Dream vs. Reality (Part 2)
Coma. (Threequel to One Shot and Betrayal.)A bump was heard in the middle of the night and it caused Hana to wake up in alert.
Unfamiliar sounds made her sit up in wonder of what was causing these noises. Perhaps Youngjun couldn't sleep. She got out of bed and headed to the room next door to check on him, only to see that the man was fast asleep. She closed the door, eyebrows furrowed together in confusion.
Maybe it was Ace who they had brought home just yesterday. After all, they were still adapting to him.
"Ace?" she called out to the puppy, who she found sleeping soundlessly in his new basket. She bent down to affectionately him.
Unfamiliar sounds made her sit up in wonder of what was causing these noises. Perhaps Youngjun couldn't sleep. She got out of bed and headed to the room next door to check on him, only to see that the man was fast asleep. She closed the door, eyebrows furrowed together in confusion.
Maybe it was Ace who they had brought home just yesterday. After all, they were still adapting to him.
"Ace?" she called out to the puppy, who she found sleeping soundlessly in his new basket. She bent down to affectionately him.
Chills ran down her spine, when she heard something being unlocked. She stood up immediately and felt her heart beating hard as she held her breath.
So it wasn't Youngjun or Ace.
There was an intruder in the house.
In a panicked state, she grabbed the first thing she could use to defend herself. She took a thin sheet of blanket that was folded on the couch and held it close to herself in preparation to attack. It obviously wasn't going to hurt the intruder but it would give her enough time to temporarily blind whoever it was. She walked through the dark, muddled living room - leading to the kitchen. The only source of light she was getting right now was from outside, which was being horribly flickered from dark to light because of the curtain blinds that were moving threateningly.
So it wasn't Youngjun or Ace.
There was an intruder in the house.
In a panicked state, she grabbed the first thing she could use to defend herself. She took a thin sheet of blanket that was folded on the couch and held it close to herself in preparation to attack. It obviously wasn't going to hurt the intruder but it would give her enough time to temporarily blind whoever it was. She walked through the dark, muddled living room - leading to the kitchen. The only source of light she was getting right now was from outside, which was being horribly flickered from dark to light because of the curtain blinds that were moving threateningly.
Hana stopped, hearing a knock behind her. Again, she held her breath for a second. Two seconds. Three seconds. She didn't dare turn around because she knew. She knew something was there.
Someone was there.
The second she heard another sound from behind, she swiftly turned around, threw the sheets onto the intruder's head, and pulled onto the white sheets so he couldn't escape out of her grasp. Hana grabbed the sheets into her grip tightly and threw him across the room into the wall, causing him to fall. She took a deep breath, looking at the still figure that had looked as if he had collapsed against the wall.
She approached closer to the figure, each step feeling heavier and heavier. The only thing she feared was if this intruder was just playing dead and waiting for her to fall into his trick. Her hand reached out to grab hold of the cover sheets, but before she could, the sheets sprung up and attacked her instead. She struggled for breath as the sheets closed in on her and she felt this person's hands gripping tightly onto hers. She pushed herself forcefully from side to side, to at least put this man off his guard. It didn't help that the sheets were blinding her, for all she could see was black. She found difficulty to breathe whilst also pulling this intruder away from her until the sheets were pulled off her abruptly.
"Hana!" a familiar voice shouted out, "it's me..." he was breathless and fearful of Hana's sudden breakout.
The younger woman could just about make recognition of his face in the dark and immediately felt guilty.
"Youngjun..." she didn't know what to say. His hands were tightly wrapped around her wrists and his forehead revealed a small cut that slightly oozed blood. Was it really an intruder? Or was she simply imagining things? Either way, she knew she hurt Youngjun. And she felt like a monster.
It was then that she couldn't hold it in anymore. The constant times she wanted to cry but refrained herself from doing so because she wanted to stay strong for Youngjun. She wanted to be okay for everyone. But now it had been hurting way too much. She couldn't look at him in the face when she broke and cried.
