. If she found you, would you forgive her?" She asked trying to hold back her tears and he nodded. 

"I want to meet my mom." He said before falling asleep. 

That night, Namjoo sat in the living room crying her heart out. 

---

D-2

Niel came and picked Jun up early in the morning after Jun had breakfast that Namjoo prepared to his liking. She asked what was his favorite food and made it specially for him. She wrote it in her notes. It was late but she wanted to know more of Jun. She missed so many things but she promised herself she would picked up every missing part she could find. From his favorite color to his favorite food. She was learning him step by step. She would catch up with the time and how fast he grew up. If she could buy some time, she would. There are so many things to know. 

Niel was taking all of Jun's stuffs from Namjoo's room as Jun was in the living room watching cartoons. While Jun was distracted with cartoons, Namjoo entered the room when Niel was packing Jun's stuffs. 

"Niel." She called. "You, seemed more organized and prepared this time...." Namjoo wasn't finish yet but Niel cut her off. 

"You'll get used to it when you're raising 'your' kid." Niel froze to his own words. 

"..Like a father." She continued. 

Niel laughed off the awkwardness and joked about it. "I meant Jun. He's not my kid. He could be anybody's kid but I'm looking over this somebody's kid as if he's mine which made me called him 'my' kid." He looked at Namjoo hesitantly. "It's complicated." and laughed. 

"I can't tell him now." She said to herself. 

"Jun is very certain that you're his father." She said. 

"I know." 

"Please consider the adoption." She said with her hands trembling. At least if Niel agreed for the adoption, Jun would always be under her watch. So near, and she could watch him grow. Until, an uncertain time when she would have the courage to come to him and claim her son. 

Niel was surprised with her reaction. He had known Namjoo as someone who, took a good care of Jun but was very fierce. These days, minus the fact that Niel has been thinking that she's getting prettier, she had became more kind with Jun and thought Jun a lot of things. 

"Since when did you care so much?" Niel asked. "No offense." He said and went to the living room. 

"Some taken." She said. 

Time passed and it was the night before Jun's birthday. Namjoo made the cake well and she was nervous for Jun's birthday. Her mind is getting pretty messed up thinking about everything. What made her worried was the fact that Niel is actually Jun's father and she is only depending on his decision wether or not he would adopt Jun. If he's not, she needs to gather the courage as soon as possible to go to Jun. It seems simple but, it is not. Looking at Jun was already painful enough because she felt as if guilt was cutting her heart into pieces. She deserved the pain for leaving him. 

She knew. 

============================================

Who's excited for Jun's birthday party~~