XXI The feeling of lose

“They say when you are missing someone that they are probably feeling the same, but I don't think it's possible for you to miss me as much as I'm missing you right now”

― Edna St. Vincent Millay

***

Kyuhyun woke up in the dim living room. The curtains almost successfully hid the brightest of a day. He stretched his arms and arched his back. Then sat on the sofa with a sigh. His eyes lazily opened up, adjusting to new day. His focus was blurry, but soon sharpened, as he saw something red and blue before him. He blinked and widened his eyes. Before him was Ryeowook’s flower in the red pot. He frowned. His eyes landed on the coffee table, at the paper under the pot. His heart quickened as he snatched the paper and started reading. Every word sank in him, pierceed him little by little. These words so sweet, yet painful, making him realize that Ryeowook left him. He couldn’t believe it. He pulled the blanket harshly and ran to the bedroom. No one- the bed nicely made. Window opened, sweeping Ryeowook’s scent from the room bit by bit. Kyuhyun’s eyes stung from the tears that wanted to fall. He ran to the bathroom and then the hall. No one, not even a shadow of the man Kyuhyun live almost for two months. He come back to the bedroom, still hopping to see the human, even if he checked the place already. The hand on the doorknob tighten, as tears fell finally. The realization sank into him and he slid onto the floor. “W-where are y-you?” Kyuhyun called no one particular. The man Kyuhyun wanted to answer him, was nowhere. He felt the horrid pain all over him. A dull yet piercing feeling of lose. A feeling that he never felt that much with others. No one left Kyuhyun like that. No one lit his life like Ryeowook. Kyuhyun fixed the man, but the latter tore the angle in the end. His one hand tried to hold something on the floor. Helplessly trying, but couldn’t. It wasn’t there anymore. He couldn’t protect it, hug it or…

Kyuhyun’s eyes widened and he stood up. He hurriedly changed his clothes and ran out from his apartment. He ran and ran, didn’t bother to take a cab or other transporting vehicles. His eyes searched for the man, who, he knew, was long time gone. Away from him, from this city. Kyuhyun didn’t want him to left like that. Without a proper goodbye. He wanted to tell Ryeowook, that he will come back, that he will make Ryeowook stay with him again. He wanted it, he needed the latter in his life. Even if he didn’t know why or for what purpose. But he needed to have Ryeowook by his side all his life. And deep inside he knew why.

Kyuhyun finally ran to Park’s restaurant. It was an early morning so the door was still locked. He banged and yelled, for Leeteuk to open the door. And when the man did, Kyuhyun practically threw himself at him, begging, asking, shouting, where Ryeowook is. Did they see him? Leeteuk looked in horror at his friend and shook his head sadly.

“I lost him. I lost him forever.” Kyuhyun sobbed, as he slid from Leeteuk’s grip onto the floor. His body trembled as tears fell from his eyes. Leeteuk looks in horror at his best friend, then looked sadly at his wife who just came.

“What happen?” Sora asked concerned. Leeteuk mouthed that Ryeowook left and she gasped. “H-he did? But I just met him two hours ago.” She said, making both men look at her shocked. “I mean he came to me, but he wasn’t looking like he was leaving today. I thought you guys planned it, that he will lea