She felt mentally, emotionally and physically destroyed. It hurt. It really, really hurt.
At this point, Youngjun had let go of her wrists. Hana continued to sob, letting tears slip out. She felt terrible, crying in front of him like that. She felt a little better when she felt herself being pulled into a warm embrace. Hana managed to mumble apologetically "I'm sorry..." whilst also dampening his shirt with her tears.
"It's okay..." he murmured as she felt her weak figure being embraced even tighter, if it was possible. "Just let it out."
"Maybe I'm crazy." Hana stated, as she sat on the kitchen bar with a first aid kit.
Youngjun chuckled, sitting right opposite her on a stool. "You're not. You panicked - thought of the worst case scenario and attacked me out of self-defence." He had been looking up at her, because she was trying to fix the wound she caused on his forehead.
"I guess so." she mumbled, concentrating on dressing the wound. "Anyway, I'm sorry I attacked you." she imagined how it felt to have a broken arm and then get hit and swung around with your own cover sheets. “Why didn’t you say something, at least?”
Youngjun quietly laughed again. “Hana – my eyesight is just as bad as yours in the dark. I thought you were an intruder too.” It made Hana laugh as well.
Then she stopped herself. She couldn’t laugh. Not in this situation – she just couldn’t.
She sighed. "I should really consider moving back now, shouldn't I? I’ve caused so much trouble."
As if Ace knew what Hana had said, he barked cutely and came running over to their side, wagging his tail.
"We don't want her to go, do we Ace?" Youngjun asked their puppy. Ace in return jumped into Youngjun's lap and whined cutely. He caressed Ace affectionately and caught glances with Hana. His lips curved into a smile, seeing her. She slowly broke into a small smile.
'Why is this guy smiling all the time? It hurts to see him like that.'
He slowly woke up, registering the environment around him. The bed didn't feel familiar to him but it was fresh and comforting. He saw nurses just outside of his room in the busy corridor, discussing the patient's conditions - including his.
"He's not going to make it." one of them told the other in worry. "He's been at the lowest score of 3 on the GCS ever since the accident."
"What are we going to do?" the other asked. "We've done all we can. GCS 3 means deep coma or… Death. It won't be long until his body stops responding altogether and he just... passes away."
Youngjae's eyes widened. He really wondered if he was dreaming or if he was actually awake.
“We’ll see what happens for now. If we really can’t do anything to help, what more can we do?”
The conversation soon faded, although it left a scary imprint on Youngjae's mind.
He turned to his side and saw Yongguk also looking out of the curtains to the two nurses who disappeared not long ago, worried to death because he had heard the conversation too.
"Hyung?" he suddenly called out, sounding scared.
Yongguk shot out of bed as quick as he could. "Youngjae! You're awake."
"I am?" he wasn't conscious of his body moving. "I guess so. How long have I been out?"
"2 weeks." Yongguk answered, sitting beside Youngjae's bed.
"Wow... Is what they said true? That I'm... I'm going to slowly just die?"
"You're awake now. You're awake Youngjae. So everything is going to be okay, right?" Yongguk tried to ask, but felt this strange, surreal atmosphere around Youngjae. He didn't know what it felt like but he knew something didn't feel right. "Or am I dreaming? I must be dreaming right?" and now Yongguk wasn't sure if he was dreaming or not.
"I don't think I am exactly awake." Youngjae admitted, not feeling right at all. But he was amazed. It was as if he was destined to somehow wake up in a supernatural form to know he wasn't going to make it after all. "I think I've woken up in another form that isn’t real. But I know one thing for sure... I've come back to say goodbye. And I won't have time to say goodbye to anyone else."
"What do you mean?" Yongguk was so confused.
"Hyung. If I'm really alive... Why is the heartbeat monitor not working? Why is it not showing my heart beating?" Youngjae asked, looking at the monitor.
