A/N: I’m utterly sorry to every one of you who read this story and the others I have in process. The time I wasn’t here was hectic, I didn’t make it to the job, and so I was searching for other chances, I’m still unemployed; that makes me feel like a failure. Still, I must wait till next year to search for a job, because now nobody is hiring, I feel so useless and more than sorry towards you, as I said before. I apologized and now that I’m at rest until the first week from January, I’ll do my best to give you nice chapters and nice stories, thank you –bows.

Lastly, enjoy!! Is my only wish!

As soon as Kyuhyun flicked close the door, his body slung on the floor. Didn’t listening how his father called him to greet Donghae, the yells or his fiancé bewildered expression, he just passed the stairs with his thudding aching heart. Passing his hand over his raven hair exasperated as he heavy a sigh. The sheets of music shattered on the floor, Kyuhyun didn’t know when he left them fall endlessness.

Crawling to the mirror and watching it; a long moment of silence engulfing him between despair and confusion, every moment he passed with Hyukjae was nice, in his memory lingers the giggles and laughs, the way his lips crept a smile whenever he was with Hyukjae and then… separation, a sudden break up that sent him into a state of angry and, he’d confess, ache, the kind of pain that is dumb and blinds because is better thinking about not loving the one you love, instead telling hate is very convenient, even repulsion. Kyuhyun set his palm over the walling mirror, his eyes locked on the ones reflected.

“Idiot.”

It wasn’t a statement of rage, just a plane word of nothing, dull as him at this very moment. He never darted his eyes from the mirror as sadistically smirk crept on his lips. He can’t say the words of longing; that refutes his years away from Hyukjae, so; what does he feel about Hyukjae? It was like asking to a soccer team, how it feels about the rival’s one. It would be contradictory answer, ‘fine! I feel cool’, because it would be a lie. Before a match, the two teams felt tension, excitement, rivalry; in the middle of the game, frustration and someone anger, never empathy for the adversary; so why Kyuhyun must answer positive about Hyukjae, when all his life, at least some years, he spent convincing his own mind –and heart– that he hates him.

“I…”

Kyuhyun started, gulping and he closed his eyes, not watching the reflection; the pain and longing.

“Actually I…”

Kyuhyun couldn’t anymore, he wanted an answer, quickly or he will lose his last change, and he stopped; eyes wide. Why would he even want a change, huh?; unwise, thinking something can be changed, past remained, always stuck in the heart, sometimes as good memories, sad evocations or, the one Kyuhyun had like an arrow in his throat, guilt and pain.

If he knew Hyukjae was blind, he would never had treat him that cruel cold way, then, that means his guilt is blame and pity, so it isn’t love, not matter what that squeezing feeling inside him is, it would never be love, because; when someone says hurtful words to someone you love, self-hatred is sometimes the feed of the soul. Kyuhyun had that, and he chose to ignore it, deceiving the mind is easy, not the heart though and yet he did so anyway.

“I… hate… toward Hyukjae, I…”

The door swung open and Kyuhyun rest his forehead on the cold mirror, he sighed as his eyes flicked closed.

“Not now Hae, can you just leave, please?”

It sounded so weak and pitiful even in his ears. Can everybody leave him alone? He just wants peace at mind and stops thinking, better, stop feeling whatever this twirling emotion is inside him.

Kyuhyun heard the footsteps and a sigh.

“Where were you?”

Kyuhyun bit hard his inner bottom lip. His moments with Donghae has been always like this, where were you? What did you doing? Donghae was not a lover but a controller-man, he wanted to know everything. Maybe Kyuhyun was stupid enough to always listened him since Hyukjae wasn’t near him, or because it was easier to heard someone else instead of his self and he sighed, how can a person be so useless about his own welfare? Kyuhyun sighed, forcing his eyes to look at Donghae’s reflection, standing with his arms crossed few steps off him.

He just saw the surprise in Donghae’s face and how his eyes rounded in disbelief, so he trailed Donghae’s vision and saw his own self reflected, as he gasped and chuckled dryly, didn’t wanting to say a word or he’ll break right there, hoe he never understood before all this? He couldn’t even felt the tears that have been flowing since who knows, maybe when he set a foot on his room or maybe just seconds ago, it didn’t matter, he just knew what that meant and wasn’t happy, maybe he would be better lying to his brain again.

