chapter fortyfour 

 victoria's home

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They say 'home is where the heart is.'' It could be an open interpretation of anything, really. Some could've mistaken it as a declaration of war. Some could've mistaken  it as a love proposal. It could've been anything. Amber once mistaken it as a sign, coming from  Sulli, but that's a different story. Sitting here, on Taeyeon's couch, made Victoria wonder what home really was. Was she really at home, with this group of girls?

"Hello?! Victoria?!" She quickly blinked away her thoughts and looked up too see who snapped at her. Hyoyeon's hand was waving in front of her face. She suddenly realized that she had not been paying attention on what they were trying to show and tell her.

"Sorry." Victoria mumbled and looked down at her bare feet. She bit her lip and fumbled with her fingers. It sure didn't feel like home. People don't get nervous in their home. Of course not.

"Are you sure you're going to get the routine in time for the talent show?" Sooyoung raised her eyebrows at her. Victoria stiffened in his position on the sofa. She wanted to tell them: no. No, of course not. It was in two weeks. On the difficulty scale from one to impossible, their routine was damn-well near impossible.

"I can try." Victoria declared. They all smiled and nodded, but she could see the doubt that lingered in the air. Everyone, including her, felt it. 

Is this home? The consciousness that everyone was watching you with every little move you make. Never being able to speak your mind without anyone judging you and throwing in their snarky remarks. No one accepting you for who you are. Everyone trying to make you something. The love wasn't there, but the hope was. They still had hope in her and she was grateful for that.

"I need some air." Victoria said and rushed out of the perfume filled atmosphere. 

As soon as she stepped out of the house, she felt relieved. She wasn't sad at all to be apart from them for the time being. Maybe they wouldn't mind her skipping the rest of the day, she thought. Victoria slipped into her pastel pink shoes and walked away from the house she was caged in for the past hours. She didn't regret it or look back.

Comparing this to the time she walked away from Amber's house after they all had a fight, it was different. She left Amber's house, full of regret and unspoken words. She had cried becuase she couldn't do anything to comfort anyone. She had let her friends fall into a pit by themselves and didn't help them out.

But this was different. Why?

Because now, she was leaving a house, not a home.

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 author's note 

» Lack of updates makes me cry )':