IX Deep scars

“An awful pain, but the funny thing is I’m thankful for it. It’s like that frozen pain and my very existence are one. The pain is an anchor, mooring me here.”

―  Kafka on the shore, Haruki Murakami

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Kyuhyun put Ryeowook on his bed, when the latter fell asleep then went out of the bedroom. He took a shower before going to sleep. The weather was too hot for him, so he didn’t wear a t-shirt. His bare chest glistened lightly under the moonlight, as he smoked one cigarette before going to sleep. He rolled a silver ring that was placed on his ring-finger. Ten small, spiked silver buds were around the ring. As he was playing with it, the ring shone lightly. He always wore it, all the time.

He was looking in front of him, then glanced at the spot under the street lamp and smirked lightly, when the lamp shone at no one in particular. The silver ring glowed stronger a few times, then stopped, mimicking the normal, typical ring.

Kyuhyun took the last drag then closed the balcony door, that he opened to smoke, and went to the sofa. He quickly fell asleep, despite the fact the he had a lot to think of. He was exhausted after his work and after what happened to Ryeowook that day.

A loud shriek woke Kyuhyun up in the middle of the night. He quickly stood up and ran to Ryeowook’s bedroom, to the source of the screams.

“Ryeowook!” Kyuhyun breathed, as he saw the petite man on the bed, shaking, crying, screaming. Ryeowook was tossing on the bed, still sleeping, as nightmares tormented his dream. Kyuhyun quickly went to him and shook the man, successfully waking the latter up.

“It’s ok, it’s just a nightmare.” Kyuhyun assured then gasped when Ryeowook suddenly hugged him tightly. “It’s ok.” Kyuhyun embraced Ryeowook back, but the smaller man just sobbed, cried hysterically, as flashes of his nightmare were still clearly visible.

Ryeowook squeezed Kyuhyun’s back, digging his fingers deep into the latter’s skin. But Kyuhyun didn’t mind.

“Shh… it’s ok.” Kyuhyun hushed, Ryeowook’s hair gently, embracing him.

“It hurts.” Ryeowook hiccupped, making Kyuhyun immediately know what Ryeowook’s nightmare was about. The shorter man let go of Kyuhyun. He touched the scars on his arms, biting his lower lip, as he felt invisible pain. Tears fell freely from his eyes, as he was still in a daze, still in his nightmare, despite of the fact that he woke up. His nails dug into the scars, trying to scratch them off. Kyuhyun looked in horror, as Ryeowook cut his skin with his sharp nails. He quickly took Ryeowook’s hands, stopping him.

“Stop!” Kyuhyun gently said.

The shorter man blinked his eyelids, coming back to his sense. He locked his eyes with Kyuhyun’s. His eyes gleamed with pain and tears, yet they were still unfocused, as if he wasn’t fully there. As if half of him is still in his nightmare.

“Come back to me.” Kyuhyun said, touching Ryeowook’s face with his one hand, as the other, held Ryeowook’s arm. “Look at me. Come back to me, Ryeowook.” Kyuhyun gently said, Ryeowook’s cheek with his thumb, while looking into the latter’s eyes. The gentle touch and calm eyes, slowly brought Ryeowook to reality. He blinked several times, tears almost stopped falling. “There, finally.” Kyuhyun smiled lightly, when he felt Ryeowook relax, eyes focused finally at Kyuhyun. “It was just a nightmare.”

“But one day, it may come back.” Ryeowook mumbled, fixating his eyes at Kyuhyun.

“It will not come back. You will never feel it again.” Kyuhyun assured. Ryeowook suddenly embraced Kyuhyun, circling his arms around Kyuhyun’s neck as he buried his face into the crock of Kyuhyun’s neck.

Ryeowook closed his eyes, trying to relax as Kyuhyun his back.

“Thank you, but you shouldn’t be that nice to me.” Ryeowook mumbled in Kyuhyun’s neck, surpassing a sob. He felt unworthy. He shouldn’t be comforted by Kyuhyun, or anyone else.

“Don’t tell me what to do.” Kyuhyun chuckled dryly. His eyes suddenly darkened, as he remembered so