I knocked on TOP's door as soon as I got to his hotel room, which was down the hall from me and Vinny's room.

I took another drink from the wine bottle, and the door opened. TOP stood in front of me, dressed ina v-neck t-shirt and sweats. He held a cigarrette in between the fingers on his left hand.

He looked confused when he saw me. Immediately, he tried hiding the death stick I usually dreaded. "Nat, what-"

"Give me that." I muttered, taking the cigarette from his hands and handing him the wine bottle. I stepped past him and into his suite, then sat back on his bed. I took a long drag of the cigarette, and let the smoke and nicotene burn my lungs.

I blew it out with ease, and TOP let out a chuckle. "How did you not cough on your first try?"

"I go to the Hookah bars with CL remember? That and I tried pot when I was dating Elliot in high school." I admitted. "If I know how to smoke that, I know how to smoke a simple cigarette."

"Uh, wow." TOP let out a surprised laugh. "I never knew that part." He stepped over to me and set the wine bottle down on the table. "So why did you come here and steal my cigarette? And why do you have an open bottle of white wine?"

"Give me it." I said, sitting up. TOP handed me the bottle, and I took another drink. "Because people are stupid."

"Who is stupid?" TOP asked me.

I looked at him. "Don't ask for names. Just know someone somewhere is a douchebag." I took another drag of the cigarette.

I was so angry right now, that I couldn't even describe it into words.

How could he do this? I didn't care that we weren't official. I felt cheated on.

I stood and walked over to the mini bar and fridge. "What is the quickest thing they carry that could get me wasted?" I kneeled down in front of the fridge and went through various bottles before finding some Italian brand of vodka. I popped off the tiny cap and downed it all.

"Natalia, seriously. You look pretty ed up right now." TOP admitted.

"You don't even know." I muttered. I looked back at him. "Don't have me do all this alone. Drink something."

"You want me to drink with you?"

"And smoke." I sighed and stood. "And hang out. And... yeah." I shut the fridge door and looked at him. He looked so confused. I sighed. "Look, I'm just really pissed off right now and i just need to be with someone that doesn't know why I'm mad. Vinny knows, and he's pissing me off. Please... when you broke up with me you said you still wanted to be someone I could come to for help. Right now, I need that help."

"Well then give me the bottle of wine and stop drinking it like you're a hobo." TOP laughed. He walked over to me, took the bottle, then grabbed two glasses from the mini bar. He filled them up, then handed me one.

I downed it immediately and filled it up again.

"Natalia, you never drink this much so quickly." TOP commented when he sat down on his bed. He took a sip from his own glass.

"Oneulbameun ppittakhage." I shrugged, quoting Jiyong's Crooked lyrics.

"Can you at least tell me some of what happened?"

I sat down on the other side of the bed. TOP hadn't spoken or hung out like this in years, it seemed. "I don't want to tell you who it's about."

"Is it about a guy?"

I nodded silently.

"Do I know this guy?"

I looked at him, not wanting to give away too much. "You know a lot of guys."

"Is it an idol?"

I nodded. "We're leaving it at that. All I'm going to tell you is that this idol and i were in talks of getting together, but he went out with a group of people and I guess he and a girl got a little too close." I shook my head. "I don't know. I'm probably acting stupid."

"How you feel is not stupid." TOP shook his head. "I think you have every right to be mad. Especially if you two are in the early stages of like each other."

I looked at him. "Why are you acting like this? You're legitimately giving me advice?"

TOP nodded and took another sip of wine. "I want to. You haven't barged into my room pissed off since Siwon said you were like his little sister, and you got mad at that because you liked him."

I nodded, remembering that moment. Luckilly, I got off of my high horse so Siwon and I were still good friends. Bad side to what TOP had said though, when I had barged into his room, it happened.

I groaned and flopped back on the bed. "I'm just a mess!" I set my wine glass down on on the end table, handed TOP his cigarette back, then walked over to my bag I had dropped on the ground on the way into his room. I pulled out my electronic, apple flavored hookah stick.

"Really, Natalia?" TOP laughed, watching me turn on the device.

I inhaled the fruity smoke, then blew it out. "It tastes better then your nasty cigarette."

I walked back over to his bed and sat down. I thought for a moment, grabbed my phone, and opened my camera. I put my phone in front of me, turned my head so my hair mostly cascaded over my profile and so my matching roman-numeral birthday shoulder tattoo I had gotten with Jiyong was in clear view. I set the filter to dramatic black and white,  pouted out my lips a little, practially closed my eyes, then took the picture. I posted it on Twitter, along with lyrics from Jiyong's song:

아무도 없어 다 의미 없어
사탕 발린 위로 따윈 집어 쳐
오늘밤은 삐딱하게

Translated:
I have no one, everything is meaningless
Take away the sugar-coated comfort
Tonight, I’ll be crooked

I set my phone back down, then inhaled more vapor from my hookah stick. I laid back down. "Everything just right now."

