As I lay in my bed I think about this crazy afternoon.

The closeness with Jonghyun.

The great feeling of being the girl in the middle of those 5 dorks.

But also the awkward feeling of being the only girl.

The embarrassing moment when Key stared at me.

The dumb feeling when I left the room.

 

 

Why did I left?

I could have stayed and we could have been the couple we were before.

Happy and with little kisses here and there.

With beautiful dates...

 

I don't know how long I've been laying there, facing the ceiling.

Then.

Suddenly it hit me like a brick

 

I. Am. Scared... And confused....

 

What if I can't love him anymore?

Do you remember as I told you that I wasn't so sure if I would have fallen in love with Key because he changed?!

The point is that I stopped to love him.

It was hard but the time helped me to get a new life without him.

I got a taste of the life without him, and I must admit, it isn't that bad.

When we were together, I couldn't imagine a world without him. That's why I my world broke down as we broke up.

But eventually I built a new world, with new friends and without him.

I don't want him to ruin my new great world.

Sure he burned his marks in my head, but which relationship does that not!?

He will be always there, like my old high school friends or my cat I had at home.

So lets list the things.

I'm scared that he would crash my new build world.

And.

I'm scared that even if I want him in my new world, I can't love him anymore because he changed too much.

I wish he would be like the old Key. Shy and cute. Careful with words. And still this silly rabbit.

Now he is... Shinee’s Key.

The Idol star everyone loves. The guy who can have everything, anything... everyone.

The guy with confidence. The cool, famous, funny guy every girl wants as her boyfriend.

Maybe, if I wouldn't have known the Key before, just maybe, I would have fallen in love with the Key now.

But that's impossible.

I know the old Key. And I know, and totally understand, that I can not change the Key he is now. And I don't want to.

He is happy like that now.

Eventually he will get over his new old love towards me. Like I did.

He will find another girl. I mean he stopped loving me because he fell in love with nicole, why shouldn't that happen again?!

And I mean it's not like he wouldn't have a chance. He has billions of girls who would do anything for him.

So, I think it's better for both of us if we stay away from each other.

 

Always!

 

 

 

Ha.

 

Yeah.

 

No.

 

I didn't think about the other guys. 

Especially not about Jonghyun. He's an annoying little bastard.

I didn't change my phone number after our break up. I mean why should I??!

And well, Jonghyun got that figured out first.

Honestly, I thought Onew would be the first one to text me, because we were the closest as I had the relationship with Key.

But, funnily enough it was Jonghyun who texted me first. A day after the collide in the dorm.

 

 

From: Kim Jonghyun

'Yo, Everything okay with you?'

 

 

 

To: Kim Jonghyun

'Yup'

 

 

 

From: Kim Jonghyun

'Wanna hang out tonight?'

 

 

 

To: Kim Jonghyun

'I can't, sorry. I wasn't at work yesterday and if I don't work today the chance to get fired gets even bigger :P'

 

 

 

From: Kim Jonghyun

'Your boss is a Pabo -_-'

 

 

 

To: Kim Jonghyun

'I will tell him :p'

 

 

 

From: Kim Jonghyun

'Good! What about the weekend?'

 

 

 

To: Kim Jonghyun

'Why do u wanna hang out so badly huh?'

 

 

 

From: Kim Jonghyun

'I want to catch up o_O'

 

 

 

I'm not quiet sure if I should believe him.

He once dragged me to hell. I won't let that happen a second time.

 

 

 

To: Lee Taemin

'What does Jonghyun have in his mind?!'

 

 

 

From: Lee Taemin

'i dont know. Why r u asking?'

 

 

 

To: Lee Taemin

'did he tell you what he wants to do at the weekend?'

 

 

 

From: Lee Taemin

'No'

 

 

 

Wow. Taemin you're so helpful. Catch the sarcasm!

 

 

 

To: Kim Jonghyun

'What do you have in mind?'

 

 

 

From: Kim Jonghyun

'Whats wrong with u? ;P'

 

 

 

To: Kim Jonghyun

'What?'

 

 

 

From: Kim Jonghyun

'don't you trust me or why are ya asking taemin?! O.o'

 

 

 

To: Lee Taemin

'YAA! PABO!!'

 

 

 

From: Lee Taemin

'kkk sorry :P'

 

 

 

To: Kim Jonghyun

'I just wanted to make sure...'

 

 

 

From: Kim Jonghyun

'Yeah of course ;P so?'

 

 

 

To: Kim Jonghyun

'Just you and me? No one else?'

 

 

 

From: Kim Jonghyun

'it's a date babe ;P'

 

 

 

To: Kim Jonghyun

' -_- '

 

 

 

From: Kim Jonghyun

'So?'

 

 

 

To: Kim Jonghyun

'Okay'

 

 

 

From: Kim Jonghyun

'Cool! Will pick u up at Saturday at 2PM'

 

 

 

To: Kim Jonghyun

'Alright'

 

 

 

Great. I wasted my lunch break to text with this bricks.

I grab my sandwich and make my way to the next class I have.