It is 1 am Sunday morning.

It is early and I havn't slept yet.

But it is still Sunday.

So I can update xD

As promised, the double length chapter! Enjoy! ~

Baro’s P.O.V

“Time of death, 12:41.”

“You can’t do this!” I screamed, glaring at the nurse. “You can’t just give up on him, what sort of person does that?!” I yelled.

“Sir, I’m ever so sorry, please, it’s not working, we have done all we can, just calm down.”

“No!” I screamed. “You can’t let him die! Once more, just do it once more!”

“Sir he’s dead, it won’t work.” She said, taking hold of my arms, her voice calm.

“Once more.” I begged. “Just do it once more, then I’ll believe he’s dead. I’ll give up, I’ll believe you.” I sobbed. I could barely see anything now I was crying that much and I knew that I was only giving myself false hope. I knew that once more wouldn’t change anything, I had lost the boy I was most in love with. I had lost the boy I wanted to spend eternity with. I had lost a part of my life.

“Sir-” The nurse began but I cut her off.

“Once more!” The shout came out as a mixture of a scream and a sob.

The nurse nodded to the other and she put the defibrillators back in position.

“Charge. Clear. Shocking.”

Still nothing.

“Sir, will you-”

‘Beep, beep, beep, beep.’ The noise of the machine cut her off and she glanced over at the heart monitor, the little line on the screen going up and down instead of just being flat.

“That’s... that’s rather miraculous.” The nurse stared at the monitor in disbelief.

“He’s stable.” Another sighed, before disappearing to the drugs cabinet at the other side of the room.

I felt relief wash over me, he was stable, he was going to be ok! Well, hopefully anyway.

“Sir, your friend is stable for now, we’re just going to give him some drugs to help with the ones he has taken and we will have to keep him in for a few days once he has woken up, that is, if everything goes well.” One of the doctors said.

“He’s going to be ok?” I asked.

“Well he’s stable now at least.” She smiled, glancing back down at Sandeul as she fiddled with some machinery. “We’re just going to put him on a ventilator, get him breathing as he should be again.” She continued to fiddle with the machine, hooking it up to Sandeul so that he could breathe, before she turned back to me. “Sir, I’m ever so sorry that we would have stopped, we really didn’t think it was going to work, you must be close with this boy if you knew there was still a chance.”

“I didn’t know.” I said bluntly. “I just hoped.” I shrugged, before continuing “Besides we’re not even that close. He probably wouldn’t even want me to be here.” I said with a sigh, looking back down at Sandeul.

“You care a lot for him though.” She nodded. “The way you were acting before, you must be very good friends.”

“We used to be.” I admitted.

The doctor didn’t ask any further questions, simply nodded her head and walked out of the room, leaving me alone with Sandeul.

I went to sit in the chair beside his bed, and I sat there staring at him, as I let my tears dry with happiness that for now at least, he was stable, and he was in good hands.

Even when he was in hospital he still looked perfect. He was supposed to look a dishevelled mess, but oh no, he was still gorgeous. No matter what happened to him, in my eyes, he would always be perfect. Even if he was dating Gongchan. It’s not like he was cheating on me, I just felt like that.

“Sir, your friends are here.” The nurse said, opening the door and looking round it at me. “We would like to talk to you all a little, would you please follow me.”

I had calmed down a little now I knew that Sandeul was stable, so I stood up and followed her down the corridor.

I stepped inside the dimly lit room and looked around at the other members. They all looked like they had been crying, you could tell from their pink puffy eyes and their pained expressions, but it was clear that out of all three of them, Jinyoung had been crying the most.

I walked over and sat beside Gongchan, before looking up at the nurse who had led me to the room.

She cleared .

“As you know, your friend has taken an over dose of drugs, with the intention of ending his life.” She paused. “I would like to make it clear that 98.2% of all drug overdoses fail, and the patient does recover-”

“That’s good isn’t it? He’s going to be ok then?” Jinyoung interrupted her.