Yongguk held in a small breath. Youngjae was right. The minute he would be awake, the doctors were supposed to rush in because his heartbeat monitor would let him know that he survived the coma. But it didn't.
"How can this be...?" Yongguk whispered.
"I don't know. But if I could ask you... To accompany me before I go, I would be thankful."
"What about the others? Should I call the others?" a slightly panicked leader asked out of consideration.
"There won't be enough time." Youngjae spoke, with dry lips. He tried to smile, but Yongguk could see that he was forcing it.
Yongguk wanted to argue back, saying that there definitely was enough time. But when he saw the colour of Youngjae's skin fading, he learnt then that it indeed really wasn't enough time. "You're so pale..." he commented, barely able to get the words out.
Youngjae nodded weakly.
"I don't know if I have enough time to tell you everything... But I'm sorry. As your brother, I couldn't protect you from this." Youngjae was the first to speak after a brief silence.
"But you did protect us." Yongguk corrected quietly. It felt as if every word he was going to say was precious - for it could be the last words Youngjae would hear. "You saved us Youngjae." he broke into a small laugh saying that, not believing this was happening. He saw and knew that Youngjae was dying right before him - something he didn't even want to think about. He felt scared, helpless and heartbroken. "Youngjae if there was anything..." he said hastily, wanting to make sure Youngjae leaves them peacefully, at least. "If there was anything I could do. You know I would do all I can to help you right?" he touched Youngjae's arm and it was cold and hard.
He turned to his side and saw Yongguk also looking out of the curtains to the two nurses who disappeared not long ago, worried to death because he had heard the conversation too.
"Hyung?" he suddenly called out, sounding scared.
Yongguk shot out of bed as quick as he could. "Youngjae! You're awake."
"I am?" he wasn't conscious of his body moving. "I guess so. How long have I been out?"
"2 weeks." Yongguk answered, sitting beside Youngjae's bed.
"Wow... Is what they said true? That I'm... I'm going to slowly just die?"
"You're awake now. You're awake Youngjae. So everything is going to be okay, right?" Yongguk tried to ask, but felt this strange, surreal atmosphere around Youngjae. He didn't know what it felt like but he knew something didn't feel right. "Or am I dreaming? I must be dreaming right?" and now Yongguk wasn't sure if he was dreaming or not.
"I don't think I am exactly awake." Youngjae admitted, not feeling right at all. But he was amazed. It was as if he was destined to somehow wake up in a supernatural form to know he wasn't going to make it after all. "I think I've woken up in another form that isn’t real. But I know one thing for sure... I've come back to say goodbye. And I won't have time to say goodbye to anyone else."
"What do you mean?" Yongguk was so confused.
"Hyung. If I'm really alive... Why is the heartbeat monitor not working? Why is it not showing my heart beating?" Youngjae asked, looking at the monitor.
Yongguk held in a small breath. Youngjae was right. The minute he would be awake, the doctors were supposed to rush in because his heartbeat monitor would let him know that he survived the coma. But it didn't.
"How can this be...?" Yongguk whispered.
"I don't know. But if I could ask you... To accompany me before I go, I would be thankful."
"What about the others? Should I call the others?" a slightly panicked leader asked out of consideration.
"There won't be enough time." Youngjae spoke, with dry lips. He tried to smile, but Yongguk could see that he was forcing it.
Yongguk wanted to argue back, saying that there definitely was enough time. But when he saw the colour of Youngjae's skin fading, he learnt then that it indeed really wasn't enough time. "You're so pale..." he commented, barely able to get the words out.
Youngjae nodded weakly.
"I don't know if I have enough time to tell you everything... But I'm sorry. As your brother, I couldn't protect you from this." Youngjae was the first to speak after a brief silence.
