As you wake up the next morning, you take a moment to address yourself.

You are Silver.  You are the daughter of one of the ex-heads of the Rebellion that married a general of the Rebellion.  Years passed and that general fell in love with your mother’s sister, passing you onto her care as he was executed according to the order of your birthmother’s other child, Kris. 

You are Amara.  Ever since you met the eyes of your mother’s sister, Silvia.  Ever since she gave you the name, you have been Amara.  One night, the man you now know as Kris came into your house looking for the map of the Rebellion’s headquarters that Silvia hid and killed her in the process. 

Since that night, Silver lurked in the streets, looking for something she didn’t even know.  She used her knives to take people’s lives, people who harmed her town, her city.  It became the blades that brought justice, in her opinion.  Until she met Q.  She learnt about the Kingdom, the Queen, and everything else that seemed to have a place, somewhere in her heart and mind, but didn’t quite settle right, until she met Kris again.  Things started to come together, piece by piece, painfully, frighteningly, menacingly, mercilessly, and you find Amara as part of yourself, someone you can’t get rid of, just like Silver.

You came to know Baekhyun, Luhan, Lara, the Lady, and eventually, you came to learn how to trust, how to love and how to have faith, just like your carefree childhood days with Silvia.  You know how it feels to have someone have your back, and you find out how so frightening falling in love is, and yet it gives you such a sense of security.  You mistook feeling safe around somebody as being in love and now, you know how it actually feels to love another.  People say you can only fall in love so much until it hurts, and there will only be the love left.  You’re hurt, mentally and physically, and it made you open your eyes to see and face the truth you’ve always been afraid of.

That you’ve broken Baekhyun’s heart and fallen for his brother, Luhan.

And that these feelings do nothing to help you find clarity. 

You may have found the clarity to your identity, to your past and your present, but with Luhan in your life, your future is but a blur.  You may seem like a sly fox that leaped nonchalantly from one man’s heart to another’s, but even the word ‘love’ had been a stranger to you since last night.  You’re still frightened to admit your feelings for Luhan, but fear is a clear indication of the things you need to do.

You know now, that the Rebellion and the Kingdom will never be at peace. They will stay stagnant, in that state where they are nor at war or at peace.  Their balance will always be at edge and that’s way beyond your capabilities to solve.  Their wounds and scars have stories too deep for your comprehension.

A knock on the door breaks your train of thoughts and Baekhyun’s familiar head peeks in.  “Hey, can I come in?” He asks with a cheerful smile.

Sitting up, you brace yourself and decide to start facing your feelings and start telling the truth.  “Sure,” You reply with a smile of your own. “You’re already half inside, Baek,”

He chuckles quietly and shuts the door behind him with his foot, carrying a tray of food for you.  “Breakfast,”

“Aw,” You gush quietly, watching as he places the tray carefully in front of you.  “Gosh, Baek, I’m sorry I snapped at you last night,”

“That’s okay, I understand,” He shrugs, sitting beside your bed.

You start taking the spoon and breathe in the aroma of the soup, steaming in front of you.  “And I have something to say to you,” Your eyes meet his and a flicker of understanding passes in his eyes.

“Eat first, then I’ll listen,”

So you do, laughing at his jokes and talking to him like the times you always spent together.  You would see that twinkle in his eyes whenever you laugh, along with that expression that told you how glad he was to be in your company and to be able to be by your side. 

“Baek,” You start as you wipe your lips after finishing the glass of water he brought along. 

“Hm?” He sits cross-legged on the chair, lifting his eyebrows to urge you to go on.

“I’m sorry,” Your hands grip at the bedsheets, restless and anxious about how he would react.  “I’m sorry that I didn’t know for sure what it was that I felt for you.  I didn’t mean to play with your feelings, I didn’t mean that, please, understand, and frankly, I never felt so safe in someone else’s arms but yours, Baek.  But I’m sorry, I can’t give you what you’ve been giving me.  I can’t love you back,”

He stays silent for a long moment and you force yourself to look up to his face to at least know what expression he has on. 

He just stares back at you with a sad smile at one corner of his lips.  “Yeah, I figured as much,” He tilts his head slightly.  “I’m the one who’s supposed to be sorry.  I took advantage of you when you were so gullible and I guess I fell in love with that side of you that didn’t keep her guards up.  When you do, I can’t find a way to come close and I can’t find the right words for you to let me,”

“I’m too much for you, Baek.  Not that I’m underestimating you, but you know me as Amara who disguised herself as Silver to protect what precious things she has left,” You reach out to put your hand over his, meeting his eyes.  “While Luhan just comes head-on and tackles Silver to the ground, and made me know myself as Amara,”

“Yeah, he’s good at that,” Baekhyun tops your hand with his and pulls it to his lips to kiss.  “We didn’t have anything since the beginning anyways, so, there’s nothing to end, right? But at least, I know now that I should start getting over you,”

“I’m sorry I ruined everything,” You slump forwards.

“You didn’t,” He laughs.  “You really didn’t.  You telling me like this just makes things a lot easier.  But what about hyung, though? Are you really in love with him?”

“About that,” You chew on your lips in thought.  “Admitting it is something I have to be really prepared for,”

“Correct,” Baekhyun stands to kiss the top of your head as he takes the tray of food into his hands, making his way out of your room. 

With a wink, he grins.  “Don’t worry, he’ll be waiting,”