“Well, in some cases yes, but in a lot of cases, the patient is left with permanent brain and organ damage, which type depends on the type of drug they used to overdose on. Some drugs don’t cause any effects, and the patient is able to live a normal life. Other drugs cause damage to organs, such as liver damage, heart failure, and other internal complications.” She sighed and looked down at the floor. “However, there are other types of drug which cause brain damage, and depending on the drug again, and how much of it was taken; the type of brain damage varies. Obviously we don’t know how much your friend took, but we have been running tests and we can use this to help us, but we need to prepare you for the worst. Your friend took a very strong drug, and may ultimately have heart or brain damage, which means that he would have to take tablets and may suffer from memory loss. Of course, depending on how well he responds to treatment, this may not happen and he may be perfectly fine, but there is still a chance he may remember nothing about his life when he wakes up, he wouldn’t remember who you are, or even his own name, and that can be a very scary thing to see happen if you are one of his friends. I’m sorry.” And with that she left the room.

Gongchan’s P.O.V

There were no words to explain how unbelievably guilty I felt. This was all my fault. When the nurse left I looked round, and noticed that we all were crying once again.

“Baro, you should go home and get some sleep, you look tired.” I sighed eventually, rubbing his arm to soothe him. He had been a good friend to Sandeul, and I could understand how much this must have hurt him. It broke my heart and I’m not really that close to him. Sure I love him, but maybe I just like him. I don’t even feel half as upset as Baro looks. At least Sandeul’s going to be ok though. That’s the most important thing.

“I’m not going back. I want to stay here; I need to be here when he wakes up. I need to tell him I’m sorry.” He let out a small sigh and shook his head. “This is all my fault.”

“Don’t you dare blame yourself!” I shrieked, looking him in the eyes and griping on tightly to his shoulder. “Don’t you dare.” I repeated. “He cared about you Baro. If any one, you seemed like the one person he could open up to. I’d give anything for him to be able to be like that with me. Don’t you get it Baro? I wish he would treat me how he treats you. I look at you and Sandeul together and I can see just how happy you make him.” I was going off on a tangent, but I didn’t really care. Everything that had built up inside me over the past few months was finally pouring out. It was time to face the truth. The other members were sat looking at me and listening to every word I said, and I knew that Jinyoung was going to hate me if I told him the truth, but it needed to be said. “I really like him. I somehow managed to convince myself that I was in love with him, but now, I’m not sure I was right. I just wanted him to be happy. I just wanted him to be able to talk to me. I just wanted him to be able to trust me, to tell me all his problems and confide in me. When he didn’t I tried to force him into it. I was jealous of you Baro. How could he talk to you so easily and not me?” I felt the tears begin to pour down my face, but I didn’t care. It was finally time to tell the truth. “I tried to force him.” I sobbed. “That day in the bathroom, I tried to force him to talk to me then, to tell me why he had been cutting his wrists. The door opened and he knew it as you. He tried to shout for you, but I put my hand over his mouth. He pulled it off. I put my other hand on his mouth. He pulled it off. I didn’t want him telling you Baro. I didn’t want him opening up to you. I wanted him to talk to me. I wanted him to love me.” I swallowed hard, brushing away the tears. “I don’t know how it happened, I don’t know what I was thinking. The next thing I knew I was kissing him so he couldn’t shout for help. I know that’s why you fell out with him Baro, you made it pretty clear. I kissed him. He didn’t kiss me back. He struggled and put up a fight, trying to get me off of him, but I held him down until you left. He hated every darn second of that kiss.”

There was a long silence and I looked round at the other members. CNU was sat listening to me intently. Jinyoung was sat staring into space, still crying, and Baro was scowling at me, like he wanted to attack me.

“I want to rip you to pieces right now you know that don’t you.” Baro said. His voice monotone, and I could tell that by his clenched and trembling fists and the tears rolling down his face that his statement was no word of a lie.