Kyuhyun shook his head, and chuckled half-hearted, his b eyes of tears watching his current boyfriend, when was the last time he held hands with Donghae? Yesterday? A week? Before he went to Germany? He can’t remember and it pains him, more when he discovers there are no guilt inside him toward Donghae, every piece of his body and heart feels he must fix his errors towards no other than toward Hyukjae and he sighed.

It wasn’t that being with Donghae was bad, even the times they screw were good, except he always shut the memories of him thinking it wasn’t Donghae but Hyukjae and he felt a slight feeling of being a trashy person, his eyes stop the tears and he turned to look at Donghae, standing in the process and he sighed passing his hand mindlessly around his hair.

“I’m sorry, it is just…”

Donghae raised a brow confused and Kyuhyun held his words, his life now was fine, he needs nothing, maybe someone, yet, he doesn’t want to screw anything anymore and so he sighed.

“I’m sorry too.”

Donghae sighed like the world was crashing around him and Kyuhyun felt confused, he was the one with that emotion, so he waited and waited, not daring to give the first step and break any boundaries, cowardly, he just waited for the other to talk, because even when he discovered, felt nothing, Donghae was his friend and memories of the two together were on both of them.

“What for?”

Kyuhyun whispered, maybe if he opens his mouth and says quickly, he doesn’t love him then everything will be solved, even if he becomes a jerk and Kyuhyun sighed shaking his head, he couldn’t do more hurt to other person, yes, he doesn’t love it like a soulmate, still he loves Donghae as a friend, a brother.

“I talked with your father, I thought you ignored me because you knew what we talked about?”

Donghae bit his lower lip and gulped hard, Kyuhyun hummed not knowing what to say and Donghae turned his eyes to him; “I-I know it isn’t nice, but I just confirm in this days we don’t belong together, I mean…”

Kyuhyun doesn’t remember every word, just how he looked like an idiot in daze as Donghae moved his lips, his ears catching just the words; break up, dancer, Hangeng and revenge; asides some apologizes and then Donghae sighed turning away from him, Kyuhyun just chuckled as a crazy person before falling and start laughing.

The tears in his eyes didn’t matter, because his heart felt light, every moment of tension and dejection when Hyukjae broke with him were painful and now with Donghae, the feelings left were just gratefulness, for being free again as he shook his head and cleaned away the tears, mixed emotion, and it didn’t matter when he understood, he was crying, because he was an idiot in love.

Minhwan wasn’t as relieved as Kyuhyun. Hyukjae asked him what was wrong, and even when the singer knew his friend would never knew his smile, he forced one on his lips and voice saying “nothing’s wrong.”

What would happen to him and Hyukjae now, if Kyuhyun decides to break up with Donghae and run to Hyukjae, what his friend would do? Accept him? No, as selfish as can be, Minhwan has been with Hyukjae because he loves him and has the hope his feelings one day would be reciprocated, so he had been working so hard for year and the payment will be just a thank you or maybe a kick, no, Hyukjae isn’t so cruel.

Minhwan stopped once he was inside the building, and hopped on to help Hyukjae, securing the car and lending his hand all the way to the elevator, his heart racing wild inside as he cleared his throat.

“Seriously, what is wrong with you?”

It hurt Minhwan to lie to his friend, and beloved, “nothing.”

Hyukjae just scoffed “I’m blind not stupid.”

Minhwan felt a burning feeling inside, he knows! He know how perfect Hyukjae is and that he is the brightest star and not a dumb person like others once ago said, he also knows Hyukjae feels nothing towards him but friendship and that itself pains him, his heart sank every time he remembers that fact and he also knows of the undying love Hyukjae feels towards Kyuhyun and the latter’s hints that he loves still Hyukjae, which makes him feel like the hope in his heart is fading slowly and the fear of Hyukjae vanishing from him one day lingers more and more inside him quickly.

“I… Hyukjae, I…”

Minhwan trailed off, what to say, when himself doesn’t even know what his brain is thinking and he sighes.

“It’s really nothing.”

