Baro's P.O.V

"I'm going to bed now." I said, faking a yawn. If I said I was going to bed, they wouldn't think I was going to see how Sandeul was.

"Alright, goodnight Baro." Jinyoung smiled, giving me a wave as I walked towards the door.

"Night. Goodnight Dong-Woo." I smiled at CNU who turned and flashed me a small grin. "Night Chan-Shik."

Gongchan didn't respond.

"Either he's captivated by Lee Minho's beauty, or he's asleep with his eyes open." Jinyoung said, glancing down at Gongchan who had his head rested against Jinyoung's shoulder.

"Probably the first." I said, noticing how Gongchan was beginning to drool a little. I didn't blame him. Lee Minho is hot.

With that I left the room and made my way to my bedroom.

"Sandeul, can I come in?" I asked. There was no response, so I opened the door anyway and stepped inside. He was asleep. "Sandeul, wake up, I need to talk to you." I said walking over to his bed. When he didn't respond I shook his shoulder and tried again. "Sandeul." I hissed. Still he didn't budge.

That's when I noticed the bottle of tablets on the floor. I didn't know what they were, so I picked up the bottle and read the label. The name looked medical and I didn't recognise what they were for. I mean, I would have been worried if they were paracetamol or constipation relief, but the name sounded dangerous and it scared me even more when I found that the bottle was empty.

"Sandeul!" I yelled, shaking his shoulders and hitting him round the face a few times. Still he didn't stir. He was completely unconscious. What the hell had he done to himself?! I swallowed the lump in my throat, trying not to cry and stay calm. For Sandeul’s sake.

I checked his breathing.

He was breathing ok.

I checked his pulse.

There was a faint one.

Trying to stay calm didn’t work. Not at all. Not when you find the person who means the most to you in the world unconscious and an empty bottle of pills on the floor. Tears began rolling down my cheeks, and I found myself running back into the living room and throwing the door open, the empty bottle still in my hand.

Everyone turned to look at me.

“Someone call an Ambulance.” I managed to say through my tears.

“Baro? What the hell happened?” Jinyoung looked up at me from the couch, his eyes wide in shock that I had just burst into the room demanding an ambulance.

I couldn’t bring myself to say it; instead I just held up the empty bottle and looked down at the floor, now sobbing even more. How could he do this to himself?

“Baro, you’re shaking, calm down and tell us what’s going on.” CNU said, standing up, walking over to me and putting his hands on my shoulders to try and get me to calm down.

“Not until someone calls an ambulance!” I yelled, pushing CNU away and pointing at the phone, which was still untouched. “Now!” I yelled. “He’s going to ing die!”

Jinyoung stood up and proceeded to call an ambulance, he spoke for a while on the phone with the woman on the other end of the line before turning to me.

“Baro, she’s asking what the emergency is.” He said gently.

“I... I...” I began stuttering unable to say it out loud.

“Baro!” He hissed, needing an answer, and I knew I had to say it, or help may never come.

How was I supposed to say it?

“Drug overdose.” I eventually managed to say in a quiet voice, and the room fell silent.

“I’m sorry sir; could you please tell me what the emergency is?” The lady’s voice from the other end of the phone and the background noise of the TV were the only noises in the room as the other three stared at me blankly. Jinyoung didn’t reply immediately, just stood staring at me in shock.

“Drug overdose.” He finally said into the phone, before talking a little more with the woman and hanging up. “The ambulance is on its way.” He said quietly, putting the phone back down and looking back at me, clearly not knowing what to say.

“Baro, go sit with him, look after him until help arrives, Gongchan, go watch for the ambulance coming, Jinyoung, you go with Baro and make sure he’s ok. I’m going to call his mother.” CNU said.

“You can’t do that.” I found myself saying.

“What are you on about? She needs to know.”

“She hates him, besides, his father is unwell, she won’t care.” I shrugged, knowing full well that what I was saying was true.

“Actually.” Jinyoung began, scratching his neck awkwardly. “He passed away earlier today. Baro’s right, you can’t tell her.”

CNU sighed and sat back down, his head in his hands, and I noticed he was starting to cry. I looked across at Gongchan who was sat staring blankly into space, a tear rolling down his cheek.