“I do, but just hear me out. Listen. I understood why you were angry, I mean, you were close friends with him and he hadn’t said anything about being in a relationship with me. I know how he was then, and how well you were treating him, and I knew it must have hurt you when you saw that. But when you continued being angry at him, I realised something Baro.” I paused, noticing him tense up. “You’d fallen for him, hadn’t you? You were in love with him.”

I watched as Baro gently nodded, before bringing his hands to his face and crying into them.

We sat there in silence for a while, none of us knowing what to say or do, until eventually, Jinyoung broke the silence.

“Why did no one tell me that he was self harming?”

Everyone looked up at Jinyoung and sat staring at him until he spoke again.

“I didn’t mean to hurt him, sure I beat him up a few times, but that was just to try and make him stop liking me. It felt so wrong. It felt so dirty and wrong. If someone had told me he was cutting himself I would have stopped. I didn’t want him to do that.” He looked devastated.

“I didn’t know.” CNU finally replied. “Did you Baro?”

Baro swallowed hard.

“It started smaller. He burnt his back in the shower one day.” He said, and the room fell silent.

“I should have noticed. I should have treat him better I shouldn’t have done this.” Jinyoung spoke.

“Listen, You guys go home, I’ll stay here with Sandeul tonight and make sure that he’s ok, if anything changes I’ll call you immediately, you all look so tired.” CNU sighed, standing up and dusting off his pants.

“Ok.” I sighed, getting up, and helping up Jinyoung and Baro who both just looked lost.

CNU’s P.O.V

After the other members had left, I went into Sandeul’s room and sat in the chair beside his bed, gazing at his pale face.

“Sandeul.” I began. “I’m so sorry. If I’d been a better friend to you this wouldn’t have happened. The truth is, I liked you, and I wanted you to myself, I admit I was a little jealous of Jinyoung. What was it that you liked about him that I didn’t have? I didn’t think Gongchan would tell him though, I didn’t mean to tell him, it just slipped out. I should have been more careful, and I should have been there for you all this time. I was just scared that you were going to blame me.” I sighed, tugging my lips into a false smile.

That night I stayed there with Sandeul, I didn’t mind. I fell asleep in the chair and woke up when Gongchan came into the room.

Baro’s P.O.V

Gongchan had left to go and visit Sandeul, leaving me and Jinyoung home alone. We were sat in the kitchen together in silence, the only sound being the noise of the ticking clock on the wall. Jinyoung was sat staring out of the window, a cup of half drunk coffee in his hand to keep him awake. He’d been sat here since we got back, and didn’t even bother going to bed.

I tried to go to bed, but no matter how long I laid there or how tired I was, I couldn’t sleep. I finally decided to get up and I went to the kitchen to get a drink of coffee so I didn’t feel so tired. When I walked in, I saw that Jinyoung was still sat there, staring into space, exactly how he had been when I left him.

“Jinyoung, do you want a coffee, you look like you’re going to pass out.” I sighed, seeing how terrible he looked. I understood he must have felt like he was the one to blame for all this, and I understood that he must have felt bad for it, but he couldn’t just sit here forever, Sandeul was ok, at least for now, I was worried sick, but I wasn’t just going to sit around doing nothing. What good would that do?

“Then let me.” He mumbled.

I ignored him and made him a coffee anyway, setting it down in front of him. He just glanced at it before looking back into space.

I glanced up at the clock and noticed that it was 8am now. We had got back at about 2am; I’d been trying to get to sleep for 6 hours? Jinyoung had been sat here for 6 hours doing nothing? He was seriously starting to look like he was going to faint or something.

“Jinyoung, can you please move?” I asked, feeling uncomfortable at how still he was.

“No.” He said blankly and I sighed, moving over to him to put the mug in his hand and lift it towards his mouth for him.

Since then we had both just been sat with each other, me thinking about Sandeul and Jinyoung... looking pretty awful. Gongchan came and went and soon there was a knock at the door.