"That idol really must have messed you up." TOP commented.

I felt the deep ache in my heart. I don't know why Seungri had hurt me so much from something like this. I covered my face. "You have no idea."

----

I didn't even know how many mini bottles of liquor and glasses of wine TOP and I had gone through, but I didn't care. I was finally starting to feel at ease. I didn't care about Seungri right now. i just wanted to forget.

TOP and I were both laying down now, the tops of our heads touching as either of us scrolled through our phones and talked. We talked so much that I didn't even realize how much he and I didn't know about each other's lives anymore. I didn't know that he had literally not been on a date since we had broken up. He didn't know that I had been on countless dates, but none of them ever worked out. He also didn't know about my insecurity with Jennie Kim, but no one knew anyway.

"How are you insecure when it comes to her?" TOP asked me after he had taken another selca of us on his phone. I had lost count of how many we had taken, and how many faces and filters we used.

"Because she seems to be taking over my spots." I sighed, setting my phone down after pressing play to listen to one of the few American bands I loved: The Neighbourhood. Thier song Afraid started playing. The lyrics were perfect:

When I wake up I’m afraid, somebody else might take my place
When I wake up I’m afraid, somebody else might end up being me

"I know how it was between me and Bom. Bom kind of got put to the side. I don't want that. Jennie is like a young me."

"She isn't a young you, Natalia." TOP shook his head. "You two are different. You're exotic. She isn't. You're tall. She isn't. You have legs for miles. She doesn't . You got on Maxim's Hot 100. She didn't."

"Because she's too young to." I muttered, crossing my arms.

TOP sighed and shook his head.

It got quiet, and after a few minutes. TOP sighed. "Why did we ever break up?"

I craned my neck to look at him. Alcohol was getting the better of both of us. "You tell me. You dumped me."

"I know." TOP nodded. "Things were just too busy and we were both exhausted all the time."

I nodded. "It just wasn't working. It happens." I let out a said chuckle. "I still remember giving you back my necklace and ring. I still remember how much pain that caused me."

TOP chuckled, too. "I still have those, too."

I looked at at him. "Why?"

TOP shrugged. "I'm not going to throw those away, Natalia. I meant them. They were a part of one of the best moments of my life."

I shook my head. "I would've never thought that that was what you thought."

Flashback

"I'm going out with Minzy." Vinny said as he grabbed his jacket from the hotel dresser. "So you and Top can have some alone time."

I shrugged and wrote down some more lyrics. I groaned, shook my head, then erased them. "We probably won't need it. I'm trying to work on one serious song and it isn't working."

"Call Jesse." Vinny shrugged. "He could probably help."

He was referring to Jesse as in Jesse Rutherford, the lead singer of The Neighbourhood. Vinny and I went to their concert about a month ago, met them, then Jesse and I went out to lunch a week later. We were pretty close now, and I had to admit he was pretty good looking. All the tattoos and height were perfect.

Like I would ever tell TOP that, though.

I shrugged. "Just go. I'll figure something out."

Vinny left, and TOP walked in. He smiled at me. "He, jagiya."

"Hi." I muttered, letting him kiss the top of my head while I kept my eyes on the notebook in front of me.

"What are you doing?" TOP asked, sitting next to me.

"Trying to work on lyrics." I muttered again, then picked up my phone. I scrolled to Jesse's name and sent him a text.

brain roadblock. any advice? :)

"Can I help?" TOP asked, leaning against me to read.

I shook my head. "They're serious."

"I can write serious lyrics." TOP scoffed.

My phone buzzed.

Depends. U still in Cali?

ya y?

"Is that that tattooed guy?" TOP asked, picking up my phone.

I nodded and looked back at my notebook. "I'm asking for help."

TOP shook his head. "So you'll ask him for help, yet you won't accept your own boyfriend's help?"

I looked at him. "I didn't mean it like that, okay? If I was writing another rap, yeah, I'd ask for your help."

My phone went off in TOP's hand. He unlocked my phone (he knew the code; I had nothing to hide from him), read the message, then scoffed. He shook his head again and dropped my phone onto the bed.

I leaned over and read the message from Jesse:

a shot of whiskey and my company is the best remedy ;) lol jkjk is top w/ u?

"Why would he ask if I'm with you?" TOP asked me.

I shrugged and quickly texted Jesse back. "He likes your rapping. Maybe he wanted to say hi." I looked at TOP. "Why are you getting so mad? You know Jesse. He's a good friend. You wouldn't be getting mad if I was texting Ji for help."

"Because i know Jiyong." TOP snapped. "I'm with you right now, Natalia. Pay attention to me." My phone buzzed again, but before I could look at it, TOP snatched it out of my hand. "Stop texting. For once I would like a night where we weren't busy."

I looked at him. "You know that can't happen. YG is expecting a new song in two days. I can't take my eyes off of this."

"Well you let Vinny go out. Why can't you ignore it?"

"Because Vinny did his part. He came up with the guitar chords. I have to do the lyrics." I took my phone from him. "Besides, I don't get pissed when I see you going out with people or talking." TOP looked at me, his expression softened. I nodded, anger boiling inside me. "Oh, yeah. Don't you think for one second that I don't know about you going out to lunch and stuff with Bom again. I know. The whole K-Pop world knows. But, see? I trust you. I don't freak out on you."

"I never said I didn't trurst you." TOP growled. "We just never have any time any more! And when we go out, someone is always watching! not only that, but when we stay in, you insist on taking a damn selca so you can put it on Twitter! We can never have any privacy, Natalia!"

"Well, sorry! I didn't know you were embarrassed by our relationship!" I rose my voice.

"Embarrassed? Why would I be embarrassed? Natalia, stop putting words into my mouth! God, I just can't take this!" TOP said something in Korean, but I didn't know what it was.

"You wanna say that again?" I asked lowly, putting my hands on my hips as I stood.

TOP looked at me, then sneered something else in Korean. I scoffed, then yelled right back at him in Italian.

This is how our fight was for a good ten minutes, him yelling in Korean as I shouted back in Italian. No one was winning this war.

TOP finally stood and shook his head. "I can't do this anymore, Natalia."

"What do you mean?" I tried to quiet my voice. His eyes looked dark and serious.

TOP sighed and shook his head. "This. Us. I thought I could. But I don't think I can. Being in public is too much."

My heart slammed into the ground. "W-what are you saying, Top?"

TOP shook his head. He looked at me again. "I'm done, Natalia. I'm sorry."

With that, he left.

Flashback Ends

"Yeah." I sighed and shrugged. "You could have broken up with me in a nicer way."

TOP shrugged. "My thoughts were too messed up. I was shocked. A week later you showed up with a new tattoo."

I looked down at my roman numeral tattoo down my sshoulder. That's when I had gotten it. I looked at him. "Well, you weren't much better. By the time I got this you were back to drinking and smoking."

"At least I know how to control my drinking now." TOP admitted.

I sighed and shut my eyes. I opened them back up and looked at TOP. "You know, when I came in here tonight, my plan was to hook up with you."

TOP laughed. "Seriously?"

I nodded. "I'm serious. But this is actually better. I like just chilling. We haven't done that in years."

TOP nodded. "That is nice, but while we're being honest, I was kind of thinking we would hook up." He sat up.

I looked up at him. "Really? Am I that predictable?"

TOP laughed and nodded. "I know your ways, Nat." He shrugged. "I wouldn't have said no."

I thought for a moment. "Do you still want to?"

As TOP openened his mouth to respond, there was a knock at the door.

TOP got up and answered the door.

Without any hello, Vinny barged in much like I had, wine bottle in his hand. "I'm having a rough night." He admitted to me, taking my hookah stick and inhaling it's vapor. "Got any vodka?"

"Minzy?" TOP asked as he shut the door.

Vinny nodded as he opened the almost-empty mini bar. "All of her ing instagram posts. She's just so happy like "oh, look at me. I'm the cute maknae of 2NE1." It's pissing me off." He grabbed a mini bottle of whisky. "I just need some company."

"Well, you're welcome to stay." TOP sighed, sitting back down on his bed with me.

Vinny came over and sat down as well. He looked at my phone "What Do You Want From Me. Perfect song right now." Vinny looked at TOP. "I thought you hated Jesse?"

TOP laughed. "I don't hate him! Why does everyone think that?"

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Okay, there were a lot of prompts and rewrites to how I wanted this chapter to go, but this stuck to me the most. It just seemed lke the best direction to go in.

I also wanted to include my favorite American band in this, The Neighbourhood, because I've been in love with them lately. Like, seriously. I'm becoming obsessed, and I'm actually going to their concert, which will be my first concert :)

So these are the songs that Natalia and TOP had playing:

Afraid:

What Do You Want From Me:

And, also, I'm in love with their singer, Jesse Rutherford. I really hope I get to meet him. I just had to add him in because since Natalia is based off of me, I would love to be friends with him. This is Jesse:

Yeah... he's 22 and just amazing...

Okay, non K-Pop fangirling done!