“You don’t deserve to live!”

I quickly opened my eyes and sit up while catching my breathe. The nightmares are coming back again. No, no. They were gone! I look at the calendar beside at my wall. 6 freakin’ months, I have spared myself to my nightmares and now it's back again. I tried to stand up to fetch some water but I ended falling into my bed. Suddenly, I felt a stinging pain in my lower back and at my left leg. This what I get after I fell down at the stairs.

__________________________

I came home from the supermarket. I didn’t know he was home. I arranged all the grocery I bought and when I am done, I made my way upstairs but I halt when I heard him shouting.

“You ing idiot!” I was startled. It’s my foster dad. He was at the upper part of the staircase.

“Come here!” I comply and went to him. Reaching the last step of the stairs, he quickly grabbed my hair.

“Didn't I tell you not to buy the grocery anymore? You’re wasting my money! You have your own allowance right!?”

I nod trying to fight back the tears. He held my hair much tighter.

“So why the did you waste the money on the grocery, AGAIN!? You can eat outside, the hell I care! But I need to get my money, you understand?” I nod again. He let go of my hair and stormed in my room. I quickly followed him. He rummaged my things.

“Where’s the money!?”

“No, please stop!”

“I want the ing money! Give it to me!”

I went to my closet and even before I give the envelope, he already snatched it from me. He counted the money. He grinned in satisfaction. He's almost at the doorway when he noticed something. He stopped and went to my study table. He picked-up the new book that I bought yesterday. The earlier version of the pride and prejudice.

“What the hell is this? You bought another book again!?” he threw the book and went to me and harshly grabbed my hair then dragged me outside my room.

“No! No! I bought it using my allowance!” I winced in pain as he hold it tighter and pulled my hair.

“Do you think I didn't know that you’re packing your own lunch!? The reason why you keep on buying the grocery! I’m not stupid!” the next thing I know he pushed me hard that made me stumble down the staircase. I cried in pain.

“Serves you right!”  then he left the house. I spend hours crying in agony. I can't move. It took me a lot of willpower just to get to my room.

__________________________

I used all my strength to get downstairs. I rewarded myself with a glass of water and a painkiller. I took a deep breath and walk towards the sofa and collapsed. I closed my eyes and fell asleep.

I slowly opened my eyes as I felt the sunlight in my face. I stood up and looked at the clock. Jeezus! It’s already 1pm!? I just missed my morning class and my 3rd subject is already starting. I try to stood up. It hurts but I can manage. I need to attend my last subject. I took my bath and did everything before I leave the house. I wore my black jeans and a camisole. I grab my brown loose sweater at my closet and wore it. I grab my smaller bag. I took my notebook, pen, phone and wallet from my messenger bag then tucked it inside my smaller bag. This will do. As much as I want to bring my journals and book, I can't. By that I went to school.

“SURPRISE!!!”

We all look at the doorway of the private dinning. I was eating my lunch with my hyungs at the student center.

“Holy ! You guys are back!”

Chanyeol hyung was the first one to react. We stood up and hugged our hyungs. Luhan hyung, Kris hyung, Chen hyung, Xuimin hyung, Lay hyung and Tao took their vacation at China. Another way to comfort Kris hyung. He still is devastated after Lili noona passed away. We exchanged hugs and greetings.