I stood up, knowing that Jinyoung wasn’t going to move to answer it.

“Hello.” I said, opening the door, feeling a little blinded by the sudden early morning light.

“Hello sir, is Mr Lee Jung-Hwan in?” He asked.

“No, sorry he’s um... Not here at the moment.”

“Oh, well his father left this in his will for him; you would be able to give it to him when he gets back wouldn’t you?” He smiled, handing me a small box.”

“’Of course. Thank you.” I smiled, bowing slightly as I closed the door.

I walked up to my room and took a quick peek inside the box. I guess I couldn’t help being nosy. I had too much on my mind to wonder what was in there as well.

Inside the box was a piece of paper and a ring. A wedding ring. I wasn’t going to read the paper, that would after all, just be rude and wrong of me. It could be something private.

Gongchan’s P.O.V

CNU left to go home and eat, and I sat down beside Sandeul.

I could barely bring myself to look at him in this state, knowing full well that I was the cause of it.

“I’m sorry.” I mumbled, glancing over at him. “I’m so selfish. I’m sorry.” I repeated. “I didn’t even stop to think about how you felt about me acting like this. I told myself I loved you, and I don’t know why, but I believed it, and I ended up making this mess for the both of us. I’ll be better to you when you wake up. I won’t force you into anything, and I know you probably won’t want to be anywhere near me again. I don’t blame you. I’m a bad person.”

Part of me wanted to stay with Sandeul and keep him company, but the other part of me knew that if he was awake, he would be fighting to get out of this room and away from me.

The second half of me seemed to be the strongest, but I stayed there, just to keep an eye on him.

Baro’s P.O.V

“Jinyoung, you haven’t moved all morning.” I sighed, running a hand through my hair. When he didn’t reply I continued. “Don’t you think you should do something, you could go see Sandeul at least?” Again he didn’t say anything, but this time, he lowered his eyes and looked down. “You’re his leader Jinyoung, it doesn’t matter if you feel like you’ve caused this, just go see him, talk to him. You can make it right again.”

“He wouldn’t even know I’m there.” He mumbled, so quietly that I could only just hear him.

“Jinyoung, you’d know, you’re clearly not wanting to, but just sitting here isn’t going to help. Go see him. Just see if it makes you feel better.”

Jinyoung was silent, and he just moved his mouth around a bit.

“Will you come with me?” He asked in a small voice.

“Gongchan’s already there, you’ll be ok.” I reassured him. But the truth was, I wasn’t sure if I was ready to see him again. I couldn’t stop thinking about how he looked last night, and I wasn’t sure if I could look at him like that again. He looked so pale and vulnerable.

“Is he bad?”

“He just looks like he’s sleeping. He looks peaceful. At least he’s stable.” I sighed, looking round the room.

Jinyoung nodded and slowly stood up, before walking out of the room.

Jinyoung’s P.O.V

I didn’t know if I was doing the right thing. I really just wanted to tell him the truth. Not that he’d be able to hear me, even if I did.

It was evening before I eventually decided to set off to see him. I had asked Baro if he was bad, he said that he looked like he was sleeping, like he was peaceful, and that he was stable.

“Oh Jinyoung!” Gongchan forced a smile when I entered Sandeul’s room.

“Hi.” I said weakly.

“I’ll leave you two alone.” He said, before quickly disappearing out of the door. Not giving me any time to reply.

I walked over to Sandeul’s side and looked down at his beautiful features. How it pained me to see him like this. His hair looked soft and fluffy, albeit a little dishevelled, and the way it framed his face made him like look an angel. His closed eyes looked peaceful and as though he hadn’t been hurting at all. If only I had known better and hadn’t been such an idiot, he might have been able to feel as peaceful as he now looked.

