chapter fortynine 

 sulli's neverland

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Sulli stared at the shirt in her closet. It was another of Krystal's that she forgot to return. Sulli pulled it out and sighed. A wave of nostalgia washed over her. How many times had she looked at that shirt and just shut her closet door on it? 

She looked at it longily and wished that she could go back in time, because for the time being, everything was not going the way she planned. Life contained too many twists and turns. She was no longer surprised; she was just staring at life with a straight face. 

Why did she decide to grow up? She couldn't remember. Krystal warned her a long time ago, that growing up was different. It wasn't just being able to drive your own car or doing whatever you wanted. It was all unnecessary suffering you had to go through and there was no way out. Yet, Sulli dived head first into the grown up world. She wasn't trained to be a lady at all whatsoever. 

She was stuck in the grown up world, but she wasn't grown up. That was what made it hard for her. She was too immature to know any better. It was too late for her to be warned of the consequences that, once you enter this world, there's no way out. Images flashed through her head one by one.

Don't you know what's out there in the world?

Someone has to shield you from the world.

Krystal laughing as ice cream dripped down her shirt. Krystal yelling at her for not being more careful.

Stay with me

Minho driving her home when he should be at his friend's party. Minho ignoring her for a week after Krystal dumped him.

Princes wait there in the world, it's true.

Princes, yes, but wolves and human too.

Amber lending Sulli her hat when she had a bad hair day. Amber breaking her own skateboard in half when Sulli was throwing a tantrum.

Stay at home.

I am home.

Victoria skipping school to take of her when she was sick. Victoria's disappointed look when she threw away her priorities.

Who out there will love you more than I?

What out there that I cannot supply?

Luna. Oh, just the thought of Luna was unbearable for her. Luna did too much while Sulli did too little, and that was what made all the difference in the world. Sulli was a planet in the universe. She couldn't do much except for staying memorable and an imprint in others' minds. Luna was different. She could change things. She had power in her hands, but she could not be remembered. Luna was a speck of dust in the universe. 

Stay with me.

After everything she went through, Sulli thought she could do it. Make it on her own in the adult world. But how could she? She was treading on her breaking point longer than most and she was not planning on staying in that zone her whole life. She had to end it. There was no way she would make it in her condition.

Stay with me, the world is dark and wild.

Stay a child while you can be a child.

She looked at the picture of her friends hanging on her wall. Her heart was uncontrollably beating fast and tears were forming in her eyes. Her breaths were coming out unevenly. Her lips were shaking but she heard her own voice in her head, loud and clear. It was time. Now or never. Was she going to miss this place? Yes. No. Maybe. She'll find out when she's gone. 

With me.

A better question would be: who would miss her? No one. And that was all the reason she had to leave.

"I'm no longer a child,

I wish to see the world."

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 author's note 

» song used: x; if you guys are having a hard time figuring out what's happening, everything will be clear in the next chapter!! (: