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So. Here I am. It has been a few days since that little incident. I am questioning myself. This isn't me. I know it. I think I got so obsessed by my wanting to be accepted that I got out of control. I hurt Jogin. I know it. And it hurts me to know it. I think I should really give this up. Quite thinking and just be myself. But that normally ends up horribly for me and funny for everyone else. I am so stuck! I mean why can't life just have been laid out? But, that's the whole point. Figure out what you want and do it. And, I, haven't found what I want to do. I thought I wanted to be something I'm not. But, I doubt that won't work. Flashy outfits, popular, distracted? Since when was that me? I am still scared. Scared of not being accepted. I thing... I just need some time to figure it out. I need to find myself.  I just- I need to find me. Who I really am. I need to show myself. I told myself those girls were my role models. They are. I think what I saw and what I did was different. Strong isn't cocky. Brave isn't pulling dumb stunts. I should be smarter then that. I can't be this fake person anymore. I can't change in a snap. I have to learn to control myself. I can still be strong. I can do that. Can't I? I just need that time.

I pulled out my phone. I called my mom.

"Hello?"

"Mom?"

"Hey. What's up?"

I need some help"

"Your plan back fired" she laughed.

"Yeah."

"I knew it wasn't going to work."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because you need to figure it out." 

Didn't I just go on about having to figure stuff out? *face palm*

"Your telling me." I sighed.

"I have an idea."

"What?"

"Take a few days off from school an-"

"ARE YOU KIDDING I CAN'T MISS A WHOLE DAY OF SCHOOL!!!!!!!!!!!" 

"Well that part still lives on. But really you are taking a few days off of school. I know what I can do to help. You have to trust "

"OK. I have to find myself. I am lost."

"Yeah. I know. Pack a bag and you will be leaving in a half hour" She said.

"OK"

I got off of the phone and started packing. I packed clothes, a phone, a phone charger, IPod, brush, whatever else I needed. I also packed a picture of Jogin and I from a few years ago. I held onto it a little longer then needed, but there was something about it that got me a little uneasy.

I walked down the stairs. I put my bag by the door. I still had 10 minutes left. I heard footsteps coming down the stairs. It was Jogin. He looked sad and hurt. And I felt bad. Don't get me wrong, I hate that I did this.

I watched him turn. When he started walking I ran to him and back hugged him I held tightly onto him.

"I'm sorry. I am. I need some time to figure everything out. And I will. I mean it." I said into his back.

"Hey, don't worry." He turned around and smiled at me. "It will be OK. I know you will find yourself. And when you do I will be here to support you." He looked into my eyes.

I hugged him again. I felt shocks. I got those fuzzy ones. You know when you are doing something right. Yeah, those one. I heard a car horn. I looked up at my brother.

"Well I have to go. I will be back in a few days."

"OK. Text me." he kissed the top of my head.

"Bye. Love you." I said.

I walked out of the door. I saw the car mom told me about. I took a deep breath. I got into the car. It was my uncle. He was the one.

"Ready?"

"Yep."

And that was it. I was off. Off on a trip to find myself. To find who I wanted to be. Who I need to be.