“Jung-Hwan.” I began, reaching out a shaking hand to brush a strand of hair away from his face. “I can’t believe I’ve done this to you.” My voice cracked a little and I felt the tears begin to well up in my eyes. “I can’t believe you did this. I can’t believe I made you do this. It’s all my fault.” I reached down and gently took his hand in my own, lacing our fingers together. “When you wake up, don’t try to blame anybody else for this, it’s my fault. Understand. Whatever you do, don’t you dare blame yourself. Don’t think any less of yourself as a person for doing this. It might be a stupid and selfish thing to do, but I know it was a decision I forced you to make.” I let out a small sigh and looked around the room.

The noise of the machine beeping was the only other sound in the room until I finally broke the silence.

“I know you probably can’t hear me, but I want to take this chance to explain something to you, I’ve been keeping it to myself for a long time now, and I need to tell someone. Even someone who might not be listening.” I paused, gathering the courage to finally tell him after all this time. “When Gongchan told me you liked me, I was so horrible to you.” I sobbed. “I tried my best to hate you. I thought that if I acted like I hated you, shouting at you, being mean to you, I might just start to believe myself. I thought I could make myself hate you, so that way... I would stop loving you.” I paused, the feeling of coming out to someone about being gay over whelming me a little. “But it didn’t work. I never stopped loving you Jung-Hwan. I tried, oh God, you know I tried, but no-matter what I did it didn’t seem to work. I had grown up all my life knowing that being gay was a sin. That it was abnormal and wrong and dirty. Heck, to me, it was disgusting. But when I met you... And I started feeling like this, it scared me. You were sweet to me though, and it didn’t help, only made me love you more. You had such a beautiful smile, such a heart warming laugh, and I found myself falling more and more in love with you. One day you just... Changed.” I paused, everything coming together in my mind.

Baro had said Sandeul’s parent’s hated him, and only now did I realise that it was because he was gay. He changed when he came out to them.

“I know why. Sandeul, I’m sure your parents really do love you, you’re their son, they can’t just stop loving you. Jung-Hwan, I don’t know how anyone couldn’t love you. Everything and I mean everything about you is perfect.” Tears were rolling down my face, but I didn’t care about them. The only think I cared about right now was lying lifeless in front of me. “I should have been there for you, you should have told me. Everything would have been so different if I had just realised I couldn’t stop the way I felt about you. Yet it took something like this to make me realise, and now it’s too late for us. I’ll never forgive myself for this, I could have made you so happy, we would have been good together. Don’t you think? I would have treat you so well if I had given myself the chance to. I would have done everything within my power just to see you smile. Your smile lights up my world Jung-Hwan. I would have done my best to stop you hurting, because when you hurt, I hurt. I thought that it was hatred, that ache inside me whenever I shouted at you or hit you, it was as though my hatred was really there, but it wasn’t. It was just pain and regret. I treat you badly because I’m weak, I was scared of being gay, scared of rejection, from everybody, and when I found out you liked me, I knew I had to stop it. I don’t even know what I thought would happen if we were together. I didn’t want to think about it. Thinking about things like that... I thought it was wrong. I know now that I have made you hate me, and I don’t blame you at all for that. I just wish for you to be happy, when you wake up, forget about ever loving me. I was never worth it Jung-Hwan. You’d be wasting your time if you spent it on me. I’ll always be your leader, and no matter what, I’ll always love you. You have no idea how much I regret treating you so badly, we could have been such a good couple, I love you unconditionally you know that? No matter how many times you screw up or do something stupid, it doesn’t mean I won’t love you. You’re not the only one who has been constantly hurting since I found out you liked me. It’s just that your pain was a lot worse than mine, and your pain was my fault too. You must despise me after what I’ve done to you, but even if, when you woke up, you did still love me, there is no way I would ever let us be together. I love you with all my heart, but I know that I don’t deserve you. You can do so much better than a low life like me, I’m so sorry for everything I’ve done, just get well soon my angel. I love you.”

