“What is wrong with you!?”

I heard noona’s voice then I felt her yanking my blanket. I grunted and pull the blanket again.

“Uhg. What?”

“You’re at it again! Mom told me you cut class yesterday, went home with bruises and you went to the club again last night and you went home drunk!”

She’s hitting me with a pillow this time. I went under the blanket to shield myself.

“I thought you’re okay! Look at yourself now! Are you a freaking gangster, Kim Jongin!?”

Now, she’s hitting me with her fist. God, she’s just making my body ache worst.

“Noona!!!”

I shouted at her as I sat up. Her eyes widened as she saw my swollen face and bruises.

“Oh god! What the hell did you do this time? Get yourself together and go down or else--”

“Okay, okay. I get it.”

I surrendered then she stomped her way out of my room. I let out a grunt again and collapse on my bed. I reached for my phone and saw the time. What the hell, its only 6:24am!!! Sometime, I just want to strangle my own sister. I freshen myself and went downstairs.

“You want me to confiscate your phone and lower your allowance?”

My dad said coldly as we eat our breakfast.

“Dad!” I complained

“Then talk or else I’ll let your sister to do the talking.”

“Fine! Nami was almost harrased yesterday. Good thing I arrived on time. There was  four men and you know what happened next.” I pointed at my face

“But of course since I am so great and cool. I beat the crap out them. I didn’t continue my class since my body ache as hell and I went to the club because…” I stopped, hesitating to continue.

“I get it! You release your stress and stuff.” She said as she munch on the wheat bread

“I am not at it again, okay?” I said.

“Good”
 

My Dad said and we continue to finish our meal. My mom called me in the living room and made me sit at the couch. I noticed the first aid kit beside her then she started to dabbed my bruises with an ointment.

“Ow. That hurts.”

“Are you sure you’re not at it again?”

“I already told you guys, I am not.”

“So you’re being heroic now, eh?”

“Well, you can say that.” Then we chuckled.

“Why not dye your hair back again?”

“Nah, maybe some other time or I’ll just let it wear off” Then she dabbed my bruise hard.

“Ow! Mom!”

“You’re so lazy! Pull your shirt up, let me see.”

I lift my shirt up for her to see my other bruises.

“Well, atleast its not like before.”

When she was done pointing an ointment she threw a pack of pain killers.

“Awww, you love me so much, don’t you?” I cooed to my Mom.

“Mom! You’re supposed to nag him or something! He really is your favorite!” My sister complained.

Me and mom just chuckled at her.

I woke up in sweat and heavy breathing. I dreamed of him. His face is so vivid. The face that I can’t seem to forget. Thinking how he looks, another person came to my mind. Kim Jongin. They both look so alike and the scared feeling inside of me everytime I see Jongin grew. The ghost of the past is haunting me again. I got up and and slowly made my way downstairs checking if my foster father is home. Good thing he’s not. I splash my face with water in the sink. Why does it take too much will to kill the hope inside of me. Even no matter how many times I’ve cried ‘till there’s no more tears left, I can’t seem to forget him at all. The main reason why I hate myself.

Since I woke up early. I decided to have a general cleaning. I sweep and mop the floor making sure no dust left. I rearranged my whole room. I put all of my things inside my closet then sweep the floor. I decided to move my bed in order to sweep under it. I grunt as I push my bed and started sweeping, I stopped when I see a glint among the ball of dusts. I crouched down and remove the dust from it and I cannot contain my happiness.

“I thought I lost you!”

I said to myself as I stare at the bracelet I found. I quickly hid it in my bag. I don’t want to risk seeing it by my foster father. I went to my mini shelf beside my closet to clean the books. I can’t even remember when’s the last time I fully cleaned my room. While I was rearranging the books an envelope fell together with a folded letter. Before I could stop myself I already open the envelope. My heartbeat quickens as regret washes over me. I release a sigh to stable my breathing as I read my acceptance letter at NYU journalism. Supposedly, I am a scholar for the undergraduate but because of him, I chose to stay but he left me instead. I put back the letter to the envelope and unfold the other letter... that’s when my tears started to fall.

Sorry, if I didn’t reply to your emails anymore. Everything is just so stressful and I need to work double time to keep up with them. I found a part time job at a dance company and we perform from time to time so, I have less time to rest but the good thing is that I am earning money and it’s a great deal since I was able to pay some of our debts. I just want to tell you that I may not able to contact you for a long time so maybe we should use this time to focus on ourselves.

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