"But you did protect us." Yongguk corrected quietly. It felt as if every word he was going to say was precious - for it could be the last words Youngjae would hear. "You saved us Youngjae." he broke into a small laugh saying that, not believing this was happening. He saw and knew that Youngjae was dying right before him - something he didn't even want to think about. He felt scared, helpless and heartbroken. "Youngjae if there was anything..." he said hastily, wanting to make sure Youngjae leaves them peacefully, at least. "If there was anything I could do. You know I would do all I can to help you right?" he touched Youngjae's arm and it was cold and hard.
Youngjae was going to fade fast.
"I know you would. You're the reason why I've lived this long." Youngjae responded in gratefulness.
"I know you would. You're the reason why I've lived this long." Youngjae responded in gratefulness.
Yongguk couldn't help but break into soft sobs. Youngjae frowned, knowing that the leader barely cried at anything - or at least, cried in front of them.
"I'm sorry." he apologised. "It just , you know? To see you like this. To know what will happen. No one wants this to happen but... It's going to happen. I hate this. I really hate this. I feel responsible for you Youngjae. You’re my friend who I found and saved but I brought you into this." 'this' meaning the world where Youngjae was exposed to both lawbreakers and those who serve justice. Yongguk was the reason why Youngjae even became involved with criminals. And here he was, dying because of this world Yongguk brought him into.
"Me too Yongguk hyung. Me too." he told him gently.
"Back at the time when you turned us into prison..." Yongguk said, hoping Youngjae wouldn't mind them talking about this one last time. He didn't mind at all. "I never meant it when I said I hated you. I was just angry that there was no form of trust there, am I making sense? I felt betrayed. Because I really trust you Youngjae. I trusted you before, I trust you now and I will always trust you. I trust you enough that you would risk your own life for us."
Youngjae’s smile weakened, and his lips trembled as he fought as hard as he could to fight back the tears that lit up his eyes and his fading face.
“Tell the guys I’m sorry.” Youngjae finally said as his voice broke. “I’m sorry that at times I wasn’t good enough to them. Tell Daehyun – especially.” Youngjae was hurting even mentioning his name. “But also tell them, thank you. For everything. For changing and inspiring me every single day. For making me laugh, even when at times I wanted to cry. For helping me die a happy man.” Youngjae couldn’t help at this point but spill tears. Yongguk sniffed, frowning at Youngjae who was deteriorating. It hurt to hear him saying that he was dying a happy man when the reason for his death was so vengeful and dark.
“I will.” Yongguk responded, determined. “I’ll make you someone to remember, Youngjae. I promise.”
“I’m not finished.” Youngjae spoke, laughing nervously. His breath was becoming uneven and his voice was slowly fading. “My thanks mostly goes to you, Yongguk hyung. For saving me more than enough, teaching me and helping me live life to the fullest. Please tell the others – especially Daehyun to forgive his brother, even though it will be hard. I know you can take care of them Yongguk hyung. Because you’ve always taken care of me.” It took Youngjae all his strength for his last words to come out. “Goodbye, Yongguk.”
“We’ll see you up there one day, Youngjae.”
Youngjae gave him one last smile, before his eyes fully closed and ultimately wiped the bright smile that Yongguk or anyone else would never see, ever again.
Youngjae’s life flashed before his eyes. When a person dies, they have 7 minutes of brain activity left. It's the mind playing back the person’s memories in a dream sequence.
He remembered his parents and how cruel they were. The slaps, kicks and verbal abuse all felt so real that it was frightening. But that was quickly gone when he saw Yongguk, Himchan, Daehyun, Jongup and Zelo. The five guys who truly changed his life and made it for the better. Through good times and bad times, they stuck with him. They were laughing. And he was laughing with them. He knew he was leaving them, but strangely he didn’t feel far away at all.
“Hyung, come and eat with us.” he could hear Zelo echo in his mind. It was the time the 5 were released from prison and Youngjae was secretly surprising them with pizza. Initially he was scared to eat with them but thanks to Zelo, he was welcomed back with open arms to his family. He hoped that even though he was going, he would always be their family, wherever they go and whatever they decided to do.