With that I leaned down and gently pressed my lips against Sandeul’s as I had always longed to. His were cold and still, yet I couldn’t help but kiss him for just a little longer, my own lips barely moving until I felt one of my own tears reach them, feeling hot and wet against Sandeul’s lips. As I kissed him, something inside me burned with passion, and I knew that I really did love him. I couldn’t help that. I had made such a mess of everything.

“You don’t know how sorry I am. If we could switch places and I be the one lying here instead of you, you do know I would, right? I deserve it, and you don’t in any way at all. I’m so sorry for everything I have done to you, every single thing I have done to you, I regret it so much.”

I stood there in silence, before slowly getting onto the floor beside Sandeul’s bed and bowing as deep as I could, my head resting just above my hands, which were lying on the floor.

Baro’s P.O.V

“Jinyoung’s with him now.” Gongchan said, walking into the living room, where I was sat watching a drama, albeit not paying any attention to what was on.

“You left him?” I asked, shocked.

“I thought he wanted some alone time with San-”

“You left him alone in that state?” I cried, not really knowing what I was thinking or who I was more worried for – Jinyoung or Sandeul? What if he did something?

“What state?” Gongchan asked, clearly no knowing what I was on about. “He... Last night... He didn’t sleep at all. Just sat in the kitchen. I’d been trying to sleep for six hours, and I couldn’t so I went to the kitchen to get some coffee, and he hadn’t moved. He’d been sat there just staring out of the window for six hours.”

“Oh.”

“He was a mess, Gongchan he even asked me to go to the hospital with him, oh God.”

“I’ll go back-”

“No.” I said, already at the door putting my coat on. “Let me.”

Jinyoung’s P.O.V

I didn’t know how long I had been on the floor for, but when the door opened I immediately looked up.

“Oh, I’m sorry sir, I didn’t realise, I’m-” The nurse hurriedly said, beginning to leave the room again.

“It’s ok, sorry I was just.” I said, standing up, dusting off my trousers and gesturing to Sandeul.

“I understand.” She nodded.

Of course, she didn’t understand at all.

“Should I leave?” I asked.

“Oh no, it’s fine, you can stay, in fact, it’s you I was wanting to talk to.”

“M... Me?” I asked, bringing a hand to my chest.

“You are one of Jung-Hwan’s friends right?” She asked, and I hesitantly nodded. “Good, I just wanted to tell you that his condition had improved dramatically. He’s likely to wake up very soon, sometime within the next 24 hours we expect, though we can’t be certain.”

I nodded again taking in what she was saying. He was going to wake up soon?

“And he’s going to be all ok isn’t he?” I didn’t even realise I wanted to ask that until it slipped out.

“We won’t know for sure until he wakes up.” She said, looking down. “Though you should be thankful your friend is still with us, it was very close, in fact it’s thanks to your other friend he’s still here, we were going to stop the resuscitation, but he asked us to do it just once more.”

I didn’t answer the nurse, I didn’t know how to. She meant that Baro saved Sandeul’s life? Boy was he lucky to have had Baro there.

Baro’s P.O.V

I got to the hospital and saw that Jinyoung was already in the room with Sandeul. Why had I even tried to talk him into coming to see him, after everything he had done?

I pushed open the door and looked straight at Jinyoung who was stood looking down at Sandeul. When he heard the door open, his head immediately snapped up to look at me.

“Baro.” He said softly. I just stood looking at him until he spoke again. “Can I talk to you outside a moment.” He asked, shifting his gaze to the nurse who was in the corner of the room, fiddling with some medical equipment.

I nodded and followed him out into the corridor.

“Sun-Woo, I’m so thankful. You saved his life. You don’t know how much I want to thank you for that.”

“And you tried to take it away.” I hissed. Finally coming to my senses.

“I’ll explain it later. I already apologised to Sandeul, but I’m going to do it again when he’s awake.” He sighed and I stood looking at him for a while before I finally nodded. I guess there was nothing I could do if he had already apologised to Sandeul.

“Is he ok do you think?” I asked, swiftly changing the subject as I averted my gaze to Sandeul’s room.