Hyukjae nodded absently and Minhwan thinks is because the latter is tired and bored, not because Hyukjae is thinking seriously about something, not noticing the furrowed brows the petite is having and Minhwan sighs.

“Tomorrow we must really decide how to arrange the song.” Hyukjae hummed and suddenly Minhwan widens his eyes when he felt the latter is closer to him and asks absently.

“I guess it is time to move on.”

“Huh?”

The words in the air and Minhwan asked if Hyukjae refers to his love to Kyuhyun, which he hopes is the case, or if he talks about the song and accepts Kyuhyun’s offer of a song with slow tune.

Whatever it is, Minhwan hoped with his all heart is the first as he hums.

The next day, when Hyukjae arrives side by side of Minhwan, Kris and Hangen, he smiled, because yesterday, when no one was around but Minhwan, he set his mind about the most difficult decision in his life since he was accepted as the university’s capitan, and this was more important since his feelings were involved.

Hangen said something about go and beat the highness of Donghae, since he finally made a really awesome choreography as Kris smirked, without Hyukjae watching, yet he knew because Kris’s tone was cocky.

“That Kai-kid will be crying after today.”

Hyukjae just told them to go easy on his, friends? They were still, or maybe they didn’t want Hyukjae back? That was another question, he must move on their friendship as well? Hyukjae felt a soft grip on his hand and immediately knew it was Minhwan’s way to comfort him and cheering him as he smiled happily.

“Whatever I’ll do, you’ll be with me, right?”

Asked Hyukjae with fear and he heard Minhwan’s chuckling lightly “Of course, no matter what.”

When they stepped inside the building, Hyukjae breathed in and smiled to Minhwan after they stepped inside the music room.

“I was thinking yesterday…”

Minhwan hummed noticing the way the room was messed with still some sheets on the floor and he blinked, he was sure, he picked everyone from the floor and Hyukjae continued, “You know, about my feelings, and yeah… I just, well, something clicked on my mind…”

Minhwan pretended to be busy, now fixing neat the sheets over the table and Hyukjae sighed, this wasn’t easy, less for him, when he knew right now he was going to do something that will break his friendship, and he would be pushing a weight over Minhwan’s shoulders and heart, yet, he proceed.

“Mnh?” Minhwan asked when he picked the same shattered and glued sheets from yesterday as he cocked his head, he just wanted something to distract him for the possibility that Hyukjae would tell him, he still loves Kyuhyun and wants his help to try again, or that he would move on and doesn’t need him around, Minhwan cursed his self for being selfish as he furrowed his brows and widened his eyes when he was finally able to read the words written on the sheet as the tittle said; “It has to be you” written by Cho Kyuhyun, and Minhwan trailed with his eyes the words written there, messy and fading, until he reached the last sheet and widened his eyes in disbelief, contradictory feelings whirling inside his heart, because the words at the foot of the sheet saying for who was this song, and Minhwan felt his heart happy for his friend and aching for his own heart; to my hateful Lee Hyukjae.

“…friend.”

Minhwan snapped quickly after Hyukjae left the words drop and he asked dumbfounded “ah?”

“I’m asking you, if…, you know, I would be using you, but, still, just maybe there is a chance, that maybe, I… you see, aish, do you want to be my boyfriend?”

Minhwan clenched the sheets in his hands, the words written were feelings and emotions of someone who love haven’t fade and yet Minhwan closed his eyes, setting the sheets beneath others newer, even when Hyukjae would never see them as he felt guilt evolving him, yet he wanted an opportunity to show his love was real, as real as the fact he betrayed Hyukjae by hiding the song Kyuhyun wrote for him.

“I’d love it.”

Minhwan uttered feeling acid for some reason and he bent to kiss Hyukjae’s lips, finally, what he being longing for since, who knows, and he his lips slowly, gulping, when the song appeared on his mind. Minhwan moved to kiss Hyukjae’s forehead as any other day before covering him under the covers and humming a song for him to sleep; “I love you.”

Hyukjae nodded, didn’t replying though, the door was open and Minhwan straightened his self, feeling off guard when he felt a different stare from Kyuhyun, it wasn’t doubtful or fearful as yesterday, it was a glare and a challenge, and Minhwan didn’t know what to do, that stare just meant one thing; jealousy.

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