Jongup could be heard, sobbing in tears of joy, “Thank you hyung. Thank you so much...” Youngjae had just told him he had found his parents and his to-be-born sister. There wasn’t anything as beautiful to Youngjae as a lost boy finally finding his family again. He felt proud of Jongup, excited for Jongup. He hoped that they would continue to be a family, who would pull through arguments and disagreements and accept each other’s faults and mistakes.
“Yoo Youngjae. I love you.” those three words had never felt so pure and precious to say. Youngjae was positive to say that out of all people, he loved Daehyun the most. He loved it when Daehyun would get mad or picky over the smallest things ever, or when he would comfort him in his time of need but most of all, he loved it when Daehyun was happy. Even though he was going to physically leave, he hoped that he would be able to look out for Daehyun, whatever would happen. After all, Youngjae was his soul mate. The irreplaceable, forever understanding and cherished soul mate of Daehyun’s.
“I hope one day when I try to comfort you in any way, you won’t get scared. Don’t forget, I won’t hurt you.” Himchan really meant it. From Day 1 of knowing Himchan, he was like a mother Youngjae really wish he had. Himchan always looked out for Youngjae, made sure to teach him the things a mother should always teach their children and fought blood, sweat and tears to make sure their homing environment was as happy as it could be. He only hoped that there would continue to be happiness without him there.
Youngjae finally heard Yongguk’s voice echo. He saw their home. Not his home. Not with his parents. But with Bang Yongguk, Kim Himchan, Jung Daehyun, Moon Jongup and Choi Junhong. He didn’t know how it was possible, but he felt a tear slip its way out of his eye, hearing the last words from Yongguk.
“Youngjae. Listen to me. You’re going to be fine. I’ll carry you back home.”
Youngjae remembered that this was when he was finally free from his parents. It was such a scary decision, but he did it – with the help of Yongguk. Yongguk gave him freedom. Yongguk helped him become the person he was. Yongguk saved his life, twice. And although Yongguk couldn’t save him a third time, he hoped that Yongguk would continue to save the lives of people who really needed it.
Yongguk had saved his life more than enough times. Himchan gave him all the love his parents never gave him. Daehyun valued Youngjae both as a friend and a soul mate. Jongup was endlessly thankful Youngjae had found his family. Zelo was Youngjae’s supportive friend who would always understand his intentions and insist help whenever it was needed.
And that’s when he was finally gone. The bright and light world he had experienced was fading slowly with every second that passed. Eventually, his world became black. His world that was different to the real world. He knew now, that he could never go back.
I can’t move in the darkness,
I can’t feel anything.
I can’t feel anything.
So this took an awfully long time to draft, proof-read and finalise because I wanted this to be the most effective chapter out of the entire story. (Which explains why I kept disappearing in between my updates) As you may have guessed, it is sadly true - Youngjae sadly passes away from the injury and is unable to recover from his coma. I thought about this for a really, really long time - whether Youngjae suirvives or dies. I figured that if Youngjae survived, the feeling wouldn't be the same. I don't know if my readers will be upset with this because it's such a huge thing to do to the main character and someone who has made an impact in this entire storyline. If you decide to leave because you don't feel happy with how things are going to go, I completely understand if you stop reading this fanfic at this point. (I'm sorry to those who were expecting happy and fluffy moments but as the foreword of my fanfic says; there would be tragedy and it was precisely this. T_T)
But, if you like stories that involve heartfelt words and a detailed, genuine aftermath of a tragedy like this - I sincerely advise you to please keep on reading. This is not the end of B.A.P's story without Youngjae or with any of the other minor characters - I guarantee you.
I will promise to work hard as an author to make sure you feel like you are part of this story as I continue to write. I will make sure you leave this story with a satisfied heart and I'll always do what I can to listen to your opinions and feedback. I hope this story continues to live up to your expectations or even past that. There's a lot more to come and I hope you anticipate it.
Thanking you always,
Turtle-Mei ♥
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