“He’s ok, the nurse has just spoken to me about him, she said he’s likely to wake up within the next 24 hours.”

At this I felt both of my eyebrows raise and a smile form on my lips.

“Did she say how he would be...?” I trailed off. “I mean, is there going to be any permanent damage?” I asked hesitantly.

“She said that they wouldn’t know until he wakes up.” He pressed his lips together and ran a hand through his hair and I let out a frustrated sigh. Why can’t they just find out now? “Believe me; I’m just as worried as you are.”

With that I nodded, not wanting to argue with Jinyoung right now. I just wanted to go and see Sandeul.

I walked in and stood beside him, looking down at his face. Somehow, right now, it looked more beautiful than it ever has done before. It made me regret every bad thing I have said to him. Everything I ever did to hurt him... Looking at him right now, I felt like I should have been more careful. He needed me and I didn’t believe him. I thought he wasn’t sincere.

Now because of my misjudgement, he was lying in hospital. He had been on the verge of losing his life, and he had nobody to blame for it but me. If I had listened to him, believed him, trusted him and loved him as I should, he wouldn’t be lying here now like this. I could have kept him safe.

“I should have taken better care of you.” I sighed, running my hand gently over Sandeul’s hair and trailing my fingertips gently down his perfect features. Across his pale forehead, over the curve of his nose, until they finally came to rest on his lips, before I quickly brushed my hand away across his cheek. “Gongchan told the truth.” I mumbled. “He told everyone that he kissed you, not that you kissed him. He said that you fought to get him off of you and that you tried to shout for help. I wish I could have believed you. I was just so scared.” I put both of my hands behind my back and stood looking down at Sandeul as I spoke. “I didn’t believe you. I didn’t believe you because I feared you were lying. I feared the worst. It’s not that I didn’t want to believe you, because even though I was scared, I guess a little part of me still did believe you. You’re not a bad person, and I know that. You have a good heart.”

I shuffled on my feet a little, my dry lips as I looked down at Sandeul’s lifeless figure.

“But now that I’ve made a mess of everything, I’m going to try. I’m really going to try Jung-Hwan.” I took his hand and squeezed it as tears began to fall down my face. “I might not have been the kindest to you recently. I might not have been the best friend to you either, but believe me, when you wake up, you won’t have to suffer like this ever again. I’ll always be here by your side. I’ll always take care of you, and I won’t ever let anything hurt you. Not even yourself. But if, when you wake up, you don’t remember anything, if you don’t remember me, I’m going to leave. I’ll tell the others that too. If you lose your memory, we, as a group, we’re going to disband.” I paused, trying to keep my voice steady as I cried. “You’ll be in a totally different world that way, our manager will help you find new friends, who knows, in a different world you might even get married one day. You won’t need to live in the pain which we have all selfishly been giving you. But no matter what happens Jung-Hwan. Even if I never see you again, you need to know that I’ll always love you. In my eyes you’re the only person in the world that matters. If I could I’d give my life to you I would, I’d marry you, I’d kiss you every day and tell you how perfect you are, I’d do my best to make you feel wanted and loved, and I’d prove to you how perfect you are. Even if I’m the only one who sees how amazing you truly are, at least it’s proof that you are. If you weren’t perfect, why would I see you as being that way? It’s impossible to see something if it isn’t really there.” I raised Sandeul’s hand to my lips and pressed them against it.

In that one kiss I felt everything I had been keeping from him before today rush out of me. It felt perfect. Like he was the one I was supposed to be kissing. The one I was supposed to love.

“I’m getting farther away from you.
You’re disappearing
Don’t easily forget me
Because it’ll hurt too much.”

Of course, being a rapper, I couldn’t really sing, especially since I was crying so much, but I did it anyway.

