You can’t believe Kris was the one who called out on your father’s execution.  As much as your father had rubbed it in your face, as much as everything had came into place, as much as every bit and piece of clue had found its home, you still can’t believe it.

“I don’t want to!” You yell out, throwing a knife at a target that just swung by your head.

The angrier you are, the faster your blades go, the more precise your blades hit, the deeper it embeds itself to its target.  The louder you growl, the louder you shout.  The faster your feet go, the higher your jumps are.  Everything is wrong.  Everything is hell.  It ruins your mind, your body, your heart, your soul, your spirit, everything.  Nothing is going right.  Everything surprises you.  You have lost your composure, you have broken down your own walls, you have lost your defense.

Now you’re just Silver, the monster who lost her true self.

“I’m not a monster, I’m not a monster, I’m not a monster!” You fire a gun with every sentence, furiously throwing it to the side before grabbing a sword and running through all the targets.

Are you sure? Are you sure you’re not a monster? Do you feel how good and exciting it is to just drown within your monstrous self? Not having to care about people, not having to let anything set gaps in yourself, flawlessly providing yourself with a perfect fortress, not letting anybody in.  You would be guarded so perfectly.

“Shut up! Shut up, shut up, shut up!” You raise 10 knives and fling them out in anger, creating a flawed circle around you.  “Stay away from me! Stay the hell away from me!”

You can’t.  You are you, and you complement each other.  You are a part of you.

“Amara,”

You look up, seeing the familiar doe-eyed man face you with composure wrapping his whole body.

“Leave, Your Highness.  Leave,” You hiss.

He takes one of the knives that made up your circle and the gap sent a low, guttural growl up your throat as you bare your teeth to him, curling your lip upwards to snarl.  “I said leave,”

“No,” He flings the knife at you and you easily dodge him.

“Fool,” You leap up to grab a passing trapeze and sit on it, pulling a gun from the holster on your belt.  You fire at him and he leaps out of the way, taking his sword, his trademark weapon and leaping on an obstacle as he watches you swing around the Dome’s ceiling. 

Your hair whips about your head and you fire more bullets at him, nearly catching him before he grabs up to dangle from your trapeze.

Flipping backwards, you land onto your feet and crouch low as you see him copy your movements, starting a chase.  You throw your gun away and set yourself on his level as you grab your own sword. 

“Amara,” He says again.

“I’m Silver,” You spat.  “Amara is no more,”

“Amara,” He calls out stubbornly, running towards you to swing his sword over your head.  You duck and meet his blade with your own, faces so close together your noses touch each other.  The tension between the two blades refuse to be tipped and you your lips, glancing at his with hooded eyes.  “Do you love her, Your Highness?”

Luhan shifts his blade and leaps backwards before you can press your blade onto his neck.  “What if I do?” He answers defiantly.

Your eye twitches and you let out a grin.  “Then you should learn to come to hate her, because she is Silver.  She is a monster,”

“You really think so?” Luhan starts moving and you copy him, the two of you circling each other.  “Amara is Amara.  She is not a monster,”

“How can you be so sure?”

“Because she wouldn’t have fallen in love with my brother if she was a monster.  A monster cannot feel, but you can, can’t you, Amara? Are you in there? Can you hear me? I know you can, so get rid of Silver and come out here,”

Roaring, I run towards him, following his movements as he throws himself into the air and counterattack his blade with a loud clang.  “I’m not letting her hurt herself anymore,” You grab the two nearest knives and throw it at Luhan, aiming at his head and missing as he ducked.  “I’m not letting anybody hurt her,”

“So you’d let yourself get hurt?” Luhan throws a kick to your hand and as you yelp painfully, you lift your head to find him pressing his blade to your neck.  “Like this?” He moves his blade to your cheek and runs it down slowly, the pain slowly but surely stinging your face. 

You move away from him and hold a knife in each hand, slashing at him in frustration as you seem to miss him every time and find yourself unable to perceive his next movements. 

“Or this?” He grabs a gun from a table and fires at you twice, grazing your arm and the side of your ribs.  Shouting in angry pain, you throw your knifes with such uncontrolled force, you miss by a long shot.  Luhan runs towards you and pushes you to the ground, trapping your hands and straddling your waist to keep you from moving at all. 

“Let.  Go!!” You struggle and thrash wildly, only to find yourself being held down harder.  “Let go of me, now!!”

“No,” Luhan says for the second time in the night and traps your hand above your head with one of his hand while his other comes to wrap your neck.  “Amara, look at my eyes,”

You choke, tears b in your eyes as you find yourself unable to tear your gaze away from his eyes.  “I’m Silver, I’m a monster.  I’m the monster my mother had always wanted me to be.  I’m being a good girl.  I’m listening to what my mother is saying.  I’m what she wants me to be.  I can make her proud now,”

“You’re Amara,” Luhan sternly says, gazing deeper into your orbs as his grip on your neck loosens.  “You’re Amara, raised by Silvia, to be the woman that fell in love with my brother.  To become the woman I fell in love with,”

“Why?” You start sobbing, losing all the wild, frantic boil of your emotions as you listen to his words.  “Why did you have to fall in love with such a monster like me?? Isn’t it enough for me to hurt Baekhyun? Do I have to hurt you, too? Do I have to scare you, too? Do I have to disappoint you and lose myself, too?”

“Silver is only a part of you.  Amara is not a part of Silver, it’s the other way around.  Command your thoughts or they will command you, Amara,” He says, not answering your question.

“Why did you fall in love with me, Luhan? Why? Why me, of all people?”

“Because we don’t choose who we love, Amara,” His gaze softens and it flickers to your lips.  “Because love is unconditional.  Because I can’t find myself to look away from you, even though my brother is in love with you, too.  Because you’re not a monster.  Because of that night you danced with me.  Because of the way you throw knives.  Because of the way you defend yourself, because of the way you crumble in my arms, because of the way you seem so vulnerable and yet unsusceptible at the same time.  Because of everything.  Because you’re Amara, because you’re you,” He leans in and stops just a hair’s breadth away from your lips, tilting his head to plant kisses on your jaw instead, sending warmth down your body.  He buries his head onto the crook of your neck, his breath, nose, and lips whispering over your neck.  “I love you, Amara, don’t lose yourself, please,” Luhan lets go of your hands and he sets his elbows on either side of your head, staying for a moment longer before sitting up and standing.  His head was lowered, his hair concealing his eyes from yours. 

“Get those wounds treated.  Get back to Baekhyun,” He says curtly before leaving you alone in the Dome without another glance.