“Come on Baro, let’s leave them alone.” Jinyoung whispered, ushering me out of the door and closing it behind us.

“I can’t believe it Jinyoung.” I breathed out. “It feels like a bad dream. It feels like I could wake up any moment, and it would have stopped. I would wake up, and I’d forget about it and everything would be all ok.” I cried. “This can’t be happening Jinyoung, just tell me it’s a bad dream.”

As I looked up at Jinyoung through my tears, I noticed that he too was crying. A lot.

“I wish I could, it’s not though is it? It’s happened. It’s real. I didn’t want this to happen. I didn’t want to do this, I didn’t want to hurt him, I was scared, it seemed like the only way. I tried to make it stop Baro. I tried to make it stop.” He sobbed, collapsing to the floor. I had no idea what he was saying, but I soon found myself also kneeling down on the floor and putting my arms around Jinyoung. “I was so scared.” He choked out. “I tried to stop it, but I couldn’t and that was the only way. It didn’t help though, just covered it up. It was still there Baro. Somewhere deep inside me. I could still feel it. It hurt. But now, I... This is all my fault, I’m the worst person in the world.”

“Jinyoung, I have no idea what you’re saying.”

“It doesn’t matter, just go sit with Sandeul.” He sobbed. “You need to care about him, don’t sit here with me.”

He didn’t need to say it twice, it may have been all his fault, but right now, I needed to be with Sandeul, even if he had lied to me.

I walked into our room, brushing away the tears that stained my cheeks.

“Jung-Hwan.” I whispered sitting down on the bed and taking his hand in mine. I checked for his pulse again and I could feel one. It was still very faint though. “Why did you do this? People who do things like this are selfish and don’t care about the people who care about them. We might not act like it, but we do care.” I paused, looking away from him and the back of his hand gently. “Even if they didn’t, I do. I care about you more than anything else in the world Lee Jung-Hwan. The Ambulance is on its way. I’m not going to let you die. I care too much to let you go.” I whispered, leaning down and gently pressing my lips to his forehead, knowing that now it might be too late.

I sat there holding his hand and staring at his perfect features, until the door opened and the paramedics rushed in.

“Hello, could you tell me your name please?” The woman asked me, rubbing my arm as the man began pulling various medical items out of his bag, kneeling down on the floor beside Sandeul.

“Cha Sun-Woo.”

“Thank you Sun-Woo. What’s your friend’s name?” She asked, glancing over at Sandeul. I followed her gaze and noticed the man putting a mask on Sandeul to aid his breathing.

“Lee Jung-Hwan.” I said, swallowing the lump in my throat as I felt more tears spill.

“Thank you Sun-Woo. My name is Ji-Seong, and this is Gi-Wook, do you know what it is that your friend has taken Sun-Woo?”

I handed her the bottle and she took it from me, showing it to Gi-Wook who simply nodded and gestured towards the door.

I just sort of sat there in a daze, watching what Gi-Wook was doing to Sandeul and holding his hand, still it gently. Soon after I had to let go of him as they put him on the stretcher and carried him out and into the ambulance.

“Can I go with you?” I asked, following them out to the ambulance.

“Only one person is allowed to go in the ambulance, we restrict it only to family and closest friends if there is no one else present.”

“Please, I’m his closest friend, please let me go with him.” I found myself beginning to beg them.

“Are your other friends ok with that?” Ji-Seong asked, looking round at the other members who had followed me outside. Jinyoung was still a sobbing mess, and Gongchan was holding him, still crying.

“Yeah, that’s fine. We’ll follow in the car. You go Baro, you’re the only one he’d want to be there.” CNU nodded at me.

His words weren’t true. He wouldn’t want me to be there. But someone had to be with him, and I still cared. I still loved him.

“Ok, Sun-Woo, you can sit in here on the way.” Ji-Seong gestured to the back of the open ambulance and I climbed in, sitting down beside Sandeul and taking hold of his hand again and gently tracing circles on the back of his hand as I looked at his pale face, partially covered by the mask. His closed eyes looked so peaceful, and I realised that he hadn’t been happy in a long time. I couldn’t even remember the last time I saw him smile. I regretted shouting at him. Maybe his relationship with Gongchan was not a happy one. Maybe I had got it wrong. If he was happy with Gongchan, he wouldn’t have done this, would he? There was something he hadn’t told me. Or something I had refused to listen to. This was my fault. I had to be here for him now, and I needed to find out the truth.