“Those were the words you didn’t sing. And it feels like it’s happening now Jung-Hwan, after what happened with Gongchan, I distanced myself from you, and felt you disappearing. Now there’s the chance you’ll lose your memory. I’m begging you not to forget me, Jung-Hwan I’m begging you, just be ok, if you forgot everything, it would hurt me so much. I can’t put into words how much you mean to me, and for everything I’ve done, I apologise sincerely.”

I sank to the floor and deep bowed to Sandeul, knowing that even though he was asleep, he deserved it.

“Baro, get off the floor. You don’t need to do that.” A voice croaked, and I slowly looked up, locking my gaze with Sandeul’s.

He was lying there with glistening eyes, a tear rolling down his cheek.

“J-Jung-Hwan?” I asked in disbelief, getting off of the floor and dusting myself off.

“I woke up just before Gongchan left, but I didn’t want to tell him I was awake. It would be too awkward; I was going to wait for you to come instead. I knew you would.”

I stood looking into his eyes feeling awkward. He had just heard everything I had just said?

“You just...”

Sandeul slowly sat up before he finished for me.

“Yeah, Jinyoung came in after Gongchan left and he did pretty much the same thing. He was saying how he was trying to hate me so that he might believe himself. He thought it was wrong to be gay. It broke my heart listening to him, it really did. But Sun-Woo...” He trailed off reaching a shaking hand out towards me.

I took hold of his hand gently and looked down into his eyes.

“Yeah?”

“It didn’t make me cry.” It came out as a mixture of a laugh and a sob.

“I didn’t mean to... I’m sorry.” I hastily replied, pulling away from him and stepping back.

“It’s ok. I had no idea you felt like that Baro, but you made me really sad. You were just going to leave me?” He asked, looking up at me, a pained look in his eyes.

“I just wanted what was best for you, and I know that I’m not it. If you had a chance at a better life, without me in it, you’d be happier.” I said honestly. I wasn’t just going to leave him unless it meant that he could be happy.

“I couldn’t be happy without the one thing that makes me happy though.” He paused, looking down. “Baro, you make me very happy. You’re the only thing in the world that could make me smile again. You’ll stay with me won’t you?”

“Just as long as you’ll stay with me and never do anything like this again.” I said, sitting down on the edge of the bed and cupping Sandeul’s face with my hands, wiping away the tears that stained his cheeks.

“Ok.”

“Do you promise?” I asked, lowering my hands.

“As long as you promise you won’t tell anyone about this.” He said, and before I even had chance to ask what he didn’t want me to tell anyone about, he wrapped his arms round my neck and pulled me towards him, pressing our lips together in a deep, sweet and passionate kiss. I could feel my heart hammering inside my chest as I massaged Jung-Hwan’s lips gently with my own and wrapped my arms round his back, securing us together, and making me never want to let go of him.

“You saved my life.” He whispered, pulling away and resting his chin on my shoulder. “Thank you. You really are the reason I’m alive.” He chuckled.

I turned my head slightly, pressing my lips against his cheek, before just sitting and holding him. Feeling happier than I ever had before in my life.

Wow that was a long update! Did you cry?

That. Jindeul. Killed. Me.

Ugh Fu- Jinyoung can you just not be so friking beautiful and make me love you like this when I'm ruining your chances of geting with the guy you love plz.

I mean what's a B1A4 fanfiction without even a little Jindeul huh?

Anywayyy, last chapter I put on a huge paragraph asking people not ot unsubscribe because of Sandeul's death because look guys HE ISN'T REALLY DEAD! And low and behold, what do I get, one unsubscriber and a downvote (I knew this becuase I had one less karma point.) Tsk Tsk~ Cheeky. If I told you not to unsubscribe, I mean it with good reason, I wouldn't have told you not to if I was going to just kill Sandeul and leave it at that, I'd have been more like Boo Hoo Sandeul's dead. Seriously!

Sooo..... Bithdays....

This week, happy birthday to:

Kibum

And Yesung

Yey 2 Super Junior birthdays!!! :3

Here is the teaser image for next chapter!!! xD