The ambulance arrived at the hospital and they wheeled his bed out and through the accident and emergency department, I followed them all the way, still in a dizzy state of disbelief and chaos, the tears still flowing down my face. They pulled him into a room and I attempted to follow them, but a nurse stepped in front of me.

“I’m sorry sir, but we can’t allow you in here. Relatives and friends are allowed to wait in the waiting room, just down the corridor, being in here with him could cause you a lot of distress, please would you leave.”

“I need you to let me in!” I retaliated, trying to push past her, more tears spilling now. “I need to be with him, you can’t just shut me out. I need to be there.”

“Sir, if you don’t leave now, I’m going to have to call security.” She replied, grabbing both of my arms to stop me from pushing past her.

“Nurse Choi, we need your help over here.” One of the other Doctors said looking up from Sandeul to the nurse.

“I-” She began but the doctor cut her off.

“The drugs have affected his heart. He’s gone into cardiac arrest. We need to resuscitate him.” She paused. “Now!”

I felt my heart drop. He’d gone into cardiac arrest? His heart had stopped beating? Was he going to die?

“Do something!” I yelled, rushing into the room faster than the nurse who had been trying to keep me out.

“Sir, I really think it would be best if you left.” The nurse said over all the chaos as she pulled a machine across to Sandeul’s side. “You really can’t be in here while we’re doing this.”

The other nurse pulled up his shirt and put some orange things on his chest, before lifting up the defibrillators and holding them over his chest.

“Charge. Clear. Shocking.” She said, and with that, she lowered her hands and Sandeul’s body lurched at the impact of the electric shock. When it didn’t work she tried again. “Charge. Clear. Shocking.”

This went on a few more times, and I felt completely helpless, I just stood there watching, unable to do anything to help him.

“Charge. Clear. Shocking.”

Every time she said those three words, I felt a little hope was still there. That it might work this time. But when it didn’t, the hope seemed to disappear for a moment before she said it again.

“Charge. Clear. Shocking.”

“I think we should call it.” One of the doctors said after a few more times trying. “It’s not going to work.”

“Please! No! Try again! Please!” I yelled, they couldn’t give up on him. They couldn’t! They couldn’t let him die! He needed to know I loved him. He needed to know I cared. “Please don’t do this to him!” I sobbed, grabbing one of the nurses by the arm.

“I’m sorry sir.” She paused taking a glance up at the clock. “Time of death, 12:41.” 

I found this gif to be an accurate representation of the chapter.

Starts off light hearted and cute and by the end...

UGLY SOBBING EVERYWHERE.

Ok maybe not (we can save the ugly sobbing for next week guys)

Ugh I have so much to talk to you guys about OTL.

Ok, first, please please please don't unsubscribe. Ok I just killed you bias (if you're a duckling (I don't think that's the real name for a Deullie stan but I like it and it's cute so I'm calling Deullie stan's ducklings)) Deullie Deullie flip flop is also one of my biases (with Big Bad Bazza too) and I just ugh pleaseee I'm begging don't hate me. Just wait until next week, read until the end of the chapter then if you don't like it, feel free to unsubscribe, but don't unsubscribe because of Sandeul's death no no plz.

Alsoooo I started watching Hello Baby with B1A4 I've seen clips of it but not the whole thing and I decided to watch it and my biased ness just exploded. I as like: "I just want to have Jinyoung's babies." Then I was all like "Wait. What did I just think?"

So yeah... My bias is Shinbajindeulchan until I saw this picture...

Why have I never seen it before??

I just kind of broke down. How cute is he?!

Anywayyy this week it was Gongchan's birthday!!! Happy birthday Channie!!! :3

Wahhh our maknae is growing up!!!

Also happy bithday to:

Hoon

Niel

And G-Dragon

And as always, here is the teaser image for next week, you beter be excited because it's a double length chapter!!! xD (kind of like a double update but all at once in one big chapter, can you tell how excited I am?)

And I know the teaser image doesn't give much away, at all... but that's the beauty of it xD And they're some of my favourite pictures of our babies :3